Better Man
by Kakashisgf
Summary: Sakura and Sasuke have been married for over a decade, but things are far from perfect, and Sakura's beginning to realize that maybe she deserves better. KakaSaku
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** So, it's been ages. Hi again. Please forgive my long absence. Hopefully this new story will serve as a sufficient apology.

Speaking of this story, while it has the same title and inspiration ("Better Man" by Pearl Jam) as the potential ItaSaku story I mentioned in my profile a long, long time ago, it is a KakaSaku story. The way the manga ended gave me a different idea, and I couldn't resist. And yes, I know there is another story up that I never finished (I still hope to someday), but unlike that one, I've laid out the entire plot for this story so it will be completed ... you have my word. Chapter 2's already almost finished.

 **Other notes about the story:** It takes place in the _Naruto Gaiden_ timeline. I estimated ages based on the assumption that the Rookie 9's kids are somewhere around 11-12. In my world, Sakura and Sasuke had Sarada around age 18-19, so they are each 30. Kakashi is 44. There will be some SasuSaku, but it's necessary. Also, the Sasuke in this story won't be the complete d-bag I imagined he would be in my original ItaSaku _Better Man_ idea. While I'm not particularly happy about the way the manga ended, I am following from where it left off, and I do think Sasuke grew up a bit based on his portrayal there, so the Sasuke in this story reflects that. That having been said, this IS a KakaSaku story.

Oh, and it WILL have adult content. It's rated M for a reason ... underage peoples beware.

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto or any of its characters. They belong to Masashi Kishimoto. This story is purely a work of fanfiction.

 **Chapter 1**

4 a.m.

Sakura lay awake in the dark, right arm resting on her forehead, palm of her hand facing the ceiling. Her body was bathed in the hazy moonlight that reached through thin curtains as she stared upwards, but the rest of the room was in shadows. If she tried, she could just make out the door frame ... and she tried.

She'd been tossing and turning for hours, unable to sleep. Every so often, her gaze would shift unconsciously to the door. She knew it wasn't going to open, but she couldn't help looking. She sighed, rolled onto her left side to face the door, and, with one last glance at the dark outline, closed her eyes, willing herself to sleep.

It was no good.

Even with her eyes closed, she couldn't quiet her thoughts. As it had been for most of her life, her mind was on Sasuke. Her husband. She still had trouble believing it, and they'd been married for over a decade now. There was something unreal about possessing what you'd wanted for so long but that had seemed so far out of reach.

Maybe "possessing" wasn't the right word; she didn't "possess" Sasuke. Far from it, really. And it was this knowledge that kept her awake at night. It wasn't that she wanted to own him or to control him … she just wanted more of him. More of his touch, more of his voice, more of his _time_. When had he last been home? Akatsuki had been quelled completely at last, and she'd thought he would come home for good, leaving only for the usual short-term missions.

He didn't. He was still out there, on pretense of ensuring that no new groups had arisen to take Akatsuki's place. She knew better. ANBU could handle scouting like that, as they always had. She knew he was out there because he didn't want to be _here_. With her. With their daughter. With Naruto.

Sakura sighed again and rolled back over, slinging her arm a bit roughly into the pillow behind her head. She deserved better than this, this nearly colorless life she led. It was as if he had taken the sun with him when he went, and now she was stuck in this dull world.

She huffed. What a silly thought. Sasuke had always carried darkness with him, not light. It was she who had painted him with the sun in the life she imagined for them. And she still did - she still imagined a vibrant and happy life, browsing the stalls at the market on Saturdays, sparring amidst the green leaves that lent Konoha its name, laughing over meals with their daughter. She even imagined them having another child, a son with the same dark hair and eyes as his father and sister but with her fiery nature.

She knew that, in his own way, he loved her, he loved Sarada and his village. Of course, it had taken some time for him to reconcile what he knew of Konoha's past and the decisions that had had such tragic consequences for his family, but that final fight with Naruto had opened something in him that allowed him to let them back in … or perhaps to let them in for the first time.

Yet it didn't seem to be enough.

Sakura's fist tightened and pressed harder into the pillow.

Sasuke still couldn't stay in the village for long before he had to get out. And while a part of her understood, the rest of her was beginning to think that 15 years should have been enough time to settle his demons, at least enough to stay for the sake of his family. Their daughter hadn't even seen her father once in her life until a few months ago, and then only because _she_ had gone in search of _him_. But what was almost worse was that Sarada had barely seen him since; he'd stayed for a couple of weeks after the battle with the clones before making his excuses and taking off. He came back only once after that, for two days.

Sakura knew she loved him. She knew that she'd been in love with him for most of her life.

She sighed again. Even the verb tense she used when she thought about him lately gave away the struggle she was having … "she knew that she _had been_ in love with him ..." But no, there was no way she had fallen out of love. He had been the only man to enter her heart since she was 8 years old; there was no better man than he for her. She'd grown to understand him in addition to loving him, and their relationship had been strengthened by it.

She paused.

How much had he grown to understand her though? That traitorous part of her mind wondered how much he could have learned about her in the brief moments they'd spent together since the fourth ninja war. And honestly, though she felt she understood him better now, how much could she really have learned about him under those same circumstances?

She thought about the time they'd had together. A light blush graced her cheeks at a few of those memories, and she couldn't help the soft smile that came to her lips. But the smile faded as she found it hard to remember many conversations they'd had or dates they'd gone on or even moments alone together that weren't either silent or sexual. She tried to conjure up the last time they'd had a serious discussion, just the two of them, but she couldn't. He communicated mostly without words, and she'd thought she'd been fine with that. After all, he was Sasuke, her dream-handsome, elusive, a ninja almost without peer. And he was hers.

Sure, he wasn't perfect, their relationship wasn't perfect, but what better could she ask for? She trusted him implicitly; she knew that he wasn't cheating on her out there. She knew that he kept leaving because he simply didn't know how to deal with loving and being loved in a normal family context. She wanted to teach him, to show him that it was okay to stay with the people you loved and who loved you in return ... but she needed him to be there for her to accomplish that.

She resolved to talk to him when he next returned. She considered what she would say to convince him to stay, not just for her but for all their sakes. Perhaps Ino would be able to help … she had married Sai after all, one of the most emotionally constipated people she'd ever met. If anyone knew how to deal with men like that-

No. Ino didn't need to know her struggles; she had enough of her own. This was something Sakura would handle by herself.

She began planning her "stay with us, Sasuke" speech, and with the calm that naturally came with resolve, before long, she'd fallen finally into slumber.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

A few days after Sakura made her resolution, it was a sunny Saturday morning with the perfect light breeze to keep it from being too hot. She wandered through the market, weaving around stalls and selecting various fruits, vegetables, and meats to use in the following week's meals. She loved the bustle and the way voices carried through the street, hawkers promoting their goods, customers haggling for better prices, friends and family catching up … this was her Konoha: warm, lively, happy.

She stopped at her favorite fruit stall. As she said hello to the proprietor and reached for a peach to add to her bag, someone bumped into her from behind, and it was only by virtue of being a ninja that she managed not to knock a bunch of fruits off the table. She started to turn around to yell at the person when a very familiar arm reached from behind her to snatch up the peach she'd dropped when trying to stabilize herself.

Gritting her teeth and letting out a slow breath, she looked up over her shoulder and gave the offending individual a withering look. "Ka. Ka. Shi …"

"Ah, Sakura-chan, how nice to see you! It's a lovely day, don't you think?" The frustrating former Hokage smiled his signature crinkly-eyed smile and raised the hand not holding the peach in greeting.

Sakura promptly elbowed him in the gut, causing him to grunt and drop the peach. She snatched it out of the air and tucked it into her bag. "Yes, it is," she replied.

Ignoring him, she added another three peaches to the bag and paid the stall owner. She moved on to the next stall, aware that the tall, silver-haired man followed behind.

"Sakura-chan, it's not very nice to ignore people," he said. She wondered how he could sound equal parts hurt and amused. She knew that if she looked at him right now, he'd be wearing a kicked-puppy look. She also knew that if she removed his mask right now, the kicked-puppy look would be utterly ruined by the smirk curling up from the left side of his mouth. Obnoxious man.

"It's not very nice to bump into people either, Kakashi," she groused, unable to keep the slightest of smiles out of her voice.

"It wasn't my fault! This little old lady came barreling out of nowhere, shouting something about a super sale on prunes. If I hadn't moved out of the way, I might have died!" He paused briefly before muttering, as if to himself, "Can't get in the way of old people and their prunes. Dangerous business."

Sakura slid her gaze toward him and tapped a finger against her lips contemplatively. "Very true, very true, Kakashi ... Don't let me keep you from the super sale."

Kakashi looked wounded. "Now, now, Sakura-chan. I'm not THAT old. I'm only, what? 34?"

"Kakashi, you were 34 ten years ago," Sakura replied matter-of-factly.

"Lies."

He pouted. She couldn't help but giggle at his furrowed brow and accusatory stare. When he looked like that, like a petulant child, it really was hard to believe the man was 44. It was also hard to stay irritated with him. Which was irritating in and of itself.

She reined in her smile and sighed dramatically. "So what can I do for you then, _jiji_?"

Kakashi glared at her for a moment, then smiled that crinkly-eyed smile and said, "Ah, nothing really. I just saw you over there and wondered if you needed help deciding which peach to get."

"I'm more than capable of deciding which fruits to buy, Kakashi," she stated with narrowed eyes.

"Ah, right, right. Well then, I'll be on my way. I'm sure there are plenty of young women around here who would value produce-purchasing advice from the Rokudaime Hokage …" He turned away and began walking in the opposite direction she had been headed.

"Argh. You are so infuriating," she grumbled as she grabbed his collar and yanked him toward her. He pulled out his tattered copy of _Icha Icha Paradise_ and allowed himself to be dragged along. She glanced backward when she heard the turn of the page, then announced, "Yup. Can't trust you around young women at all, ero-Hokage."

Kakashi hmm'd in agreement and turned another page.

Sakura abruptly let go of his shirt. As expected (but disappointingly), Kakashi didn't fall on his ass. He just stood straight as if nothing had happened and followed behind his former student, nose buried in his book. He stopped with her at each stall she visited, occasionally throwing out suggestions ("That looks like a delicious zucchini there, Sakura-chan," or "Can't go wrong with that head of lettuce, Sakura-chan" or "Ah, Sakura-chan, what about that watermelon? It's a great day for watermelon").

By the time she reached her last destination, Sakura was one "Sakura-chan" away from murdering her ex-sensei. It was a testament to the man's many years of experience that he sensed her killing intent and refrained from commenting on anything at the final stall.

After she had paid, she turned to him and said, "Well, I'm on my way. Thank you for your …" She raised an eyebrow. "Company."

He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. She couldn't hold back a lopsided grin at that familiar action. "Although I was only protecting my own life-" he began.

Sakura snorted.

He cleared his throat. " _As I was saying_ , although I was only protecting my own life from a bulldozing senior citizen-"

She snorted again. He glared. "I _suppose_ the least I could do to make up for bumping into you is help you carry those groceries home." He finished his offer with a gentlemanly flourish.

Sakura considered for a moment. How much more time did she want to spend with arguably the most annoying person next to Naruto? Nodding finally, she handed him one of her bags, and they walked in the direction of her house in a comfortable silence.

He broke the quiet. "Where's Sarada-chan?"

"Ah, she's on a mission with her team."

Kakashi grimaced. "I hope Boruto isn't giving her too much trouble … One would have hoped Hinata's influence would have had a greater impact ..."

Sakura laughed. "Well, she's my daughter, so she's quite skilled at putting Boruto in his place."

"And by 'skilled' you mean 'has fists of doom and isn't afraid to use them,'" Kakashi teased, giving her a quick wink without fully turning toward her.

Sakura responded by bopping him on the head.

"Hey now," he pouted, rubbing the sore spot with his free hand. "No need to get violent."

"Oh please, you liked it," Sakura said before sticking her tongue out at him cheekily.

Kakashi made to protest, but she interrupted him with a dismissive wave. "You'd have dodged otherwise. We both know you could have."

He looked toward the ground, letting out a long breath of defeat. "Ah, I suppose that's true."

"Of course it is; I'm always right" she retorted. With that, Sakura sauntered ahead of him up to her door, opening it without setting her bag down. He stood on her porch. "Well, are you coming in or what?" she asked impatiently.

He obediently walked inside and followed her into the kitchen, setting the bag on the counter. "No locks?" He asked, gesturing toward the door.

"No one wants to mess with two sets of 'fists of doom,'" she responded with a shrug.

He considered her statement for about a half-second before nodding in agreement. "Good point."

While she busied herself with putting away the groceries, he looked around the kitchen and living room. He realized how rarely he visited her when it became apparent that very little of the furniture and decor was familiar to him.

Ah, well, some things couldn't be helped, he thought. He'd been busy being Hokage and then busy running diplomatic missions after retiring from being Hokage. It didn't leave much time for visiting former students in their homes.

Which is not to say that he hadn't seen a fair amount of Sakura during the years after the fourth ninja war. They had, after all, worked together quite a bit as leaders of the village once she took over the hospital, and he had found her input into diplomatic relations both insightful and helpful on more than one occasion. In fact, he mused, tilting a photo frame up to look at the pictures, it was rather surprising how well a woman who typically responded with a punch could navigate the political world when she wanted to.

Running a thumb gently over her image, he set the frame back down and returned to the kitchen from the living room where he had wandered. Sakura was putting the last of the groceries in the fridge.

"Would you like to stay for lunch?" She asked, closing the door. She gestured toward the ingredients she'd left on the counter.

"That would be great, yeah," he replied. "Anything I can do to help?"

"You could chop up those scallions over there." She pointed.

He nodded and pulled a knife from the block on the counter.

They worked in relative quiet, and when they finished, they brought their food to the table. Without preamble, he slid down his mask and brought a spoonful of miso soup to his mouth. Sakura, used to seeing his face by now, also began to eat.

"So, what have you been working on lately?" she asked.

"Hm," he swallowed. "Actually, I've got to go to Ame next month and give some kind of speech to bolster relations between our villages."

Sakura grinned. "Oh, I'm sure you're looking forward to that. You just _love_ giving speeches, right?"

Kakashi scowled. "No need to rub it in my face."

She giggled, then said, "Ah, now I see why you tried to knock me into a peach stand." Her tone was understanding.

"I didn't _try_ ," he protested, then muttered something under his breath. She made out the words "avoiding," "death," and "constipated old lady."

Laughing at the self-righteous pouty-face that no 44-year-old man should have been able to pull off, Sakura waved away his objections. "You want me to help you write your speech, don't you?"

Kakashi's pout disappeared and his eyes shone with hope, but he didn't say anything.

Sakura sighed. "Fine, fine. I'll help you."

Kakashi smiled, pleased, and scooped up some rice. "Thanks, Sakura-chan. I owe you one."

Sakura rolled her eyes. "Kakashi, if I ever decided to collect on all the 'ones' you owe me, you'd be spending the rest of your life as my bitch."

Kakashi chewed thoughtfully. "Hm. There are worse fates, I suppose."

He smoothly dodged the pickle tossed at his head and took another bite. "So violent."

Sakura glared. "Such a baby."

"But Sakura-chan," Kakashi asked slyly, "How can I be both an old man and a baby?"

"I hate you," she deadpanned.

Kakashi laughed, and Sakura smiled in spite of herself. "Alright, when do we start?"


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** Thank you to everyone who has reviewed/followed! I can't promise this sort of update schedule regularly, but I've been feeling pretty inspired lately, and I've had little to do at work, so ... here's another chapter.

* * *

 **Chapter 3**

They were in the library, where they'd met a few times over the last week to plan for his trip to the rainy village. Kakashi hovered over her shoulder, eyes skimming the page she was reading. The subject was Ame etiquette.

"Sakura-chan, I know all this already," he stated, reaching out and closing the book, then snatching it from her hand when she tried to open it back up. "It's not like I wasn't Hokage for several years." He tossed the book onto the stack at the end of the table and flopped down unceremoniously into the chair opposite her, cocking his head to the side to look at her.

Sakura leaned back in her chair and rolled her eyes at him as if to say that that did _not_ mean he'd learned how to behave properly. She tapped her pencil against the table and raised a skeptical eyebrow in his direction.

He lifted a hand and shrugged. "Not to mention the time I had to go there undercover to assassinate a high-ranking official. I got very familiar with the way the upper class interacted." He looked toward the window lazily. "I'm not concerned about that part of the visit."

Sakura tried to imagine Kakashi in a tuxedo, schmoozing with big wigs, dancing with beautiful women, and drinking champagne. Even with her keen imagination, observing his slouched posture and wild hair, she found it very difficult.

"OK," she sighed. "Then we need to get back to your speech. We've hardly made any progress."

He ignored her. "Let's go spar, Sakura-chan."

She looked at him incredulously. He was like an academy kid stuck in detention on a sunny day ...

"What?" he asked. "It's been ages since I've had a good spar, and I imagine it's been awhile for you too …"

Her eyebrows furrowed. She didn't need a reminder of the things she'd given up to raise her child.

The corner of his covered mouth lifted in a challenging smirk. "Afraid of losing to an old man?" he taunted.

She glared at him. "Fine. You're on, jiji."

Before he could reply, she'd disappeared, the papers on the table fluttering to the ground in her wake.

Kakashi's smirk widened into a full-on mischievous grin as he too poofed out of the room.

* * *

He found her hiding in the trees on training ground 3. Though he'd immediately disguised himself amid the foliage on the other side of the clearing, he knew she had become aware of him the instant he arrived; even if she hadn't been in the field in ten years, she was a very good ninja.

Crouching against a tree trunk, he had the warning of only the slightest of breezes coming from behind him before a gloved fist slammed into the bark where his head had just been.

"Not very nice, Sakura-chan," he accused as he flipped onto the branch of another tree while tossing a handful of kunai in her direction.

She parried with her own kunai then disappeared only to reappear below him, ready to punch the branch out from underneath his feet. A split second before her knuckles were going to make contact, he jumped away, and she had to use kawarimi no jutsu to avoid the blast from the exploding tags he'd left behind.

"Now who's being mean, Kakashi?" she called out with the clone she'd created under the cover of the smoke from the tags.

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Sakura-chan," his deep voice spoke softly into her ear, one hand pinning her arm to her back and pulling her tightly against his chest, the other holding a kunai to her throat.

Her clone shivered involuntarily before vanishing with a pop as a boot-covered foot shot toward his head from behind. He dodged easily, turning to face her and grabbing her ankle, pushing it downward. She threw both hands to the ground and, twisting her torso, swiped up at him with her other foot. He released her ankle and flipped backward a few steps. They stared at each other for a moment, each slightly out of breath. Kakashi couldn't hide his smile … he was truly entertained.

Likewise enjoying herself, she flashed a quick grin at him before they met in a clash of metal. When it became apparent that he was beginning to take control of the fight, she hopped back and slammed her fist into the ground, sending a large crack toward him and chunks of earth into the air. He seemed to fall into the newly-created crevice, and she was fooled for a brief moment before she sensed him below her. Waiting until he emerged, fingers pointed in preparation for the Thousand Years of Death, she turned and grabbed his outstretched arms, yanking him out of the ground and throwing him across the clearing.

He landed on his feet, one hand in the dirt, sliding backward and stirring up a cloud of dust. When his motion stopped, he looked up at her and shook his head, "That strength of yours surprises me every time."

She just smirked and started forming hand signs.

"Ah, no, you don't," he said, using his famous speed to appear in front of her as if out of nowhere, one hand covering hers and the other signing a one-handed jutsu. She jerked her arms out of his grip before he could finish and quickly created three kage bunshin. She and her bunshin began running around him, circling him faster and faster until they looked like a single pink and red blur.

Her movement was abruptly stopped when Kakashi reached out to grab one of her bunshin by the shoulder. He used its body like an anchor as he kicked out with one leg at the closest bunshin and threw a kunai at the other. They popped out of existence. Sakura charged at him as her remaining bunshin gripped the hand on its shoulder, bent at the waist and threw him over its back onto the ground with a thud. She leaped over her bunshin to land with one knee on his chest, the other pinning his left arm to the grass. Her left arm pushed his right arm into the ground as she held a kunai under his masked chin.

They were both panting heavily at this point, but Sakura was beginning to smile victoriously when it seemed that Kakashi had given up.

She should have known better. She had barely a moment to react before he raised his hips sharply to throw her off balance. She steadied herself with both hands above his head, but the damage was done; he grabbed her by the elbow and tucked it into his chest as he rolled her over, settling heavily on top her, his kunai below her chin.

"Well, we could go on flipping each other over until we completely run out of energy, or we can call it a draw," he said, not letting up his grip for an instant.

Sakura appeared to consider for a moment, then looked into his eyes with one of the most devious expressions he'd ever seen on her face. He learned why a second later when he felt a hand in his hair lift up his head as cool metal pressed against his throat. She'd never released the other bunshin.

"Hmm," the real Sakura murmured from beneath him, holding back a smile. "I think I'll just take the win."

He seemed disconcertingly unconcerned. She frowned.

"Ah ah … not so fast, Sakura-chan," he said in his teacher's voice. He gave her a wicked grin as a pair of strong hands twisted her bunshin's arms behind its back and jerked it up against a broad chest, causing it to release him.

Tilting his now-freed head down so that the tips of his unruly hair tickled her forehead, he smiled widely at her as she groaned and turned her gaze upward, releasing her bunshin. He'd had his own bunshin lying in wait. Of course.

"I win, Sakura-chan," he declared, releasing his bunshin and brushing his fingers almost imperceptibly across her cheek as he dropped his kunai next to her head. She seemed not to notice. He flopped down beside her.

"I _guess_ you're still in pretty good shape for an old man," she allowed, turning slightly to the side to offer him a teasing half-smile.

"Ah," he agreed contentedly, looking away from her to the clouds floating white against blue. They lay in silence for a few minutes, regaining their breath.

"Do you miss it?" she asked quietly.

He knew what she meant. "Yeah, I do." He didn't say anything for a moment. "There's something about being on a mission … the camaraderie, the uncertainty. The danger."

"Yeah," she said.

"What about you?" He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. Her gaze was on the sky.

A minute or so passed before she replied. Finally, sighing softly, she admitted that she did. She lifted an arm to rest the back of her hand on her forehead. "I mean, I love the work I do at the hospital. I love knowing that I'm responsible for saving so many lives. I love being able to train future generations of medics ..." her voice trailed off.

"But?" he pressed.

"I don't know." She paused, trying to figure out how to explain what she was feeling. "I'm not sure that you can ever be completely satisfied without it once you've experienced life in the field."

He looked back up at the clouds and let out a deep breath. He didn't notice that her eyes traced over his profile as she waited for him to respond.

"Yeah," he said finally, but she could tell that wasn't all he wanted to say.

"What?" she asked. He had to have known by her voice that she was facing him now, but he didn't take his eyes from the sky.

"You know, you're not a retired Hokage in his 40s. You could still go on real missions."

"Kakashi … you know that I can't." Her words were barely audible, but all of his senses were abnormally keen. He heard what she said.

With what might have been a growl, he stood, reaching out a hand to help her up. As he pulled her to her feet, he ran his thumb over her wrist before looking her directly in the eye. "You can, Sakura. He's not being fair to you ... And you know it."

With that, he released her hand and disappeared in a swirl of leaves.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Sakura didn't see Kakashi for a few days after that. She could have said it was because the hospital got really busy, but that would have been only partly true.

The other part was that she was avoiding him.

His words after their spar had cut her a little too deeply; they were too close to what her traitorous inner self had been thinking for awhile now. She knew seeing him again so soon would make it all the more difficult for her to shut that inner self up, so she stayed away from his favorite haunts and went directly to and from work with no detours. She just needed time to remind herself why the life she had chosen was her best option ...

* * *

Of course, she couldn't avoid him forever.

It was early evening three days after their spar when she received a knock at her door. She set down her knife, wiped her hands on her apron, and went to open it. On the other side stood a crinkly-eyed Kakashi and a sulking Sarada.

"I believe this is yours?" Kakashi asked, gently nudging Sarada toward the door. Sarada just planted her feet, huffed and jerked her head away from him.

Kakashi's eyes got crinklier, then opened, his entire (visible) face becoming deadly serious as he turned his attention to Sakura.

When he didn't say anything, Sakura prompted him with a raised eyebrow and an impatient "Yes?"

He frowned, taking another minute to build up suspense. She rolled her eyes. Finally, he spoke gravely. "So there I was, minding my own business, napping harmlessly in a tree …"

"Lazy ass …" Sakura coughed under her breath. Sarada's sulking face broke ever so slightly into a smile, but she quickly schooled it back into place.

For his part, Kakashi pretended not to hear and continued with his story. "... napping harmlessly in a tree when I was grievously assaulted by none other than Uchiha Sarada-chan and her teammates." He paused for dramatic effect, then leaned forward, lowered his voice, and revealed the worst part: "It seems they were intent upon seeing what's under my mask."

A frustrated groan came from the direction of the short, dark-haired girl. "But it's just another mask, Mom!" Sarada interjected loudly, no small amount of outrage in her voice.

Looking at her daughter's indignant face and clenched fists, Sakura nearly burst out laughing, remembering the day when she, Naruto and Sasuke were dismayed to find the same thing. Just managing to smother her laughter, she glanced up at Kakashi and noticed that he himself was struggling to keep his face straight. His eyes met hers briefly, dancing with mirth, before he returned his attention to his attacker, who had been grumbling the entire time the adults were trying to contain themselves.

"It was baka-Boruto's idea anyway," Sarada finished with a defiant scowl.

Finally confident that she wouldn't start snickering the minute she spoke, Sakura looked sternly at her daughter. "It doesn't matter whose idea it was, Sarada, you shouldn't be attacking old men ..." She felt Kakashi glaring at her. "... napping in trees. Especially when they're retired Hokages."

"Yes, Mom," Sarada mumbled.

"Now get cleaned up for dinner. It'll be ready soon."

Sarada obediently went inside, but not without shooting Kakashi the stink-eye first. He just smiled his usual smile in return.

"You're impossible," Sakura muttered when her daughter was out of hearing range.

"I know," he replied cheerfully. "It's one of my better qualities."

"With that as one of your better qualities, it's no wonder you're so annoying to be around," Sakura retorted as she held the door open wider. "Are you staying for dinner?"

Kakashi hummed his assent and moved past her into the living room. She followed, feeling something between irritation and affection. Trust that man to say something so troubling and then show up out of the blue, acting as if nothing had happened …

* * *

A couple of hours later, dinner was finished, the dishes were cleared, and Sarada had fallen asleep on the couch. Pulling a bottle from the fridge, Sakura offered Kakashi some sake. He accepted and lowered his mask, and they poured each other a glass. The quiet in the kitchen was a peaceful one as they sat across from each other at the table, sipping their drinks.

"She seems so innocent like that," Kakashi said, looking at Sarada's sleeping face.

"She does," Sakura agreed. "It's hard to believe she's already a genin, going on missions and cooking up plots to see your face."

Kakashi nodded, the hint of a shameless smirk playing on his lips. He took another sip.

She giggled at the memory of her daughter's outraged face. "I suppose at least now I can kind of understand why you hid it all those years …"

"Cheapest entertainment available," he explained with shrug and a crooked smile.

Sakura shook her head at him admonishingly. "Sadist," she whispered.

"I heard that, Sakura-chan."

"You were s'posed to, Kaka- _sensei_." She stuck her tongue out at him. He just raised a silver eyebrow as they lapsed into a comfortable silence.

With the rest of the house blanketed in darkness and the sake warming her belly, everything was starting to seem a little fuzzy in the golden light of the kitchen. Sakura found herself watching Kakashi's calloused fingers loosely holding the sake cup, occasionally tracing the rim. She wondered at the fact that those fingers, which seemed so harmless wrapped around a porcelain cup, were actually among the deadliest weapons in the world. In that moment, she found it too hard to believe.

Noticing her gaze, Kakashi took his hand from the glass and rested his chin on it. Sakura's eyes followed his movement until she realized that she was staring at his stubbled jawline. Her eyes met his, and for once there was no hint of teasing in their charcoal depths. Startled by the soft way he was regarding her, she quickly looked away, but then, remembering that this was just Kakashi, she lifted her own elbow to the table and leaned her cheek against her palm, tilting her face towards his.

"I wonder what it's like to fall asleep and wake up with the one you love every day," she mused randomly, focus drifting from his face to the wall as she spoke.

Kakashi gave her profile an indecipherable look before turning away. "I wouldn't know," he said simply. His voice held no emotion.

Sakura didn't say anything for a few minutes. Eventually, curiosity getting the better of her, she asked, "Why haven't you ever been with anyone, Kakashi?"

Though her question hadn't been posed lightly, the serious atmosphere seemed to dissolve the instant his name left her lips. He returned his gaze to her, a teasing light back in his eyes. Quirking a roguish half-smile, he said deliberately, "You know ... I'm not a virgin, Sakura-chan."

"I- wh-" Sakura stuttered, a blush coloring her cheeks. Then she realized he was making fun of her, and her eyes flashed with anger. "You know that's not what I meant!" She jerked her arm off the table and turned her side to him with a huff.

At that, he began chuckling in earnest, the rare, honest chuckle she always found contagious. "You looked exactly like Sarada-chan just then," he laughed quietly, amusement written all over his face.

She swiveled back to him, trying to look indignant, but that infectious chuckle of his brought out a smile against her will. Squashing it as well as she could, she rolled her eyes at him and took a drink from her cup. "You're impossible."

"Ah," he agreed, still smiling, and lifted the sake bottle to refill her glass. She dutifully held out her cup and then refilled his.

The peaceful quiet returned once again. While Sakura watched her daughter sleep, her mind pleasantly relaxed, Kakashi watched Sakura.

After awhile, his voice broke the silence. "There always seemed to be something more important," he said, leaning back in his chair and staring blankly into his cup, tilting it toward his face.

Sakura turned to look at him. "Hm?" she asked before remembering her earlier question. "Oh-"

But before she could reply, he continued, "There was always a long-term mission, or a war, or a vacant village leader spot needing to be filled. A relationship just didn't seem as important in the face of all that."

Sakura began to protest, telling him that a relationship was always important, that there was always a way to make it work, even if you couldn't be together all the time, but something in his eyes stopped her.

"I don't want half a relationship, Sakura," he said with finality.

She could only stare at him, eyes wide, while his words seemed to echo in her stomach. He'd looked at her in a way he never had before when he spoke, a way she didn't understand, and his voice was somehow different than she'd ever heard it - lower, deeper, utterly serious. It held no vestige of his familiar light-hearted tone.

Suddenly, sharply, she felt like she couldn't breathe. Was this how his enemies felt when they faced him on the battlefield?

Abruptly breaking eye contact, Kakashi tipped his head back to empty his sake cup. He set it gently on the table and stood up. "It's late. I should head home."

Sakura nodded mutely as he walked toward the door. Reaching for the door knob, he turned to catch her eye once more. He looked like a stranger. "Thanks for dinner … it was delicious." His voice was still richly dark, and it made her feel uncomfortably warm.

When the door clicked shut behind him, Sakura let out a long breath. She had no idea what had just happened. Her hand shook as she poured herself one last glass of sake, and it shook when she raised the glass to her lips. Had that really been Kakashi?


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:** Just a short one this time. Chapter 6 is in the works.

* * *

 **Chapter 5**

Sakura narrowed her eyes suspiciously at the slouching man sitting across from her, rereading the sole paragraph of his speech that he'd managed to write in over a week. He ran his fingers through his hair and held the paper up higher so he could lean back even more.

Thus far, there had been no hints of the strange Kakashi that had appeared the night before. There was no extra-deep voice that left words ringing in her abdomen, no intense, inscrutable looks sent her way. In fact, he was so … himself that she wasn't sure she hadn't imagined the whole thing, courtesy of one too many glasses of sake. Her eyes narrowed further, searching for anything out of place.

"Sakura-chan, I don't think you're going to be of any help if all you're doing is admiring my hair," Kakashi said without looking up from behind the paper.

Though his voice surprised her, she managed not to show it. "Kakashi, I don't think trying to understand how something like … that …" She gestured toward his silvery mop. "Can sprout naturally out of anyone's head can be considered 'admiring.'"

"Don't be ashamed, Sakura-chan," he demurred. "It really is an incredibly attractive, naturally-occurring follicular phenomenon. There's nothing wrong with appreciating it …" He peeked over the top of the paper. "... as long as you help me write this damn speech."

"You …"

"'Are impossible,' I know," he finished with a wave of his hand. "Now get over here and tell me what to do to make this make more sense."

* * *

The sun had almost fully set when Kakashi put down his pen and stretched noisily. "Well, I need to get going." He cracked his neck. "I have a date."

Sakura's head shot up in surprise.

He looked at her for a moment before adding, "... with Genma."

"Oh." She rolled her eyes and began straightening up the papers on the table.

He raised an eyebrow at her. "You know, you could join us."

Sakura paused to meet his gaze. "Well, I wouldn't want to come between two lovers," she said with mock seriousness.

Kakashi just shrugged his shoulders. "Hey, don't knock it till you try it."

"Kakashi!" Sakura exclaimed, scandalized. His tone may have been light, but there was something decidedly wicked in that grin he was wearing. She felt her cheeks burning.

Taking pity on her, he softened his expression. "Really, though, there's going to be a group of us. You should come along. When was the last time you went out anywhere?"

"Well, Sarada -"

He cut her off. "Left on a mission this morning. Don't tell me you're not allowed to have _any_ fun at _all_ , Sakura-chan. Even Hinata's going to be there."

Sakura sighed. He was right … it wasn't like she wasn't allowed to enjoy herself. Sarada was older now and taking missions away from home. She could afford to spend a night out with friends. "OK," she agreed finally. "Let me run home and change. I'll meet you at the pub."

"If you're not there in an hour, I'm coming to drag you out of your house whether you like it or not," he warned.

"Yes, yes, Hokage-sama," she intoned.

"Former Hokage," he corrected. She gave him a withering look. Satisfied, he nodded and poofed out of the room.

"Baka Kakashi," Sakura muttered as she stuffed her pens in her pouch.

"I heard that."

She glared in the general direction of the disembodied voice and stuck out her tongue. "Baka Kakashi."


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

They'd left a spot for her next to Hinata at the end of one side of the booth. As she sat down and gave her violet-eyed friend a brief hug, Naruto passed her a beer from the bucket in the middle of the table.

"Hey, Sakura-chan! I haven't seen you in forever!" he shouted, his classic toothy Naruto smile on full display.

"You saw me two days ago at the hospital's board meeting, Naruto," she responded in a monotone voice.

The blond Hokage rubbed the back of his neck nervously, his eyes creasing like his old sensei's. "Ah ha ha ha, that's right, Sakura-chan!"

Sakura shook her head despairingly at him and exchanged greetings with the rest of the group, standing up and leaning across the table to hug Ino lightly and saying hello to Sai, Genma, Gai, and Kurenai. She nodded her head at Kakashi, who sat across from her, next to Ino. He acknowledged her with a small eye crinkle and the tilting of a raised beer bottle in her direction.

Pleasantries complete, conversation quickly picked back up; Hinata and Sakura discussed Boruto's not-so-secret crush on Sarada while Ino tried to explain to her husband the subtleties of hugs between women and Kurenai sighed as something Naruto said sent Gai into one of his starry-eyed, "beauty of youth" exhortations.

Thankfully, the green-spandexed jounin's speech was cut short by Genma, who clapped a hand over his mouth and turned toward Kakashi. "So, Copy-nin, which is it ..." he asked slyly, senbon clinking between his teeth as he moved it from one side of his mouth to the other. "Hard and fast or soft and slow?"

"Huh?" Kakashi stared at his friend, confused.

The rest of the table also looked at Genma as if he'd suddenly grown a third head.

Genma sighed like he was trying to explain something simple to a small child who just wasn't getting it. "The question on your beer, man: 'hard and fast or soft and slow?'" He pulled the senbon out of his mouth and pointed it at the label on Kakashi's bottle.

Still wearing an expression that suggested that he wasn't quite sure who'd let Genma out of the mental hospital that night or why, Kakashi picked up his bottle by its neck and turned it around. The table watched as his eyebrow rose.

"See?" Genma said triumphantly. "So which is it? Does our famous former Hokage like his sex a little rough, or does he prefer making sweet, sweet love all night?"

Before anyone else could say anything, Sakura, cheeks more than a little pink, raised her voice in protest. "Now wait just a minute, Genma ... Aren't we a bit old to be playing games like this?"

Genma opened his mouth to respond, but Ino beat him to it. "Oh come on, Forehead!" she admonished with an eye-roll. "You're never too old to play the 'can you make the Hokage blush?' game, right?"

"Former Hokage," Kakashi interjected out of habit. At some point, he'd opened his copy of _Icha Icha Tactics_ and appeared to be reading, unconcerned with the discussion going on around him.

"'Hokage,' 'former Hokage,' who cares? I'm curious now too," Naruto said, beer splashing out of his bottle onto the table as he thumped it down in his enthusiasm.

Sakura just groaned and mumbled something about annoying ninja who never grow up while the rest of the group, including Gai, whose mouth was still covered by Genma's hand, and a lightly-blushing Hinata, turned their eyes expectantly toward Kakashi.

When it became apparent that they weren't going to give up, the silver-haired man closed his book with a put-upon sigh.

"How do I like it?" he mused, looking at the ceiling.

Kakashi's companions leaned in eagerly; no one had thought he would actually answer the question. Even Sakura, who had professed herself averse to such immature games, couldn't help but regard him a little more intently than usual.

"Hmm ..." he tapped his chin in thought. "I suppose I like it hard and fast ..."

"I knew it!" Genma declared. Naruto nodded vigorously in agreement, bumping his fist against Genma's in victory.

Kakashi's voice interrupted their celebration.

" ... And then ... later ..." he continued slowly, his tone darker as he lowered his head to catch Sakura's gaze. " … I like it nice and slow."

With that, Kakashi reopened his book and began reading as if he'd never said anything at all.

While everyone else just stared at him in open-mouthed shock, it seemed to Sakura that her heart had stopped beating. Although their eyes had met for only half a second, not nearly enough time for anyone else to notice, the strange heat in his look had knocked the breath out of her and set her cheeks aflame. It was as though she'd suddenly developed tunnel-vision; she found herself unable to turn away from him, even though all she could see of his face now was the hitai-ate-covered top of his forehead. Everything that wasn't Kakashi faded into the background.

Naruto was the first to recover. "Hey, that's cheating, Kaka-sensei!" he cried, pointing an accusatory finger at the man whose nose was buried in a book. "You have to choose either/or. You can't just say both!"

The table was silent for a moment, until, without moving out from behind his book, Kakashi asked simply, "Why not? It's the truth."

"Well, I- I mean ..." Naruto sputtered.

Genma just patted him on the head. "Nevermind, Naruto-sama. Be happy he said anything in the first place."

Naruto slumped down in the booth with a dissatisfied pout and took up his beer. Ino and Kurenai began chatting quietly, and Gai, finally freed from Genma's grip, went in search of the restroom. Sai observed impassively, taking periodic sips from the bottle in front of him.

Meanwhile, Sakura had managed to tear her eyes away from Kakashi, but she still couldn't catch her breath. Aware on some less-than-conscious level that everyone was distracted, she took the opportunity to throw down some cash and make her way to the exit. She kept her pace normal to start, but she was practically running by the time she got to the door, and she was sure nothing had ever felt so good as that first breath of air she took when she made it outside.

Letting the door swing shut behind her and stumbling a few feet to the right before slumping against the wall, Sakura stared blankly at the streetlight across the road and tried to calm her racing heart. He'd done it again, just like the night before - he'd shaken her to her core with a few simple words and a look. Her hand rose to her throat, fingers clutching absently at the collar of her shirt. She'd thought it had been some kind of fluke last night, if not an outright drunken hallucination, but clearly it hadn't. She was beginning to wonder if she'd ever really known the man at all.

At that moment, her pulse not yet calmed, the pub door opened, and the newfound source of all the troubles in her world stepped out and turned to face her. Her heart leapt into her throat as her eyes were once again captured by his lanky frame. She knew she must have looked ridiculous, standing there motionless, eyes widened like some kind of rabbit frozen in place by the sudden appearance of a fox, but still she couldn't seem to move.

His warm gaze met hers. His face was so familiar, and the look he gave her wasn't darkened like it had been when he'd said … what he said … at the table, but she felt like she was seeing him for the first time. The corner of his mouth lifted into a small smile beneath his mask as he tucked his hands into his pockets. "Have a good night, Sakura-chan," he said softly, letting his eyes travel from hers to her mouth and back again, brow furrowing ever-so-slightly, before he turned around and began walking away from her in the direction of his apartment.

Unable to say anything in response, Sakura just watched him until he'd moved too far out of range of the streetlight for her to make out his form in the darkness. When she couldn't hear his footsteps any longer, the fist clenching her shirt finally loosened, and her hand dropped weakly to her side.

"Oh, there you are, Sakura-chan!" Naruto's voice broke into the muddled haze that was her thoughts as he and the rest of the group piled out of the door. "I thought you'd left!"

She somehow found her voice. "N-no, Naruto, I just needed a little air," she said with a fake smile.

"Oh, okay, well, we're going to go back to Genma's for a drink. Wanna come?" he asked, completely oblivious to the fact that his pink-haired friend felt like she'd just been hit by a bus.

Sakura shook her head. "No, that's okay, Naruto. I'm pretty tired. I think I'm just going to go home."

"Aw, alright, Sakura-chan," Naruto pouted, pulling her into a bear hug. "Get some sleep!"

"Th-thanks, Naruto," Sakura croaked, extricating herself from his grip. Once freed, she worked up a smile for everyone else as she bade them good night.

"Night, Sakura!" they chorused, waving as they headed off to Genma's.

"Night," she echoed quietly.

* * *

 **A/N:** So I don't know if they still do this or not, but at least a few years ago, Molson-Canadian printed "would you rather?" questions on their bottles. This chapter was partly inspired by that. Chapter 7 is in progress.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N:** Another short one this time. Chapter 8 might not be up until Wednesday; work has decided to be busy, and my sister and I have our krav maga class tomorrow evening. We'll see though.

* * *

 **Chapter 7**

It would take another ten minutes of standing in the yellow glow of the streetlight, back of her head resting against the rough brick of the building, before she felt stable enough to make her way home.

When she got there, she went through the motions of preparing for bed, then flipped off the lights and fell back onto her mattress with a sigh. She felt like she'd been put through the wringer the last two nights. What was that man thinking? Had he always been like this and she'd just never noticed?

She found that hard to believe. She'd known Kakashi for almost 20 years now.

But what would have made him change? It's not like he was at that "discovering yourself" age … At 44 years old, a prodigy with over 35 years of experience _and_ a retired Hokage, he should hypothetically have himself fairly well figured out ...

She rolled onto her stomach and smashed her face into her comforter.

Midlife crisis? That could make sense. He'd been going through a lot of professional changes over the last few years, and, as they'd talked about the night before, he'd never really been involved with anyone.

" _I don't want half a relationship, Sakura,"_ he'd said.

She felt her cheeks burn at the memory of the way he'd looked at her as he'd spoken.

" _And then … later … I like it nice and slow …"_

She buried her face further in her blanket. What was she even thinking about? This was Kakashi. Perpetually late, porn-reading, obnoxious Kakashi, who'd been doing everything in his power to make her hair turn as grey as his practically since the day they met. It didn't matter if recently his voice had a bad habit of making something dark and unfamiliar coil inside her stomach.

 _Dark and unfamiliar and not entirely unpleasant,_ her stupid inner self added. She pulled the comforter up around her ears in a feeble attempt to block out thoughts like that.

She was probably just reading into things anyway, and, regardless, she had Sasuke. Her _husband_.

 _Who wasn't here_.

Sakura groaned and turned her head to the side, studying the shadowy wall as if it held all the answers. When was he going to come back? She was sure that if he were home, she wouldn't be hearing strange things in Kakashi's voice all of a sudden.

Really, it was likely neither that Kakashi had changed nor that he had always been this way and she was just now seeing it. It was most likely that she was entirely imagining that heat in his words and eyes. She supposed it was only to be expected … she'd seen Sasuke so infrequently over the years that spending any significant amount of time with one man was bound to have her feeling a little funny. Especially if that man were an attractive one.

Not that she thought Kakashi was attractive or anything like that.

Probably.

Her brow creased as she flipped back over and slid under the blanket, determined to stop thinking about lazy charcoal-colored eyes and annoyingly deep voices talking about hard and fast and soft and slow.

* * *

A minute later, she was kicking her comforter off and standing up to open the window. It was way too warm in her room.

She swept the curtain aside with her right arm and lifted the sash with her left. The night air was only slightly cooler than the air inside, but she felt a million degrees better as the gentle breeze wafted over her. She leaned her forehead against the glass and watched the moths flutter around her neighbor's porch light.

Kakashi, huh? She sighed, letting the curtain fall back into place and lying down again. He really was impossible.

And what was up with the way he told her to have a good night? Had she really imagined that he'd looked at her mouth as he'd said it? Everything else about the exchange was normal.

Though maybe his tone was a little softer, less teasing, than usual ...

She pinched the bridge of her nose. Dear god, what was wrong with her? She was acting like a teenager, analyzing every little detail of a handful of interactions with a guy. No ... with _Kakashi_. Of all the ridiculous things. She'd never even gone through a teacher crush phase like Ino had with Asuma-sensei when they were kids; why would she now at 30 years old?

Ridiculous. Not to mention _she was_ _ **married**_.

There seriously had to be something wrong with her. There was no way she was interested in Kakashi, and there was _definitely_ no way Kakashi was interested in her. This was all just a product of her missing Sasuke and spending too much time with her former sensei. That was it.

* * *

… Probably.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N:** This one goes out to girlgeorge, who requested more Kakashi and Sarada interaction, with a nod to Team Miriku, who reminded me what Kakashi's hair can look like sometimes.

* * *

 **Chapter 8**

Between lack of sleep and surviving the minor heart attack of mistaking a broom standing upright against the side of a building for Kakashi while on her way into work, it was no surprise that everyone asked her if she was feeling alright when she arrived at the hospital the next morning. She waved off their concerns and began her rounds, grateful to have something to do that would distract her from her own mind.

* * *

She was feeling much better by the end of the day as she hung up her white coat in her office. Sarada would be back that evening, so she was hoping a nice dinner and listening to her daughter talk about her mission would have her completely back to normal again. As she made her way home and began planning what to cook and wondering what adventures Sarada might have had, her confusing thoughts about Kakashi finally faded into the background.

* * *

"And then what happened?" Sarada called out from the kitchen, where she was getting herself a glass of water.

Kakashi paused, catching Sakura's widened gaze as she stepped through the front door. "... And then your mother walked in and looked at me like she'd just found a mouse in her house," he said wryly.

Having heard the door open, Sarada walked into the opening of the living room, where Kakashi sat comfortably on one of the couches.

Sakura took a breath and forced her pulse to slow down. Drawing on some of her ninja acting skills, she rolled her eyes and dropped her gloves and pouch onto the entry table. "Kakashi, the only thing you have in common with a mouse is your unique talent for mooching meals off of people."

"Now, now, Sakura-chan, that's not very fair," he pouted. ".. I'm pretty sneaky too."

"You'd have to be to get away with skipping out on all those tabs," she retorted with a pointed look in his direction. He put on an innocent face.

As Sakura moved into the kitchen, she turned her head toward her daughter. "Sarada, don't let this old man talk you into going out to eat with him."

Sarada swiveled quickly. "But Mom, he offered to take our team to lunch tomorrow …"

"I ran into them in the Hokage Tower. They'd just gotten back from their mission," Kakashi interjected by way of explanation.

The dark-haired genin caught her mother's arm and pulled her down to whisper into her ear, "We were going to use it as an opportunity to see his face!"

Kakashi pretended not to be paying attention, but Sakura could see his ear prick up from behind her daughter's head. Staring him in the eye as she spoke, she told her daughter softly, knowing he would hear, "Don't bother. He'll just dodge all your attempts, contrive some distraction, and then inhale his food and disappear before you turn back around, and you'll be stuck with the bill."

Sarada tilted her head and gave Kakashi a studied look, tapping her finger against her mouth. "Well, this _is_ the second time you've been over here for dinner this week," she said finally.

Sakura nodded in agreement. Kakashi appeared hurt. "I just wanted to spend some time with my favorite former student and her daughter," he groused exaggeratedly.

Sarada let go of her mother's arm and raised an eyebrow. "But I thought Dad was your favorite student?"

Sakura took the opportunity to walk into the kitchen and get dinner started, leaving Kakashi and her daughter in the living room. Watching her pink hair swing across her back as she rounded the corner, Kakashi replied thoughtfully, "Hmm … I think it's more that I saw myself in him."

Sarada's face conveyed her incredulity. "You don't seem ANYTHING like my dad," she said dubiously.

Kakashi furrowed his brow, his voice a little more sober, his eyes focused on the air in front of him. "Well, I was a lot like your dad when I was younger."

Sarada was quiet for a moment before asking bluntly, "Does that mean my dad will be as goofy as you someday?"

Kakashi could hear Sakura's stifled giggles from the kitchen. He rubbed the back of his neck and chuckled, embarrassed. "Ah, I suppose anything's possible, Sarada-chan."

At that, the three of them, each picturing a Kakashi-like Sasuke, dissolved into laughter.

* * *

"So what were you two talking about when I got home?" Sakura asked, picking up a piece of chicken with her chopsticks.

"Oh, Kakashi-sama was just telling me about the time he taught you guys to walk up trees," Sarada answered. "He said you were the best."

"Well, it's true," Kakashi added. "I only had to show her once. It took Naruto and your dad the whole day, and even then they probably wouldn't have gotten it if your mom hadn't given them a hint ... Ah, the beauty of perfect chakra control ..."

Sakura could feel him looking at her as he spoke. She blushed lightly, unable to meet his eyes.

Thankfully, Kakashi shifted his gaze to her daughter. "Sarada-chan, I've heard you inherited that from your mother," he said, crinkling his eyes.

Sarada frowned. "Yeah, I'm pretty good at using my chakra."

"So why are you frowning?" he asked, confused.

"Because Naruto-oji-sama taught baka-Boruto another jutsu, and he used it on our mission!" Sarada exclaimed, her petite fist unconsciously gripping her cup tighter. Kakashi discreetly lifted it from her hand, well aware of the damage a female of her lineage could do to glassware in a fit of temper. Not noticing, Sarada continued her tirade. "I don't want to lose to him! What good is stupid chakra control if I can't do anything with it? Mom, can't you teach me something new? I want to be able to beat them on our next mission!"

Sakura stopped chewing, her heart clenching. She knew exactly how her daughter felt. "When's your next mission?"

"Two days," Sarada replied, eyes hopeful.

Sakura's heart clenched even further. She had doubles at the hospital the next two days. "Sarada, I-"

"I could teach you something, if you want," Kakashi interrupted, recognizing why Sakura was hesitating. "I do happen to know a few jutsu, after all."

Sakura was too relieved by his offer to snort at his deliberate understatement.

"Really, Kakashi-sama? That would be awesome!" Sarada smiled widely.

"Sure," Kakashi crinkled his eyes.

"Shannaro! Baka-Boruto's not the only one who can learn jutsu from a Hokage!" The dark-haired girl stood up in a victory pose.

Sakura buried her face in her palms at the uncanny resemblance her daughter bore to Inner Sakura-of-yore. She could sense Kakashi's amusement from across the table; most of the time Sarada was quiet like her father, but there were definitely times when it was clear just who her mother was, and this was one of them.

"Sarada, please refrain from shouting at the dinner table," Sakura sighed.

Her daughter sat down and calmly picked her chopsticks back up, but she couldn't quite smother her gleeful grin.

"OK, Sarada-chan, how about we meet at training ground 3 at 8 tomorrow morning?" Kakashi proposed.

Sakura gave him a look that said, "You mean at 11, right?" Kakashi ignored her. Sakura shook her head.

"Thank you so much, Kakashi-sama!" Sarada bowed her head lightly.

"No problem, Sarada-chan," Kakashi replied. "I can't let you lose to baka-Boruto-kun."

His eyes lifted to meet Sakura's, the warmth of his small smile showing through their grey depths. Despite the little flip her stomach gave at his look, she couldn't help but reply with a grateful smile of her own. "Thank you," she mouthed. He nodded in reply, eyes creasing.

* * *

Sarada had gone out to the backyard to practice in preparation for her lesson the next day. Sakura stood at the sink, cleaning dishes as Kakashi brought them in from the table.

She heard him set a stack to her right, and then she was startled by a hand lightly gripping her hip. She stiffened further as the heat of a strong chest met her back and a familiar arm reached around her other side.

The hand on her hip squeezed gently, and she felt his breath on her cheek. "Let me help," his deep voice spoke softly, masked lips brushing lightly against her ear as he dipped his hand into the water, wrapping it around hers briefly before taking the sponge from her grip.

He lifted the sponge from the water and smoothly moved her to the side, taking his other hand from her hip to swipe the dishcloth from the rack below the sink and plop it onto her head. "You dry," he said with a crooked grin that did nothing to help quell the sudden fire burning in her abdomen.

She stared open-mouthed at him, dish towel hanging over one eye. He deepened his grin, then turned toward the sink and began washing a plate. The dish towel started to slip off of her head, and she caught it absently, gaze never leaving his profile, even when he handed her the cleaned plate to dry.

"Sakura-chan, you're letting water drip all over the floor," Kakashi hummed without facing her.

Sakura looked down as if in slow motion and realized that she was, in fact, holding a wet plate that was, in fact, dripping water all over the floor. "Ah, ha," she laughed awkwardly, still in a daze, and began gingerly wiping the plate with the dishcloth before placing it on the counter. He handed her another plate.

They continued in this fashion until all the dishes were washed and dried and Sakura had managed to regain some of her sensibilities. She was about to ask Kakashi what the hell that was all about when Sarada came back inside.

While Sakura questioned why her daughter was opening the fridge to look for a snack, Kakashi squeezed out the sponge and took the damp dishrag from her hands to dry his own before hanging it back on the rack. He picked up his gloves from the counter where he'd laid them earlier.

"Alright, Sarada-chan. I'll see you at 8 then?" he asked with an eye crinkle.

The brunette turned to look at him, smiling. "Yep! Training ground 3 … thank you again, Kakashi-sama!"

"Anytime," Kakashi said. He looked at Sakura and gave her another one of those warm, inscrutable looks that made her insides squirm involuntarily.

"Sleep well, Sakura-chan," he murmured. "Don't work too hard." He flashed a small smile before heading toward the door, raising a hand in goodbye behind him.

* * *

And so for the third night in a row, Sakura found herself unable to speak, watching Kakashi walk away after turning her insides to mush.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

 _10:58 a.m., next day_

"You're late!" came the indignant cry of a short, dark-haired girl standing in the middle of training ground 3.

Kakashi grinned under his mask as he hopped down from a nearby tree and confronted the small finger pointed furiously at him. Ah, nostalgia ...

"Sorry, Sarada-chan. I got caught in a flash flood on the way here and had to rescue a box of kittens from certain death by drowning," he explained with a grave look on his face.

Sarada shot him a leveled gaze that told him she was buying none of his bullshit. "Kakashi-sama, it's not even raining," she said, directing her gaze and her palms up to the sky, searching for non-existent raindrops.

"Sarada-chan, as one might surmise by its name, the flash flood was there and gone _in a flash_ ," Kakashi replied pedantically.

"Kakashi-sama, as anyone who has been awake and waiting outside for the LAST THREE HOURS …" She shot him an angrily raised eyebrow. "could tell you, it hasn't rained at all this morning."

"Oh? Did I say 'flash flood'? I meant 'stream,'" Kakashi amended quickly. "Some cruel, cruel person had tossed a box of kittens into a stream, leaving them to die."

"You're not even wet," Sarada argued.

"Ah, yes, well, walking on water is a terribly useful skill to have, especially when it comes to rescuing kittens," Kakashi smiled, eyes crinkling.

Sarada sighed, closed her eyes, and unclenched her fist to pinch the bridge of her nose, looking for all the world like a black-haired, bespectacled, miniature version of her mother. "Save it," she huffed. "Let's just get started."

Entertained, Kakashi watched her stalk off in a manner more reminiscent of Naruto than Sakura; Boruto-kun must be rubbing off on her without her noticing, he mused.

He had to admit that he'd kind of missed teasing the kids by showing up late to training. And he'd definitely missed coming up with preposterous excuses for his tardiness … it was one of his favorite pastimes, alongside _Icha Icha_ , napping in trees, and making Sakura blush. He supposed at least he still had the occasional opportunity for inventive excusing with Naruto and Sakura, though by now those two were used to it and barely reacted, which was infinitely less fun than his exchange with Sarada had just been. Maybe there were overlooked benefits to this teaching business ...

He ambled over to where Sarada stood by the posts. "Well," he began, "Given that both of your parents are genjutsu-types, I'm assuming you are as well."

She nodded.

"And you've begun awakening your Sharingan?"

She nodded again.

"Good. That should make it easier for you to learn jutsu."

"You had the Sharingan too, didn't you, Kakashi-sama?" Sarada asked curiously. His basic story was, of course, well-known to her, but hearing anything about it from the mysterious (if goofy) man himself was _way_ better.

"I did. From the time I was about your age until the end of the fourth ninja war," Kakashi confirmed.

"And that's how you became the Copy-ninja of Konoha, right?"

"Yep."

"That's so cool!" Sarada squealed. "I want to learn 1,000 jutsu with my Sharingan too."

Kakashi laughed. "That's a good goal to have. The easiest way to achieve it is to copy all of your enemies' jutsus while you fight." He leaned in, as though telling a secret, "It really freaks them out if you use their own techniques against them in the same fight. And if you already know the jutsu, you can perform it at the same time they do, and that _really_ freaks them out, especially if it's a specialty jutsu that not many people know."

"Yeah, I could see that," she nodded.

"The other thing to do is to copy all your friends' techniques while you're sparring. They'll probably get pi- er, mad at you, but ultimately it's for the betterment of the village, so they get over it. And if they don't, well …" He looked up at the sky. "Oh well."

He shrugged and lowered his head to wink at her. She blushed lightly. "Yeah," she said. "They'll just have to deal."

Kakashi patted her on the head. "Good girl. Before we know it, Konoha will have Copy-ninja Sarada instead."

Sarada smiled and raised a fist. "Shannaro!"

Smiling inwardly, Kakashi decided it was time to get down to business. "Alright," he said. "To make use of your natural talents as much as possible, since we've got a short training window, I'm going to teach you a genjutsu. This is one of Kurenai-san's favorites … needless to say, I copied it from her." He grinned. She met his grin with her own. He got the sense that she was going to thoroughly enjoy ripping jutsu off of unsuspecting friends and enemies alike. Girl after his own heart ... Maybe she really would become the next Copy-ninja of Konoha ...

His grin widened a bit more before he mentally shook his head to regain focus. "So, your task is to copy the hand seals as I form them. I'm not going to go slowly; you need to get used to copying seals at high speeds, or you'll never be able to steal all the jutsus from your enemies."

Sarada gave him a determined nod. "Hai, sensei!"

Kakashi chuckled. "You don't need to call me 'sensei,' Sarada-chan. I was your mom's teacher; I'm just doing you a favor. 'Kakashi-sama' as usual is fine."

She smiled, "Hai, Kakashi-sama."

"OK, I'm starting now. Turn on your Sharingan," he ordered. As soon as he saw Sarada's eyes bleed red, he flew through a series of hand signs. "Magen: Jubaku Satsu!"

He immediately disappeared in a misty haze, and nearly instantaneously, Sarada felt a giant tree growing up behind her and trapping her in its branches. As she struggled against its tangled grip, Kakashi seemed to slide out of the tree trunk above her head, holding a kunai. Sarada quickly channeled chakra to her arms and pulled them free of the branches, clasping her hands together and forming the release jutsu. "Kai!" she called out. The mist dissolved, and the tree vanished, leaving Kakashi in its place.

"Well done, Sarada-chan. I see your mom has taught you some of the more useful aspects of your chakra control," Kakashi observed.

"Yeah, she's teaching me how to channel it everywhere so I can use it in situations like these," Sarada said. "She told me that even if it's a genjutsu, it feels real to the body, so sometimes you have to use chakra as you would with a physical attack to break free."

"Your mom's a smart woman," Kakashi replied. Sarada's cheeks grew a tinge pink in agreement.

"Did you catch all the signs?" he asked.

She nodded. "I think so …"

"Let's give it a try then. I'll stand here." Kakashi moved in front of the genin.

A little nervously, Sarada began forming the hand seals she'd copied with her Sharingan. Upon completing the last sign, she shouted, "Magen: Jubaku Satsu!"

Nothing happened. She dropped her head back and groaned.

"It's alright," Kakashi said. "Learning all the signs isn't everything; you need to figure out exactly when and how much chakra to put into the seals. With your chakra aptitude, you should be able to pick up on that more quickly than a lot of ninja. Try it again."

* * *

It took a couple of hours, but Sarada had finally gotten the jutsu down. Taking a break, they leaned against the posts, eating the bentos Sakura had prepared for them. Kakashi was, as always around Sarada, careful to sneak in bites at the speed of lightning when she was distracted (usually by him). Every time she turned back around and saw food missing from his box, she sighed.

"Why won't you let me see your face? I know you let Mom see it," she whined.

"Hmm. Well … Your mom is special. I've known her for a long time. Plus, she went through many trials and tribulations to get the privilege," he gave her a creased-eyed smile that conveyed exactly how much fun he'd had putting Sakura and her teammates through those trials.

"Privilege, huh?" Sarada snorted. "I bet you've got warts everywhere."

Kakashi shrugged, undisturbed. "Who knows? Your mom's team had a number of theories of their own … fish lips was my personal favorite."

Sarada looked unimpressed. "You couldn't hide fish lips with a mask like that. They weren't very clever, were they?"

Kakashi laughed. "That's your mom and dad you're talking about, you know."

Sarada's face expressed that yes, she did know. "Mom said in the end her money was on you being pretty good-looking."

Kakashi raised a curious eyebrow. "Oh was it? That's interesting ... Did she win the bet?"

"There was actually a bet?"

"Ah, yeah," Kakashi said, disappointed that Sarada didn't know anything about it. "Apparently Team 7 had a bet going … whoever's guess about my face was closest to the truth got the money. I never found out who won." And now, having learned what Sakura had bet, he really wanted to know ...

"Well, obviously whoever's money was on fish lips didn't win," Sarada commented disdainfully.

Kakashi quirked a half smile. "Rejected that option completely then, huh?"

"It's illogical. Your mask doesn't hide that much of the shape of your features. That's why I figure if my mom's wrong, it's got to be because of some skin issue," Sarada explained.

"So you think your mom's right too? I'm a good-looking guy?"

She shot him a sidelong glance that was older than her years … definitely learned from Sakura. "No, I don't. That's why I said I bet you have a bunch of warts."

Kakashi sighed, hanging his head and feigning hurt with a hand on his heart. "It's not very nice to pick on the guy who's teaching you a new jutsu, you know …"

"It's not very nice to imply a threat to stop teaching someone just 'cause they have an opinion, _you know_ ," Sarada retorted.

He shook his head in mock dismay. "You're too much like your mother, Sarada-chan, too much like your mother."

"Hmph!" Sarada jerked her head away.

"Well," he said, cleaning up the empty bentos. "Would you like me to teach you how to break out of that jutsu using only your Sharingan?"

Sarada's head flipped back toward him, eyes excited. "Sure!"

"I mean, that is, if you feel comfortable learning something from an ugly, wart-faced man, even if he doesn't have fish lips …" Kakashi pouted.

She sighed. "Jeez, Kakashi-sama, you've really got that kicked-puppy look down, haven't you?"

He sniffed. "I don't know what you're talking about. I never kick puppies. Only horrible people like Orochimaru kick puppies."

"Well, you do a good job of _looking like_ kicked puppy. Mom always says so."

"You two seem to talk about me a lot …" Kakashi said with a sly grin.

Sarada brushed him off. "It's just 'cause you're around all the time."

"Well, if it means two pretty ladies are talking about me, I think being around all the time sounds like a good thing," Kakashi declared.

"Heh," Sarada huffed, staring at the dirt.

"Something wrong, Sarada-chan?" Kakashi asked, no hint of teasing in his voice.

"Che … I don't know. Not really." She absently kicked around a couple chunks of dirt.

Kakashi was quiet. If he'd learned anything through his relationship with Sakura, it was not to push too much.

His patience paid off after a few moments of silence.

"I guess it's like, why doesn't Dad feel like that? That being around is a good thing?" Sarada said, sending a small chunk of dirt flying halfway across the clearing into a tree.

He took a second to appreciate her accuracy before replying. "Well, I don't know that he doesn't feel that way. You know your dad has a lot of important things to do."

"Yeah, yeah, that's what Mom's always saying. But I know and you know and _she_ knows that he doesn't have to be gone THAT much. Especially after the clones thing." She frowned, eyes still on the ground. "So he must not think being around is important … or he would be around more."

Her voice had gotten heartachingly quiet by the time she finished talking, but Kakashi wasn't entirely sure what to say in response, since he felt the same way about the situation himself … Sasuke was being a selfish dick, wandering away from his family for more than a decade. It wasn't right to marry a woman ... a _young_ woman at that ... knock her up, and then expect her to raise the child and live on her own, giving up career opportunities and a fulfilling relationship and who knows what else, while you go off to discover yourself for 11 years ...

Sarada's voice broke through his angry thoughts. She was still staring a hole into the earth. "I know Mom isn't happy about it. She acts like everything's fine, but I see her. I see the look she gets sometimes. She thinks I don't, but I do. That's a lot of why I'm so mad at him. Maybe it really _was_ okay before …" She sounded highly skeptical. "But it's definitely not okay now, not since the clones." Her frown deepened, and he could see the muscles in her jaw clenching.

He wanted to be able to fix things ... for both of them. He wished it had never gotten to this point in the first place. He wished he'd ...

"Anyway. You were going to teach me to get out of that jutsu using the Sharingan?" Sarada asked abruptly.

Kakashi looked up to see a well-schooled face that did Sasuke justice, for all that he wasn't there to teach it to her, and he knew she was done with the conversation, so he just nodded and began to explain the process.

* * *

 **A/N:** No KakaSaku in this one, but I think it's important for the story. It'll be back to our favorite couple next chapter!


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Sakura was in her office at the hospital, reviewing a patient file for an upcoming appointment, when she once again found herself trapped by Kakashi's larger frame. He'd planted his left hand on the counter to her side and pressed his chest to her back before peering over her shoulder and setting a steaming cup of coffee from her favorite cafe next to the file. His hand slid from the cup onto the counter.

Body stiff in his loose embrace, she didn't know whether she wanted to run away or lean back against him, so she settled for crossly asking him just what it was he was doing and being inordinately proud that her voice didn't waver at all when she did so.

"Ah, I thought you might like some real coffee," he said. He straightened up so that his warm breath tickled the back of her head, but he didn't move away. She was hyper-aware of the chiseled pectoral muscles and strong biceps keeping her penned in, and she tried not to think about the lower body that was only an inch or so from her rear, the heat of it doing wicked things to parts of her she presently wanted to forget existed.

"Do you really have to stand so close?" she scowled, voice a bit breathier than she would have liked. She felt a blush spreading from her cheeks to the tips of her ears.

"No," he replied matter-of-factly. "But it's much more enjoyable when I do." This last was spoken into her ear, his tone teasingly dark. She felt his lips curl into a smirk before he stepped back with a low chuckle.

It took her a minute to get her bearings. She knew he was watching her, could feel his gaze on her, as she tried to convince herself that he was just being an ass to get a rise out of her. He wasn't actually hitting on her ... right? Kakashi wasn't like that … he'd probably just gotten bored of all of his other methods of driving her crazy and was trying something new. Steadying her breathing, she resolved not to let him get to her (conveniently ignoring the fact that he clearly already had).

Without turning around, she picked up her pen and pretended to continue reviewing her file, though in reality she was seeing none of the words on the page. The coffee he'd brought taunted her from the corner of her eye, reminding her of the way he'd felt and how much that troublesome part of her that just refused to go away had really wanted him to pull her back into his hips and hold her flush against his hard body. She felt her cheeks burning again at the thought and shook her head surreptitiously (she hoped) to try and banish it from her mind.

"How did you get in here anyway?" she queried, her annoyance at herself for feeling the way she did and at him for making her feel that way more than apparent in her delivery. At the same moment, though, she heard the rustle of the papers on her desk and glanced over to see the window open. "... Nevermind," she mumbled grumpily.

She looked up from the window, still frowning, to catch him scratching the back of his head, looking at once sheepish and all too pleased with himself. She flushed again and flipped her head quickly back to her patient file.

"Thank you for the coffee," she managed.

"Mm, you're welcome," he said. "You like it with two sugars, right?"

"Yeah …"

"That's good. I wasn't certain." She imagined the crinkly-eyed smile she was sure he was wearing.

The office was quiet for several minutes.

"You're ignoring me, Sakura-chan," he pouted eventually.

"I'm working, Kakashi," she stated. "I have an appointment in twenty minutes."

"Ah …" his voice trailed off. "You know, Sarada-chan is as quick as you and Sasuke are."

Sakura set her pen down, picked up the coffee, and turned to face him, leaning her back against the counter and taking a sip. "Oh?"

Kakashi nodded. "My mid-morning nap was interrupted by a well-timed Magen: Jubaku Satsu and small fingers curling under my mask."

Sakura giggled. "That's my girl."

"Indeed. Needless to say, I escaped with my purity still intact, but it was a close call," he said, brow furrowing seriously but eyes gleaming with mirth.

She snorted. "Kakashi, I'm pretty sure I know a heavily polluted lake in Mizu that's purer than you are." Unbidden, the image of toned abs against her back flashed through her mind as she couldn't stop herself from wondering just how impure the silver-haired man was. Her cheeks grew pink, and she turned her eyes away from him to her desk.

He laughed lightly. "That may be so …"

"I know it's so," Sakura retorted unthinkingly.

He raised an eyebrow. "Oh, do you now, Sakura-chan?" His voice had suddenly taken on that dark tone that made her insides flutter.

She looked up, mouth open to speak, but no words came out.

He grinned devilishly at her before tucking his hands into his pockets. "Well, I just wanted to drop that off and tell you know how Sarada-chan was doing, since I'm sure she was asleep when you got home last night. I'll let you get back to work now."

She hated that even his thoughtfulness made her flush lightly. "Thank you, Kakashi. For the coffee and for teaching Sarada. I wouldn't have had time …"

"I know," he said. "And I know it's important to you that she not feel left behind by her team." He smiled softly.

She returned it with a small smile of her own. "Yeah. And I think she was really happy to be taught by the last Hokage as well."

Kakashi rubbed the back of his neck, embarrassed. "Ah … well, anytime," he offered, stepping closer. "Don't forget about our planning session tomorrow." He crinkled his eyes and ruffled her hair, letting his hand linger a bit longer than necessary before pulling back, a lock of her hair slipping through his fingers. "See you later, Sakura-chan."

Her own hand drifted unconsciously to her head. "See you tomorrow, Kakashi," she said with a half-smile.

He nodded, then disappeared through the window.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

When they arrived at their usual room in the library the next afternoon, Kakashi pulled out a chair for Sakura. Looking at him suspiciously, she sat down. He scooted her in closer to the table, then chose the seat next to her rather than the one he typically occupied across from her.

"What's with you being so polite all of a sudden, Ka-ka-shi?" Sakura asked, eyes narrowing as she turned to face him. "I mean, first you do the dishes, then you bring me coffee from my favorite coffee shop, and now you're pulling out my chair for me like we're on a date at a fancy restaurant."

He held her gaze, face the picture of innocence. "You know, that's not a bad idea. Would you like to go on a date to a fancy restaurant with me, Sakura-chan?"

Her cheeks instantly flushed. "It wasn't a suggestion, Kakashi, and no, I would not. I'm married." She closed her eyes haughtily and jerked her head away from him, but not before he could see that she was still blushing lightly.

"Married women deserve to be taken on dates to fancy restaurants too," Kakashi noted with a small shrug.

Sakura scowled. "Yeah, _by their husbands_ ..."

He watched her eyebrows furrow and her jaw clench. "Hm," he said thoughtfully. "And what if their husbands aren't around to take them?"

She glared at him, an unwelcome lump forming in her throat. "Then they don't go," she ground out.

Kakashi tilted his head and frowned. "That doesn't seem very fair …"

Sakura let out an angry breath. "Kakashi, what are you playing at?"

He looked at her, grey eyes uncharacteristically serious. "I'm not playing at anything, Sakura. I'm just making an observation."

"Yes, well, you can keep your observations to yourself," she said in a clipped tone, pulling a pen from her pouch and opening her notebook. "We need to finish your speech."

He studied her profile for a minute before sighing and taking out his own notebook.

Sakura tried to swallow. For some reason, that sigh had made her throat tighten even further. She wondered what he was thinking … Was he feeling sorry for her? Was he frustrated with her? Why would he be frustrated with her? It was none of his business whether or not Sasuke was around to take her out to dinner ...

"Why do you care anyway?" she asked, the lump in her throat preventing her from talking at a normal volume. She found that she couldn't look at him, so she studied the pen she was currently rolling around between her fingers.

"Why wouldn't I care?" he countered, keeping his voice low like hers.

Sakura sighed and dropped the pen to bring her hands up to her forehead, then rested her elbows on the table and rubbed her brows with her thumbs. "Because, Kakashi." She raised her green eyes to meet his. "Because you're just my former teacher who appreciates my ability to write diplomatic speeches and gets a kick out of driving me crazy."

He looked at her with some mixture of disbelief and disappointment-maybe even hurt-in his eyes and shook his head. "Is that really all you think this is?" His voice was quiet, but firm.

All of a sudden, the tunnel vision was back. It was as if there were nothing else in the room but the two of them, and she couldn't turn away from his gaze. Her throat constricted almost unbearably, and her eyes were beginning to sting. She swore she could feel the heat from his body, even though he sat more than a foot away from her.

"I-" she began, then had to stop because she was afraid her voice would crack if she continued. She slammed her notebook closed and stuffed her pen roughly into her pouch, standing. "I need to go."

With that, she hurried out of the room, arms wrapped around the notebook, pressing it tightly against her chest. Kakashi watched her go, then slumped down into his chair with a sigh, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose.

* * *

Naruto found her lying face up on her couch several hours later. She hadn't bothered to turn on any lights, so the room was growing dark with the setting sun.

"Sakura-chan, quit being lame and come out to the pub! You can't just lay here all night," he whined, yanking her arm. "Besides, Shikamaru and Temari are going to be there. You haven't seen them in forever!"

Sakura groaned and pulled her arm away, rolling onto her stomach, head turned from him. "Naruto, I'm not in the mood to go out tonight."

"And that's exactly why you should!" he insisted loudly.

"That makes no sense," she grumbled into the cushion.

"Sure it does … everyone knows friends are the best things for fixing bad days," he grinned. "And if not friends, at least drinks."

She chuckled a little against her will. It was muffled by the fabric.

"Come on, Sakura-chan … it'll be fun! And anyway, I'm not leaving until you do," he declared, sitting on her butt and swinging his legs like a little kid on a chair that's too big for him.

"Oof … Naruto, you weigh a ton," Sakura groused. "And how am I supposed to leave with you squishing me into the couch?"

"Does that mean you're coming?" he asked with a broad smile, legs still kicking.

"Argh, fine, yes. You win. I'll come," Sakura raised a hand in defeat, face still smashed into the cushion.

Naruto promptly hopped off of her and waited while she dragged herself into a sitting position before shouting, "Well, let's go!" and grabbing her hand, lifting her up.

"Hold on!" she said, planting her feet to resist being forcibly hauled out the door. "I need to change and fix my hair. You can go on ahead, and I'll meet you there."

"Uh uh," Naruto tutted, shaking his head. "No way am I falling for that. I'll wait here while you get ready."

Sakura looked at the ceiling, wondering which god she'd offended recently and what she could possibly do to atone for the offense so that it would stop torturing her. "Fine. I'll be out in ten."

* * *

The pub was crowded when they arrived, but of their group, only Hinata, Ino, Kurenai and Gai were there.

"Where's Sai?" Sakura asked as she slid into the booth next to her blonde friend. Naruto took a seat across from her and wrapped an arm around his wife, who blushed but leaned into his embrace. Sakura smiled at them. Even after more than a decade, they were still adorable.

"Mission," Ino replied, taking a sip of her beer.

"Ah," Sakura acknowledged. She ordered a bottle of hot sake from the waiter, who had stopped over.

"Hey guys, let's make sure to cheer Sakura-chan up tonight. She's having a bad day," Naruto announced loudly.

Sakura slapped her palm into her forehead in embarrassment, then froze when she heard a familiar voice speaking from behind her. "Is she now? I guess we'll have to do something to fix that."

She watched as the owner of said voice pulled a chair up to her end of the table and sat down, his knee bumping hers as he did so. She jerked her leg away as if burned, but he just gave her a crinkly-eyed smile and waved at the table.

Sakura thought she might hyperventilate. The absolute last person she wanted to see right then was sitting kitty-corner to her, his body so close she could feel the warmth of his legs under the table, no matter how far she tried to move her own away … so close that that scent she'd never realized she associated with him suddenly became the only thing she could smell.

" _Is that really all you think this is?"_

His question echoed in her head. She should have known he would be there. She should have fought Naruto harder and bloody stayed home. It wasn't like she could leave now … that would look too weird. So she was stuck here. Sitting next to this-this _impossible_ man, who was no doubt plotting more ways to make her uncomfortable at that very moment. She wanted to scream, but obviously that would look even weirder than up and leaving, so she just clenched her fists tightly in her lap and prayed that the evening would go quickly.

Sakura was still focused on her thoughts when the waiter brought her sake to the table. Probably unhealthily happy to see that wonderful container of alcohol, she grabbed the bottle to pour herself a glass, but her hand was stopped by Kakashi's. His rough and calloused fingers wrapped around hers as he spoke softly, "Allow me."

Once again he had made the rest of the world disappear. She could only stare at their hands, letting hers drop to the table and following his with her eyes as he took the bottle from her and tilted it to fill her cup. When the sake almost reached the top of glass, he set the bottle down and gently pushed the cup toward her.

Somewhere in the back of her consciousness it registered that Shikamaru and Temari had arrived and were being greeted by the others in the group, but Sakura couldn't bring herself to look away from the small white glass. She stretched out her arm to take hold of the cup and bring it to her lips, letting the warm liquid slide down her throat while she tried to snap herself out of the trance he seemed to have put her in.

It was Temari's voice that finally penetrated the haze. "Hey, Sakura, how're you doing?"

The Suna kunoichi had walked over to Sakura's side of the table and bent down to give her a quick hug. Sakura gathered herself together and replied, "I'm doing well. How are you?"

Temari smiled. "Not too bad." She looked over Sakura's head to make eye contact with Shikamaru, her eyes soft. "Seems that lazy-ass husband of mine is about to have a little more trouble to deal with."

Sakura's eyes widened. "You don't mean …?"

"Yup. Thirteen weeks yesterday," Temari grinned widely.

"Oh my god, congratulations!" Sakura exclaimed, standing to give her friend a proper hug. "I'm so happy for you!" She turned to Shikamaru, who had taken a seat at the other side of the table. "Congratulations, Shikamaru!" she called out.

He nodded his head in thanks, but she was sure he was muttering "troublesome" under his breath. She shook her head, smiling. Some things would never change.

After answering a few more questions, Temari left to sit next to her husband and talk to the table about their recent trip to Suna. Sakura felt herself finally relaxing. In fact, she became so involved in the conversation that she didn't notice when Kakashi refilled her glass a second, third, and fourth time. When he went to refill it a fifth time, he found that the bottle was empty.

"Sakura-chan," he said, his voice low. She didn't respond. He reached out to wrap his fingers around her wrist. "Sakura-chan," he repeated.

Sakura finally heard him, but she didn't acknowledge it. She was too busy telling herself that it was the alcohol dulling her reaction time that kept her from snatching her wrist away at the first touch of his warm hand, but even she recognized that that reason didn't explain why she hadn't moved it even after noticing.

"Sakura," he called, brushing his thumb over the curve between her wrist and the palm of her hand.

She looked up at him and was almost overwhelmed by the heat that seemed to travel from his eyes through her entire body. She felt like her temperature had risen 5 degrees.

He gave her a half-smile. "You're out of sake."

"Oh," she breathed, finally pulling her arm away. The pattern his thumb had been tracing was doing funny things to her insides.

"Do you want me to order you another bottle?" he asked quietly.

"Um, yeah, sure, if you wouldn't mind," she said, eyes still locked on his. "I'm going to go to the restroom. I'll be back."

With some effort, she looked away from him and stood, making her way to the bathroom. Once inside, she went immediately to the sink to splash some cold water on her face. What had gotten into her? She studied her face in the mirror. Her cheeks were flushed, and her eyes were slightly hooded in that way they got when she was buzzed. If she didn't know better, she'd say she'd just finished a round of fantastic sex.

Kakashi's grey eyes suddenly popped into her head, and her face reddened further. Unwittingly, she found herself picturing those eyes as he moved above her, imagining how dark they would get in the heat of the moment, wondering what would make them roll back and close in pleasure. She bit her lip, her mouth dry.

The sound of the bathroom door opening jolted her out of her daydream as two girls entered and headed for the stalls, laughing loudly.

She stared at herself in the mirror, eyes wide with shock at what she had been thinking. How could she have been thinking about Kakashi like that? _Kakashi!_ The man who seemed to spend most of his time trying to get on her last nerve?

 _Well, I'd let him get on something at any rate …_ Inner Sakura snickered.

Oh god, now that bitch was back. Great. Perfect. Just what she needed.

Her hands gripped the sides of the sink so hard she heard the porcelain crack. This was ridiculous. She turned the water on and splashed her face again, slapping her cheeks in hopes of knocking the sense back into herself.

Feeling a little better, she dried her face with a paper towel and opened the bathroom door.

Halfway out of the restroom, she froze. There was Kakashi, leaning against the wall across from the door, his eyes unreadable in the poor lighting of the hallway.

 _Those eyes ..._

She mentally shook her head and stepped out, letting the door close behind her.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, her voice surprisingly steady.

"You seemed a little out of it; I just wanted to make sure you were okay," he replied, not moving.

"I'm fine," she said curtly, walking past him toward the dining room.

She'd barely made it a foot when she felt his hand on her arm. "What?" she growled, jerking her arm out of his grip and facing him.

Her irritation dissolved as she noticed how close he was. He was too close. Why was he that close? She backed up slowly, but Kakashi followed until she hit the wall. He rested a palm to the side of her head.

"You don't seem fine, Sakura-chan," he insisted, one silver eyebrow raised.

Why was his voice so deep? Why was it making her shiver? She put a hand on his chest to push him away, but the feeling of his muscles beneath her fingers sent a bolt of electricity through her body, and she snatched it back immediately, pressing it into the wall behind her.

He looked at her hand, then back up at her. "Am I making you nervous, Sakura-chan?"

Her breath caught in her throat. The heat in his eyes and the way they kept traveling down to her mouth stirred a desire in her that was impossible to ignore. She felt like she had a fever, and it kept rising the closer his face seemed to get, the closer those eyes seemed to get. He locked her gaze with his when he was finally close enough for his nose to brush against her own. His masked lips were now a mere centimeter from hers, and in that moment, with those lazy, charcoal-colored eyes smoldering with an unfamiliar intensity, she wanted nothing more than to find out how those lips would feel against hers, how they would feel on her jaw or burning a trail down her neck. She wanted to know so badly it almost hurt.

He was so close.

"Kakashi," she whispered. Her lips ghosted over his as she spoke.

"Hmm?" He drew back ever so slightly and let his eyes drop to her lips before he grazed her nose with his and met her eyes again. The hand not on the wall next to her head was suddenly on her hip, fingers pulling her just a little bit closer to his body.

She drew in a sharp breath.

"I-" She was finding it hard to think. She squeezed her eyes shut and tilted her head back. The movement brought their lips closer. "Oh god, I-"

And suddenly he was pulling away. An instant later, the bathroom door opened and the two chatty girls stepped out. Clearly drunk, they seemed to not even notice Kakashi and Sakura as they walked between them toward the dining room. After they had passed, the two ninja found themselves staring at each other from across the hall. Sakura was still leaning against the wall, and it was a good thing too, because she might have crumpled to the ground without its support as she realized what she had almost just done. She had almost just kissed Kakashi.

She had _almost just kissed Kakashi_.

Her throat seemed to drop into her stomach and her eyes widened as she gawked at him. He was wearing that inscrutable look he seemed to be wearing so often of late, and she wished she knew what he was thinking.

Or maybe it was better if she didn't know.

Heart racing, she peeled herself off of the wall. "Tell them I'm sick," she said, then bolted to the back exit.

Kakashi didn't stop her.

* * *

 **A/N:** So, no idea why I decided to have Temari pregnant. Maybe I just like the idea of torturing Shikamaru a little more.

Also, sorry (but kinda not sorry) for being such a tease with this chapter. :)


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N:** In my dog-lover version of the _Naruto_ universe, ninken live way longer than normal dogs, so Pakkun and crew are still hanging about. Also, we're going to finally start getting some more insight into our favorite scarecrow's thoughts.

* * *

 **Chapter 12**

Sakura had successfully managed to avoid Kakashi for three days, and in that time, she'd gotten fairly adept at blocking out thoughts of him as soon as they entered her head. She'd also been relearning how to ignore Inner Sakura, who insisted on telling her that she could avoid Kakashi for the rest of her life if she wanted, but she'd never be able to forget the other night ... the heat in his eyes, the warmth of his breath against her lips, the touch of his fingers on her hips, pulling her into him …

Sakura mentally pounded her inner self into the ground of her mind and stuck her pen roughly into her white coat pocket. She picked up the file she'd come to her office to retrieve and was about to continue her rounds when a nurse rapped lightly on the partially-opened door before poking her head through the gap to look in.

Catching Sakura's eye, the nurse pushed the door fully open and entered the office. "Sakura-sama," she said with a small bow. "We need you in exam room 8. There's a patient there who refuses to see anyone but you."

Sakura sighed. Sadly, this wasn't an uncommon occurrence; most of the Rookie 9 _and_ their former teachers had taken to insisting upon her whenever they had to visit the hospital. Shaking her head, she tucked the file into the crook of her arm and walked past the nurse and out of the office. The nurse followed behind her.

"What's the injury?" Sakura asked without stopping.

"He's got a gash across his chest from a kunai. Apparently it was a sparring accident," the nurse reported. "He won't even let us stop the bleeding … said he needed to preserve his modesty."

Sakura's heart stopped, but somehow she was able to keep her pace steady. She knew only one man who would say something outrageous like that. "Tsuki-san, you wouldn't happen to be talking about our illustrious former Hokage, would you?" she queried, glancing at the nurse out of the corner of her eye.

The nurse blushed and looked down at the tile. "Um, yes, Sakura-sama," she confirmed. "He told me not to tell you that he was the patient, but …"

"Thank you, Tsuki-san. I'm glad you did," Sakura said. And she really was; she had no idea what her reaction might have been if she hadn't had any time to prepare herself for seeing him again for the first time since …

 _Since you were a half-second away from finding out if that man's kisses are as sexy as that cocky smirk he's always wearing_ , Inner Sakura finished with a wide grin.

 _For the love of god, why won't you just go away?_ Sakura growled mentally. _I thought I was done with you years ago._

Inner Sakura shrugged, looking like she was enjoying herself way too much. Sakura glared at her.

"... Sakura-sama? We just passed room 8." Tsuki's timid voice cut into the staring contest Sakura was having with her inner self.

"Ah, oh, right. Thank you, Tsuki-san. I seem to be a little distracted today," Sakura explained with a fake smile and a small laugh as she turned back toward the correct room.

"Completely understandable, Sakura-sama. You're always so busy!" Tsuki nodded sympathetically. She opened the exam room door and handed Sakura a clipboard. "Here's his chart. Let me know if you need any assistance, Sakura-sama. I'm happy to help."

Sakura didn't miss the way the petite girl's cheeks flushed lightly as her eyes flickered toward the patient before she left the room. She frowned, suddenly feeling irritated. Had he always elicited those kinds of reactions in women, and she'd just never noticed? And how old was Tsuki-san anyway? She was probably half Kakashi's age … there was no reason for her to be blushing over an old pervert like him.

Still glowering, Sakura flipped over the first page on the clipboard and turned toward her obnoxious patient. When she finally looked up, though, she was stunned to see that the gash, while shallow, ran across his chest from just under his right rib cage almost to his left collarbone. Small rivulets of blood were still trickling from parts of the wound.

"Kakashi! What the hell happened?" she cried out, dropping the chart onto the counter and moving to stand in front of him, lifting the jagged edge of his shirt to expose the cut.

He was sitting on the exam table, hands curled around its edges, torn shirt hanging loosely from his body. His posture was only fractionally more hunched than usual, but it was enough to tell her that he was in pain.

He gave her a wry smile. "Well, I had some … frustrations … to work out, so I thought it would be fun to have a Rokudaime versus Nanadaime Hokage sparring session."

"Are you mad? You know Naruto still gets carried away sometimes, especially if he's sparring with someone like you!" she scolded as she quickly set to cutting off his shirt.

Once it was removed, she pushed his shoulders back slightly to get a better look at the wound. He winced. "Ouch, Sakura-chan. That hurts."

"Quiet. It's your own damn fault," she said sharply, not sparing him a glance as she examined the gash. "Alright, I need to clean this out first. You've got dirt and bits of rock and … is that dog fur?" She reached out and pulled away a stray hair, holding it up to the light. "Dog fur," she sighed, letting it fall to the ground beside the exam table and turning toward the counter to put together the disinfecting supplies.

Out of habit, he started to raise his arm to scratch the back of his head sheepishly, but immediately thought the better of it as the slight movement sent a shock of pain across his chest. He clenched his jaw briefly before forcing his eyes to crinkle in his usual smile, even though her back was to him. "Well, I couldn't very well leave Pakkun and the others out of such an epic battle," he protested.

"You are _impossible_ ," she groused, grabbing a bottle of rubbing alcohol from the cabinet and setting it next to the other supplies she'd placed on a tray.

Picking up the tray, she put it down on the far end of the exam table and told him to turn so that he would be sitting of the broad side of the table rather than the end. He obeyed, his movement awkward as he tried to avoid causing himself more pain. With her supplies now easily within reach at his side, she began disinfecting the wound.

"So where is the overzealous Nanadaime now? Shouldn't he be in here too? I can't imagine he's uninjured if you look like this," she questioned, eyes focused on her task.

"Ah, ha ha …" Kakashi chuckled nervously. "I think he's still resting on the training grounds."

Sakura lifted her head to shoot him a raised eyebrow, hand paused. "Ka-ka-shi …" she warned.

"Ah, well, you see, I might have knocked him unconscious …" he creased his eyes at her, but he knew she was having none of it.

" … And you just _left_ him there?" Her voice was low and carried a subtle threat of bodily harm to come as she spoke.

"No!" he replied immediately, then looked up at the ceiling. " … Well, kind of. I sent Pakkun to get help."

She blinked. "You sent Pakkun to get help."

He nodded, smiling uncertainly. "Yes?"

She flattened her palm against her forehead. "Kakashi, he could have a concussion! You can't just leave him out there! Dear god, you're old enough to know this … or your birth certificate says you are at any rate!"

Kakashi waved his hands in front of her, trying not to flinch at the pain as he did so. "No, no, no, Sakura-chan … I used a genjutsu," he explained quickly. "He's fine! …" He paused, furrowing his brows. "Well, physically …"

She bopped him on the head reproachingly. "Kakashi!"

"I'm just kidding, Sakura-chan. It wasn't a _traumatizing_ genjutsu …" he reassured her, smiling innocently.

She gave him a flat look. "I hate you."

Returning her attention to cleaning his wound, grumbling about the way he always made her worry unnecessarily, she didn't see the tender, amused look on his face as he gazed down at the top of her head.

* * *

A few minutes later, Sakura placed the swab onto the tray and straightened up. "Okay, I'm going to heal it now," she told him as she channeled chakra to her hands. He nodded, and she held her glowing palms about an inch from his chest. His flesh instantly began to knit itself back together.

As she watched the cut close, Sakura was for the first time extremely unhappy that she had become so used to healing injuries like this that she barely had to concentrate. Unlike the disinfecting process, which required her to stay focused in order to ensure that she cleaned the wound completely, the chakra-healing part left her with way too much unoccupied attention for her to avoid noticing Kakashi's muscular chest and incredibly toned abs.

Even as she tried to keep her eyes from trailing over his body, she was once again uncomfortably aware of how close he was to her, and she was dismayed to discover that she liked the way he smelled when he was sweaty and dirty from sparring.

Like _really_ liked it …

She was beginning to get that tunnel vision that she seemed so often to get around him. The more she was unable to keep her eyes off of him and the more she inhaled his scent, the more the rest of the room seemed to fade away around her.

Absently, she realized that she'd never had cause to consider the concept of a "clean sweat" before, but there was probably no better way to describe the raw, masculine scent that was nearly overwhelming her. As if it were a drug, with each intake of breath, she found it that much harder to stop her gaze from drifting over his body, that much harder to stop herself from shortening the distance between them, that much harder to stop herself from leaning forward and nuzzling her nose against his neck.

* * *

With the calming sensation of her warm chakra flowing through his body, Kakashi watched Sakura's shifting facial expressions as her eyes ambled from the gash on his chest down over the ridges of his abdomen. He watched her catch herself several times, always returning her gaze quickly to the wound, only to let it travel from there to his collarbone or to his shoulders or back to his abs moments later. Wearing a devious grin, he couldn't resist shifting _just so_ to make his muscles clench, and he was rewarded with a blush and the slight parting of her lips.

* * *

Sakura couldn't help that her mouth went dry at the way his abs tightened when he resituated himself. They were, she had to admit, damn near perfect. As was his chest. And his shoulders. Even at 44, he maintained that balance between bulk and tone that she had always found difficult to resist. Truth be told, there was something about his upper body that was more appealing to her than her husband's. Sasuke was in incredible shape, there was no questioning that, but looking at Kakashi, she realized that maybe she preferred a longer torso, a leaner frame.

And the way he smelled …

Inner Sakura was getting a kick out of imagining what it would be like to press her hands against his chest and run her fingers over each ridge on his abdomen down to where his pants fell low on his hips.

Sakura bit her lip. Thanks to her rotten inner self, Kakashi's proximity, and (Inner Sakura pointed out gleefully) his shirtlessness, the craving she had felt the night before had returned tenfold. As she stared at his hard body, she could feel the heat of desire growing in her nipples and pulsing between her legs, and with each movement he made, the desire became more like pain. Having him that close yet not hers to touch was some sort of torture she'd never known existed.

As if he could read her thoughts, he stretched slightly, muscles expanding and then contracting, and suddenly Sakura wasn't sure she had ever wanted anything more than she wanted to spread her legs over his lap right then. At that moment, she wanted those abs between her thighs with a lust so fierce she wasn't sure she hadn't been hit with some kind of genjutsu.

* * *

After stretching (intentionally, of course), Kakashi saw Sakura's eyes pause on his lower abs, then stop where his skin met his pants. He waited for her to jerk her gaze back up, as she had repeatedly over the last twenty minutes, but she didn't, and she seemed to be breathing more shallowly than before. He was far from an innocent man, and thoughts of what might be running through her mind and making her breathless as she studied that area of his body so intently had him struggling not to get hard.

He had to credit a lifetime of denying himself things that he wanted with the near-miracle that somehow he managed …

However, knowing that even his iron willpower would truly be put to the test if they remained like this for much longer, Kakashi was incredibly relieved to realize that his wound was healed.

"Sakura, I think it's done now," he said quietly, lifting an arm to gently clasp one of her hands in his, his fingers on the back of her hand and his thumb resting against her palm.

The green glow of her chakra faded, but she didn't lower her arms, and she didn't say anything. When she finally raised her eyes to his, Kakashi was stunned by the heat in them, and even his renowned willpower couldn't stop the bolt of desire it sent straight down to his groin.

* * *

The warmth of his hand wrapping around hers only fanned the flames of the acute desire burning through her body, and she knew he could see it when she looked up at him. She watched his gaze widen and then darken, and the sight of those grey eyes the way she had imagined them the night before had her unwittingly stepping closer to him. His grip tightened at her movement, and he couldn't stop himself from bringing her hand to his chest.

As if in a trance, Sakura let her other hand fall, the tips of her fingers brushing over his skin before coming to settle on his thigh. His eyes, locked on hers, grew darker still as he let go of her wrist and dropped his hand inside her white coat to her waist.

"Sakura …" he said in a low, rough voice that had her inching even closer. His fingers pressed into her lower back, making her arch ever so slightly.

The hand on his thigh clutched unconsciously at the fabric of his pants as the one he'd left on his chest slowly, without her permission, traced up over his collarbone and circled to the back of his head, where her fingers sank into his hair, her thumb lightly massaging the side of his neck. He slid his other arm under hers to grasp her hip.

She stood now between his thighs with both of his hands under her coat and resting low on her waist, but she wanted him closer. Unwilling or unable to stop (she refused to determine which), her eyes dropped to his mouth, and the hand in his hair blindly coaxed his head down even as she used the leverage to draw herself forward. The hand on his thigh drifted up to his jawline, and he tugged her flush against his body, his own need to feel her becoming overwhelming.

"Sakura …" he repeated darkly, his hold on her waist tightening.

Eyes transfixed by his mouth, she traced his bottom lip with her thumb as she whispered, "I just …"

 _Just once. I have to know …_

When her lips met his, she was hit with a nearly crippling wave of desire.

She pulled back instinctively with a sharp intake of breath, eyes wide, only to find herself caught in his gaze. Her eyes widened further - he had never looked at her that way before. _No one_ had ever looked at her that way before. The raw hunger she saw in those charcoal depths was frightening and intoxicating and that brief kiss wasn't enough. Her eyes drifted shut as she wrapped her arms around him and dragged his mouth to hers with a soft moan.

One large hand slid up her back to cup her head, holding her still as he deepened the kiss, nipping at her lower lip and pressing her body into his with his other hand on the small of her back. Her hands fisted in his hair as she let the tip of her tongue slip out to dance with his.

With a low groan, Kakashi's fingers moved to her shoulders to push off her coat, and his mouth left hers to trail across her jaw to her neck. She tilted her head back to bare more of her throat to him and dropped her arms. Leaving warm kisses along her neck, he ran his hands over her shoulders and down her triceps to her wrists, taking the coat with him.

When it hit the ground with a rustle, he kissed his way back to her mouth and lifted her arms to drape them around his neck again, then pulled her in tightly, pressing their chests together as he slanted his mouth fully across hers.

* * *

She'd thought all those ridiculous _Icha Icha_ books had been exaggerating when they described a kiss that could make you feel like you were on fire, but apparently that was only because she'd never experienced it. This, now, the way his lips moved with hers, the way one large hand splayed in between her shoulder blades and the other traced a path down past the small of her back to grip her ass, the roughness of his stubble against her chin and the softness of his tongue dipping into her mouth to slide against her own … she had never felt more in danger of burning up than she did in his arms. Her entire body was being consumed by the need to be _closer_ , to be enveloped by him, for him to _do something_ about the blaze in her belly.

His hand rose to tangle in her hair, tugging her head back so he could nip at her neck. "Sakura .. God, Sakura …" he groaned between kisses. " … _I want you_." After trailing his tongue up to her ear, he sucked the lobe into his mouth before giving it a quick bite. "I want _all_ of you …"

His voice was deep and dark and she thought she might come just from those words and the tickle of his warm breath. Her hands had fallen to grasp at his waist, and she was close enough to feel that he was hard.

 _Very_ hard.

And oh, how she wanted that inside her … She wanted him to pull down her shorts and take out his cock and lift her onto his lap, filling her and pushing up into her over and over so that she might finally get some relief from the flames threatening to engulf her.

"Kakashi …" she sighed needily as he brought his other hand down to grab her rear. "Kakashi, please …"

In response, he smashed his mouth against hers as he moved his hands to her thighs and hoisted her up, spreading her legs and setting her on his lap.

They leaned back, lips only an inch apart, breathing ragged, and looked at each other as they took a moment to appreciate the feeling of their bodies connecting where they needed it most.

Without breaking eye contact, he guided her into rolling against him, and the sensation was too much to keep them from closing their eyes. As she rolled her hips a second time, their mouths met again in a gentle, unhurried kiss.

"Sakura …" he murmured against her lips, hands pressing into her ass and pushing her down onto him as she continued to move slowly. "Sakura, I-"

"Sakura-sama, we've got an emergency. Are you almost finished with Kakashi-sama?" Tsuki's voice came suddenly from the other side of the door.

At the sound, Sakura jumped off of Kakashi like a startled cat, mouth open in shock as she tried to regain her bearings. Somehow (probably as a result of years of ninja training), her frazzled mind managed to come up with a response. "Ah, yes, Tsuki-san," she said, controlling her breathing as well as she could while staring at Kakashi. "We're just wrapping up. I'll be out in a minute."

Her eyes didn't leave his as, only half-consciously, she ran her fingers through her hair and straightened her clothing. It wasn't until she bent down to pick up her coat from the floor that she finally broke eye contact, but she couldn't seem to look away; her bewildered gaze shot back to his own unsettled one as soon as she had the coat in her hands. Mechanically, she dusted it off and slipped it over her shoulders. She picked up his file from the counter and backed toward the door before finally turning and lifting the handle.

Neither of them said anything as she left the room.

 **A/N 2:** Yeah, so that got a little out of hand.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N:** Well, this was finished quicker than I expected ...

* * *

 **Chapter 13**

Sakura sat huddled on her couch, feet on the cushion, toes curled, legs tucked into her chest. Her face was buried in her knees, and her hands clenched and unclenched the hair at the top of her head. She looked like she wanted simultaneously to crawl into herself, making her body as small as possible so she could hide from the world, and to climb out of her own skin, as if it were impossible for her physical form to contain everything she was feeling at that moment.

Kakashi hadn't seen her like this in years, and it cut into him like a kunai to the stomach.

* * *

He could tell the instant she noticed his presence in her house by the way she burrowed further into herself, pulling her feet in closer and pushing her head down as low as she could get it.

"Kakashi ... go away," she said. Her words were barely more than a whisper, but the audible emotional fatigue they carried gave them all the force of a command.

... Yet it was one that he could not follow. Stepping fully into her living room and sitting on the couch across from her, he watched, heart aching, as she tried to make herself tinier still.

"Sakura ..." he began, but stopped when she let her hands slip from her hair to grasp her knees tightly and raised her head.

Even had he wanted to, he wouldn't have been able to hide the pain he felt at the anguished look she gave him.

He hated the tear tracks staining her cheeks and the way her beautiful green eyes were rimmed in red, and he hated that those same eyes instantly filled with water as she met his gaze. But perhaps more than anything, he hated the way she couldn't keep them from overflowing when her voice, hoarse from crying, broke as she tried to speak. "I _can't_ ... Kakashi ... I _can't_ right now."

Her teary face was pleading with him to leave her alone, but he couldn't, not yet. She needed to know first. As much as it hurt him to hurt her with his presence, she needed to know.

"Sakura, I meant what I said earlier ... that I want all of you," he told her with uncharacteristically raw honesty.

She let out a humorless laugh and gave him a small, ironic smile. "Yeah, you want me ... I think that was pretty clear."

The smile faded along with the sound of her voice, and her eyes filled again with tears, which spilled silently over her cheeks as she rested her chin between her knees and looked down, bottom lip quivering and fingers digging into her thighs with the effort of holding back sobs.

He wanted to wipe those tears away with his thumbs and pull her into his arms as he had done that night four years ago, but he knew that there was a greater chance of his touch making her feel worse than of it making her feel better this time. He had no choice but to talk to her with a coffee table between them.

"Sakura," he said deliberately. "I mean that I want to be for you everything that Sasuke isn't."

Her glistening eyes lifted in confusion, and he met them with a tender gaze as he explained, "I want to hold you and go out with you and spar with you and tease you until you blush ..."

He looked thoughtful for a moment before adding, " ... or punch me." One corner of his mouth quirked fondly. "I want to watch you leave on missions and be there to welcome you home when you return. I want to help you raise Sarada-chan ... and maybe keep you from destroying any more houses in the process."

He paused to study her face, comforted to see that her tears were drying up while she kept her eyes on his.

Leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, his expression completely open for once, he made sure that he had her full attention as he finished. "Sakura, when I say that I want all of you, that's what I mean: I want to share all those moments with you ... I want to share a _life_ with you."

* * *

She could only stare at him. In the span of a few weeks, he had gone from familiar, annoying Kakashi, former Hokage and erstwhile teacher, to a man who made her lose control of her senses and do things she would never normally do, to someone she felt she almost didn't know at all - a stranger with Kakashi's face who looked at her like she was everything he had ever wished for while he told her that he wanted a life with her.

Was this, what she was seeing in his deep grey eyes right now, what he had been hiding with all those unreadable looks?

Whether it was or it wasn't, she couldn't have articulated the thoughts swirling around her head if someone were holding a kunai against her throat, and for the first time since she had reappeared, Inner Sakura too seemed to be at a loss.

They sat there in silence for several minutes, just watching each other over the coffee table. Finally, one thought managed to cohere amidst the jumble that was her mind.

"I'm married," she said, almost as if it were a novel concept.

"I know," he replied simply, his eyes inscrutable again.

"No, I mean, I'm _married_ , Kakashi," she insisted. "You can't ... you can't just go saying things like that to me!"

She stood, her voice gaining volume. "You can't say things like that to me, you can't give me those stupid heated, confusing looks, and you can't ... dammit, Kakashi! You can't kiss me!"

She was full-on pacing by the end of her outburst, steadily wearing a hole in the carpet between the coffee table and the couch she'd been sitting on.

"Or _I_ can't be kissing _you_..." she muttered, talking more to herself than to him now. "Or both ..."

She ran her fingers through her hair. "I'm _married_ ... I can't believe ... What was I _thinking_?! How could I ... Sasuke ..."

Her thoughts and her movements were halted abruptly by a hard chest blocking her path. She looked up, out of breath, as Kakashi set his hands on her shoulders.

"Sakura ... _Stop._ " His tone allowed for no arguments.

When he was satisfied that she wasn't going to resume her frantic pacing, he allowed his hands drop to his sides, but he didn't step back.

Instead, using the shorter distance between them to capture her eyes with his, he said, "Sakura, I'm quite aware that you're married. That's why I ..."

He cut himself off. "Well, in any case, I'm not trying to tell you what to do. I just want you to see that you deserve a better life than Sasuke's giving you right now. If you understand that and you still think he is or can be what you need, then I'll have to live with that. But if you wake up one morning and decide that you want more, I'm here."

He tilted her face toward his with two fingers under her chin. "I'll always be here," he murmured, letting his hand slide up to cup her face gently. His thumb caressed her cheek as his eyes traveled briefly to her lips before he met her gaze again.

Giving her a soft smile, he withdrew his hand to put it in his pocket and turned to leave.

Sakura's fingers rose unconsciously to touch the place his hand had been as she watched him step out the door.

* * *

When she found herself alone again, the only clear thought she had was that she was utterly, completely exhausted ... physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted.

She allowed that sole thought to direct her to her bed, where, still in her work clothes, she fell into a deep and mercifully dreamless sleep.

* * *

 **A/N 2:** You knew there had to be angst coming, didn't you? There will be more of that as we continue with the story, but no worries, there'll be a lot of sexual tension and a fair amount of smut too. Til next time!


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

When Sakura awoke, it was just after dawn, and the streets were blanketed in a warm fog. Unable to fall back asleep, she changed into a pair of loose shorts and a tank top and decided to go for a walk. After grabbing a light cardigan from the coat rack by the door, she left the house.

With no particular goal in mind, Sakura let herself wander the empty streets. Through the fog, she could see the dew that had formed on the plants and objects she passed, and she absently traced her finger across the handle of a bicycle propped against a light post while she walked by. Without stopping, she rubbed the water she'd picked up between her finger and her thumb for a moment before wiping them dry on her shorts.

She had to assume that she was still in a state of shock, because her mind refused to process anything more than her surroundings. If she tried to think about Kakashi and all that had happened the day before or if she tried to think about Sasuke, out wandering wherever he was wandering, she found that she was capable only of mustering up the vaguest of images of either man before they drifted away and she was left observing a sign posted in a store window or the way the branches of a tree fell over the street or the color of the sky as it grew lighter.

* * *

The fog was beginning to lift by the time she made it to the edge of town, but it was an overcast morning, so the world still appeared dreamlike ... what few sounds there were seemed muted, and everything was washed in shades of blue and grey. Even the green leaves of the trees looked desaturated in the misty morning light.

Sakura felt like the only person in the world, and it was both comforting and very lonely.

* * *

She hadn't realized she'd been approaching the cenotaph until she saw his lanky form standing in front of it. He didn't seem to have noticed her, and she found herself rooted to the ground several yards away, captivated by his stillness. With wisps of fog wrapping around him, blending in with his hair, and his dark blue clothes matching the somber mood of the morning, he seemed unreal to her ... more a shadowy figure in a dream than a living person.

How many times had he visited this place over the last thirty years? She knew he went almost every day when he was in the village. Even after the events with Obito during the fourth ninja war, he continued to go, spending anywhere from ten minutes to three hours in front of the cold stone.

She wondered if he still felt guilty, and she felt a quiet aching in her heart at the thought that he might. He had sacrificed so much and punished himself for so long; he, perhaps more than anyone she knew, deserved peace.

 _"I just want you to see that you deserve a better life than Sasuke's giving you right now."_

A part of her knew he was right ... he deserved peace, and she deserved a fulfilling relationship. But she loved Sasuke, and she had made a commitment to him. He wasn't gone because he didn't love her; he, like Kakashi, had simply suffered too much.

 _Kakashi's still here though ... and he always has been,_ Inner Sakura noted quietly. _He's never run away._

 _Sasuke isn't running away,_ Sakura argued, but even she didn't hear any conviction in it.

 _"I'll always be here,"_ Kakashi had said.

And she believed him ... He'd never given her any reason to think he wouldn't be. She just didn't understand where all the other stuff came from. Why did he want "all of her," as he'd put it? When did he start to feel that way about her?

She stared at his back, a sort of helpless confusion swirling in her mind. Who was he really? She'd thought she'd known him, but she never would have thought he'd say something like he did the day before, especially not to her. Kakashi didn't express emotions, yet yesterday he had been so open. He loved to tease her, she knew, but he would never tease her about something like that.

And then there was his kiss. Now that the haze of desire wasn't clouding her mind, she could recognize that she'd felt more there ... She'd gotten the sense of an almost desperate need from him that went beyond simple lust, and it scared her.

He'd looked so honest when he'd told her he wanted to share a life with her ...

Her eyes started welling up with tears. She was so very confused. In that moment, something inside of her wanted nothing more than to run up to him and wrap her arms around him, letting her cheek rest against his strong back and feeling his hands cover hers as they held onto his stomach ... she wanted the comfort and security he'd always given her.

But she couldn't. It didn't matter what he'd said or how she felt just then; she was married. And Sasuke was a good man. All she needed to do was have that talk with him when he came home, and everything would work out.

 _If you really think that, why does your chest hurt so much right now?_ Inner Sakura asked.

Sakura didn't respond. Instead, she wiped the tears from her eyes and turned away from the silver-haired man to walk back home.

* * *

Kakashi knew she was watching him, but he didn't acknowledge her; if she wanted to talk to him, she would. He'd already pushed her too much ...

He kicked himself again for getting carried away the day before. He'd wanted her to kiss him ... he just hadn't expected the need to hit him so hard once she did. Having her lips finally on his had proven to be more than he could handle, and he hated himself for it. What he'd intended to be a brief, gentle kiss to get her to open up to the idea of him had turned into a heated makeout session that had scared her and made her feel so guilty that she'd cried ... for a long while, he suspected.

And then he'd had to confess to her sooner than he'd planned ... he'd had no choice after what happened in the hospital. He couldn't let her think it was only physical for him.

He sighed quietly. Forty-four years old, and he had probably screwed everything up because he couldn't keep a hold on his libido like some horny teenager.

He clenched his teeth. He would never forgive himself if he lost any chance he might have had with her because of it.

* * *

When he smelled her tears, his heart sank. Just seeing him made her cry. He really was a fool.

It took everything in him to keep from turning to comfort her. He knew it wasn't the right time for that, that where they went from here had to be her decision, but that knowledge didn't make it any easier to be so close and yet unable to make things right.

It was with mixed feelings that he heard her walk away without saying anything to him. He wanted to be near her, but when all his presence did was cause her pain, it was probably best that he leave her be.

With a sigh, he left the cenotaph to return to his apartment. He could only hope that she would be able to forgive him by the time he returned from Amegakure ...

* * *

 **A/N:** No action in this one, but we needed to get an idea of their states of mind before we moved forward, so it was necessary. Hopefully not too boring.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

Kakashi had left for Amegakure the day after Sakura had watched him standing in the fog in front of the cenotaph.

That was over three weeks ago.

She'd never seen the final copy of his speech.

But in his absence, she found to her chagrin that she missed him. As much as he drove her crazy and as confusing as things had been between them of late, she had genuinely enjoyed spending time with him. She liked the way they bantered, the way he could always seem to make her smile, even when he was doing his level best to piss her off. Dinners seemed lonelier too, especially when Sarada was on a mission.

Truthfully, Sakura was surprised by how quickly she'd gotten used to seeing him almost every day, and even Sarada had asked when he would be back ... She'd said she'd come up with a foolproof plan to see his face and couldn't wait to try it out, but somehow Sakura suspected that was only part of it.

Sarada's question made Sakura think about the lack of a consistent adult male's presence in her daughter's life, and though she'd worried about it before, it had never seemed like too big a deal; Sarada did very well in the academy, and she'd contributed much to the success of the missions she'd gone on as a genin.

Admittedly, Sakura had started to become more concerned after Sarada left to find Sasuke, but it wasn't until she saw how her daughter was around Kakashi that she began to think that perhaps it was more of an issue than she'd realized ... Though Sarada was a good ninja and a strong, independent girl, it didn't mean she didn't need - or want - a father.

If only Sasuke would come home to stay ...

 _Would that really be enough now though?_ Inner Sakura asked bluntly. _It's not like Sasuke is the easiest person to develop a relationship with, and they'll essentially be starting from scratch, whereas she already has a relationship with Kakashi._

 _A girl deserves a relationship with her_ _ **father**_ , Sakura said firmly. _And why are we talking about Kakashi as if he's actually a possible father figure?_

Inner Sakura gave her a flat look. _Do I really have to answer that?_

 _Kakashi is Kakashi,_ Sakura retorted with a blush (of anger, she told herself). _He's not Sarada's father._

 _He's been more of one than her biological father has ..._ Inner Sakura pointed out snidely. _And she trusts him._

Sakura glowered. _We just need Sasuke to stay, so she can get to know him. She'll trust him too once they've spent some time together,_ she responded.

Inner Sakura was clearly becoming frustrated, as she raised her voice and started pulling at her imaginary hair. _How can you possibly believe he's ever actually going to stay? Are you really that stupid?_

 _He'll understand why it's important if I just talk to him about it,_ Sakura insisted with a frown.

 _Oh, you mean, like he has all those other times you've brought it up?_ Inner Sakura sneered.

 _Shut. Up._ Sakura growled. _Just shut. Up. These are the choices I've made._

 _Yeah, well, it's not too late to change things,_ Inner Sakura grumbled.

Sakura threw up her fists angrily. _Shut up already! You are the bane of my existence, and I would yank you out of my head if I thought there were a way to do it without killing myself ... These are the choices I've made; they're the_ _ **right**_ _ones, and you're just going to have to accept that. If you can't, then you can go back to whatever miserable corner of my mind you were hiding in for so many years and Fuck. Off._

 _Tsk tsk, Sakura-chan ... such language is unbecoming of the wife of an Uchiha,_ Inner Sakura taunted.

Inner Sakura was spared strangulation only because of the sudden appearance of a bewhiskered face about six inches from Sakura's own. A pair of bright blue eyes smiled at her. "Sakura-chan! Why are you just sitting out here all by yourself?"

Sakura looked around as if just realizing where she was and supposed it was a legitimate question ...

 _Though not one that would have been posed to Kakashi,_ Inner Sakura interjected.

 _Will you stop thinking about that man for one bloody second!_ Sakura screamed mentally.

"Sakura-chan?" Naruto's face had gotten closer while Sakura was yelling at her inner self.

She sighed, leaning her head back against the trunk of the tree amidst whose branches she currently rested. "I was just thinking, Naruto. Communing with nature and all that." She waved a hand dismissively.

Naruto looked concerned. "I think you've been spending too much time with Kaka-sensei, Sakura-chan ..." he said.

"Will everyone please quit talking about Kakashi?!" Sakura shouted, jumping out of the tree. "And for god's sake, Naruto, he was only our teacher for like a year ... Stop calling him 'sensei'!"

Naruto looked at her from the branch he was still perched on, blinking owlishly, completely bewildered. "Who else is talking about Kaka-sensei, Sakura-chan?"

Sakura clenched her fists and tried to calm her temper. "Nevermind, Naruto. What do you want?"

He hopped down to stand beside her. "I just wanted to see if you were coming out to grab drinks with us tonight," he smiled.

At that moment, Sakura thought a drink sounded amazing. "Sure. What time are you guys meeting up?" she asked.

"Mm ... probably around 9. Hinata doesn't want to be out too late tonight," he replied.

Sakura nodded. "Okay, I'll see you then."

"Awesome!" Naruto beamed, then darted away.

* * *

Sakura was drunk. There was no better way to describe her current state ... but plenty of worse ones.

"Juished. Three sheetsss to th' wind. Ssshlosh ... er, sloshhhed ..." she muttered as she made her way home.

 _Blitzed. Tanked. Smashed._ Inner Sakura contributed helpfully. _Boozy. Liquored up._

"S'right ... Wasssted ... Tank - hic - tanked ..."

"Sakura-chan, what are you doing?"

Sakura stopped walking to stand rather unsteadily as she squinted to make out Kakashi's masked face in the dim glow of the streetlights.

"'Kashi?" she asked, wobbling a little. "What're y - hic - you doin' here? Aren'tchu sposed t' be in Ame, gettin' rain - hic - rained on?" Giggling drunkenly at a mental image of Kakashi sitting out in a downpour like an oversized wet dog, she had to catch herself on the lamppost to keep from falling off the sidewalk.

Her other side was immediately steadied by his arm locking with hers. He sighed. "Come on, let's get you home."

He made a mental note to chew out all of their friends for letting her walk home alone in this condition, though he suspected she probably hadn't given them much choice ... her drunken fists might not have been as stellar as Lee's, but they were nothing to be scoffed at. Especially when she was too drunk to properly control her chakra ...

Keeping his arm around hers, he helped her make it back to her house without falling on her ass. By the time they arrived, she had almost passed out.

He opened the door and directed her inside to her bedroom, where he sat her down on her bed and began taking off her shoes. She managed to sit up for all of a minute before she flopped backward with a hiccup and a giggle.

"'Kashi, that tickles," she complained, but her voice was smiling as she squirmed when he went to remove her socks.

Having finally dispensed with her shoes and socks, he lifted her up to rest her head on her pillow and pulled the covers over her. Eyes closed, she hummed as he swept away a stray lock of hair from her forehead.

"You're going to feel horrible tomorrow, you silly woman," he murmured affectionately, watching her drift off to sleep.

With one last brush of his fingers over her cheek, he turned to leave, but her voice stopped him. Half-asleep, she raised her head a bit and said, "'Kashi ... stay. I don't wanna be alone."

He was dumbfounded, and although he knew she wasn't talking about sex, he couldn't keep a tingling heat from spreading throughout his body at her words. Staring wide-eyed at her and wrestling with himself, he gently told her that he couldn't. "I want to, Sakura, more than anything, but I don't want you to hate me in the morning or have any regrets."

She just let her head fall back and rolled onto to her side. "N' regrets. Won't hate chu. Come lay with me, 'Kashi," she mumbled half into her pillow.

Kakashi was lost ... he couldn't find it in himself to refuse her when she asked like that. Besides, he could always leave in the morning before she woke up, and maybe she'd forget it or think it was a dream ... right?

Taking off his flack vest, hitai-ate, mask, and shoes, he climbed into the bed beside her, staying above the blankets. Once settled, he crossed his hands behind his head and laid back on the pillow, facing the ceiling.

He really wasn't sure what he was doing. He didn't want to push things like he had in the hospital, but the thought of sleeping next to her, and at her request no less, was nigh irresistible.

* * *

... And then she turned onto her other side and draped an arm across him while nuzzling her head into that little dip between his chest and his shoulder. He froze.

"Smell good, 'Kashi. D'I ever tell you tha'?" she said, moving her head in closer and breathing in deeply.

His cock couldn't help but stir at her movements, and the idea that she liked the way he smelled made his heart skip a beat. His fingers fairly itched with the need to touch her ... He wanted to roll her over and pin her down while he kissed her more thoroughly than she'd ever been kissed before. He wanted to run his hands all over her body and then follow those paths with his tongue until he brought her to orgasm.

And then he wanted to slide his cock into her inch by inch, watching her green eyes cloud with pleasure as he filled her, keeping his pace slow until she was begging him to go faster and harder and deeper.

He groaned quietly. She was torturing him with her soft breaths warming his chest and her fingers clutching lightly at his shirt below his collarbone. If he allowed himself, he could even feel her breasts pressed against his side.

Needing to relieve at least some of the desire he was feeling, he let his arm down to wrap loosely around her back, and he couldn't believe how perfect she felt as she snuggled closer. He half-wished this moment could last forever ...

But his thoughts were interrupted when she spoke suddenly. "Mmhm. Stay like this. But no kissing, 'Kashi ... can't kiss you." Her grip tightened on his shirt and her forehead wrinkled as she sighed softly. "Even 'f I might want to ... Can't kiss you ..."

She really was torturing him. At her words and the memory of the exam room that they evoked, his breathing grew shallow. He was fully erect now, and he didn't know how he was going to get it to go down with her so close to him.

He was tempted to get up and go to the bathroom to take care of himself, but he didn't want to leave her when she had asked him to stay. This was the woman he loved; he had to control his sex drive when he was around her if he ever wanted to have a chance with her. He'd already lost control once; he didn't want to add jacking off in her bathroom while she slept in the next room to the mix.

He'd just have to force himself to go to sleep and be happy that she was allowing this much.

With a belabored sigh, he began concentrating on her steady breathing, trying to match his to hers, until eventually his erection faded, and he fell asleep.

* * *

 **A/N:** A smidge limey. This story is going to start earning its M rating soon, so those of you who don't enjoy that sort of thing, beware.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

The first thing that Sakura noticed when she awoke the next morning was that her stomach was churning.

The second thing that she noticed was that her head was pounding.

Staying on her side to avoid upsetting her stomach any further, she began channeling chakra to the two problem areas to relieve her hangover. A couple of minutes later, no longer feeling like she was about to throw up while Gamabunta's grandkids used her head as a practice launching pad, Sakura took a moment to bless Tsunade-shishou for teaching her how to get rid of the aftereffects of overindulging in sake … and then she took a moment to curse her for introducing her to the stuff in the first place.

It was at the end of her brief but colorful mental malediction that Sakura noticed a third thing … there was a man's hand on her hip. With this realization, her stomach began churning again, but this time, it was more in a butterfly-swarm sort of way than an about-to-be-sick sort of way.

Although she was afraid to confirm her suspicions regarding the owner of the hand, Sakura slowly, hesitantly opened her eyes to find a pair of grey ones looking back at her. She immediately squeezed her eyes shut again, hoping irrationally that the next time she opened them, she would see only a pillow as usual. However, the knowledge that she would have no such luck set her heart racing in a strange mix of despair and anticipation, and Inner Sakura insisted on pointing out that the place on her hip where his hand rested was tingling in a not-entirely-unpleasant fashion.

"Sakura … I know you're awake," the deep voice in front of her said bluntly.

Opening one eye, then the other, Sakura met Kakashi's familiar gaze. Though he was hiding it well, his eyes, which were made more slate grey than charcoal by the soft morning light, conveyed uncertainty, and she could tell that his muscles were tensed, as if he were preparing to run at a moment's notice. Despite this, however, he remained in the bed, on his side, facing her, his hand still on her hip. He seemed to be waiting for her to make a move.

Perhaps it was the lingering effects of the hangover or perhaps it was that she wasn't quite awake yet, Sakura wasn't sure, but even with her heart racing, she didn't feel like she was about to hyperventilate, and she didn't have an urge to fly out of the bed and get as far away from him as possible. In fact, she found herself saying the first thing that came to mind: "Hi."

"Hi," he replied, corners of his eyes creasing upward briefly in a subtle form of his usual smile.

For some reason, she couldn't stop a genuine smile of her own from gracing her lips. She knew she should be freaking out, and she figured that she would sooner or later, but for the moment, she just lay there, feeling warm and fuzzy as she stared at the handsome silver-haired man.

"How did your speech go?" she asked, eyes still locked with his.

"Mmm," he began, glancing toward the headboard, "Well, I didn't start a war …"

She shook her head at him, lip quirked in exasperated amusement. "I'm glad to hear it," she said with an affectionate eye-roll.

On some level, Sakura was aware that it should have felt weirder to be carrying on a conversation with Kakashi as if it were normal to be lying in bed with her former teacher … Even if they hadn't done anything sexual the night before, even if he was on top of the covers while she was under them, even if their bodies touched in only one (relatively) innocent place, no one, least of all Sasuke, would be okay with the situation.

But she couldn't find it within herself to get up.

"Thank you," she said suddenly.

His brows furrowed slightly. "For what?"

"For helping me get home last night … and for staying when I asked," she explained quietly. He looked surprised. "No, I don't remember everything, but I do remember that, so … thank you," she said, then blushed lightly and looked down.

Immediately, she felt his hand leave her hip to hold her chin up with the gentle press of two fingers. She met his eyes, blush deepening at the warmth she saw there. The blush wasn't helped by the half-tender, half-mischievous smirk he gave her. "You're welcome," he replied, brushing his fingers along her jawline and tucking a lock of hair behind her ear before returning his hand to her hip.

She knew that she should ask him to remove it … hell, she knew that she should get out of bed and ask him to leave.

But she didn't.

And she could tell that he noticed that she didn't as well when his gaze traveled down to her mouth and his grip tightened against the small of her back.

"Kakashi," she breathed, voice almost a whisper.

"Hmm?" he murmured, looking up at her with a new heat in his eyes, and she was reminded of the bathroom hallway at the pub, the way his nose had nudged hers while his lips hovered less than a centimeter from hers.

At the recollection, she found her own gaze drifting down to his mouth, and the wave of desire that burned through her abdomen made her breath catch. Her mind was flooded with memories of his lips against hers, his arms holding her tightly to his chest, his hard length rubbing right where she'd needed it as she'd rolled against him in the exam room ...

When she managed to tear free of the flashbacks that threatened to overwhelm her, she found that somehow they were closer than they had been before, that somehow his gaze was hotter than before, and that her body couldn't help responding to the nearness of his with a need that was becoming familiar.

It was the sudden recognition that this lust for him was starting to seem almost normal that finally cooled her down. She sighed deeply and lifted his hand off of her hip to place it on the bed between them. When she brought her eyes to his, she knew that he understood.

"I'm sorry … I can't," she said quietly. She didn't want to contemplate the meaning of the aching emptiness that filled her as she spoke.

He closed his eyes momentarily, as if he were in pain, before letting out a long breath of his own and opening them again. "I know," he replied. He lifted his hand to trace a line from her forehead down to her jaw until he was cupping her head.

"I know," he repeated, running his thumb and his gaze across her lower lip before letting her go and standing up.

Once on his feet, he turned to give her a small, regretful smile that made a lump form in her throat, and she realized that she was fighting back tears when he said, voice low, "I'll see you later, Sakura-chan."

* * *

After he was gone, she stopped trying not to cry and buried her head in her pillow, muted sobs wracking her body. She refused to think about why his leaving had made her so upset, but she couldn't help the tears that poured from her eyes, nor could she help the need to clench the pillow so tightly her hands began to cramp. She simply wept until she couldn't any longer, then got out of bed to shower and go to work, her mind and her heart numb.

* * *

 **A/N:** More angst. Sorry to everyone waiting for the smut, but I feel that this situation, with these two personalities, just can't be rushed. Fear not, though, there will be smut. Lots of it, because I love smut. Just no smut yet.

Also, for those of you wondering about Sasuke, yes, he will be putting in an appearance eventually; he's the unavoidable for our two heroes. To the one reader concerned that I might make Sasuke a cheater … I won't be. Personally, while I don't like the guy, I can't see him trusting anyone else enough to do that, and I suppose he does have some sort of twisted sense of honor/loyalty. Besides, making him a completely heartless guy would be too easy, right?


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

Sakura's kitchen table was covered with papers and folders and notebooks, and she was sitting in one of the chairs, hair tied up messily, tapping a pen against her mouth as she reviewed the latest set of research results for one of her poison projects, when Sarada walked in.

"Mom, guess what?" the dark-haired genin asked excitedly, a wide smile on her face.

Sakura returned the smile. "What?"

"I've got a natural affinity for fire chakra! Kakashi-sama showed me how to figure it out using this random piece of paper … It was so cool!" After a brief pause, Sarada frowned, then grumbled, "But he sucks … he can use all five."

Though she was surprised to learn that her daughter had been spending time with Kakashi (whom she had been doing her best to forget about) in the handful of days since he'd gotten back from Ame, Sakura had to stifle a grin at her daughter's obvious jealousy. "Well, he is one of the strongest ninja pretty much ever, I suppose," she allowed, trying to remain purely objective regarding her one-time bedmate.

Sarada's frown deepened. "He still sucks."

Despite doing her best to keep her feelings out of the discussion, Sakura couldn't help but giggle at her daughter's petulant expression; she was all too aware of the innumerable ways that man could get under someone's skin, some of them intentional (like things she was not allowed to think about) and some not (like being a prodigy). "I know I should warn you not to speak about a former Hokage like that, but you're not entirely wrong, so I'll let it slide this time. I bet he neglected to tell you that some people are able to obtain additional chakra transformations through training, right?"

"Seriously? Argh … he drives me crazy!" Sarada growled, very nearly stamping her foot in exasperation. "He didn't say anything about that! … Jerk."

Sakura commiserated. "Doesn't surprise me," she said. "But it's true … even our genius former Hokage wasn't born with an affinity for all five chakra natures; originally, he was only able to use lightning. It wasn't until he started collecting every jutsu known to man that he became adept at the other four."

"Well, then I'm going to make him teach me how to use the other ones too!" Sarada vowed, fist raised and eyes so fiery with determination that Sakura almost felt sorry for her old sensei.

After a few moments, Sarada's excitement seemed to calm down, and she lowered her fist, then perched on the edge of one of the other chairs. "Kakashi-sama's the one who taught Dad how to use lightning chakra, isn't he?" she asked curiously, fiddling with the corner of a piece of paper.

Unbidden, the memory of Sasuke's face lit up by his Chidori as he charged at her flashed across Sakura's mind, and her heart twisted sharply.

Recalling almost being killed by her now-husband and witnessing the look in Kakashi's eyes when, after saving her, he told her that killing Sasuke was _his_ responsibility, not hers, caused a pain that must have shown on her face, because the next thing Sakura knew, her daughter was shaking her shoulder and calling, "Mom!"

Snapping back to the present, Sakura patted her daughter's hand reassuringly. "I'm sorry, Sarada-chan. I seemed to have zoned out there for a minute. What were you saying?"

Sarada scanned her mother's face with no small amount of suspicion and concern. "Are you sure you're okay? That was pretty weird, Mom …"

Sakura nodded, managing a crinkly-eyed smile. "I'm fine … I just thought about something I forgot to put away at the lab. It's not the sort of thing I should have left lying about."

"Ooookay …" Sarada replied, not entirely convinced. "If you say so."

"I do say so," Sakura confirmed. "Now what would you like for dinner tonight?"

* * *

 _Mid-chapter omake_

Two days later, Sakura came home from the hospital to find a large crater with a rim of scorched grass in her backyard.

"Ka-ka-shiiiii!" she shouted angrily at the sky.

(In a tree on the other side of the village and for no apparent reason, given that it was a lovely summer day, Kakashi felt chills run up and down his spine.)

 _/end._

* * *

It had been a week since Sakura had awoken next to Kakashi, and though she hadn't seen him in the meantime, she'd heard plenty about him from her daughter, who had apparently been training with him every day since discovering her chakra affinity and had already mastered Katon: Goukakyuu no Jutsu under his tutelage (to the detriment of Sakura's landscaping).

While it did mean that she had greater difficulty keeping the silver-haired nin off her mind, Sarada's recounting of her training sessions helped move Kakashi back toward the more familiar territory of "teacher" and away from the very, _very_ unfamiliar territory of "attractive man" that he had been occupying for the better part of two months. She'd actually started thinking that his lessons were killing multiple birds with one stone … Sarada got a regular adult male presence in her life and the opportunity to learn new skills, and Sakura got to stop thinking about Kakashi naked.

… Er, _Inner_ Sakura got to stop thinking about Kakashi naked. And _Sakura_ got to stop thinking about that warm fuzzy feeling she had when she opened her eyes to find him looking back at her from the pillow beside her.

In any case, between not seeing him and listening to Sarada's stories, Sakura had finally started to push the unwanted thoughts about Kakashi out of her mind, and her day-to-day life was much more peaceful for it.

Which was why she was currently hosting a butterfly field day in her stomach.

It was Kiba's birthday, and she knew that she was going to see Kakashi when they all met up at the pub to celebrate that night. She wanted to have confidence that her newfound ability to think of him as Familiar Kakashi when he _wasn't_ around would translate into the ability to think of him as Familiar Kakashi when he _was_ , but she had a sneaking suspicion that that wasn't going to happen, considering the effect the mere _idea_ of seeing him was having on her.

She sighed as she finished fixing her hair. Some things couldn't be helped, she supposed. She'd have to see him sooner or later, so why not tonight?

* * *

The butterflies belied her resolve by performing a synchronized somersault when she opened her front door, but she did her best to hinder any further acrobatic efforts on their part and was largely successful for the duration of her walk to the pub.

However, the minute she came within a few feet of the entrance, the butterflies turned into Chouji-on-a-red-chili-pill butterflies, and there was no hope of quelling their frenzy. Hand shaking lightly, she reached for the door ... only to have that damned arm of his come out of nowhere to snake around her to open it instead.

And thus she discovered that irritation was the key to calming extra-strength butterflies …

"How many times are you planning on sneaking up behind me like that, Ka-ka-shi?" she asked, throwing an annoyed look at him from over her shoulder.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Sakura-chan," he replied with his usual smile before pulling the door open wider and placing his other hand on her hip. Startled, she quickly turned her head back to the entryway but found that she couldn't move forward.

Inner Sakura insisted that it wasn't that she _couldn't_ move forward but that she didn't _want_ to move forward, that really she was waiting for-

"Are we going to stand out here all night?" he murmured into her ear.

That. She was waiting for that, the sound of his voice low and dark and intimate and the brush of his masked lips against her ear.

Sakura tried not to lean into him while she told Inner Sakura that she was full of shit. She was definitely _not_ waiting for that.

"I mean, I don't mind," he continued slowly, "... at all." She felt him shorten the distance between them, but not enough that his chest touched her back.

 _Sadly,_ Inner Sakura sighed.

Sakura swatted at her half-heartedly, but she still didn't step away from him. In fact, she was beginning to suspect that her inner self was right … there was some part of her that had been waiting for him to talk to her the way he had in her kitchen and then again in her office.

That part of her was not disappointed; his voice dropped even lower, and his lips moved just a bit closer to her ear as he finished, "But I think everyone else would prefer that we joined the party …"

With that, he gave her a small push that had her stumbling through the door. Whatever heat she had been feeling was immediately washed away by the reminder that he was the most infuriating person ever. She regained her footing and shot him a glare. "I hate you."

His mouth lifted into an amused smirk as he nodded, "I know."

She felt herself flush, and the corner of his mouth reciprocated by lifting a little higher before he turned to find the group.

Watching him walk away, her cheeks burning, she decided that what she _really_ hated right then was that his response made her want to …

 _Feel that smirk against your lips?_ Inner Sakura suggested.

 _Shut up._ Sakura muttered, grumpily following the path Kakashi had taken.

* * *

 **A/N:** So the omake thing ... I could have broken the two parts around it into separate chapters, because I feel like there's enough of a shift between them to warrant that, but then the first one would have been really short. Then I got this mental image of the potential consequences of Sarada's training, and it seemed to kind of fit, so there you have it.

Anyway, second part of the Kiba's birthday bar scene is coming up in chapter 18.


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N:** Long, but hopefully worth it.

* * *

 **Chapter 18**

Sakura was scowling at the bottle in her hands and pointedly ignoring the body heat of the person sitting to her right. She wasn't quite sure how he'd orchestrated it, but she was positive that Kakashi was behind the fact that she was stuck in a booth between him and Ino, unable to escape his annoyingly appealing scent without making a spectacle of herself … as it was, she'd already scooted as far away from him as she could without plastering herself to her blonde friend's side.

Her scowl deepened, and she took a sip from her beer.

"Something wrong, Sakura-chan?" she heard him ask quietly as he raised his own drink to his lips.

She knew he hadn't turned to face her, but she could feel him studying her out of the corner of his eye. "No," she replied curtly under her breath, shifting her gaze from her beer bottle to Kiba and Shino, who were conversing across the table. She pretended to be paying attention to their discussion, but really she didn't hear a word they said; she was too busy trying to get Inner Sakura to stop thinking about how good Kakashi would feel pressed up against her.

"You know, Sakura-chan, you're a really bad liar," the former Hokage observed, still not looking directly at her. His voice was just low enough that anyone else would have had to strain to hear it.

Sakura decided not to dignify his comment with a response.

* * *

Kakashi didn't say anything for a few minutes, and Sakura had just started thinking that maybe he would leave her alone when he shifted to procure his favorite orange novel from the pouch on his right leg, bumping the knee of his other leg into her knee in the process. Once he had the book in his hand, he slouched against the back of the booth and relaxed his posture such that a good part of the length of his thigh ended up resting on hers.

While Sakura outwardly stiffened, Inner Sakura was getting pissed off.

 _Are you seriously going to let him control everything?_ she asked, holding up a fist in protest. _He's knocking you off guard every chance he has. It's pathetic._

And really it was, Sakura thought, starting to get a little angry herself.

Deciding not to let Kakashi dominate their interactions anymore, Sakura leaned back so that her elbow touched his, and she was pleased to see that his arm tensed, though only for a millisecond, at the contact.

"Conversation boring you, Ka-ka-shi?" she teased, taking up her beer with her right hand, causing her arm to brush against his. She gave him a sidelong glance.

Kakashi shot her a look that was at once surprised and amused. He seemed to know exactly what she was doing, and she got the distinct sense that he was thoroughly enjoying it. While one part of her wanted to back down, afraid of the consequences of challenging the notoriously difficult-to-ruffle Copy Ninja in a battle that involved her greatest weakness of late (i.e., touching him), the rest of her, led by a fired-up Inner Sakura, refused to submit.

Her determination must have shown in her eyes, because his mouth broke into a wicked smirk. "Well, you were ignoring me, Sakura-chan," he said with an accusatory eyebrow raise as he lowered his book to set it on the edge of the table.

Sakura could feel his bicep flexing against her arm as he moved. She did her best to ignore it. "There are other people you could talk to, you know," she pointed out.

"Hmm, I suppose there are," he allowed, catching her gaze. "But they're much less ... entertaining ..." His eyes deliberately flickered down to her lips before he picked up his book again, holding it close to his face with his right hand.

Sakura huffed and sat back up, elbows on the table. "Well, I must not be very interesting either, since you seem to prefer _Icha Icha_ to me," she groused playfully.

When he responded, still leaning against the back of the booth, his voice was much darker than it had been. "Haven't you learned yet, _Sa-ku-ra_ ," he said slowly, "... that I often use this book as a diversionary tactic?"

Suddenly filled with nervous anticipation, Sakura unconsciously put her thumb to her lips. She had a feeling that they were about to enter dangerous territory, but somehow, for reasons she couldn't fathom, she found herself continuing the conversation anyway, asking him quietly, "And what are you using it to divert attention from now?"

"I wonder," he murmured, turning a page.

Sakura just barely managed to keep herself from banging her head against the table. "You're impossible," she sighed.

He hummed in agreement. "... Do you really want to know, Sakura-chan?"

 _No._

 _Yes._

"Yes," she whispered, heartbeat speeding up.

He didn't say anything for a moment, just turned another page. She wanted to strangle him.

"Right now," he said finally, "I'm using it to divert my own attention from the fact that I _really_ like the way your thigh feels against mine ..."

Her breath caught at his bluntness, and the temperature in the room seemed to rise.

"But I _could_ be using it instead to make everyone think that I'm not paying attention to anything ..."

He trailed off.

"And why would you want to do that?" Sakura pressed softly when it became clear that he wasn't going to elaborate.

She had taken her thumb from her lips and replaced it with her beer as she spoke in hopes that no one would notice that she was talking to him; the last thing she needed was someone questioning why a conversation with Kakashi was making her blush.

He flipped another page over before answering, "When people think you're not paying attention, they stop paying attention to you ..." He paused to flash her a devious grin. "... and then you can get away with all sorts of things."

Sakura was going to hell. She was going to hell, and she knew it even before the "Like what?" slipped through her lips.

Kakashi was silent for a moment. Then, his voice very low: "Do you want me to show you, Sakura?"

Her heart skipped a beat as a shock of desire ran through her. It was almost like an out-of-body experience ... She couldn't quite believe that this was really happening, that she was really about to tell _Kakashi_ that she wanted him to do something that she _knew_ wouldn't be appropriate.

But it was, and she was.

"Yes," she replied, against her better judgment.

When he spoke next, his voice was deeper than she had ever heard it before.

"Put your right hand on your lap, palm up," he ordered.

She almost closed her eyes at the way his quiet command made heat flare between her legs, and she couldn't help but obey; she took her arm from the table, trying to make it look as natural as possible so as not to draw the attention of anyone else, and set it on her right thigh, then flipped it over.

* * *

After a breath, she felt his fingertips ghosting slowly down her forearm.

They traveled languidly from the crook of her elbow past the underside of her wrist, goosebumps arising in their wake, and then they trailed over the palm of her hand, where his fingers straightened before tracing a path, index finger atop index finger, ring finger atop ring finger, until his large hand lightly covered hers.

He paused there for only a moment, though, before sliding his fingers back down hers, back over the palm of her hand, and back up to her elbow, where they finally dropped off and returned to his lap.

Sakura's mouth ran dry. He had barely touched her, it had barely lasted a minute, yet it was somehow one of the most erotic experiences of her life. With that single act, he had her so turned on that she suspected that he could probably make her come with just one rub of his finger over her panties.

At the mental image of him reaching over with that same hand to dip below the skirt of her sundress and press against the part of her body that craved his touch the most, the desire that had been building within her the whole evening reached a fever pitch, so close to overwhelming all of her senses that what she had felt in the exam room paled in comparison.

"Kakashi-" she whispered, voice husky.

"Yes, Sakura?" he replied quietly.

Not fully aware of what she was doing, her mind clouded with need, Sakura allowed her hand to drift down to his knee. She felt the fabric of his pants beneath her fingers and the corded muscles of his thigh beneath his pants as she hesitantly reached over his knee to the inside of his leg ...

And then his own fingers were wandering slowly across the back of her hand and tucking under her palm before slipping between hers.

Sakura's heart stopped. As they sat there, hand-in-hand, under the radar of a table full of their friends, she really wasn't sure what she ... what _they_ ... were doing, and it frightened her as much as it excited her.

She was frightened of the giddiness she felt, and she was afraid of the intense desire for him that was sweeping through her.

She was worried that someone else at the table would notice her flushed cheeks or that they were sitting a little closer together than they should be.

And she was terrified by the fact that Sasuke seemed to almost disappear from her mind whenever she was around Kakashi.

* * *

Thankfully, the waiter stopped by a moment later, giving her the opportunity extricate her hand from Kakashi's while she tried to sort out her feelings. She knew that she had to stop whatever this was before it went any further, but a part of her (that was only growing larger, it seemed) wanted to link their fingers back together as soon as she accepted her new beer from the waiter.

His hand had felt so ... right ... wrapped around hers. She didn't understand it ...

But either way, this was trouble. _He_ was trouble.

 _And you love it,_ Inner Sakura cut in.

Sakura sighed. She really wanted to disagree. This wasn't who she was. She wasn't the kind of woman who wanted a man who wasn't her husband.

 _And yet you do. You want him._

Sakura sighed again. Yes, she wanted him. It would be silly to deny it anymore. Even now, she wanted to lean back into his arms and breathe in his scent, feel his strong body against hers, let him run his hands over more places than just her forearm.

But it wasn't right. She was married.

That strange aching emptiness from the other morning was back.

She couldn't help but wonder: what would it be like to be with him? Not just sexually, but fully. To go to sleep with him and wake up with him more days than not. To have him around to help with the house and Sarada.

Her heart clenched.

This wasn't how it was supposed to be. It was supposed to be Sasuke.

 _But Sasuke hasn't been here for years, not really,_ Inner Sakura said.

 _That doesn't make it okay,_ Sakura replied sadly.

 _No, it doesn't. But you deserve better._

Sakura was quiet.

* * *

It seemed that everyone had been finishing up their drinks while Sakura was talking with herself. As people started to leave, Kakashi held out his hand to help her get up from the booth. She accepted, and their eyes met as she stood, a familiar heat passing between them. They took a bit longer than was strictly necessary to let their hands fall to their respective sides.

Sakura broke eye contact first and moved ahead of him to the door.

When they got outside, she took a deep breath. "Ah, it feels so nice out here ... it was getting hot in there."

"Mm," he agreed, a small smile on his lips.

She noticed it as she glanced over and blushed. They both knew why it had been so warm in the pub.

* * *

After they had waved good-bye to their friends, Kakashi stuck his hands in his pockets and began strolling in the direction of her house. "I'll walk you home," he said.

Sakura quickly caught up with him. "Oh no, you won't," she objected.

"And why not, Sakura-chan? Isn't that what a gentleman is supposed to do, walk a beautiful woman home after a night out?" he asked innocently, not slowing his pace.

Sakura's blush returned, but she managed to keep her voice serious. "First of all, Kakashi, I could throw you into your own face on Hokage Mountain from here if I wanted to; I'm not some damsel in distress."

The look he gave her in response made her think that not only was he was very aware of this fact, he was turned on by it.

She scowled, ignoring her body's pleasurable reaction to that knowledge, and continued: "And second … you, sir, are not a gentleman."

He looked wounded. "Of course I am, Sakura-chan."

"No, you're not," she insisted. "Gentlemen don't do the things you do."

"What? Walk beautiful women home, even if they don't need it? I think that's pretty gentlemanly," Kakashi pouted self-righteously.

"Not that …" Sakura argued, voice getting a little softer. "All those … other things ..." Her blush spread.

Kakashi's pout slid into a mischievous grin. "And what things are those, Sakura-chan?" he asked slyly.

Sakura stuttered. "Well, you know ... things ..."

"'Things' ... " Kakashi mused. "I don't think that's a very strong argument."

"I hate you," she grumbled, falling a little behind.

"You know, Sakura-chan," Kakashi said, voice still light. "I don't think that's true at all."

He turned so that he was walking backwards in front of her and locked his gaze with hers. "I think you like me very much."

Her body was flooded with heat at his claim, and she knew her cheeks were flushing a deep red.

"No, I don't," she protested weakly. "Who would like you? You're lazy and perverted and-"

"Handsome and caring-"

At that moment, the sky lit up with a streak of lightning, followed seconds later by a crack of thunder.

"Oh no," Sakura said just before the downpour began.

The two ninja instinctively ran for cover under the nearest tree, several yards from the street where they had been.

Once protected by its leafy canopy, Sakura slumped back against the tree trunk, laughing as water dripped from her hair down her neck. "Well, that was unexpected ... I didn't see rain in the forecast for tonight."

* * *

Kakashi, appreciating the way her green dress stuck to her wet skin, opted not to tell her that he had smelled the storm coming even before he had arrived at the pub earlier.

Instead, he just nodded, "Ah."

* * *

When the excitement of running from the rain faded, Sakura became acutely aware that Kakashi was standing only about a foot and a half from her.

As the storm continued around them, she looked up at him and noticed that he had lowered his mask. A few drops of water were still falling from the tips of his spiky hair. His shirt had gotten wet and was clinging to his chest, and even through the darkness she could see the outline of his pecs, his abs ...

He really was an attractive man, and he was right there, within her reach.

Sakura was finding it suddenly difficult to breathe, and the way he was watching her wasn't helping. She saw his gaze trail over her face, then dart briefly to her chest and back up to meet her own. She could see in those dark eyes that he wanted her, and it made her body stir in confusing, delicious ways.

"How do you do this to me?" she whispered, mouth dry. Rain pattered on the leaves above her head.

He stepped closer, and the need within her increased. "Do what?" he asked, his voice deep.

"This …" She waved a hand helplessly. "Make me _want_ you," she said. "... _so much_."

The next moment, she felt one warm, warm hand slide over her hip while the other reached behind her neck and tilted her head back. She resolutely kept her eyes focused on his chest.

"Look at me," he said, his thumb brushing her jaw below her ear.

Finally, Sakura raised her eyes to his and found herself caught. The heat in his grey depths pushed all reason out of her mind, and she semi-consciously ran her hand slowly from his chest down to the middle of his abdomen, where she gripped the fabric of his shirt in her fist.

* * *

She wasn't sure if she pulled him closer or if he pulled himself closer, but the next thing she knew, his body was pressed against hers, her hand trapped between them, and his mouth was inches from her lips. She moved her trapped hand around to his lower back and allowed the other to travel up to the bicep of the arm wrapped around her waist.

She watched his eyes grow darker.

"Sakura," he murmured. "I'm going to kiss you if you don't stop me."

His words and the sensation of his breath on her lips sent desire burning through her, and she knew she was lost.

She let her eyes drop to his mouth before sliding shut. "Don't stop," she said, so softly the rain almost drowned it out.

But he heard.

And his reaction was instantaneous. Tilting her head even further back, he melded his mouth with hers, the kiss somehow both slow and urgent. He pushed her gently against the trunk of the tree and eased his hand from her head down to the curve of her hip to hold her body close to his.

As he dipped his tongue between her lips, she moved her arms to wrap around his neck and stood on her toes ... and then they were chest to chest. She could feel her breasts sliding across his muscles, her nipples hardening, and she moaned into his mouth.

At the sound, he groaned and deepened the kiss, tracing his hand from her waist, down her thigh to the hem of her dress before slipping his fingers under it and dragging them-and the dress-up as he lifted her leg and hooked it over his hip to press himself more fully against her.

The shock of the cool air on her now-bared leg and the feeling his erection at her core forced a gasp out of Sakura, her lips separating from his as she leaned her head back. "Oh god," she breathed.

He began rocking into her in a steady rhythm as he licked and kissed his way down the side of her neck before pausing partway to suck her flesh into his mouth. When he stopped sucking to bite her gently, timing the nip with a hard roll of his hips, she inhaled sharply, feeling herself growing even wetter. One hand slid down his back until she was gripping his ass, while the other buried its fingers in his hair.

She planted a series of kisses along his stubbled jaw as they moved together, his hard length rubbing against her clit, and his quiet groans into her ear had her trying to pull him even closer. She wondered if they would be louder if there weren't clothes between them, if he were actually inside her, sliding in and out instead of just over.

She wondered how dark his voice would be against her ear when he came ...

* * *

When he slipped a hand between her legs, she thought she might collapse. Her eyes were tightly shut, and her breathing was ragged as he slowed the motion of his hips and curled his fingers under the dress covering her from him. She felt his feather-light touch on her inner thigh, flitting along the line of her panties, and it made her vaginal walls pulse, trying to grab onto something that wasn't there.

Finger still teasing the skin at the line of fabric, he took his mouth from her neck. "Look at me," he said, his voice gruff.

She automatically opened her eyes at the command. When they met his, he held her gaze for a moment, not moving, then slowly rubbed a single finger up her slit to the top of her underwear. Her eyes slid closed at the sensation. She knew he could feel how wet she was; her panties had to be soaked, but rather than embarrass her, the thought seemed to only fuel her desire, and she bucked her hips in a silent plea for him to continue what he'd started.

Ignoring her request, he kissed her, tugging on her lower lip before pulling back. "Look at me," he repeated. "I want to see you when I touch you."

She had never been so turned on in her life.

The second she caught his hooded gaze with her own again, he dipped his hand inside her panties and pressed two fingers against her clit. She couldn't help but cry out, and though it was unlikely that anyone would hear them over the storm, he covered her mouth with his, swallowing her moans as he began stroking her, letting the tip of a finger duck into her entrance every so often.

* * *

Feeling her responding to his touch as she did had his hand tightening its grip on her thigh, and he increased the intensity of the kiss, tangling his tongue with hers, his own need threatening to take over. Her heat … her wetness … god, his fingers were so slick with it … He wanted nothing more than to plunge his cock inside of her and feel her walls fluttering around him until she came, taking him with her.

He was painfully hard.

However, he knew he would have to settle for this for now. Lifting his mouth from hers, he watched her face. Her lips were parted, her cheeks were flushed, and he could see her brow furrow deeper with each caress of his fingers over her sex. Her breathing was uneven, and she was beautiful.

He wanted her … badly.

Needing to see her come, he roughly thrust two fingers into her, and she threw her head back with a sharp gasp. He felt her grow wetter, her fluids dripping down his hand.

"Kakashi …"

His name said in her desperate voice was his undoing. He began thrusting faster, curling his fingers toward himself with each pump, as he brought her closer and closer to the edge. When her breath started catching and her hand clutched harder at his ass, he knew she was ready.

Tipping his head forward, he nipped at her ear. "Come, Sakura. Come _now_ ," he ordered, voice low, then leaned back and rubbed his thumb against her clit while he stroked her g-spot and watched her fall apart.

* * *

When she came, Sakura saw stars. She couldn't breathe, she couldn't do anything but feel herself ripple around his strong fingers, feel her orgasm gush out of her onto his hand.

And still he didn't stop. He kept dipping his fingers in and out, kept circling his thumb around her clit. His movements were slower, but she was so sensitive ...

"Kakashi …" she said weakly.

"Hmm?" he responded.

Without waiting for an answer, he caught her lips with his in a lazy kiss, fingers moving still inside of her, and then he left her mouth to trace a path down to her chest, where he found a cloth-covered nipple and took it between his teeth.

"Oh god," she gasped as suddenly the need within her was back full-force. Her hands flew to his head, holding it in place.

He sucked and rubbed and added a third finger and she was afraid she might faint. Instead, she felt herself coming for a second time.

The instant she did, his mouth was back on hers, drawing her into a kiss, though she could barely participate through her orgasm.

"Fuck, Sakura," she heard him groan against her lips. "You need to go home."

Coming down from her high, she could barely understand him. "What?" she asked dazedly.

He kissed her again and slipped his fingers out of her to grab her ass and hold her close. She could feel his erection against her stomach. "You need to go home," he said again.

Still in a haze, Sakura shook her head. "Why?"

He pulled back and looked her in the eye. "Sakura …" Unfocused though her thoughts were, she could see the strain in his face, and his voice was dead serious. "Sakura, if you don't go home, I'm going to lay you down in the mud and take you here, right now."

He bit his lip and shut his eyes momentarily. She felt herself flushing.

"But I don't want that," he said finally. "I don't want that for the first time I make love to you ... So you need to go home."

Placing a brief kiss on her lips, he let his hands fall from her sides and stepped back.

Sakura's mind was mostly mush, but in some corner of her brain, she understood what he was saying, so she staggered away from the tree, legs weak, eyes on him. The expression on his face made her heart twist.

"Kakashi …" She unconsciously reached out her hand. He stared at it blankly for almost a minute before taking it and tugging her toward him.

She wrapped her arms around his neck as he wrapped his around her waist, and their lips met. The kiss was long and soft and just a little needy, and her heart ached as she pulled away.

"Go home, Sakura," he repeated, brushing his nose against hers.

Nodding, she released her arms and walked in the direction of her house. About twenty feet away, she glanced back at him one more time and watched as he pulled up his mask and vanished in a swirl of leaves.

* * *

 **A/N 2:** Sorry about the wait. This one actually gave me trouble, and though I'm still not fully satisfied with it, I don't think tinkering any more would do much good.


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N:** Over 150 reviews? You guys are awesome! I have to admit, they do really make me more motivated to continue ... not that I have any plans not to, just that reviews make it more fun. So, thank you for all the support!

* * *

 **Chapter 19**

Kakashi was pulling his shirt over his head and kicking off his shoes the instant he made it into his apartment. Dropping the shirt onto the bathroom tile, he turned the shower on full blast and stepped out of his pants and into the tub, yanking the curtain closed behind him.

As the hot water ran over his shoulders, he pressed a hand to the tile and gripped his rock hard cock with the other. He needed to come, desperately.

It had taken everything in him to back away from Sakura. Having her in his arms, feeling her orgasm around his fingers, and watching her face flush with pleasure he gave her had had his senses reeling. He'd fantasized about her that way so many times, but now he knew how her arousal smelled, knew the sound of her breath catching as she came, knew the way she said his name in a voice filled with need.

He groaned, stroking himself faster. She'd called _his_ name. She'd called _his_ name when he filled her with his fingers, whimpered _his_ name when he coaxed her into a second orgasm.

His hand clutched at the wet tile, and he could feel precum dripping onto his fingers as he rubbed his palm roughly over the head of his penis. He used the memory of her hands grabbing onto him, pulling him closer as the walls of her vagina started pulsing around his thrusting fingers, to imagine what it would be like to have her below him, urging him to drive his cock into her deeper and harder in the same way.

She would press her head back into the pillow as he picked up his pace, arching her neck and moaning into his ear as he sucked on the sensitive area just below her jaw and tweaked a bare nipple with his thumb. He would wait for her to dig her fingers into his ass and push her feet into the bed to meet his hips before capturing her mouth with his and moving his hand to circle her clit until her muscles clamped down on him and they both had to break the kiss as they came.

"Fuck …"

He abruptly stopped his movement, squeezing the base of his cock and raising his head up with a hiss as his cum shot out onto the wall. After the second stream hit the tile, he resumed his motions, slower this time, prolonging the pleasure and drawing out another couple of spurts.

Finally spent, he released himself and rested his forehead next to his hand on the wall, breathing heavily. He was both sated and unsatisfied all at once; while being able to use actual memories instead of just fantasies to get off had been incredible, he had a feeling that he would never be entirely content until he had her completely, until Sakura was his to make love to as many times as she wanted.

He sighed deeply and lifted his head, grabbing his bottle of shampoo.

* * *

Sakura stared at herself in the mirror of her vanity.

Her hair was still dripping rainwater, though she had changed out of her wet clothes into a bathrobe. In the end, she had gotten soaked because she had felt no need to rush home; she'd found walking through the summer storm somehow peaceful, and it had fit her mood after what had happened.

What had happened ...

She tilted her head to the side to look again at the light bruise on her neck, left there by Kakashi when he'd had her pressed up against the tree.

A flash of desire shot through her at the memory. Even now, her nerves tingled when she thought of him. He'd made her feel so ... so ...

Well, she didn't know quite how to describe it. It wasn't that Sasuke was a bad lover at all, though he'd never made her come in quick succession like that. And it was true that the need she had felt for Kakashi was unlike any need she'd ever felt for her husband.

But she _had_ felt a need for Sasuke many times during their marriage, and she was always satisfied the sex they had. She had to admit that she'd been rather surprised by it herself, but Sasuke wasn't a selfish lover and never had been; they had lost their virginity to each other, and when he'd come before she did, he had taken the time afterward to bring her to orgasm with his fingers and his mouth.

Her body heated at the memory and memories of times after that, but that only served to confuse her more.

She didn't understand what was happening ... with Sasuke, with Kakashi, with herself. It bothered her that she was sitting there, calmly comparing her husband's lovemaking with what she knew of Kakashi's. She knew she should be breaking down like she had after the exam room. At the least, she knew she should be feeling guiltier than she was. But just then, she really couldn't feel much of anything except a strange calmness, a distant sort of confusion, and the lingering satisfaction of the orgasms Kakashi had given her.

She wondered if perhaps she were dissociating, separating her essential self from what she had done with her silver-haired former teacher under a tree in the middle of a storm.

It would make sense. She'd always had a tendency toward that (hence Inner Sakura) ... but this wasn't a case where Inner Sakura had taken over ... yes, her outspoken alter ego had instigated her actions in the pub, but it was Sakura who had willingly held hands with Kakashi under the table in the pub. It was Sakura who had told him not to stop when he'd said that he would kiss her. It was Sakura who had all but begged him to make her come. And it was Sakura who had reached out her hand, inviting him to pull her in for a last, tender kiss before she left.

She watched herself blush as her heart skipped a beat. There had been something in that kiss, something that made it hard to regret what had happened.

* * *

She didn't know why, but a moment later, the calm suddenly seemed to dissipate, and the small smile that had formed on her lips fell ...

Sasuke would be so hurt if he ever found out.

At the thought of what her husband would feel if he learned what she had done, Sakura's eyes filled with tears. She knew that he cared deeply for her, even if he rarely said so (or showed it), and something like this would crush him, because while Sasuke barely trusted anyone, he trusted her.

And she had broken that trust.

Her heart twisted. She imagined his face if he found out ... the way he'd try to hide the pain he felt at her betrayal, the way he'd close himself off to her ... and probably everyone else too.

Her heart ached.

And then, unbidden, the memory of Kakashi's face when she'd turned him away that morning not long ago flashed across her mind, followed by the memory of his face when she'd looked at him across the coffee table and the memory of the look in his eyes when he'd told her to go home earlier that night.

Tears were spilling over her cheeks now. She didn't know what she was doing. She hated the thought of hurting Sasuke, but she hated the thought of hurting Kakashi too. And she would be hurting him; she knew that now. His confession in her living room hadn't been a joke, and it hadn't been some ploy to get her into his bed. She'd never really believed it was either of those things, but his actions around her, around Sarada ... they were genuine.

She covered her face with her hands, pressing her palms into her eyes as she began sobbing in earnest ... and then she started crying harder when she realized that what she wanted most at that moment was for Kakashi to come and hold her and tell her that everything would be alright.

Kakashi. Not Sasuke.

She choked on a sob. Sasuke would be so hurt ...

With her hair still wet and tears still flowing from her eyes, Sakura got up and crawled into her bed, curling into a ball and pulling her comforter up to her chin. She wanted to go to sleep and wake up and have everything be simple again, to know where she belonged and what she should do with her life.

But she knew that wasn't possible. She'd overstepped the line in the exam room, yes, but she'd run clean past it tonight, and she couldn't go back. She couldn't undo it, and, worse, she couldn't make all of herself want to undo it; there was a part of her, bigger than it should have been, that wouldn't trade that night for the world, no matter what the rest of her said, no matter how many times she thought about Sasuke's pained face.

* * *

But worst of all was that the part of her that refused to regret the events under the tree wasn't only Inner Sakura.

* * *

 **A/N:** Well, you knew we couldn't leave Kakashi like that ... I doubt there are many men who could just go home and go to sleep after something like that. But it was arguably dirtier citrus than the last chapter; I hope you don't mind. If you do, though, I have to warn you that I like the dirty stuff too, so the lemons and limes in this story won't all be romantic. ;-)

Also, to the Sasuke haters ... While I am no fan of Sasuke myself, I felt like he might really have changed because of how he was portrayed in the sequel ... I don't know. In any case, this plot would be much less interesting if he were just a total ahole, right?


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N:** I do want to apologize to those readers who were expecting or hoping that this wouldn't result in an affair. The affair was planned from the beginning; there are a lot of reasons for this, and I'm happy to discuss in a PM. I fully understand if you don't want to continue reading, though of course I hope you do.

To my Korean guest reviewer, I very much appreciate the insight. As this story is written by a westerner, it is inevitable that there will be some western perspectives that come through. I do know about situations like you described, but I'm not totally familiar with what constitutes an honorable reason for leaving your family. In my (western) mind, I don't believe that Sasuke was the only one who could complete his mission; given what we know of his character and the fact that he said he needed to find himself, I feel like at least half, if not more, of his motivation for being absent is because he doesn't feel comfortable at home. To me, that is not a good enough reason to leave your family for more than a decade ... it's not honorable. And while it does not excuse Sakura having an affair, it does make it more understandable that she would feel distant enough from her husband that it would become possible. I'm trying to show that she had honored and supported him for so many years, but when he didn't stay after the events in Gaiden, she started to realize (or finally acknowledge what she's known all along) that he's not doing what he's doing selflessly or entirely out of a sense of obligation.

Anyway, I've rambled enough. I do love that my story is inspiring conversations like it has, though. That's probably one of the things that makes me happiest about writing this.

* * *

 **Chapter 20**

Sakura dreamt that she was in Kakashi's arms, resting against his chest while he rested against the trunk of the tree from which they were watching Sarada practice Doton: Doryuuheki.

... Or, well, Sakura was watching at any rate ... Kakashi was holding _Icha Icha_ in front of her and reading over her shoulder. Apparently he'd decided that his duty was done after he'd taught Sarada the jutsu the day before and thus his attention was no longer necessary ... though he _was_ rather good at reading smutty novels and being aware of his surroundings at the same time, so she couldn't be sure.

With a soft smile, she let her head fall back onto his collarbone contentedly and covered the hand he had wrapped around her waist with her own. He responded by pulling her closer in a light hug, then turned the page with his thumb.

Some things would never change ...

* * *

When the chirping of birds outside her window had Sakura slowly returning to the waking world, the details of her dream were already fading from her mind, but she felt warm and unusually peaceful, especially given her emotional turmoil the night before. She wanted to stay in bed, to hold onto the last tendrils of whatever had her feeling so comfortable, but it seemed the birds had a different agenda.

Finally giving up on falling back asleep, Sakura sighed heavily and flipped the comforter off before sliding out of bed and drowsily making her way to her closet. She was about to pull out her hospital uniform when she remembered that she had the day off. Brightening up a bit at that, she instead put on her typical sparring outfit and decided to go kick the crap out of some bunshin; she could use both the exercise and the release.

* * *

After having deliberately avoided both training ground 3 and training ground 8, as they were a certain person's favorites, Sakura arrived at training ground 5 to find said person already there and going through his kata.

Seeing him in the middle of the clearing of a training ground he almost never went to, she could only roll her eyes at the heavens and raise her hands in defeat … It figured. It absolutely figured.

Suddenly lacking the energy to do much of anything, Sakura dragged her feet to the nearest tree and slumped down to sit at its base, supporting her back and head with the rough bark as she observed him.

Though he had on his mask, he'd left off his hitai-ate ... she could see it in the grass a few feet from him, glinting in the sun. Without it, his unruly hair fell over his forehead in a way that made him look both younger and a little roguish, and the standard ANBU-issue sleeveless shirt he wore only highlighted what could have been the body of a 25-year-old, as it left his strong arms bare and hugged every muscle in his chest and abdomen.

She couldn't take her eyes off of him.

It wasn't that Sakura had never seen Kakashi train by himself before; she'd just never seen him train the morning after having had his body pressed intimately against hers ...

She was discovering that it was an entirely different experience. Where she'd always known that he was incredibly proficient and disciplined, she now saw that, well, in a word, he was beautiful … his movements were so precise, so fluid, that he was almost dancing.

As he continued to move through his exercises, she found that, oddly enough, at the same time that watching him was making her body heat up in decidedly inappropriate ways, it was also making her feel … safe.

With that strange mix of nervousness and a sense of security swirling around within her, Sakura realized that, somehow, Kakashi was at once the person who unsettled her the most and the one who made her the most comfortable.

* * *

Just as she was beginning to dissect how such a thing was possible, she found herself instinctively ducking as a kunai thudded into the tree above her head.

"Goddammit, Kakashi!" she shouted angrily, yanking the kunai out of the bark and throwing it at him as she jumped to her feet. "You could have killed me!"

He neatly sidestepped the projectile and walked slowly toward her, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. "Ah, sorry, Sakura-chan," he said, eyes crinkled, then lowered his arm. "I thought you were a giant centipede." He made a face. "... I hate centipedes."

She glared at him, hands on her hips. "Really, Kakashi? A giant, pink-haired centipede?"

He nodded his head sagely. "Yes … I've seen one before … terrifying." He shuddered.

Sakura blinked at him several times, then burst out laughing. "You … are the most ridiculous person I have ever met," she managed to say before breaking out into another round of giggles.

He looked offended.

She had to cover her mouth with her hand as she snickered at his expression. Through the mask, she thought she saw the tiniest of smiles break at the corner of his mouth before he turned his side to her and pretended to ignore her.

When she finally managed to stop laughing, he cleared his throat and began, "Well, now that we've established that you are not, in fact, a terrifying, pink-haired centipede …"

Sakura shook her head at him disapprovingly and sighed. "You forgot 'giant' …"

"Ah, right. Now that we've established that you are not, in fact, a giant, terrifying, pink-haired centipede," he corrected. "Mind telling me why you were creeping about in the trees like one?" He raised an eyebrow in her direction.

She scowled at him. "I was _not_ creeping about in the trees," she stated firmly. "I had come to spar with some of my bunshin and found you here. I figured I'd just wait, so I sat down."

He looked at her skeptically.

She crossed her arms and sniffed. "Well, it's true." And it was, more or less.

"Mmhm," he hummed in a way that indicated that he didn't believe her. "So you wanted to spar with your bunshin then?"

"Yes," she replied testily.

"I see," he nodded. "Kage bunshin?"

"YES," she growled.

"Mhm," he continued. "And after finding the training ground occupied, you decided to seat yourself against a tree?"

Sakura got the distinct impression that somewhere along the line, this had turned into an interrogation.

"Look, _jiji_ ," she said, glowering at him, "I realize that you're going senile, but I'd rather not have to repeat myself every five seconds, so if you'll excuse me, I'll just go to a different training ground."

She gave him a short bow before heading in the direction of training ground 4.

Immediately, she was blocked by one of Kakashi's kage bunshin, which stuck its hands in its pockets and gave her a trademark smile as it stood in her path. She heard the real Kakashi come up behind her.

Even though neither the bunshin nor the real thing was closer than three feet from her, Sakura's body recognized that she was, essentially, stuck between two Kakashis.

 _The more the merrier,_ Inner Sakura grinned lecherously, wiggling her eyebrows.

 _Shut up,_ Sakura retorted, feeling uncomfortably warm.

"Rather than spar with your kage bunshin, _Sakura-chan_ ," the real Kakashi started.

"Why not spar with me?" Bunshin-Kakashi finished, the trademark smile turning into the trademark smirk as he cocked his head to one side.

Sakura furrowed her brow. She hated that smirk. That smirk did funny things to her insides.

"No, thank you," she replied through gritted teeth, then strode forward, bumping into Bunshin-Kakashi's arm to push him out of the way.

 _Why does even his bunshin have to have that … stupid Kakashi smell?_ she grumbled internally, blushing as she stomped past him.

Inner Sakura just tossed her the memory of having that scent wrapped around her along with his naked arms as she kissed him on the exam table.

Sakura mentally clotheslined her inner self.

* * *

She'd gotten about twenty-five feet away when the newly-appointed World's Most Obnoxious Man called out, "Why not, Sakura-chan? I promise I won't be too rough with you ..."

She froze. Inner Sakura instantly took what he said as sexual innuendo and began a slideshow of all the "not too rough" things he could do to her, while the rest of Sakura got pissed off at the insinuation that she wouldn't be able to take him on at full strength, even though she knew he was just saying it to provoke her into fighting with him.

* * *

Well, never let it be said that getting older means getting more mature ...

* * *

Sakura smashed her mental fist into Inner Sakura's face and simultaneously stamped her physical heel into the ground, sending a deep crack from the point of impact back to where she knew Kakashi had been standing.

Pulling on her gloves with a snap, she turned around. As expected, he was nowhere in sight. " _You're_ going to be the one asking _me_ not to be too rough on you, Ka-ka-shi!" she vowed loudly.

"Why would I want you to go easy on me, Sa-ku-ra?" she heard him say, his voice way too close.

She flipped backward just before his leg could make impact with her chest.

As soon as she stood, she found herself dodging and deflecting shuriken coming from multiple directions. Taking advantage of a split-second gap between rounds, she slammed her fist into the ground and ducked behind the large chunk of earth that shot up in its wake. After quickly forming a kage bunshin, she blasted through her makeshift barricade, sending embedded shuriken and dirt shrapnel flying and forming a dust cloud that allowed her to escape to the safety of the trees on one side of the clearing while her bunshin ran to the trees on the other side, in the general area from which the largest barrage had been coming.

Shortly after the dust cleared, the pop of a defeated bunshin sounded out from across the way, but Sakura wasn't blasted with any new memories. She smiled wickedly from behind a large tree; her bunshin had won that skirmish.

Her grin had barely faded when she was suddenly strapped to the tree, back against the bark, with very thin wire that threatened to cut into her skin if she moved too much. She glared at the silver-haired man who strolled out of the forest to stand a few feet in front of her.

"Don't let your guard down, Sakura-chan," he tutted, a small smirk pulling at his lips as he stepped closer.

She returned the smirk. "I could say the same to you, Kaka- _sensei_ ," she said as she shot chakra out of her body to cut herself free of the wires and charged at him. At the same time, her bunshin dropped down from the tree she'd snuck herself into while Sakura was trapped, fist aimed at Kakashi's head.

Both Sakuras' fists collided with the log that appeared with a "poof" right as they arrived. Bunshin-Sakura used the momentum of her punch to power herself into a mid-air backflip. As she descended, she kicked out a foot at the silver head that had appeared below her. The kick was blocked by a kunai that pushed her leg up, knocking her off-balance and forcing her to plant both hands on the ground before spinning back onto her feet to face her enemy.

* * *

Meanwhile, the ground beneath Sakura had transformed into mud the instant the log had exploded.

"Doton: Doryuu Taiga … nice one, Kakashi," she muttered as she began sliding down into the earth. She threw a kunai with a wire tied to it into a thick branch above her and began to pull herself out. "Even copied from the Sandaime, I see. Shameless …" she grumbled, channeling chakra to her arms to give herself a boost.

Finally freed from the mud, she hopped onto a branch and surveyed her surroundings. She'd just caught sight of her bunshin fighting Kakashi or one of his bunshin (she suspected the latter) when a giant water dragon descended upon her.

"Suiton: Suiryuudan no Jutsu," came a deep, amused voice from the ground.

She managed to flip out of the way of the dragon, but it recovered immediately and headed for her from below.

"You were covered in mud, Sakura-chan. I thought I'd help you out," she heard Kakashi say as she hopped onto higher branches, trying to elude the water dragon.

Mid-jump, out of the corner of her eye, she saw both of their bunshin popping out of existence at the same time; apparently, they had defeated each other.

Sakura decided to take a chance. She stopped in her path just long enough to draw out the dragon, which sped upwards toward her feet. Fist raised in front of her, Sakura punched the dragon in its face, splashing water everywhere. Her punch carried her down the entire length of the dragon until she found that her risk had paid off: her fist connected with Kakashi's collarbone, knocking him to the ground with her sitting on his chest, kunai at his throat.

He winced. "It's a good thing you took your chakra out of that punch …"

She grinned. "Well, I figured you'd've asked me to take it easy on you if I had given you the time, so I cut you a break."

He shot her a wry smile. "You broke my collarbone, at any rate. It would be too painful to flip you over now, so I guess I'll have to concede defeat …" he paused. "But it's a conditional surrender."

Sakura raised an eyebrow. "And what's your condition?"

He gave her a wicked grin, and suddenly Sakura noticed the position they were in. She blushed furiously. "Kakashi-" her tone was warning.

"Sakura …" he began, voice dark. "My condition for surrender is that you …"

Her breath caught in her throat.

"Heal my collarbone," he said, voice lighter, eyes crinkled.

She let out a sigh of frustration. "You are impossible," she groused, letting his arms go and starting to climb off of him.

A gloved hand on each thigh stopped her. They were warm and rough, and because her shorts had ridden up as she sat on him, she could feel the tip of each finger on her skin. Her breath caught again at the sensation, but it was the look in his eyes that sent the wave of desire pulsing through her body.

"I'm not finished," he stated. His gaze trailed over her face but didn't dip below her chin. "My condition for surrender is that you heal my collarbone … from where you're sitting right now."

Her heart rate sped up. "Kakashi!" she protested.

"Hmm?" he asked. "I'm not going to do anything, Sakura … I just like the view." It was then that his eyes traveled past her chin, down to where her body met his chest.

Inner Sakura was melting, and Sakura wasn't far behind her. The heat in his eyes, in his voice … he didn't need to do anything else to overwhelm her senses.

"Do you accept the terms?"

She looked down at him, forcing herself to roll her eyes and act as if he weren't affecting her at all. "Fine," she said. The green glow of chakra formed around her hands as she held them over his injury and tried not to notice that he hadn't moved his hands from her thighs.

"You're all wet, Sakura," Kakashi murmured.

"What?!" she cried. _How could he know?_

 _His nose is better than Kiba's …_ Inner Sakura pointed out.

Sakura blanched. _Oh god._

"It did wash away most of the mud though," he continued, turning his head to observe her legs.

"Huh?" was all Sakura could manage.

"Good thing your shirt isn't white," he said as he slid his eyes up to her chest. His face, however, suggested that he didn't think it was a good thing at all.

It was then that Sakura finally realized that he was talking about the fact that she'd punched through a water dragon; her hair and clothes were soaked. She shook her head, bemused, thinking about the storm. "How is it that I always seem to end up wet around you?"

The instant the question left her mouth, she realized the way it sounded. _Oh god ..._

He was silent, but his fingers tightened on her thighs, and his eyes closed tightly. After a moment, eyes still closed, he spoke, "Is it almost healed?"

"Um, yeah," she replied quietly. She could barely breathe. "Just another minute or two."

He nodded. He finally opened his eyes, but he kept them trained on the branches above his head.

As the glow from her chakra finally faded, she sat back. "All done," she said. Her voice was almost a whisper.

When he didn't say anything in response, didn't even look at her, she softly called his name. "Kakashi? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," he muttered, letting his hands slip from her thighs. She missed their warmth almost immediately.

"I've just had better ideas before …" he chuckled humorlessly and pinched the bridge of his nose. "We should get going."

He started to sit up, but Sakura hadn't moved, so his action resulted in her sliding down onto his lap. He leaned back on his hands and looked up at the leaf-covered sky, sighing deeply. "Yeah, I've definitely had better ideas before."

Sakura found her gaze fixed on his strong neck, the way it was bared to her … even with his mask still on, she could see every muscle, every tendon, his Adam's apple when he swallowed. It made her want to tear off the fabric covering it and run her tongue up from his newly-healed collarbone to his ear.

She shifted unconsciously.

His hands were instantly on her thighs again, and he'd raised his head to meet her eyes. "Don't do that," he said, his voice low and strained.

"Do what?" she asked. She could feel the heat building inside her. It was like a drug.

He sighed, head falling back again. "Nevermind. Let's just get going."

Sakura didn't move. His fingers tensed against her.

"Sakura, you have to get up," he tried to command her, but there was little force behind his words. "Sakura … I can't … anymore ..."

It was then that she felt him stir between her legs, and she couldn't help but take in a sharp breath. His grip on her thighs tightened, and she watched him clench his jaw.

She wanted to see his face.

She lifted her hands to the edge of his mask. As she pulled it down, he brought his head up. He grew harder as she touched him and then harder still when he looked at her. But while his eyes were filled with need, they were also filled with questions … and something that made her feel weak.

"Sakura," he said, cupping her face with one hand. "Do you know what you're doing?"

She studied his face, his mouth, his deep, deep grey eyes, and suddenly her chest was too full … the area around her heart, leading up to her throat, felt like it would burst open if she didn't press him as close to it as possible, if he didn't wrap his arms around her. It felt like the only thing that could contain her, could save her was his hold.

Her eyes stung … with pain, with need, with fear, with happiness, with …

Her chest was too full, and she knew the answer to his question.

"Yes."


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N:** I've removed the extensive A/N from the end. I suspected it would, but it was taking away from the chapter too much. Thanks for all the support, you guys ... you're great :)

Also, this chapter is _definitely_ rated M.

 *****Don't have unprotected sex , no matter how I or others write it. These are stories; babies and STDs are real life.*****

* * *

 **Chapter 21**

Kakashi should have known better. He _knew_ he have known better. But in the split-second vision he'd had of Sakura punching through his jutsu ... her fist slamming water out of the way and strands of her wet hair sticking to her determined face as she flew toward him with a speed he hadn't expected ... In that split second, he had thought she was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.

And when she landed on him, thighs spread across his chest, dripping water onto his mask as she leaned over him triumphantly, she was so incredibly radiant that he barely felt the pain of the bone she'd broken ...

* * *

He should have known better, but in that moment, he didn't want to let her go; he wanted to lie beneath her while she healed him and pretend ... just for a little while ... that she was his, that he could hold that brilliance in his hands, in his arms.

And so, with adrenaline coursing through his veins and the weight of her body on his clouding his judgment, he contrived a way to keep her there.

* * *

He should have known it would end up this way.

* * *

He couldn't help trailing his eyes over her body as she sat above him, and while he hadn't intended to tease her like he usually did, not while she was where she was, looking like she looked, the words slid out of his mouth anyway.

But it was fine, he was managing to keep it to just that ... teasing.

... Until she innocently wondered aloud how she always seemed to end up wet around him, and he finally, fully realized what a bad idea his conditions of surrender had been.

He should have let her get up and heal him as she normally would, but he didn't, and so he found himself holding her thighs as she straddled his lap and slowly pulled his mask down.

It was a relatively novel experience for him, not being able to execute absolute control over his own actions, and this was the second time in as many days that he had given in. He had hoped things wouldn't go this far, wouldn't go this way, had hoped that he would be able to win her over before they got to this place.

But apparently he had given himself too much credit.

In a last ditch effort to stop what was starting to seem inevitable, he put his hand to her cheek and asked her if she knew what she was doing.

The multitude of emotions he watched do battle in her eyes as she studied him made him nervous in a way he never had been before; he was afraid that she would say no ... and he was equally afraid that she would say yes.

* * *

He knew the moment she reached her decision ... Her eyes grew shiny with suppressed tears, and though she never moved her hand, he could almost see her need to clutch at her chest through the tension in her face.

But it was the look in her eyes that nearly knocked the breath out of his body. There was still lust in her gaze, yes, but there was also a vulnerability there that told him that she was finally _seeing_ him ... not as a former teacher, not as a friend, not as simply an attractive man. She was seeing him for everything that he was, and her reaction to what she saw wasn't what she had expected from herself.

* * *

When she eventually said yes, he searched her eyes for any indication that she didn't mean it, but while he found fear in those green orbs, he didn't find doubt, and it was more than he could take.

Maintaining eye contact, he guided her head gently toward his until she was so close that he could feel the warmth of her face on his even though she wasn't touching him.

But still he hesitated, his lips hovering over hers. This wasn't like it had been against the tree in the rain. This wasn't just sexual desire on her part, just getting caught up in the moment, and in a way, that terrified him. He had survived torture, survived wars, survived _dying_ , but this ... this terrified the hell out of him. It was what he'd wanted ... for a long time now ... but it also meant that whatever happened next, both of their emotions would be laid bare, unguarded, defenseless.

He understood the vulnerability in her gaze; he was sure she had seen it in his own.

After a final questioning look into her face, he let his hand slide from her cheek into the damp hair at the back of her neck as he touched his lips to hers in a first, tentative whisper of a kiss before he angled his head and captured her mouth fully with his.

The kiss was deep but not rushed, and he held her body to his with a hand on her back, pressing their chests together and feeling the chill of her drying shirt briefly before it was warmed by the heat growing between them.

* * *

The difference from their last two encounters was startling.

Although Sakura had sensed more than lust from him before, the emotion she felt in that moment of hesitation, those long seconds where he held his mouth a breath away from hers, waiting until he was sure that she was sure, made her own feelings intensify almost painfully, and when their lips finally met, the kiss was so tender that she feared her chest actually, truly would explode.

But then he held her close, and she wrapped her arms around his neck, and somehow she felt safe again, the way she always had with him.

It was inexplicable to her, that she could feel safe when she had been so afraid just moments before, could feel safe when they were doing what they were doing, but she did. And she felt more than that, more than safe ... the longer she was in his arms, with his mouth and his hands touching her with a blend of caring, need, and something almost like reverence, the more the confusing mess of feelings that had been threatening to break her into pieces coalesced into a single emotion: happiness.

Happiness ...

She knew it was odd, but she was becoming very nearly giddy with happiness, so much so that she couldn't help smiling against his lips as they kissed, so much so that she wanted to laugh.

* * *

But then Kakashi's tongue entered her mouth and his hands on her hips pushed her down onto his hard length, igniting a flame of desire within her that calmed the giddiness and had her groaning into his mouth. In response, she circled her tongue around his and rolled her hips against him, feeling him grow harder with each pass of her covered core over his erection.

With a guttural hum of approval, he drew her bottom lip into his mouth and ran his hands over her ass to grip her upper thighs and encourage her to spread her legs wider.

While he guided her movements, Sakura tugged her lip from his mouth to kiss across his stubbled jawline, and she soon discovered that he _really_ liked it when she bit down almost roughly and then sucked on his neck, because his fingers tightened their hold on her thighs, and she heard his breath catch.

"Mm ... Sakura," he said, voice low and gruff as he jerked her hips toward him. "Sakura ... do you want to go back to my apartment?"

He lifted his head to drag her into another heated kiss, all the while pressing her down harder and rubbing her clit over his cock through their clothes until she thought she might come from the friction alone. When he finally freed her mouth to run his tongue along the rim of her ear, she could barely steady her breathing long enough to say yes.

* * *

That was all it took. Sakura had no time to register the hand seal he formed before they were in his bedroom with the typical poof of Shunshin no jutsu. He stood there, holding her in his arms, her legs wrapped around his waist, and just kissed her for a long moment.

When he finally moved them to the bed and let her back dip into his mattress, he broke the kiss and paused, hovering above her.

"You're so beautiful," he murmured, eyes taking in all of her as she lay beneath him.

He was looking at her the way he had in the exam room, the way that only he had ever looked at her, and it set her heart aflutter at the same time that it made her insides clench with need.

"Kakashi …" she said quietly, her voice filled with desire and just a hint of giddiness.

The corners of her mouth quirked up in a small smile as she raised her arms to his waist and tugged on his shirt to bring him down to her. He obliged, rolling his erection against her core as his body met hers and letting a hand ghost up her side to cup one of her breasts. He flicked his thumb over the hardened nipple at the same time that he thrust his hips sharply into hers, and Sakura gasped at the dual sensations, her head dropping back into the comforter and her fingers dipping unconsciously under the waistband of his pants.

* * *

He kissed her then, not stopping his rocking motion, hitting her clit with the head of his cock with each movement. The need to be inside her was becoming urgent. He removed his hand from her breast to duck it under her shirt and run it up the bare skin of her side until he encountered her bindings.

With a small growl of frustration, he sat back on his heels, feeling his erection pressing uncomfortably against his pants, and began to pull her shirt up. She lifted her arms to allow him to take it off. After it had been relegated to some dark corner of his room by a quick toss, he stared at the thin strips of cloth hiding her from him for a minute before resting a hand on the mattress next to her head and running his tongue along her neck as he let his other hand slide behind her back to undo the knot securing her bindings.

While he worked, he heard her moan quietly and felt her fingers slip under his shirt. Knowing what she wanted, he stopped his efforts to bare her breasts and sat up to tuck a hand under each side of his shirt.

* * *

Sakura's mouth went dry as she stared at his muscles flexing when he pulled the navy fabric over his abs, over his chest, and finally over his head, then threw it to the floor. She would have laughed at the way the act somehow managed to make his hair even messier, but she was too busy being mesmerized by his body, the sunlight streaming in from the window highlighting every ridge, every dip.

Her gaze traveled from the spiky mass of silver atop his head down to his charcoal eyes, which were watching her watch him with heat smoldering in their depths. The lust she saw there made her blush, and she looked down, embarrassed, only to find her gaze on his mouth … then his chest ... then his abs ... and then the top of his pants, which were slung so low on his hips that she could see a small tuft of white hair peeking out over the waistband. Her blush burned brighter at the sight, but still she let her eyes drift downward.

When she saw the proof of his arousal straining against his pants, she stopped breathing. She felt her nipples instantly tighten and her underwear grow wetter, and she couldn't help imagining what he looked like without the fabric in the way, what he would feel like when he thrust into her.

"Kakashi … I-" she began, voice husky with desire. _I want you too._

* * *

The hunger in her eyes as she looked at his erection nearly did him in, and then the way she said his name so desperately actually did.

"Fuck, Sakura," he groaned, dipping his head down to kiss her with a desperation of his own and slipping a hand under her shorts, under her panties, until he got to what he wanted. He ran his fingers over her slit, finding in the slickness there the evidence that he was turning her on as much as she was turning him on.

He felt her hands skim up his sides to latch onto his back, her fingernails digging into his shoulder blades as he started rubbing faster, letting two fingers curl into her with each downward stroke. She was moaning into his mouth, but he wanted to hear her cry out when she came. Tearing his lips from hers, he began sucking on the delicate skin of her neck until she was panting against his ear, small whimpers of pleasure escaping ... and then it was his name again, breathy, needy, and so sexy that he struggled to keep from coming himself.

"Sakura, you're driving me crazy ..." he muttered darkly into the space where her neck met her shoulder. "I need you to come. I need to h-"

His voice cut off abruptly when he felt her walls clamp down on his fingers and heard her call out as her orgasm hit.

His own breathing heavy, he lifted his head to watch her face as she came, and in the late morning light, she was even more beautiful than she had been the night before.

"Sakura ..."

* * *

The look in his eyes when she opened hers made her heart clench even as she continued to pulse around his fingers. It was tender and desirous and ... loving. He didn't say it, but she saw it there, that he loved her. And she wanted to cry.

Instead, she reached for him, pulling his face down to hers and kissing him deeply.

She was terrified ... terrified of what he was feeling, terrified of what _she_ was feeling, terrified of what she was going to ask him to do. But she knew that she wanted it ... right, wrong ... at that moment, it didn't matter to her.

"Kakashi ... make love to me," she almost whispered against his lips, her heart racing.

* * *

When Kakashi heard her soft voice speak those words into his mouth, he groaned, and any blood that hadn't already headed south made its way there with a flash of heat.

Overwhelmed by his feelings for the woman beneath him, he removed his hand from inside of her and brought both hands up to cup the back of her head. Resting on his elbows, one to each side of her face, he let most of his weight press her body into the mattress as he tilted her head back and kissed her with everything inside of him.

* * *

If Sakura had thought any of his previous kisses had been filled with emotion, they held nothing on this one. She felt as if he were pouring something of himself into her with each swipe of his tongue, each nip of his teeth, each movement of his lips over hers, and the way he covered her with his strong form made her feel warm, protected, and incredibly turned on.

* * *

When he couldn't hold back anymore, he broke away from her and sat back, running his hands down to her still-covered breasts and circling her nipples with the tips of his index fingers before skimming past the curves of her waist to tuck his fingers under her bottoms. As he dragged them over her hips, he dipped his head to plant kisses from her belly button on to every newly exposed inch of her skin until he arrived at the first of her pink curls.

From there, he raised his head and encouraged her to lift her hips with a small, lopsided grin, then slipped her shorts and panties off and stood at the end of the bed, hands at the waistband of his pants.

* * *

Sakura propped herself up on her elbows to watch Kakashi move off the bed and found him looking at her, clearly enjoying the view of her nearly naked body. Her own eyes traveled appreciatively over his muscular torso to where his fingers teased her by sliding over his pants without pulling down. Instead, he gripped his very visible erection through the fabric and gave it a few hard strokes. Sakura blushed at the sight, and a delicious heat pooled low in her abdomen, but she managed to focus enough to reach behind her back with one hand to undo the knot of her bindings. When the strips of cloth fell away, baring her breasts to him, she was rewarded with the darkening of his gaze and the tightening of his fist around his cock.

* * *

Seeing her pull her bindings off so that she lay completely exposed on his bed had Kakashi harder than he thought he'd ever been. He released his hold on his cock to shrug off his pants and climbed back onto the mattress, spreading her legs slowly with a hand on each knee, revealing her pink curls and nearly dripping vagina. He grew impossibly harder, knowing that she was that ready for him, and he couldn't resist tasting her once before stretching fully over her and crushing his mouth onto hers.

* * *

Sakura was stunned and completely aroused by the long sweep of his tongue up her opening and against her clit, but she barely had time to process the sensation before that same tongue was slipping between her lips to tangle with hers. All of her nerves burning with need, she was easily caught up in the kiss, and she dug her fingers into his hair with a moan, her leg lifting unconsciously to roll her pelvis into his.

When her movement caused the head of his penis to bump into her opening, Kakashi growled into her mouth, snaking a hand down to grip her ass and raise her hips higher as he rubbed himself over her, her fluids allowing him to slide easily between her lower lips, up and down against her clit.

"Sakura … you're so fucking wet," he groaned and picked up his pace. "I can't …" He kissed her, jerking her lower body up into him roughly. "I have to …" His voice was dark and uneven, and with a last, harsh press of his lips to hers, he drove his cock deeply into her in one, swift motion.

Sakura's head fell back instantly, her mouth ripping away from his as she cried out in pleasured shock, her hands tugging at his hair.

A hiss escaped his own lips as he finally felt her heat around him, but he paused for only a moment before his pent-up desire had him pulling out and plunging back in, his fingers digging into soft flesh as he quickly found a rhythm.

Sakura pushed the foot of her other leg into the mattress and began moving with him, dragging his head up to draw him into a heavy kiss.

"Kakashi …" she panted against his lips, letting a hand travel from the back of his head down to his shoulders. "More …"

She didn't even know what she was asking for, but he seemed to understand somehow, because suddenly, without slowing his movements, he was lifting his chest from hers and leaning back on his heels. Seeing the way he looked at her, the passion and need in his eyes as he continued to push into her, that alone had her vaginal muscles clenching with desire, but then he placed a hand under each thigh and sat up on his knees, yanking her hips off the bed and into his, practically impaling her with his hard length, and she thought she might pass out.

"Oh god," she breathed, eyes closing tightly as he continued to drive into her. "Oh god … Kakashi …"

* * *

She was so damn beautiful.

She'd thrown her arms above her head and was gripping the comforter tightly, using the bed to help her meet his thrusts. Her breasts bounced each time he slammed into her, and the sensation of her walls fluttering around him had him worried that he wouldn't last. He'd wanted this for too long ...

Still pumping into her, he trailed a hand from one of her thighs over her hip and across her belly until his thumb brushed her damp curls. She tensed, catching her breath, but he didn't touch her where he knew she wanted him to, opting instead to feel her grow wetter and wetter and hear her panting grow needier and needier as he alternated between running his thumb over the skin right above her clit and tracing circles in the hair there.

"Kakashi …" she said in something close to a whimper, pushing her hips impatiently into his.

"What, Sakura?" he asked, his voice raspy with his own desire.

She didn't answer, just bucked her hips insistently. He let his thumb drift closer to her clit and felt her pulse around him. "What do you want, Sakura?" he murmured darkly.

"Kakashi …" she almost begged, her brows furrowing and her hands grasping at the blanket.

"Do you want this?" He pressed his thumb against her clit, and her reaction was instantaneous … she gasped loudly, and one hand flew to grab the blankets at her side while her inner walls gripped him almost painfully.

"Yeeesss …" she moaned as he rubbed his thumb in small circles. She was soaked now, her juices coating his cock and dripping onto the bed as he thrust into her.

"Will this make you come, Sakura?" he asked in a nearly pained tone, torturing himself as much as her … he wanted to let himself go, to make real what he'd imagined so many times ... but she needed to come first.

* * *

Sakura could barely think. He was driving her crazy, filling her so deeply, teasing her with his thumb. She was so, so close …

"Sakura, look at me," he ordered.

There was that commanding voice of his again. Powerless to resist, Sakura opened her eyes and very nearly came at the sight of his hard body plunging into her, abs clenching. His neck muscles were taut, and she could see that he was close too. Her gaze dropped to where his hand met her body, and the sight was breathtaking … his long fingers splayed over her stomach, and his thumb moved slowly where his white hair met her pink hair with each forward thrust of his hips. She was hypnotized.

"Will this make you come?" he repeated huskily, and it was all she could do to whisper yes.

He groaned. "If you come, I'm going to come too …" he warned, the hand still on her thigh tightening its hold as he picked up his speed.

The thought of him coming while she did made her vagina pulse harshly, and she knew he felt it, because his thumb started pushing harder, circling faster, and his hips jerked into her so that he was hitting her cervix each time he entered her.

She gasped. "Kakashi … I'm going to …"

"Shit …" he said through gritted teeth. "Do it … Come, Sakura ..."

His voice was her undoing. She cried out as her orgasm tore through her, her body clamping onto his hard shaft, milking it, trying to keep it inside of her, and the pleasure from his thumb was so intense that she almost couldn't take it. This orgasm was so much _more_ than the ones she'd had at his fingers alone … he was so big, stretched her so wide, sank into her so deeply ...

* * *

While she was still mid-orgasm, he removed his thumb from her clit and pushed her down into the bed, and then he was kissing her as his rhythm started to break.

"Sakura …" he moaned brokenly against her mouth before he inhaled sharply as he dropped his head to her shoulder.

She heard a low groan beside her ear as he pulled out of her, and then she felt several jets of a warm spray against her stomach. She was surprised to realize that knowing that he was coming and feeling his cum hit her stomach made her orgasm last just a little longer than it normally would have.

* * *

When she could finally settle her breathing down, she found that he had shifted most of his weight to one side, resting one hand on her waist, the other behind her head, and he was currently placing a series of gentle kisses along her collarbone.

He must have sensed her eyes on him, because he smiled against the crook of her neck and nuzzled her with his nose before grazing his lips up to capture hers in a lazy, sated kiss, the hand on her waist squeezing lightly.

Pulling away with a last peck on the corner of her mouth, he said, "I'll get something to clean you up."

And, as if in some sort of dream world, Sakura watched him get up from the bed, completely naked, and walk into his bathroom. Incredibly, considering he had brought her to orgasm twice already, desire stirred within her at the sight of his strong back muscles, his toned ass and his muscular thighs, and when he returned, holding up a hand towel, her mouth ran dry as she saw, really for the first time, all of him.

Even flaccid as he was now, he was magnificent, and her body burned at the thought that she'd just had him inside of her moments ago.

He seemed not to take notice of the way she was looking at him as he knelt onto the bed and began wiping away the evidence of his orgasm.

"Kakashi?" she whispered.

He raised his head, his unbound hair falling across his left eye. He gave her a soft smile that made her blush at the same time that it made a lump form in her throat. "Hmm?"

"Can you … will you come here?" she asked hesitantly, suddenly struggling to keep her voice from cracking.

* * *

He recognized that she was starting to feel overwhelmed with everything that happened, so he ran the towel across her stomach one last time before throwing it to the floor and crawling up to lie on his side next to her.

Immediately, she curled into him, and he lifted an arm so that she could use it as a makeshift pillow, then pulled the blanket over them before bringing his other arm down to wrap around her waist and hold her to his chest.

When he felt her shoulders begin to tremble and the first few drops of her hot tears fell onto his arm, his heart twisted painfully, and he was hit with a sharp guilt over what he had let happen that made his own throat tighten.

Swallowing with difficulty, he pressed his chin to the top of her head as he hugged her close and listened while she cried.

* * *

He really should have known better.

* * *

 **A/N:** Leaving this part though ... To Kakasaku haters: Seriously, why read a story if you don't like the clearly advertised couple? That's like ordering your least favorite food and getting pissed off at the waiter for serving it to you. Grow up


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N:** Sorry for the delay on this one. It's been a busy week at work.

* * *

 **Chapter 22**

When she finally had no more tears to shed, Sakura became cognizant of the fact that she was naked, wrapped in an equally naked Kakashi's strong arms under a blanket on his bed, but she didn't have the energy to leave his embrace … didn't have the energy to fight with herself to leave his embrace, really.

She knew that she should … more than anything … but she just couldn't bring herself to get up. Her heart and mind were in pieces, and, for better or for worse, it felt like he was the only thing keeping the parts of her from scattering away in the wind.

"I'm so tired," she sighed into his chest, slipping the arm she wasn't lying on from between them to drape it over his side until she was holding him loosely.

In response, he gathered her in closer and kissed the top of her head. "Sleep," he murmured into her hair. "I'm here."

The quiet sound of his deep voice was soothing, and Sakura unconsciously tucked a leg between his and snuggled into his warmth as she fell into an exhausted sleep.

* * *

Kakashi's arm had lost feeling ages ago, but he figured he deserved it. The way her shoulders had shaken with her sobs while he hugged her to him had nearly torn him apart.

Gods knew it had been hard enough to make it through the first time that he'd held her as she broke down ... and that time he wasn't in love with her, they weren't naked in his bed, and he wasn't the reason she was crying.

He clenched his jaw. What kind of man was he to reduce a woman to tears and then be the one to comfort her? Maybe he really was no better than his errant former student ... He couldn't forgive Sasuke for abandoning Sakura again after the clones issue was resolved because he knew how much it had hurt her, even if she didn't show it. Yet here he was, having caused her more pain in the past two months than anything he'd seen from Sasuke since that night four years ago ... And he'd done it twice.

How could he have let this happen? It didn't matter how good she'd felt against him or how much he'd wanted her or how much he could see that she'd wanted him too … he shouldn't have let this happen. This wasn't how he'd wanted things to go. It wasn't how he'd planned for them to go.

He sighed, but softly so as not to wake the woman in his arms.

None of that was to say that he hadn't known it _could_ happen.

Kakashi wasn't an idiot; he knew that the first hurdle he would have to overcome with Sakura was getting her to see him as a _man_ , and he knew that there was a good chance that he could make that happen ... He was well aware that most of his interactions with her were more like flirting than anything anyway … and had been for a long time. He was also aware that he could be very charming when he wanted to be. And he was aware that, even though there had been periods of time over the last eighteen years where they hadn't seen each other very often, he knew her better than most people, perhaps better than anyone aside from Naruto and Ino.

He hadn't needed to make out with her in an exam room or finger her against a tree to get past the first hurdle.

He certainly hadn't needed to make love to her.

And he knew it. But he had also known that there was a chance that something like this would happen if he were at all successful in changing her perspective on him. They were already close; if she were to become attracted to him and the right situation came about, of course there was a chance ...

He'd just thought he could handle it, keep it from happening ... He hadn't expected that his renowned willpower would choose this point in his life to desert him. He hadn't expected that his desire for her would be so all-consuming that he wouldn't be able to keep his head on straight when she started to show signs of interest.

At the least, he'd figured he would have learned his lesson after finding her so lost, so anguished, the day he'd given in at the hospital.

But it seemed that he was, in the end, selfish and weak, and now he wasn't sure what to do. It wouldn't have been _easy_ , but it would have been so much _easier_ if he had just been able to control himself ...

He looked down at her sleeping face. Her lips were still swollen from his kisses, and he hated that his cock twitched at the sight, even as her cheeks were stained with dried tears. It was just another reminder that yeah, he'd had her ... but at what cost? As amazing as it had been, what was one time if it meant that it was the only time?

* * *

Kakashi had been mentally kicking his own ass for the better part of two hours when Sakura finally woke. Reluctantly, she dragged her arm from around his waist to rub away the salt crystals, remnants of crying, from her eyes.

She didn't want to open them.

Even though she could feel his body around hers, smell him with every intake of breath, she thought that if she just kept her eyes closed, maybe she could pretend it was all a dream … a good dream, but a dream nonetheless.

She didn't want to have to come to terms with what she had done, and she didn't want to have to figure out why, even in the face of all of the guilt and emotional turmoil, a part of her had never been happier than she was at that moment. It wasn't right.

She could feel her eyes beginning to sting again. She had had sex with someone who wasn't her husband.

She had had sex with _Kakashi_.

She couldn't believe it, but it wasn't a dream, no matter how much she may have wanted it to be.

Her throat began to close. She needed to get up and go home.

Home.

Sakura's heart stopped. Sarada was going to be home today.

"Kakashi, what time is it?" she asked, jerking her head away from his arm and rolling over to look for a clock. "Sarada's mission was only supposed to take one day ... she could be back anytime now. I need to leave … I can't be here. I can't be here when she gets home … And why the hell don't you have a clock?!"

She was nearing hysteria when she felt his hand on her stomach. It made a familiar warmth swirl within her, even in the midst of her building panic, and the warmth only increased when he gently pulled her back into him and placed a kiss on her shoulder.

"Sakura, it's okay. It's only about ten after noon," he said quietly.

She hated the way her body responded to his touch, hated the way her heart rate calmed at the sound of his voice.

She scowled.

... And how did he know what time it was anyway? She scanned the room again. There wasn't a clock anywhere that she could see ...

Kakashi interrupted her search with a light squeeze of his hand. "I have a highly developed sense of time," he explained, as if it should have been obvious.

"Bullshit," she retorted automatically.

He chuckled. "Of course, I don't always pay attention to it ..."

"I hate you," she grumbled, pulling off the blanket. His hand slipped off of her waist as she climbed out of the bed.

With some difficulty, she located all of her clothes and started to get dressed. When she began wrapping her bindings around her chest, she felt his eyes on her. Turning to glare at him, she found him propped up on one elbow, chest bare, watching her with a look that made her blush. The blanket had slid down to his hips, and his hair was particularly messy, even for him, locks of it alternately sticking out of the top of his head and falling over his eyes.

She frowned as her blush deepened. Why did he have to be that ...

 _Attractive? Sexy? Hot?_ Inner Sakura suggested with an evil grin.

 _I was going to say "annoying,"_ Sakura corrected.

Inner Sakura was unfazed. _Annoyingly sexy, you mean ..._

 _Yeah that,_ Sakura agreed without thinking. _Dammit ..._

"Do you need some help?" Kakashi asked with just a hint of a teasing tone.

At that, Sakura realized that she had stopped putting on her bindings and instead had been staring at his abs. Embarrassed, she gritted her teeth and narrowed her eyes at him. "I'm fine," she replied, voice clipped. "You should put some clothes on yourself."

Cheeks still flushed, she turned her back to him and finished wrapping her chest, then pulled on her shirt. When she faced him again, he'd gotten out of bed and thrown on a pair of pants ... but no shirt. Her brow furrowed.

"You're impossible," she huffed.

He just gave her an amused smirk and agreed. "I know."

She reached for her weapons pack and his expression grew serious. "Sakura ... we should talk," he said.

She didn't look at him. "I can't. I have to go." She strapped her pack onto her leg and checked to see if she'd forgotten anything.

"I know," he said. "I don't mean now. But we should talk."

She sighed and raised her eyes to his, then sighed again. "I know," she responded softly.

"Are you working tomorrow?"

Her face reflected her desperate wish to avoid the conversation, but she answered anyway. "Yeah, I have the day shift."

He nodded. "I'll bring you lunch then."

Sakura closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. "You don't have to do that."

"I don't mind."

She hated the way her heart warmed at his words.

"Fine. I'll see you tomorrow then."

She tried to walk past him to the bedroom door, but he stopped her with a hand on her shoulder.

"Sakura ..."

Her throat clenched. She refused to turn her gaze to him.

"Sakura ... look at me," he said, his voice gentle.

She swallowed thickly. Why could she never seem to ignore that command? Her eyes drifted toward him against her will.

Kakashi's expression was soft and caring, and she had to struggle not to tear up.

"What?" she managed to get out.

"It's going to be okay." His dark grey eyes were so confident that she found herself almost believing him.

She tried to swallow the lump in her throat again and looked at the wall. "No, it's not."

He pulled her into a hug then, tucking her to his chest and letting his chin settle on the top of her head. She hated herself for wrapping her arms around his waist and holding him tightly. Her eyes began to water.

"Yes," he said. "It is."

She had to leave before she began crying again. Tugging herself away, she fled the apartment without looking back.

* * *

When Sakura made it to her house, she found that Sarada wasn't back yet. Unbelievably grateful, she headed directly for her shower. She needed the white noise of the falling water to numb her mind, needed the hot droplets to wash away the last 24 hours.

She ignored the twinge in her heart at the thought of cleansing herself of Kakashi like nothing had never happened. She could still smell him on her skin, in her clothes, and it made her think about all the tender moments they'd shared that morning, all the times when she had felt that he really, truly loved her.

She shook her head, frustrated, and turned on the shower. This was what she had to do … forget that she had ever slept with Kakashi. They would talk tomorrow, then they would never talk about it again.

And they would definitely never _do_ it again.

* * *

Sakura was making dinner when Sarada finally returned from her mission.

"Hi, Mom!" the dark-haired girl called as she dropped her pack in the hallway.

"Hi, honey," Sakura responded. "Don't leave that there … put it away in your room like you're supposed to."

Her daughter scowled, then sighed, put-upon, and picked up her pack. "Fiiine."

Sakura heard the sound of the shower a few minutes later and sighed. She was an idiot; it wasn't only Sasuke who would be hurt by what she had been doing lately ... she had been putting her daughter's feelings at risk too. Sarada may not have had the best relationship with her father, but they were working on it.

Inner Sakura rolled her eyes. _When he's home … which isn't very often._

Sakura sighed again. _She loves him. She would be devastated if I did anything to make him not want to come home._

 _So you're not allowed to be happy because Sasuke would abandon his daughter … more than he already has … if you hurt him?_ Inner Sakura was frustrated.

 _First of all, I am happy. I have a loving husband-_

 _Who's never here …_

Sakura ignored her inner self. _I have a loving husband and a wonderful daughter, a good job-_

 _Which is only partly satisfying …_

Sakura sighed for a third time. _Shut up. I'm happy. And even if I weren't ... no, I wouldn't be allowed to be happy if it meant that my daughter was unhappy. That's what being a parent is._

 _You don't think she'll pick up on your unhappiness and that will make her unhappy?_

Sakura was quiet for a minute. _This is a ridiculous argument. I'm happy, so it's irrelevant._

 _Keep telling yourself that ..._ Inner Sakura shrugged.

Sarada's voice interrupted Sakura's thoughts. "Mom? When's dinner going to be ready? I'm starving."

"Oh, not long," she replied in as normal a tone as possible. "You can set the table."

Sarada studied her mother with a frown. "Are you okay? Is it Dad?"

Sakura's heart twisted. "I'm fine. There's nothing wrong with your dad. Why would you think that?"

"I dunno," Sarada said, brows still furrowed. "Sometimes you get this look when you're thinking about him."

"I'm not sure what you mean. Everything's fine." Sakura's voice was calm, but inside she was panicking. Maybe Inner Sakura had been right about Sarada picking up on her moods ... "You don't need to worry about me. I'm supposed to worry about you, not the other way around." She reached out and tweaked her daughter's nose, plastering on a fake smile.

Sarada rolled her eyes and went to the cabinet to grab plates. "Do you know if Kakashi-sama is in town? I want to get him to reach me something new," she said.

Sakura's heart twisted tighter, and she had to pause before responding in order to make sure her voice didn't waver.

"I think he is," she finally answered, eyes focused on the skillet, trying not to remember the way he'd felt around her, inside of her.

"Awesome!" Sarada exclaimed as she carried the plates to the table. "He's a really good teacher, even if he does always get there late ..."

"Yeah, he is," Sakura agreed quietly, spooning rice into two small bowls and handing them to her daughter. "Here, take these to the table. I want to hear about your mission."

"Okay. It was fun, actually!" Sarada said happily. "There was this really fat merchant, but his daughter was super pretty ... prettier than Ino-oba-san."

Sakura forced a smile as she poured the curry she had been cooking into a serving bowl and brought it to the table. "So what did you have to do?"

Sarada rambled on, and Sakura felt herself relaxing a bit. She just had to push thoughts of Kakashi to the back of her mind, and everything would be fine ...

Hopefully.

* * *

 **A/N 2:** More of a transition chapter, but necessary.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

The hospital wasn't nearly busy enough to keep Sakura from counting the minutes until Kakashi showed up. He hadn't said specifically what time he would be bringing her lunch, but she knew that he knew that she took her break around 1 if there weren't any emergencies, and she had a feeling that he wouldn't be late that afternoon, not for the conversation they needed to have.

She sighed as she looked at the clock above the nurses' station for the umpteenth time.

12:44

It seemed that Kakashi had invaded her mind, conscious and unconscious … She had spent the night before dreaming about the silver-haired nin, and when she awoke that morning, she was briefly confused not to find him in the bed with her. It had taken several seconds before she remembered that he shouldn't, in fact, have been there and that she was, in fact, married to someone else, and then she had spent another minute trying to convince herself that the twinge of disappointment she had felt had nothing to do with Kakashi _in particular_. Rather, she told herself, waking up in a man's arms the previous morning had reminded her of what it was like to wake up in Sasuke's arms, and she was feeling the loneliness more acutely than usual because of it.

It made sense too, she thought … Most of her life she had slept alone, awakened alone. The nights she had been able to spend with Sasuke had been precious moments, rare times when her wishes had actually come true. She had never wanted anyone else to hold her like that, and no one else ever had ... until Kakashi. So of course she would automatically associate the experience of being held by a man with the only person she had previously experienced it with, who also happened to be the only person she had ever imagined experiencing it with, and since making that association would necessarily call attention to the fact that said person wasn't there to hold her in that way, it was only natural that she would be upset ...

 _Rationalization level: Kage_ , Inner Sakura tossed out sardonically.

Sakura felt her cheeks warm. _Whatever … it makes sense_ ...

 _Sure_ , Inner Sakura agreed. _That's what rationalizing does … makes things make sense according to what you want them to be. Doesn't mean it's how they really are._

Sakura felt helpless. _It's the_ _ **only**_ _thing that makes sense. There's no way I want Kakashi to …_

"Sakura-sama?"

The sound of another medic's voice jolted Sakura back to reality. She turned to look at the young, dark-haired male. "Yes, Ichiru-san?"

"I can hold down the fort if you want to go take a lunch. There's hardly anything happening." He gave her a small smile and gestured toward the empty hallway.

Sakura smiled back. "Ah, yes, thank you, Ichiru-san, but I'm actually waiting for-"

"Me."

Sakura's throat instantly dried up, and she could only hope that she didn't look as startled as she felt while a white takeout bag found its way onto the counter by her hip.

Thankfully, Ichiru seemed not to notice. "Oh, Hokage-sama, you brought Sakura-sama lunch? That's very nice of you," he said, bowing at the person behind the bag.

The deep voice that responded made Sakura's insides squirm. "I'm not Hokage anymore, Ichiru-san ... That's why I have time to bring busy hospital chiefs greasy food."

She could picture the scrunchy-eyed look Ichiru-san was currently receiving.

"You know, though, Ichiru-san," Kakashi continued, and Sakura didn't need to hear the rustle of his shirtsleeve to know that he was raising his finger to his lips. "Doesn't it seem odd that the chief of the hospital loves desserts and tempura more than anything? It's quite unhealthy …"

Ichiru-san nodded slowly, glancing at Sakura out of the corner of his eye. "Well, yes, it is … but someone like Sakura-sama doesn't need to worry about that sort of thing …" A light blush dusted his cheeks.

Sakura could feel Kakashi's eyes on her in the ensuing pause, and it made her body heat against her will.

"That's true, Ichiru-san," the silver-haired man allowed finally. "She's in very good shape."

Praying that she was only imagining the emphasis on the "very," Sakura snatched up the bag of food and turned toward her tormentor, frowning. "Well, now that you both have decided that I'm capable of eating whatever I want to eat, why don't I go eat it?" She shot a pointedly raised eyebrow in Ichiru-san's direction before heading toward her office.

* * *

Kakashi watched the male medic's face burn as Sakura stomped away and had to stop himself from chuckling. Clearly he wasn't the only one who found the pink-haired woman attractive ...

Stifling a smile and painting on a suitably apologetic look instead, Kakashi scratched the back of his head and faced Ichiru-san. "Ah, sorry about that," he said sheepishly. "I have a bad habit of teasing her too much. I'd better go make sure she doesn't throw my portion out the window …"

Before the young nin could reply, Kakashi was halfway down the hall and knocking on Sakura's office door. He heard the thud of some blunt object hitting the wood at about head-height and figured that that was his cue to go in. With an arm raised in defense, he pushed the door open slowly and stepped into the room.

Once inside, he dodged a pen and then closed the door behind himself, noting with a quick glance at the floor that the original projectile had been a stapler.

"Maa, Sakura-chan," he complained, reaching for the takeout bag. "I thought it was safe to enter the chief medic's office after Tsunade-sama retired …"

"It _is_ safe," Sakura retorted. "... Unless you're an irritating former Hokage who doesn't appreciate the magnificence of sweets and fried food."

He made a face at her as she popped a piece of breaded chicken into her mouth, then stuck a hand into the bag. He couldn't help the pleased grin that spread across his face when he found what he was looking for.

"I thought about dumping it out the window …" he heard Sakura say as he pulled out the warm container of soup and placed it on her desk.

"Mm, I'm sure you did," he replied, sitting across from her and taking off the lid. "But I'm very glad you decided not to."

* * *

Sakura felt her cheeks warm at the genuine look of thanks he gave her from the other side of the desk. "Well … you did buy it," she grumbled, turning her gaze from him to her food.

They ate in silence. Sakura was trying not to think about what they would talk about when they were finished. Having him so close to her again was affecting her in a way she hadn't anticipated. She had expected to be nervous, and she was, but she had also expected that she would want to run as fast as she could in the opposite direction the minute she saw him.

She didn't.

Yes, her heart rate was elevated, but their interaction so far had been so _normal_ … it was hard not to fall back into their usual routine, regardless of what had happened recently, and a part of her was irritated because she knew that he was responsible for that; he just showed up, acting like himself, and she went right along with it.

She scowled at her now-empty box of food but didn't move until she heard the slide of paper across her desk.

"If you're finished …" Kakashi said quietly.

Sakura raised her eyes to find his fingers pushing a wrapped skewer of mitarashi dango toward her. She sighed, trying not to notice the warm, fuzzy feeling floating around her abdomen. It wasn't anything special; he'd known her for almost 20 years ... of course he knew what she liked to eat ...

"Thank you," she responded softly, picking up the dessert. "And for lunch in general."

* * *

Maybe buying the dango for her was a mistake, Kakashi thought while he watched her wrap her lips around the skewer to pull one of the small balls into her mouth.

He knew that he hadn't disguised his indecent thoughts well enough when she lifted her eyes to meet his and promptly blushed.

* * *

Sakura hadn't realized that eating dango could be sexual until she saw the darkened look in Kakashi's eyes after she took a bite from the skewer. That darkness and the way his gaze kept trailing back toward her mouth as she chewed made her think about the look he had given her in the bathroom hallway at the pub back when this whole thing had started ...

An all-too-familiar heat began building low in her body, and she set the skewer down as she swallowed, unwilling to make things worse by eating any more while he was there.

In response, Kakashi sighed and rubbed a thumb against his brow. "I'm sorry, Sakura, I didn't mean ..." He turned his gaze to the desk. "Eat the rest of the dango; I won't watch."

She immediately felt bad. It wasn't her fault, but it wasn't his either ... it just was; they were attracted to each other, and it would take some time to figure out what they could and couldn't do around each other without drawing up that sort of tension.

"It's okay," she said, fiddling with the end of the stick. "I'm not upset ... it's just ... difficult."

Kakashi caught her eyes again. "'Difficult' about sums it up, yeah ..." He gave her a self-deprecating half-smile. "I want you to finish the dango because I know how much you like it, but I can't watch you eat it without wanting to kiss you ... and kiss you and kiss you."

Sakura grew breathless at the sudden need his words incited in her, and Inner Sakura wanted to take another bite just to see what he would do ...

After a minute of internal wrestling, she managed to squash her twisted inner self, but she couldn't get rid of the desire she felt for the man sitting across from her.

"Kakashi ..." she said, voice barely above a whisper. _You can't say things like that_ , she wanted to tell him, y _ou can't say things like that, because I might not be able to resist you if you do ..._

"I know," he responded simply.

Her throat tightened. "We can't do this."

He furrowed his eyebrows and closed his eyes as if he wanted to contradict her but was trying not to. Finally, he opened them again and spoke. "I know," he sighed. "I know we can't do this. We can't have an affair-"

An affair ... The word hit her like a kick in the gut. That's what it was, but she hadn't let herself think about it like that before, and now that he had labeled it, she found that she couldn't keep tears from forming in her eyes.

He seemed to understand that she needed a minute, because he paused before continuing. "... I know we can't have an affair, and I don't _want_ to have an affair with you, Sakura ... But I do want you. I've told you this before ... I want to be with you, to _really_ be with you. I don't want to share you with Sasuke."

Sakura felt like her heart was being ripped out of her chest, and the tears started falling down her cheeks. "I don't-" her voice cracked. "Kakashi, I don't know what you want me to do ..." She stopped to rub her eyes.

He waited until she looked at him again, then answered, his gaze and his tone completely serious. "I want you to leave Sasuke and be with me."

Sakura stared at him in shock. How could he just ... _say_ something like that so bluntly?

After a moment of waiting for her to respond, his eyes traveled to the window. "That's what I want, Sakura, but it seems like I can't control myself around you." He laughed humorlessly. "If you wanted me ... even if you didn't leave Sasuke ... if you wanted me, I don't think I would be able to stop you."

He turned his eyes back to hers, and she could see the struggle he was facing. It made her heart hurt.

"I want you too much." His voice was quiet. "But I also don't want to cause you any more pain. The opposite, really." He looked out the window again. "I've watched Sasuke hurt you again and again, and I want to protect you from that, not make it worse."

His profile as he spoke was so familiar, so handsome, so honest, that Sakura wanted to touch it, to trace her fingers along his cheekbones and his jawline. She wanted to hold him and have him wrap his arms around her waist and envelope her with his body.

She didn't understand where all this was coming from.

She didn't understand him. She didn't understand herself. She didn't understand why any of this was happening, but seeing him in such obvious pain was breaking her heart, and she was getting up and walking over to where he sat before she could stop herself.

Standing between his legs, she placed a hand on either side of his face and looked into his charcoal eyes. They were so troubled. She could see his desire for her ... and his desire not to do anything she didn't want, and her heart twisted inside her chest.

"Kakashi ..." she murmured, barely aware of what she was saying and entirely unaware that she was leaning down toward him. "We can't do this ..."

And then her lips were on his and his hands were on her waist, tugging her into him, and he was kissing her back with a palpable need. Her arms linked around his neck as he rose from his chair and pressed her into her desk.

The fire his mouth and his hands ignited in her with such ease surprised her ... she quickly found herself consumed by their kiss, and if he hadn't pulled away and rested his forehead on hers as he caught his breath, she wasn't sure what might have happened. As it was, the tight grip he had on her hips and the way his body still covered hers had her tempted to draw him back down to her.

After a minute or two, he opened his eyes to capture hers in their grey depths. "Sakura," he said, his voice low and rough, his forehead still on hers. "Take some time ... think about what you want. I'm not going anywhere."

His gaze drifted back down to her mouth, and he brushed his lips against hers once more before stepping away and picking up the skewer of dango from the desk behind her. Lifting her hand and wrapping her fingers around the stick, he gave her a soft smile.

"Enjoy your dessert ... I'll see you later."

With that, he made the hand sign for Shunshin no jutsu and left her office in a puff of smoke.

* * *

 **A/N:** To readers curious about how long this story will be ... I'm honestly not sure, as it's rather writing itself, but there is a fair amount left. If I had to guess, I'd say we're somewhere around halfway there.


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N:** I'm happy to accept constructive criticism and well-reasoned arguments against what I've written, but if all you're going to do is blast the pairing and tell me to kill myself, I'm going to delete your review, and you can kindly fuck off.

To everyone else, I hope you enjoy this next chapter and the ones to come. I appreciate all the follows and favs and reviews … they make my day.

Friendly reminder that this story is NSFW.

* * *

 **Chapter 24**

It had been a few days since Sakura and Kakashi had talked in her office, and she hadn't seen him at all; it seemed that he was serious about giving her time to think, which was good.

The problem was that she had no idea what she should do. Any time she tried to think about Kakashi or Sasuke or the situation she had found herself in, she ended up feeling either like her head was going to explode all on its own or like she was going to perform brain surgery on herself to remove the utterly obnoxious and generally unhelpful Inner Sakura.

But the worst part of it all was that the person she usually talked to about things that made her head spin was the one person she couldn't talk to in this case ...

* * *

Finally unable to stand dealing with the problem all by herself, Sakura decided to take advantage of a slumber party at Chouchou's to invite Ino out for a girls' night of their own. She had been trying to avoid getting her best friend/rival involved in her marital issues for years, but she _needed_ to talk, at least about Sasuke.

She wanted to tell the blonde the whole story, but she was afraid of how Ino would react … would she be disgusted and call her a whore? Sakura wouldn't be surprised, and she wouldn't blame her … that was what she felt like half the time (or more), but she didn't think she could bear hearing it from her best friend. Just the thought of Ino saying something like that (and meaning it) was enough to bring her to tears …

On the other hand, though, what if Ino understood? What if she _agreed_ with Kakashi about leaving Sasuke? That thought terrified Sakura as much as the thought of being called a whore broke her heart. It was a legitimate possible response too … She knew that Ino respected Kakashi, but she had no idea how the blonde felt about him otherwise. Sasuke though … After the loss of her father during the war, Ino, who didn't know about Sasuke's mission, hadn't been able to understand why he wouldn't come back at least sometimes to help raise his daughter, and he had lost a lot of esteem in her eyes because of it. Sakura suspected that even if she told her the truth, Ino would probably just wonder why he wasn't home now that the mission was complete, which even she had to admit was fair question.

... And then there was always the possibility that Ino would understand but tell Sakura that she should forget about what had happened with Kakashi, that she should chalk it up as a mistake and focus on getting her marriage back on track. Sakura didn't want to acknowledge why, but that possibility hurt too-as much as the possibility of being called a whore did, though in a very different way.

She knew that that was what she should do, that she should forget what had happened and work things out with Sasuke, but a part of her didn't want to hear it confirmed by someone else ... like as long as no one said it out loud, she didn't have to do it, she didn't have to give up Kakashi completely ...

Like as long as no one said it out loud, she could hold on to whatever it was she had with him for just a little bit longer ...

Like as long as no one said it out loud, even if they didn't sleep together again, she could stay close to him; she could enjoy all the banter and those moments when he made her feel alive by sending a combination of fear and desire and other things she didn't want to think about swirling around in her stomach, in her chest ...

Like as long as no one said it out loud, she could live almost as if she had a partner who was there for her, one who helped her, who made her laugh, who taught her daughter jutsu that destroyed her backyard, who drove her crazy and then made up for it in some unexpected way ... a partner who truly understood her, who knew all of her faults and wanted her anyway ...

Like as long as no one said it out loud, she could let herself be happy every now and again ... with him ...

"Forehead, why do you look like you're about to cry?"

Sakura looked up, startled, and then discreetly used the back of her hand to wipe the moisture from the corners of her eyes as Ino set two beers on the table and took a seat across from her. "I don't," she responded, trying to keep her voice normal.

Ino raised an eyebrow at her. "Is something going on? Is that why you asked me out?" She began nodding her head as if she'd suddenly figured something out. "Hm. That makes sense. I thought it was weird that you voluntarily wanted to do something fun …"

Irritation pushing out the sadness, Sakura frowned at her friend. "I like to have fun." She took a sip of the beer Ino had brought her.

Ino's eyebrow just lifted further. "Wouldn't know it from the way you've been over the last ten years," she said bluntly, then looked thoughtful. "Although you _have_ been better the past couple of months." The blonde took a drink from her own bottle.

"Better?" Sakura asked.

"Yeah, I mean, I've seen you at the pub a few times … You went out for Kiba's party the other night." The blonde shrugged. "Better … less like you're allergic to having a good time."

Sakura was insulted. The fact that she didn't go out drinking several nights a month like most of the ninja they knew didn't mean she was allergic to having a good time, and she told her friend as much.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever, Forehead. I'm just glad you seem to be changing," Ino replied, waving a hand dismissively. "Before, it was like you only left the house to go to work or run errands."

Sakura took a long drink of her beer. She couldn't really say anything in response to that, because it was true ... Before Kakashi had dragged her to the pub that first night, she had hardly done anything that wasn't work- or Sarada-related … But it wasn't because she didn't _want_ to; she just didn't have the time or the energy.

"Pig," Sakura said suddenly, not making eye contact with her friend. "Are you happy?"

"Happy?" Ino's voice sounded confused by the abrupt change of topic. "What do you mean?"

Sakura sighed and turned toward the blonde, tilting her bottle from side to side with the tip of a finger on one hand while leaning her cheek on the palm of the other, both elbows resting on the table. She caught Ino's eyes with her own. "I mean with your life," she replied. "Are you happy with how everything turned out? It's so different from what we imagined when we were younger ..."

Ino seemed surprised for a minute, then her expression became something close to wistful. "Yeah, it is different." She paused. "But not in a bad way ... I mean, Sai annoys the crap out of me sometimes, but I love him, and Inojin-chan can have his moments where I'd swear he was his father's mini-me (and not in a good way), but he's also a lot like me ... I don't know ..." She sipped her beer. "Yeah ... I suppose in general I'm happy. It's kind of strange actually." She laughed.

The corner of Sakura's mouth lifted in a half-hearted attempt to share in her friend's humor.

"Why? Are you happy, Forehead?" Ino asked.

The pinkette looked away. "I don't know." She let out a deep breath. "I don't know anymore, Pig."

"Forehead," Ino said, her tone gentler, more serious. "What's going on?"

The genuine concern in her friend's voice made Sakura's eyes well up. "I don't know, Pig. That's the problem." Her voice was near to cracking. "I thought everything was okay, that it was good, that I was happy with it and Sarada was fine ... I thought ..." She cut herself off and held a hand beneath her nose to try to stave off the tears. She stared resolutely at the wall.

"Do you mean with Sasuke being gone?" Ino pressed quietly.

Sakura just nodded, not looking at her friend for fear of crying.

Ino sighed heavily. "Honestly, Forehead, I'm not sure how you put up with it this long. I really don't see why Sasuke couldn't work something out so he could stay home at least sometimes ... a few months out of the year, even if only in two-week stints ... _something_."

"You don't understand, Pig ... he had a really important mission; he _couldn't_ ," Sakura countered, eyes still fixed on the wall. She began chewing absently on her thumb.

"Had?"

Sakura shifted her gaze to Ino. "Huh?"

The blonde's eyes narrowed. "You said he _'had'_ a really important mission ... Does that mean the mission's complete now?" When Sakura didn't respond immediately, Ino said, "I'll take that as a 'yes'. " Her grip on her bottle tightened. "Well, it's no wonder you're feeling the way you're feeling then ... Why isn't he back if his mission's done?"

Sakura looked down at the table. "He thinks there still might be a threat out there," she answered weakly.

"That's bullshit, Forehead!" Ino exclaimed, slapping a hand down next to her drink hard enough to draw Sakura's eyes back to hers. "We have ANBU for that. Why does Sasuke need to be the one tracking down this supposed 'threat'?" Her use of air quotes at the end conveyed quite clearly how she felt about the matter.

Sakura could only shrug her shoulders helplessly as her eyes watered again. "I don't know ..."

"That's because he doesn't need to be. God, I don't understand him!" Ino gritted her teeth. "After losing his whole family, why doesn't he want to spend time with the new one he's made? I don't get it at all ... Why doesn't he want to be home with his daughter? Doesn't he know how important fathers are to their daughters?" Her deep blue eyes began reddening at the corners.

"I don't know, Pig!" Sakura cried out, frustrated. "I thought he was going to stay, okay? I thought he was going to stay when he finished his mission, but he didn't, and now I don't know what to do about it."

She was grateful that business at the pub had picked up enough to prevent their conversation from being audible outside their booth, because neither of them had been doing a very good job of keeping their voices down, and she didn't want anyone else hearing about her problems with Sasuke.

Ino's face was full of pity, and it made the lump in Sakura's throat grow bigger. She emptied her beer. "Are you ready for another?" she asked, pointing at the blonde's bottle.

Although it seemed like she wanted to say something else, Ino just nodded, and Sakura went up to the bar to order another round of drinks.

* * *

When she returned to the table with a fresh pair of beers, she quickly downed half of hers.

Ino shook her head slowly. "Forehead, you need to talk to Sasuke."

"I know," the pinkette replied quietly.

"Things can't go on like this. You've raised Sarada-chan yourself for almost 12 years now. You haven't been on a mission in that time either, and you've only just recently begun to have something resembling a social life ... If Sasuke's special mission is done, he needs to start sharing the responsibilities of being a parent ... and a husband, for that matter. You need to talk to him."

"I know," Sakura murmured.

"Do you know where he is? How to get in touch with him?" Ino asked.

"He checks in with Naruto every week or two-"

"Wait a minute ... He checks in with _Naruto_? _Only_ Naruto?"

Ino's blue eyes were widened in disbelief, but Sakura was unsure why it was such a big deal. "Well yeah, he is the Hokage after all. I mean, Naruto always tells me what he says. Sometimes he has a message for me ..."

"Sometimes he has a message for you?" Ino repeated, pitch rising steadily. "That he sends through _Naruto_?! Forehead, you're his _wife_. Even Sai isn't that distant when he's out on a long-term mission. Why didn't you ever tell me this?"

"Pig, I don't understand why it matters. He's busy. There's no need to send separate messages all the time."

Ino's mouth gaped open. "Forehead, he's been gone for over _ten years_ and he can't even send you personal messages? What the hell is that?"

"Sometimes it's not safe, Pig, you know that," Sakura protested.

"Sure, I do, but it can't be that unsafe all the time, especially _now_ ... He's basically just scouting. The least he could do is send you ... _only_ you ... something once in awhile ... He could send _his daughter_ something."

Sakura looked troubled but unconvinced. "Yeah, I guess so ..."

Ino sighed. "Nevermind. You just need to talk to him. Have Naruto call him home."

"Pig, I can't do that! He's on a mission. I'll just talk to him the next time he comes back. It's not the end of the world to wait a little longer ..."

"Do you even know when he's coming back next?" Ino pressed, tapping a finger on the wood of the table.

Sakura hesitated. "Well, no, but-"

Ino huffed, then threw up her arms in defeat. "Fine. I give up. But what he's doing isn't fair ... to you or to Sarada-chan, and he needs to know that. Sooner rather than later, so your daughter can have a relationship with her father before he goes off and gets himself killed and so _you_ can actually have a life, be _happy_."

Sakura looked down again. "I know ..." she said. "I'll talk to him."

They were both quiet then, sipping their beers and not making eye contact.

Ino's voice broke the silence: "What are you going to do if he doesn't agree, Forehead?"

Sakura's head jerked up in surprise. She opened her mouth to speak, then closed it when she realized that she didn't know what to say … Out of all the scenarios she'd imagined, all the possibilities her churning mind had tossed around, she'd never considered (or perhaps she'd never let herself consider) that Sasuke wouldn't agree to make a change. "I don't … I don't know …" she finally managed to articulate. "I guess I hadn't thought about that ..."

The quiet descended once more.

What _would_ she do? Sakura couldn't help that the first thing that came to mind was the memory of Kakashi's face gazing back at her the morning they'd woken up together, and she couldn't deny that the image made her happy … guilty, but happy. She sighed.

"What's that look all about, Forehead?"

Sakura came back to reality to find her blonde friend staring at her suspiciously. "What look?" she asked, confused.

Ino's eyes narrowed. "All of a sudden you looked happy, and then you sighed dreamily … something I don't think I've seen you do in at least ten years. What were you thinking about?" Her tone was almost accusatory.

Sakura immediately blushed. "I wasn't thinking about anything, Pig. Your imagination's acting up again, like it does when you think you're better than me."

Ino was unfazed. "Forehead, don't make me use Shintenshin no jutsu on you."

Sakura glared at her. "That didn't work out so well for you the last time you tried it, Pig," she snorted.

Ino glared back. "Didn't for you either, so spare us both a monster headache and tell me what you were thinking about."

Sakura sighed and called on any and every acting skill she'd ever had. "Nothing, Pig. I was just remembering the last time Sasuke was home and what it would be like to have that more often."

Her skills were apparently not good enough to fool her long-time friend, because the blonde shook her head firmly. "I don't buy it," she declared. "You haven't looked like that about Sasuke in forever."

Sakura shrugged her shoulders. "Well, I don't know what to tell you, Pig, but-"

"And you were all doom-and-gloom about him a minute ago… doesn't make sense," Ino interrupted.

"Do you need another drink? Mine's empty," Sakura said, standing.

Ino frowned. "I know what you're doing, Forehead, but yeah, I'm ready for another beer if you're paying," she replied.

* * *

Sakura breathed a sigh of relief as she made her way up to the bar. She knew better than to think that Ino would have forgotten by the time she got back to the table, but she was hoping that while she was gone, the blonde would at least decide not to pursue it ...

* * *

Ino took the bottle from Sakura's hand and set it down. "I know you're hiding something from me, Forehead, and I intend to find out what it is, but since you've been so miserable most of the night, I'm going to let you off the hook for now," she announced when the pinkette slid into the booth.

"Gee, thanks, Pig," Sakura grumbled.

Ino ignored the sarcasm. "You're welcome!" she responded cheerfully.

Sakura rolled her eyes. "Seriously, why do I hang out with you again?"

"Because I'm awesome," Ino answered with a grin.

Sakura sighed, and they both giggled lightly before raising their bottles in a toast.

* * *

It was still relatively early when Sakura left the pub. Ino lived in the opposite direction, so the two had parted ways at the door, and Sakura took her time walking home. She was feeling better; Ino had had a few new "clueless Sai" moments to relay, and they'd had a laugh while finishing their last beer. It had been good to talk, even if she hadn't figured out anything except that thinking about Kakashi apparently made her sigh dreamily.

She blushed at the thought of the silver-haired man. How was it that he could make her do that without even being there? Obnoxious man ...

Still, though, with a light buzz tingling through her body, she found that she didn't want to stop thinking about him ... or his eyes ... or his hands ... or the way he'd felt as he'd moved inside her ...

She shivered even as heat began building low in her belly. She wanted him again.

She knew it was wrong, but right then she wanted him badly. It didn't help that she was walking by the tree he'd pinned her against in the storm, where he'd thrust his fingers into her and kissed her like she was the air he needed to breathe until she came twice, all while rain fell on the canopy of leaves above their heads.

She really didn't know how he could turn her on so much, so easily. She'd never experienced anything like it before. All he had to do was give her one of those dark looks and need and desire filled her.

And when he touched her ...

Sakura opened her front door and slipped off her shoes before heading into her bedroom. She undressed, remembering the way Kakashi's hands had traveled over her ribcage and down to her hips, the way he'd kissed her stomach as he dragged off her bottoms, the way he'd licked her before kissing her again. She found her own hands following the paths his had taken, and she could imagine that they were larger, rougher, more like his.

Mind fuzzy with lust, Sakura lay back on her bed and pulled the comforter over her naked body, then let a hand trail over her stomach down to where she was pulsing with need for that one man ...

How she wished he were there! As she slipped two fingers over her clit, she knew that nothing she could do would be able to make her feel the way Kakashi had ... it would feel good, but he could make her feel so much more ...

She thought about the time in the exam room, what might have happened if they hadn't been interrupted. She'd been moving on top of him, could feel his hardness between her legs as she straddled him.

If they hadn't been interrupted, he might have used his famous speed to lift her off of him and place her on the exam table while he stood between her legs and yanked down her shorts. She might have pushed down the top of his pants to reveal his straining cock, might have leaned down to swirl her tongue around the tip, then suck it into her mouth while he hissed and grabbed the back of her head. She might have gotten him so turned on that he forced her head up to kiss her as he slammed into her.

"Mmm ..." Sakura's fingers were moving faster over her clit now, and she let two fingers of her other hand dip into her opening as a poor substitute for what she really wanted.

God, he was so _hot_. His tongue around hers, on her neck as he thrust into her over and over ... the feeling of his hard hips stretching her thighs apart ...

She was so wet she could hear herself with each jerk of her fingers, but she didn't care. She just needed to come ... she needed to hear his deep voice in her ear, telling her that he loved how wet she was, that she was going to make him come ...

"Oh ..." Her breath was starting to catch, and the pleasure between her legs was becoming acute ... If only he were there to fill her with his thick cock, to watch her with those heated charcoal eyes as he drove into her. She wanted to see his face as he broke, to feel him come inside her. She wanted him to pound into her one more time before he couldn't stop himself from coming; she wanted to hear him groan with the pleasure _she_ gave him ...

"Kakashi ..."

Her orgasm hit, knocking the breath from her lungs as her muscles clenched around her fingers and extra fluids dripped out onto her hand. She was making a mess, but it didn't matter ... she was too overcome by thoughts of the silver-haired ninja, memories of being with him, everything she imagined doing with him, him doing to her ... She was overcome with satisfaction and with the warm, fuzzy feeling she often got when she thought about him ...

The only thing missing was the man himself.


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**

Sakura was embarrassed. She knew that no one could possibly know what she had done the night before, not even the subject of her ... activities, but she was still embarrassed. She could just imagine the smug look on his face were he to find out ... and then she could imagine that smug look shifting into something darker, something that would make her heart pound, something that would make her want him in spite of her embarrassment …

Impossible man.

Shaking her head in an attempt to clear her mind of the very sort of dirty thoughts that had led to her embarrassment in the first place, Sakura finished getting ready and left the house.

Her current poisons lab experiment had hit a wall, so she had decided to go to the library to see if she could gain any insight from one of the scrolls she and Shizune had put together years ago from the information they had been able to gather from Sasori's weapons.

After locating the scroll and grabbing another she thought might be useful, she set herself up at one of the quiet tables at the back of the library and pulled out her notebook and some of the latest lab results.

* * *

Two hours' worth of studying the scrolls had yielded next to nothing. Frustrated, Sakura tore a piece of paper from her notebook, scrunched it up, and threw it as far as she could (which was pretty far).

She was still scowling at her notes when, moments later, the scrunched-up ball of paper bounced off of the top of her head to land on the table in front of her.

"Always so violent, Sakura-chan ..." a familiar voice called out reproachfully.

When the masked bearer of the voice stepped into her line of sight and grinned teasingly at her, her thoughts from the night before flashed through her mind, and she blushed furiously.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, trying to stifle her embarrassment.

He took a seat across from her and leaned back in that lazy way he had, stretching his legs out under the table. She tried not to notice that they brushed against hers as he answered her. "I had to file a copy of the speech I gave in Ame," he replied, picking up the scroll on Sasori's poisons and examining it. "As I was leaving, you threw a ball of paper at me, so I came to find out what I had done to irritate my favorite pinkette."

Sakura frowned. "I didn't throw a ball of paper _at you_ ; I just threw a ball of paper. I didn't even see you there. And how did you know it was me?"

He looked up to meet her eyes. "Mm, well, it was a combination of three things ..." He held up a finger. "No one who isn't a librarian spends more time in the library than you do." He held up a second finger. "You're one of only two people I know who would throw something in the library, especially if you thought no one was around to notice. And ..." He held up a third finger. "You use a rather unique combination of body wash and shampoo."

Her hand shot to her head self-consciously as her frown deepened.

He chuckled. "I didn't say I didn't like it ... just that it's unique."

Brows still furrowed, she grumbled, "Remind me to use unscented shampoo and body wash the next time I want to hide from you ..."

Kakashi raised an amused eyebrow. "Are you planning on hiding from me?"

Cheeks reddening slightly, Sakura turned her head away from him, muttering "I'd probably be safer if I did …"

Obviously having heard her, he chuckled again. "Sakura," he said in that low tone that made her insides squirm. "I'd find you anyway."

"And how's that?" she snorted, ignoring the fluttering in her belly to glance at him skeptically out of the corner of her eye.

"I wonder," he mused as his gaze traveled past the parts of her body that were visible above the table to an area below it that he couldn't possibly see before he lifted his eyes to meet hers with a calculated head tilt.

Sakura couldn't be positive, of course, but she was pretty sure that he was insinuating that he'd be able to find her based on the way certain intimate areas of her body smelled. The thought both embarrassed her and sent a little jolt of pleasure through her abdomen, but she forced herself to narrow her eyes at him. "That sense of smell of yours is pretty creepy, you know," she commented.

Kakashi merely shrugged, then shot her a devilish smirk. "But useful."

"Well, don't rely on it too much, _jiji_ ," she warned, a faint pink dusting her cheeks. "Your sense of smell deteriorates when you get old."

He gave her a flat look. "Good thing I'm not old then."

She rolled her eyes. "Could've fooled me."

His expression turned devious. "I would be happy to prove it to you again, Sakura," he said with a suggestive half-smile, and she was immediately reminded of exactly how _not old_ his body had looked when he was on his knees, thrusting into her. Suddenly there didn't seem to be enough air in the room.

While she struggled to breathe, he deliberately scanned the cluttered table. "... But it doesn't seem like you have time to spar right now," he added.

At that, Sakura snapped out of her dirty thoughts and snatched the scroll from where he had let it rest on the table in front of him. "That's quite right," she agreed testily, picking up her pen again.

Kakashi leaned back a little lower in his chair and folded his arms over his chest, letting his legs rest against hers. "So who are you trying to poison now, Sakura-chan?" he asked. "Should I be concerned?"

Though she didn't move away, Sakura kept her focus on the scroll and studiously avoided looking at him in an attempt to ignore the way her body was responding to the contact of their legs under the table, unconsciously holding her pen to her mouth.

"While you could probably do with a good poisoning, Kakashi, I'd rather not have to go on the run for the rest of my life because I killed the Rokudaime Hokage," she said, chewing lightly on the pen cap.

"Well-" he began.

"There's no need anyway," she interrupted with a flip of her unoccupied hand. "You'll kick the bucket soon enough, _jiji_."

She could feel him glaring her, but she continued anyway, "Either that, or you'll finally stick the wrong person with the bill, and they'll get long-overdue revenge for everyone you've ever dined with …"

She glanced up at him, pen still between her lips, and smiled teasingly at his glare. His eyes automatically dropped to her mouth, and when they darted back up to meet hers, the glare had shifted into something decidedly darker.

Suddenly flustered, she hurriedly took the pen from her mouth and sat up straight, pulling her legs away and looking down at the scroll again.

They were quiet for several minutes. When she finally managed to stop blushing, Sakura explained what she had been working on. "A few months ago, we had a team of chuunin come into the ER," she said. "Two of them had been poisoned, and it was nothing any of us had ever seen. We took blood samples, tried every antidote we could think of, but we weren't able to save them." Her brow furrowed. "We've been trying to figure it out since, but we're getting nowhere. We're not even sure how they were poisoned … they were unresponsive from the start, and neither of their teammates had seen anything. I feel like there's a piece missing somewhere, but I don't know what."

"Do you have the original case file with you?" Kakashi asked.

"Yeah, hold on," she said, sifting through the materials she'd brought with her. "Here."

Kakashi took the proffered folder and opened it. He skimmed through the notes, then held one of the autopsy photos up to the light. "I don't think Sasori will be able to help you," he commented at last.

"What? Why?"

He set the photo he had been holding down in front of her. It was of the bottoms of one of the deceased chuunin's feet. "Look," he said, tapping at a place on the picture. "See those marks?"

He was pointing at three small, overlapping bluish-purple spots on the ball of the right foot. "Yeah," Sakura confirmed. "They look like bruises."

"I've seen those before ... thirty years ago," Kakashi replied. Sakura's eyes widened. "We were stationed at the border of Kusagakure, and a team that had gone scouting came back to camp, one of them unconscious. His teammates said that he'd suddenly jumped up, clutching at his foot, and a second later was on the ground, not moving. We pulled off his sandals and found three marks just like this. We assumed he'd stepped on something poisonous, but we didn't have a medic with us, so there wasn't much else we could do."

Sakura looked down at the photo. "But we didn't find any holes in either of the chuunin's shoes ..."

"We didn't see any in his either, initially. But when we tried to match up the spots with his sandal, we found what was, for lack of a better word, a blade of grass stuck in the sole … it was razor sharp and had penetrated through to pierce his foot. If we hadn't been looking specifically, we would have passed it over."

"But why haven't I heard about this?" Sakura asked, frowning.

Kakashi shrugged. "We found out later that it's a rare type of grass native to Kusa; I actually haven't heard of any other cases since. There's probably a record of the death on file somewhere, but that was thirty-some years ago, and I don't recall the ninja's name. I doubt you'd get much from it anyway … no one at camp was a poisons expert. Do you still have either of the chuunin's uniforms?"

She nodded. "We asked both families if we could keep them in case they ended up being of use, and they agreed. They're in the hospital records room."

He stood and offered her his hand with a dramatic flourish. "Shall we investigate, Haruno-san?"

She rolled her eyes at him and rose from her chair, ignoring his outstretched hand. "Well, I'm certainly going to," she replied. "You're welcome to tag along ... I know you old retirees are always looking for ways to pass the time."

He shot her a dirty look, then tucked his hands into his pockets and turned toward the door. "You know, if you're offering, Sakura-chan, I can think of several better ways to pass the time ..." he commented, glancing at her over his shoulder with a wicked smirk.

"Sorry, jiji, I'm not going to help you with your crossword puzzles," she retorted through her blush.

He looked upward. "Hmm … maybe I _am_ getting old. Is that what they're calling it these days?"

"I hate you," she grumbled, suppressing a smile as she packed up the last of her papers.

The next thing she knew, he was at her side, leaning in close to her, fingers on the small of her back. "I find that hard to believe, Sakura," he murmured, his warm breath caressing her ear, the heat of it traveling from there through her entire body. But before she could do anything other than shiver, he'd grabbed her stack of notes and was heading out of the library.

Sighing, she followed, and damn it if she didn't watch his ass the whole way.

Impossible man ...

* * *

 **A/N:** And I'm totally making this poisonous grass shit up.


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**

The hospital wasn't far from the library, so it didn't take long for them to arrive at their destination. Once there, they made their way to the records room, which was in the basement and sealed off from the general public. Using a specialized chakra recognition jutsu, Sakura opened the door, then flipped on the lights. Kakashi came in after and set the stack of papers he'd been carrying on a table near the door, which closed behind him.

"They should be just over here," Sakura said, walking toward one of the nearer sets of shelves while Kakashi followed.

* * *

After a few minutes of searching, she'd located the two boxes holding the chuunins' clothes. When she pulled the first of them off the shelf to take it to the table, Kakashi promptly lifted it out of her hands.

Sakura frowned at him and reached for the box. "You don't have to keep carrying things for me, Kakashi ... I'm more than capable of handling boxes and stacks of paper by myself," she protested.

"I know," he replied, holding the box above his head so she couldn't get to it. "You can grab the other one ... There's no need to make two trips when I'm here to help."

She sighed and dropped her hands. He was right, of course. "Sorry," she murmured, picking up the other box. "I guess old insecurities don't go away so easily ... I still worry that people see me as weak."

He set his box on the table and turned to look at her as she put hers down next to his. "Sakura," he said, making sure she was looking at him. "You're the strongest kunoichi in the village, and one of the strongest among all of the villages. Anyone who would think you're weak would have to be blind ... and even without the Sharingan, I'm far from blind."

The softness in his eyes as he spoke made Sakura's heart beat faster, and she couldn't help but blush. They were standing so close to each other; it wouldn't take much for her to be in his arms ... and against all better judgment, she wanted to be. She wanted to be wrapped up in him, to feel the caring she saw in those grey eyes all around her.

Instead, she looked away and opened the box in front of her. Kakashi, for his part, ruffled her hair affectionately. "Silly woman," he said with a small smile and a shake of his head.

* * *

He couldn't resist touching her when she stood so close and blushed at his words the way she did. He felt her stiffen slightly when he set his hand on her head, but she didn't move away and even seemed to lean into his caress a little bit when he let his hand slip through her pink locks and down over the back of her neck before dropping it to his side.

It made him want to pull her into his arms and hold her there forever.

But he knew that he couldn't, not now ... maybe not ever, though he tried not to think about that possibility; it made his heart ache too much. And so he proceeded to open his own box, quickly finding the plastic bag that contained the shoes and taking it out to place it on the table. He moved the box to the floor.

"Is it okay if I open it here, or should we take it to the lab?" he asked the petite woman at his side as she set her own bag of shoes next to his.

"Well, we're not trying to solve a crime, so I think it's okay if we open it now ... just let me grab some gloves and a couple of specimen containers," she answered, then left the room for a few minutes before returning with supplies.

"Here," she said, offering him a pair of latex gloves, tweezers and a small plastic bottle with a screw cap. "Be careful ... I don't want you pricking yourself and dying when you're only helping me out."

"Why?" he asked slyly. "Would you miss me, Sakura-chan?"

"More like I wouldn't want to deal with all the hassle of having been the only witness to your untimely death," she retorted, pulling on her gloves with a snap.

Kakashi put on his own gloves, then shot her one of his patented puppy dog-eyed looks. "You wouldn't miss me even a little bit?"

* * *

Sakura was once again surprised by the fact that a 44-year-old man could pull off the signature expression of five-year-olds the world over and still somehow manage to make her want to tangle her fingers in his hair and kiss him.

Suppressing the impulse, she rolled her eyes in his direction, but there was a fondness there that she couldn't disguise. "Maybe a little bit," she allowed reluctantly. "... But don't let it go to your head, jiji," she added, unwilling to let him know just how much the half-smile he gave her in response to her admission tugged at her heart.

"Of course not," he said, the half-smile broadening into a smile that made her blush.

"Just look for the grass," she muttered and pulled the sandals out of their plastic bag.

* * *

It only took a couple of minutes for Sakura to find the thin blade of grass embedded in the blue sole. She carefully extracted the grass using her tweezers and placed it in the specimen container, screwing the lid shut while her silver-haired companion did the same for the sliver of grass he had discovered.

Once the specimens were secured, she turned to give him an excited hug. "Kakashi, you're a genius!" she exclaimed, throwing her arms around his neck.

"So I've been told," he said with a quiet laugh and pulled her into him, his arms around her waist.

The rumble of his laughter vibrating through her chest and the sound of his voice against her ear made Sakura realize what she was doing, made her realize that she was wrapped up in this man the way she had wanted to be earlier. Along with the realization, she became hyper-aware of the way he smelled, of his large hands on the small of her back and his muscular torso pressed against hers, of the sense of peace and _rightness_ she felt as he held her tightly ... the sense that this was how things were supposed to be ... and she was struck by a sudden feeling of happiness so strong that she thought she might be overwhelmed, swept away by all the emotion he was bringing out in her.

Unconsciously, she burrowed her face into the space between his neck and his shoulder and hugged him closer to her body.

"Kakashi ..." she whispered, her lips brushing the fabric of his mask.

"Hmm?" he murmured into her ear, his cloth-covered cheek against hers.

His deep voice made her lower abdomen burn with the intense need that only he seemed to be able to inspire in her, and she pulled back to meet his grey eyes, seeing in them that same need reflected back at her, that same need and that soft, caring gaze he wore so often when he looked at her.

Wordlessly, she lifted a hand and hooked a finger under his mask to drag it down until his handsome face was uncovered.

"We shouldn't ..." she started to say, eyes on his mouth. "But ... I can't ... I want ..."

* * *

As she spoke, Sakura had been slowly, unconsciously moving to stand on her tiptoes, and Kakashi had been slowly, unconsciously lowering his head to meet hers. When her voice trailed off, he couldn't stop himself from capturing her lips with his own.

With a low groan at the way she kissed him deeply in response, he let one of his hands slide up her back to tangle in her hair while the other squeezed her waist as he held her to him even more tightly.

* * *

Sakura felt desire swirl through her body as he kissed her greedily, his teeth nipping at her lower lip and his tongue slipping out to meet hers.

Just when she began to grow breathless, he left her mouth, his hand encouraging her to bare her throat to him with a light tug on her hair. She obliged, letting him pull her head back and moaning as he licked her neck before gently biting her there.

* * *

He knew by the way her fingers gripped his shoulders that she liked when he took the flesh of her neck between his teeth, and it turned him on to no end ... he bit a little harder, then sucked, wanting to devour her, to consume her like she consumed him, and the hand on the small of her back dipped past the fabric of her bottoms to dig into curve of her ass as he pushed her into the table.

"You have no idea what you do to me," he growled, using both hands to lift her up and sit her down.

She immediately spread her thighs for him and reached down to his waist to pull him into her. Groaning again at her actions, he kissed her almost harshly and rocked his hips against her, letting her feel just how much he wanted her.

* * *

At the sensation of his hard cock pressing against her, Sakura tore her mouth from his and ran her tongue up to his ear.

"You make me lose my mind," she breathed. And it was true ... it seemed that no matter how many times she told herself she would never kiss him again, she ended up back in his arms.

* * *

The knowledge that she was being overwhelmed too had him painfully aroused, and he jerked her hips into his.

But her words had also triggered something in him ... he didn't want her to have sex with him just because she'd lost her mind to desire. He wanted her to want him with her head and her heart as well as her body, and so with an incredible amount of difficulty, he stopped his movements and held her to him.

"Sakura," he said into her shoulder, his voice low and rough with need. "Not like this ... not here."

Hands still on her waist, he straightened up to look her in the eye. "I want you ... so very badly ..." Closing his eyes, he pressed his forehead into hers, his brow furrowed with the effort of pulling away from her. " ... But not like this. Take some time, clear your head. If you still want me, I'll be at my apartment."

* * *

He stayed like that for a minute, and, mind and body torn, Sakura let him.

When he finally opened his eyes and leaned back again, his expression as his gaze roved over her face was heartbreaking.

"You're so beautiful," he murmured, tracing her cheek with a calloused finger, and she was reminded of the way he'd looked at her when he'd laid her down on his bed. She wanted to tug him into her again and let him hold her forever.

But she knew he was right. She needed to think this through more ... it wouldn't be fair to either of them if she just gave in and regretted it later, so she nodded.

* * *

Kakashi saw that she understood what he was trying to do and began to step back, but she stopped him with a small hand on his chest, her fingers loosely gripping the fabric of his shirt.

"Wait," she said softly, pulling him back against her. She let both hands trail up to his face, then guided his head back down to hers, where she gently brushed their lips together.

He couldn't help deepening the kiss, holding her body to his, and the way she held him tightly as he did warmed his heart, but somehow he managed to break away before they got too caught up.

This time she let him go.

"I'll be at my apartment," he repeated quietly, then left the room.

* * *

For a long moment, Sakura didn't move from where she sat on the table, but eventually she got up and put the boxes away, then gathered the specimens and supplies and took them up to the lab.


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N:** For those of you wondering (quite legitimately) when Sasuke is going to enter the picture ... It's still a bit of a way's away. Our two heroes need a little more time to develop their relationship and we need to get a little more of Sarada's perspective before the Uchiha shows up to throw a wrench into things. Please bear with me ... I promise there's a plan!

* * *

 **Chapter 27**

Sakura spent about an hour in the lab, pretending to work but really just sitting there with the specimen bottles in her hand while she thought about Kakashi ... not just what they had already done or what they might do, but about him in general, the role he played in her life, in Sarada's life ... hell, even in Sasuke's life.

Sasuke. Her heart twinged every time she thought about him, and she hated herself for even considering meeting Kakashi at his apartment, knowing what would happen if she did, since she apparently couldn't keep her hands off of him when they were alone ... and they would be very alone in his apartment ...

But that man, that impossible man with his ridiculous (yet inexplicably attractive) hair and obnoxiously sexy smirk, that man who had tried to make things better even when they couldn't be made better, the one who had protected her numerous times, including from her now-husband, the one who had been there for her just about any time she had ever really needed him, especially since they had developed a friendship when he was Hokage ... she couldn't get him out from under her skin, no matter how much she may have wanted to.

... Though if she were truly honest with herself, she would have to admit that it was only in her mind that she wanted to ... her mind, which understood that she was married and that falling in l-

That sleeping with another man was wrong ... that part of her wanted to get him out from under her skin. But her heart ... her heart liked him being there ... _really_ liked him being there.

She had thought she'd felt complete with Sasuke, but Kakashi made her feel whole in a way she honestly hadn't known was possible. When she looked at him, looked into those deep charcoal eyes, she felt like he truly, actually saw her for the woman she was ... she felt like she couldn't hide anything from him, like he knew her too well for her to disguise her real emotions from him.

And for some reason, rather than bothering her, it made her feel somehow relieved ... Yes, she was self-conscious, because she valued his opinion, perhaps more than she had realized, but she also got the sense that he wouldn't judge her, that he would accept her, try to understand her, guide her if she needed it ... but not judge her.

It was the first time in her life that she had gotten that sense from anyone. Even Ino, even Naruto ... she knew there were things about herself that she could never tell them, things they wouldn't understand, things that would lower her in their estimation, perhaps irreparably. She supposed that there were probably things that would disappoint Kakashi as well, but she found herself believing that he wouldn't think of those things as deal-breakers; he'd see them as flaws like any other human might have and want to help her work through them rather than let them forever tarnish her in his mind. And if they weren't things that could be worked through ... if they were just who she was ... he would love her anyway.

In essence, he made her feel comfortable. He made her feel like she could be herself- completely, openly. At the same time, though, he electrified her (and not in the "pun on his chakra affinity" sort of way) ... Finding herself comfortable around him didn't mean she felt bored ... it didn't mean she didn't also feel nervous and excited.

The whole thing was so novel that she couldn't quite comprehend it.

And then there was the way he was with Sarada ... her daughter clearly liked him and respected him, and he was obviously willing to teach her. Of course she suspected that he might not have been so accommodating had Sarada not been her daughter, but the fact that he was without Sakura even asking made her think that he was serious about being a family (though the pairing of the words "Kakashi" and "family" had never crossed her mind until recently, and she still found it odd). It had been kind of him to offer to teach Sarada a new jutsu the time that Sakura had been clearly unable to, yes, but that he had continued to teach her daughter after that ... not knowing for sure that Sakura would ever find out ... that meant something to her, to both of them.

It was certainly more than Sasuke had done.

If only Sasuke had stayed after that mission had ended ... if only he had invested more of himself into their marriage, into his relationship with their daughter ... Sakura might not have been tempted by Kakashi. But seeing a man who wasn't biologically related to the girl take more time to be with her than her own father, to teach her ... even if that man believed doing so would garner him positive attention from her mother ... seeing that only made Sasuke's absence all the more apparent.

Sasuke, who wouldn't stay with Sarada to make his wife happy, let alone the girl herself ...

Really, it broke her heart. She had wanted so badly for their family to become a _family_ after his mission had been completed ... and she knew that he knew that that was what she had wanted, what Sarada wanted; it wasn't like she'd never voiced it to him out loud.

Yet again he had left, with hardly any communication. And she couldn't help but think Ino was right ... why didn't he contact her personally? Was it really so much more of an effort to send his family a separate message at least once in awhile?

* * *

Sakura sighed as she labeled the grass samples and put them away.

 _You know Kakashi's probably just waiting there in his apartment, hoping you'll come, worrying you won't ..._ Inner Sakura broke in, speaking for the first time in awhile.

But Sakura hadn't needed the reminder; she had been well aware that every minute she spent debating with herself was another minute that he had to wait for her verdict, and it hurt to think about what he must have been feeling while she stayed away.

At the same time, though, she knew that he wouldn't have wanted her to show up if she hadn't thought things through ... she honestly wondered what he would have done if she had gone over right away. His struggle to pull back both that day and the day in her office had been clear, and she suspected that if she had pressed things, he would have caved. But she didn't want to do that to him anymore than it seemed that he wanted to take advantage of the physical attraction she obviously felt for him ...

* * *

And so it was that after an hour's worth of time spent figuring out what she really wanted to do, Sakura walked out of the lab into a world that was both familiar and terrifyingly different.

* * *

 **A/N 2:** Sorry for another short one and another cliffhanger of sorts; I promise I'll make it up to you next chapter.


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28**

Kakashi felt her chakra approaching his apartment, but he waited for her to knock before walking over and opening the door to find her standing there. He raised a forearm up and rested it on the edge of the door, then tucked his free hand into his pocket.

"Hi," he said, leaning the side of his head against his upraised arm.

A few moments passed in silence while they just stared at each other, she looking like she was trying to figure out how to say what she wanted to say and he waiting (much more nervously than his outward demeanor suggested) to hear what that was.

"I still want you," she said abruptly, then pressed her hand to her forehead. "Damn it ..."

Kakashi's head jerked up off of his arm, and he looked at her with wide eyes while she continued.

"That wasn't how I'd planned to say it ... at all," she grumbled at the ground, hand dropping to her side. "But there it is ..." She lifted her head to meet his gaze and shrugged her shoulders. "I still want you, Kakashi. That's why I'm here."

Whatever he had been expecting, it hadn't been that, but he recovered quickly, and the instant "here" left her lips, he tugged her inside and shut the door by pushing her back roughly into it while he smashed his mouth against hers.

He was met immediately by her tongue, which reached out and slid along his as he kissed her deeply.

"Yes ..." he growled against her lips when she tugged at his hair with both hands.

This was how he'd wanted her ... coming to him after having really taken a step back to consider what she wanted and then showing no signs of hesitation when her body met his. She had made a choice ... not _the_ choice, but one in the right direction, and it was nearly enough to drive him crazy.

He loved her, and he needed her, and she _wasn't close enough_ , he thought, pulling her desperately into him with his hands on her hips.

* * *

The possessive way he had yanked her into his apartment and all but thrown her back into his door before covering her mouth with his should have pissed her off.

But it didn't.

In fact, she realized as his hands gripped her hips harshly and his teeth scraped across her throat that feeling his very male body taking control of her very female body didn't frighten her or make her angry or insecure at all ... it turned her on.

Maybe it was knowing that he would let her go in an instant if she asked ... Maybe it was knowing that this normally unflappable man had lost this much control because of her, that he wanted her this much ...

Maybe it was because, for all the roughness, she felt like he was worshipping her ...

"Kakashi ..." she moaned, digging her own nails into his back when he jerked one of her legs over his hip and pressed her harder into the door.

"Let me show you what else I wanted to do to you against that tree," she heard him mumble gruffly into her ear.

The words sent another wave of heat through her already-burning body, and as she leaned her head back on the door, she felt him kiss his way down her neck and down her clothed chest until he was on his knees in front of her.

He let her leg drop to the ground then, but only long enough for him to drag off her bottoms, leaving her lower half bare to him, and he didn't give her any time to be self-conscious before he'd pulled that same leg over his shoulder and run his tongue up and across her lower lips.

"Oh god ..." she breathed, threading the fingers of both hands into his hair and holding him closer.

He swirled the tip of his tongue around her clit, pausing every now and then to suck gently.

And then he was dipping his tongue inside her, moving it in ways neither his fingers nor his cock could move. Her vaginal muscles tried to clamp down on it, tried to keep it there until she came, but it slipped away every time until she thought she should go mad with need.

When he eventually replaced his tongue with the thrust of two fingers, he kept their movement slow, kissing and nipping at her inner thighs with each teasing curl inside of her.

"Kakashi, please ... faster," she nearly begged with a frustrated pull of his hair.

* * *

Kakashi chuckled lowly but didn't speed up his pace at her request. Instead, he added his tongue back into the mix, letting it sweep around his fingers, over her clit and along the edge of her opening.

Feeling her growing wetter with each slow thrust, each deliberate lick, he looked up at her for a moment, still not stopping the motion of his fingers. She was gorgeous, head thrown back with the pleasure he was giving her, her hands in his hair.

He wanted her, and at least for now, she was his.

"Tell me when you're going to come, Sakura," he ordered, his voice dark with his own desire. "I need to know ..."

With the hand not currently working his lover to orgasm, Kakashi loosened his pants and released his cock. He gripped it tightly and stroked himself as he slipped a third finger inside Sakura and flattened his tongue against her clit.

* * *

God, his voice was so fucking sexy coming from between her legs, and it didn't help that she thought she heard the rustle of his pants and could imagine that he was taking himself out, could imagine him wrapping his large hand around his cock and rubbing it up and down, making himself harder and harder for her, because of her ... the very idea was pushing her closer to the edge, and she couldn't help the almost-whine that escaped her throat.

He chose that particular moment to add another finger and change the way he licked her, picking up his pace.

 _Finally_ ...

"Don't stop ..." she murmured desperately, her lower body writhing against his mouth, his hands. "Don't stop ..."

A few more curls of his fingers, a few more strokes of his tongue and then her breath was catching. "Ka ... Kakashi ... I'm going to ..."

* * *

When the first clamp of her inner walls came down on his fingers, he yanked them from her and stood, holding her leg over his hip and running his wet hand over his cock for a split second before slamming into her.

* * *

For a moment there, when he pulled his fingers out of her just as she started coming, Sakura thought she was going to have to kill him ... and then she felt him drive his incredibly hard cock into her, and she cried out, the intensity of her orgasm growing exponentially with each thrust of his hips.

At some point, he had hooked his arm under her other leg so that both were around his waist, and when her orgasm finally ended, she locked her ankles together behind his lower back and dragged him into a kiss.

Even though she was still sensitive, somehow his repeated motions had her desire rebuilding almost instantly, and the words he uttered as he continued to thrust into her did a lot to help it along.

"You are so damn sexy, Sakura ..." he said between kisses. "I just want to be inside you like this all the time."

He began lifting her up and letting her drop back down onto him with his hands on her ass, and the sudden change in angle had her gasping and clutching at his shoulders.

"I don't know how much longer I can last ..." he groaned, tugging her earlobe between his teeth. "I want you so fucking badly ..."

Sakura suddenly felt bold ... the pleasure he was giving her, the obvious pleasure he was feeling ... it was all making her reckless, daring. After kissing her way up his neck, Sakura whispered darkly in his ear, "Then come, Kakashi ... I want to feel you come inside me."

She couldn't believe she was saying those things, but his reaction made it completely worth it ...

"Fuck, Sakura, you're trying to kill me ..." he swore as his rhythm began to break. "I want you to come again first ... but ... shit ..."

His voice cut off into a low growl into her mouth as he kissed her and jerked harshly into her once more when his orgasm hit. She swore she could feel him coming inside her, and it seemed to be the last thing she needed to reach her own peak.

"Kakashi ..." she panted against his lips, her walls pulsing around him. "So good ..."

* * *

It was better than her fantasy, better than she had imagined it would be when she was considering whether or not to go to him after the records room.

With his body around her, his mouth on hers, his cock inside her, filling her with his cum, and the way he held her to him so tightly, like he never wanted to let her go, she was overwhelmed ... her throat began to close up, and tears pricked at the corners of her eyes ... but they weren't tears of regret, they weren't tears of guilt, though they should have been ...

They were the tears that came with feeling too much ... too much pleasure, physical and emotional ... She felt too much for this man, and it was overwhelming her.

But she didn't want to leave his arms ... in that moment, tears falling from her eyes, she just wanted to hang onto him, to let him keep making her feel so much that her body had no choice but to cry.

"Kakashi ..." she whispered, throat still tight, and lifted his head from her shoulder where he'd rested it as his orgasm faded. She looked at him then, looked into those deep grey eyes, and tears spilled down her cheeks when she kissed him; she could taste the salt on her lips as they melded with his.

"Why are you crying?" he asked, concern lacing his voice. He had yet to pull out from her, yet to let her legs drop to the ground.

"I don't know," she answered quietly and smiled at him through her tears. He smiled softly back at her, then nudged her nose with his and stepped back from the door, hands still under her thighs.

"I don't know," she repeated as he walked them over to his bed. "... But it's okay."

* * *

 **A/N and PSA:** Don't have unprotected sex unless you know your partner is clean and you're either on birth control or ready to have a baby.


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29**

"Four years ago," Kakashi murmured, his lips and breath brushing the bare skin of her lower back as he slowly raised her shirt.

Sakura was lying mostly on her side on his bed, facing away from him and loosely hugging the pillow she rested on.

She surreptitiously took a deep breath in through her nose. The pillow smelled like Kakashi ... If he hadn't been there, she probably would have buried her face in it like a teenager with her first crush.

... But he definitely _was_ there. She felt his calloused fingers inching the shirt up bit by bit from where the blanket that covered their legs had overlapped it, all the while placing a warm kiss on each newly revealed vertebra.

After a moment of getting lost in his touch, she recognized that he had said something. "What?" she asked softly, feeling peaceful.

* * *

Kakashi had reached her shoulder blades by then, and he let his hand skim up her back to unhook her bra, then kissed along the line where it had been wrapped around her and gently coaxed it and her shirt up over her head.

After he had pulled the shirt and bra off and let them fall from his hand onto her half of the bed, he lightly swept her hair back from her neck and planted a series of lazy, open-mouthed kisses on the sensitive skin there.

With an almost inaudible moan, Sakura arched into him just a little more, and in response, he flicked his tongue across her earlobe, then began to retrace his path until he was kissing between her shoulder blades again.

After placing his lips briefly once more on the nape of her neck, Kakashi pulled back and propped his head up with one arm while the fingers of the other trailed down her side ... over her ribs, over the dip of her waist, over the curve of her hip ... before doing the same, even more slowly, in reverse.

Only a handful of inches separated his bare chest from her bare back, and he could see the goosebumps rising on her skin in the wake of his touch.

"I started to fall in love with you four years ago," he answered quietly, his roaming hand continuing its languid travels across her body.

* * *

Despite her relaxed state, Sakura's breath caught in her throat at his admission.

Yes, she had known that he loved her by the way he looked at her, the way he held her, the things he did for her and for Sarada ...

But this was the first time she'd heard him actually use that word out loud: "love."

No, not just "love" ... " _in love_ ," he'd said.

And in reference to her, Sakura. _Uchiha_ Sakura.

"In love" ...

And four years ago?

It terrified her and filled her with dancing butterflies and warmed her heart and broke her heart and sent her mind spinning all at once, and for the life of her, she couldn't have come up with something to say right then that would have made anything even remotely resembling sense ...

So she said nothing.

* * *

When Kakashi felt her stop breathing, he squeezed her waist lightly and brought his head down to nudge her neck with his nose.

"Breathe, Sakura," he murmured into her ear. "It's not the end of the world ..."

He leaned back again but left his hand on her waist. "People do it all the time ... fall in love. Can't be that horrible," he continued, his voice playful.

* * *

Brought back to the realm of reality by his familiar light-hearted tone, Sakura swatted at his hand. "Not _you_ , though, Kakashi ... not the elusive Copy-ninja of Konoha, the consummate bachelor!" she half-teased, still facing away from him. " _You_ don't fall in love ..."

In the pause that followed, she imagined him looking up at the ceiling introspectively.

"Hmm ..." he replied finally. "You seem to have been misinformed. I will have to correct this immediately ..."

With that, he used the hand on her waist to tug her into him, then wrapped his arm around her. Sakura unconsciously found herself settling back against his body and slipping the fingers of her free hand between the fingers of the one he'd slung over her torso as if they'd been doing it all their lives.

"Your birthday four years ago," Kakashi said. "It coincided with the Academy's survival camping trip, so the kids were gone, and Ino somehow managed to convince you to go out to the pub that night. I stopped by-"

"Late, I remember," Sakura groused. "Jerk."

Kakashi hugged her closer and kissed her shoulder. "Ah," he said. "But you like me anyway ..."

Between his (correct) statement and the fact that she was being enveloped by his half-naked body, Sakura couldn't help but blush. "Impossible man," she muttered affectionately.

He hummed in agreement. "May I continue my story now, or are there other character flaws you'd like to point out?"

"Eh … not worth it," Sakura retorted. "I'd be an old fart like you by the time I finished."

In response, Kakashi let his hand leave hers to trail lightly over her stomach and down to the patch of pink curls between her legs.

"Should I prove to you again that I'm not old, Sa-ku-ra?" he murmured darkly into her ear while circling a finger near her outer lips.

Sakura was reminded of the way he'd tortured her with his thumb in that same area the first time they'd made love, and she grew wetter against her will. At almost the same time, she felt him getting hard behind her, and that blinding need he seemed to inspire in her with such ease began to build. It only increased when he slowly licked the rim of her ear …

But then he slid his arm back up to join their fingers once more.

"Sorry, Sakura-chan," he said, putting a little space between their heads. "... Even though it seems like you'd like me to prove you wrong right now, you're going to have to wait a bit ... This is an important story."

Sakura blushed again, knowing exactly how he knew she was turned on. But she supposed he was right … the story of how he fell in love with her _was_ a pretty important one, especially given the current circumstances … even if she weren't sure she was ready to hear it.

And so she nodded. "Tell me."

* * *

Kakashi felt like he was having an out-of-body experience … having her here, like this … naked in his arms, letting him hold her and showing no signs of wanting to run away … it was surreal. And with the way his stomach was knotting over admitting to her how he'd fallen for her, he was beginning to realize that maybe he'd never actually believed he stood a chance, maybe he'd never _actually_ believed that he would have this opportunity.

It was unsettling, but not in a bad way, he thought as he breathed in the intoxicating mix of her bath products and arousal. His arm tightened unconsciously around her.

"When I got there," he continued. "You were well on your way to drinking yourself into a stupor. I stuck around for a little while, had a few drinks, then went home.

"But I couldn't sleep, so after tossing around for a few hours, I decided to go to the cenotaph. I took the long route through the training grounds, and that's where I found you … training ground 3, barely able to hold yourself upright against the post I tied Naruto to all those years ago. I have no idea how you managed to escape your friends, but you shouldn't have been there by yourself."

"I don't remember this," Sakura said quietly. "I remember the pub, but not this."

Kakashi chuckled. "Doesn't surprise me … I'd never seen you that drunk, before or since."

He paused, and when he resumed talking, his tone was more serious. "You were crying - _had been_ crying for awhile, it seemed. I tried to talk you into going home, but you refused, saying it wasn't a home, and therefore you couldn't 'go home.'"

He felt her burrow into the pillow beneath her head. "I said that?" Her voice was heartbreakingly quiet.

"You did," he confirmed, giving her hand a light squeeze. "Since it was clear that I wasn't going to convince you to leave, I sat down beside you. You began to cry harder and asked me if I would hold you, just for a little while.

"I had never seen you like that, that bad … not after Sasuke left, not after he tried to kill you, not during the war … I'd never seen you like that.

"So I did. I leaned back against the post and you crawled into my arms and cried."

Kakashi's heart clenched at the memory of those sobs, the way she had clutched at his shirt like she would a lifeline, as if she would disappear if she weren't anchored to something.

* * *

Sakura's eyes were beginning to fill with tears. She couldn't remember what he was talking about, but she knew she could have done something like that … She didn't drink very often back then, so when she did, she had a tendency to overdo things if no one stopped her.

And she knew that, deep inside, she had struggled with Sasuke being gone. She had never admitted to herself (sober) that sometimes she didn't think of their house as a home, but hearing Kakashi say that now, she realized that she did, on some level, feel that way. The time Kakashi was talking about, it would have been because Sasuke _wasn't_ there, but recently, she had felt that way when he _was_ there … Or perhaps now it was more that she didn't think of it as _their_ home - Sasuke, Sakura, and Sarada's. It was like she and Sarada had made it their home - Sakura and Sarada's - during his absence, and he was just a visitor.

… She'd never really let herself acknowledge that before.

* * *

Kakashi felt her shoulders begin to shake with the effort of holding back tears, and he pulled her as close to him as he could and held her there.

"Sorry," he heard her choke out. "What happened after that?"

He knew that she didn't want to talk about the now, so he just kissed the tip of her ear and resumed his story.

"I couldn't understand a lot of what you were saying, but I gathered that you were trying to convince yourself that everything would be okay, that you just had to get through the mission and then you could be a family.

"Eventually, you cried yourself to sleep, so I picked you up and took you back to your house, tucked you in."

"That was you?" Her voice was soft. She seemed so very small in his arms at that moment, and he wanted to protect her from the world. Even if she didn't need it.

"That was me," he confirmed.

"I always wondered how I got there … the last thing I remember is the pub," she mused.

It seemed her tears had abated, and he was grateful … he hated seeing her cry, even more so when it was his fault.

"But what does all this have to do with you allegedly falling in love with me?" she asked finally.

"It's not 'alleged,'" he corrected with a frown. "It's true."

Sakura sighed. "Okay, so what does all this have to do with you falling in love with me? I can't imagine I was very attractive in that state."

She twisted her body so that she was looking up at his face, her eyes questioning. He let the hand that had been holding hers drift up to cup her cheek and ran his thumb across her bottom lip, then gave her a wry half-smile.

"Oh, you were a mess … Eye makeup everywhere, hair everywhere, red eyes, runny nose - you used my sleeve as a tissue more than once-" he said, grinning.

She glared at him. "I get the idea …"

His smile softened. "You were a mess, Sakura … but you were a mess of a _woman_." He paused, his expression thoughtful. "Even though you were married, had a child … I'm not sure I'd ever really seen you as a _woman_ until that night. I hadn't thought of you as a kid, either, but … I don't know. Maybe it was hearing about the distinctly adult troubles you were facing … Maybe it was holding you, being that physically close to you in a private setting."

He shrugged.

"Whatever it was, I looked at you differently after that night. I started to notice you more … at first it was just general concern; I'd pay a bit more attention than usual to your expressions and your body language to try and see if you were doing okay. And you seemed happy the times I saw you, especially when you were with Sarada-chan, but sometimes I could see a hint of that sadness … or loneliness, maybe …"

* * *

Kakashi turned his gaze down to meet hers, and it seemed like he could see right through her. It made her feel embarrassed and exposed …

But it somehow also made her feel safe and loved … if he could see right through her, and he still wanted her here like this, in his arms …

Unable to meet his eyes anymore, she turned back onto her side and reached down to pull the blanket up higher. He helped, then continued, "I knew why Sasuke was gone, but I didn't understand why he didn't contact you more often or visit sometimes. Still, before that night, I hadn't thought much of it other than that it was a bit strange, but it wasn't my business, and in any case, you seemed to be fine with the arrangement.

"That night, though, I learned that you weren't fine with it, not really. Or rather, your brain was fine with it, but your heart wasn't. And that bothered me. To be honest, I hadn't been particularly thrilled when you got together with Sasuke, because I suspected that he wouldn't be what you wanted him to be, but you seemed happy, and I knew it would be good for him … probably better than any therapy we could have set up … so I wished you both the best."

* * *

Kakashi was a bit surprised at himself … he hadn't expected to go on this long, but it seemed that once he started talking, he couldn't stop … He found that he wanted to tell her everything.

"And then you had Sarada-chan," he went on. "And you did seem happy … a bit ragged at times, but I'm told that's one of the common symptoms of being a new parent."

Sakura laughed. "You act like it's some sort of disease."

Kakashi raised an eyebrow. "It kind of seems like one when you think about it … These small creatures taking over your life, infesting your house with brightly-colored plastic kunai, always wanting to see your face …"

She laughed again and elbowed him. "That last is only a problem because you make it one … and you know you have fun with it."

"... Maybe," he allowed, then rubbed his ribs and scowled at the back of her head. "You're always so violent. "

"Ah," she said, doing her best Kakashi impression. "But you like me anyway …"

Grinning, he pulled her back into his chest. "Impossible woman," he murmured against her ear.

* * *

Sakura shivered at his dark tone even as her heart warmed. "Quit getting distracted and finish your story," she grumbled, flustered.

"Mm," he acquiesced, his fingers dusting over her hand, her arm. "Well, eventually I started bothering you … I didn't like that loneliness I saw in you, and in some ways, I felt responsible. If I had been able to get through to Sasuke before he left the village-"

Sakura interrupted him. "Kakashi, that wasn't your fault. And no one blames you for it, not even Sasuke. You did the best you could under the circumstances … some things just can't be helped."

He sighed, and she scooted a little closer to him. "I don't blame you," she finished, her voice quiet but resolute.

"I know," he said, burying his face in her hair. "And I know - objectively - there really wasn't much else I could have done. But, like so many other things …" He lifted his head back to rest on his arm again. "What you know and what you feel don't always match."

 _Truer words_ , Inner Sakura piped up.

Sakura shoved her down.

"Anyway," Kakashi continued, his hand back on her waist. "Somewhere along the line there … with me bothering you whenever I could and you helping me with diplomatic ventures … I realized that you had become the most important person in my life."

Sakura was taken aback. Knowing he loved her was one thing … knowing he loved her above everyone else was an entirely different one. It was the most terrifying of all of the terrifying aspects of what they were doing … and there were many.

He cut into her thoughts. "But it wasn't until I saw how much the situation with Sasuke was wearing you down and I had the random thought that I could make you happier that I realized I wanted you for myself … in every way."

Sakura blushed. He really didn't need to say things like he did ...

"You hid your unhappiness very well, but I'm good at looking underneath the underneath. Still, I thought you would be able to work it out when his mission ended, and I want you both to be happy, so I resolved never to let you know how I felt. I'm used to being alone anyway … I could stand it if it meant my precious people … especially you … were happy."

Involuntarily, Sakura's eyes began to well up. He was so self-sacrificing; it broke her heart.

"Kakashi …" she said, voice heavy with unshed tears.

He rubbed his thumb soothingly on her stomach and went on. "But then Sasuke's mission ended, and he left again, and I saw that you were nearly crushed … you were losing hope. I could hardly bear it, but I figured he wouldn't be gone long this time, so I still kept my distance. Yet he's continued to stay away."

He raised his hand to her face and gently turned it toward his. When their eyes met, his were deadly serious and full of emotions that made her want to hold him close, and the tears in hers threatened to spill over.

"You deserve to be happy, Sakura," he said. "And so does Sasuke. But right now, only one of you is, and it isn't the one I would rather it be. I don't want to hurt Sasuke, but I want you to be happy, and you've sacrificed enough for him.

"If I believed that he would ever be what you want, what you need, I never would have pursued this, but I don't … I think he will continue to hurt you - not because he doesn't love you, but because he doesn't know how to love you right."

At that, Sakura pulled away from him a little bit. While a part of her agreed with what he was saying, another part … a deeply embedded part … felt a need to defend her husband.

"And you think you do?" she challenged as the tears, now as much from confusion and just a twinge of anger as anything, fell down her cheeks.

He reached out and swept the droplets away with his thumb. "Yes," he replied simply, his eyes both honest and confident.

Sakura bit her lip as more tears formed, and she turned her head away from him. "How … how can you just say that? You're basically telling me to leave my husband … the man I've been in love with since I was a girl … the _father_ of my _child_... because you think you can make me happier?"

"Sakura, this isn't what I wanted … You think this is what I wanted? To be in love with you? A former student, a married woman? … This isn't what I wanted." His voice was more emotional than she'd ever heard it, and it made her start crying in earnest.

But still he carried on. "I wanted you both to have a happy, fulfilling relationship ... but you don't. Your sadness that night … it was _palpable_. It cut me. And that was when you still had the hope of things changing when his mission ended. I can't even stand the thought of the sadness you must be feeling now … You don't deserve it."

* * *

He hadn't meant to go that far. He hadn't meant to go that far, and now she was crying, and it was his fault, and it killed him. He couldn't help but reach out for her, pull her back into his chest, and there was the small consolation that she let him.

"Sakura … I'm sorry," he whispered into her hair, holding her close. "I'm so sorry … I shouldn't have put you in this position. It was a mistake."

* * *

She couldn't help but be comforted by his arms around her, and a part of her hated herself for it. But when he apologized, sounding like he wasn't far from crying himself … when he said that this was a mistake … her heart twisted more tightly than it had ever done.

She turned onto her other side so that she was facing him and placed her hand on his cheek. His eyes were, as she had suspected, glistening with the beginnings of tears, and they carried a pain that made her own tears fall harder, but she had to tell him …

"It wasn't a mistake," she said, making sure he was looking at her. "Kakashi, whatever it was … whatever it _is_ … it's not a mistake."

And then she kissed him. She kissed him with all of the emotions that had been building that day, the past week, the last few months … She kissed him with all of the need and the frustration and the hurt and the loneliness of the last decade.

Her tears salted their kiss, but she didn't care as his hand tangled in her hair and then slid down her back, pressing her as tightly to him as he could, and hers wrapped around his neck.

He deepened the kiss and rolled her onto her back and her legs lifted around his waist and when he entered her, she thought that she had never felt so close to another human being as she did in that moment. It was intense, and frightening, and exhilarating, and perfect ...

And when they came, breathing harshly into each other's mouth and then melding their lips for another long kiss, still joined as one, she thought that maybe he was right … maybe she did deserve more …

And when he murmured, "I love you, Sakura," into her ear as pulled out of her to lie on his back and hug her against his side, she thought that maybe he was right about that too … maybe he was the one who could give it to her.

* * *

 **A/N:** I've had this chapter planned for a long time, so it was good to finally write it out.

 **PSA:** Unprotected sex … STDs … babies … be responsible, people. Real-life consequences can be not so fun.


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30**

Sakura was nestled against Kakashi's side, her head on his shoulder, his arm around her. She studied her index finger as it traced random patterns across his chest.

"What happens now?" she asked quietly, eyes still focused on the movements of her finger.

* * *

Kakashi sighed and tightened his hold on her. He stared up at the ceiling above them.

"I can't tell you what to do, Sakura," he replied, his voice tired. "You know how I feel … If it were up to me, you would leave Sasuke and let me give you what he can't."

* * *

 _Let me give you what he can't ..._

Sakura's stomach flipped at Kakashi's words, at the thought of having him like this whenever she wanted … without the guilt. It flipped at the thought of having more dinners, just the three of them … Sakura, Sarada, and Kakashi … like a real family. It flipped at the thought of being with a man who made her laugh, who challenged her, who helped her, who showed her how much he loved her, who was there for her and her daughter.

Unconsciously, she snuggled closer to him.

* * *

Kakashi sighed again, then rested his chin on the top of her head. "But it's not up to me, Sakura ... You need to decide what you really want, what's truly best for you and for Sarada."

* * *

Sakura knew that, but wished it weren't her decision alone. She didn't want to hurt anyone … the idea of what Sasuke would feel were she to leave him killed her, but the thought of what Kakashi would feel if she ended whatever she had with him also made her heart twist … and she knew it would hurt her to end it too. He made her happy; she couldn't deny that. And he had made her realize how happy she _could_ be. She hadn't known (or hadn't let herself acknowledge) the extent to which she was _unhappy_ until Kakashi had made her _happy_. It was so hard to contemplate letting that go ...

Then there was Sarada … how would she feel? She was only just getting to know her father … how much would a divorce affect that? Sakura could see Sasuke staying away from the village-

 _Even more?_ Inner Sakura broke in snidely.

Sakura wanted to argue, but she had to agree. _Yes, even more._

Which was to say that it might not change things much on that front ...

And Sarada liked Kakashi … but what would she think of having the admittedly infuriating man as her step-dad?

… Step-dad … that sounded so weird. But that's what he would be, assuming he wanted to get married ...

 _Would_ he want to marry her?

Sakura tilted her head to look up at the silver-haired Copy-nin. He returned her gaze with a warm one of his own, and she blushed, quickly ducking her head back down.

Yeah, he would probably want to marry her.

Her heart started to feel overfull again at the thought and at the way he brushed his thumb over the curve of her waist. She placed an affectionate kiss on the side of his chest.

... Sarada would probably use it as an excuse to see his face …

Sakura chuckled.

"What?" Kakashi asked, his voice lazy.

"Nothing …" She giggled again. "I just got a mental image of Sarada telling you that you had to show her your face if you were going to be her step-dad."

"Step-dad, huh?" Kakashi murmured slyly.

Sakura instantly flushed with embarrassment. "Well … I um … I was just …" she stuttered.

Kakashi's chest rumbled as he laughed. "I don't mind," he said, tugging her on top of him.

"H- hey!" she protested, balancing herself with both palms on his chest before lifting her head to glare at him.

He held one hand on the small of her back as he used the other to tuck the lock of hair that had fallen over her face behind her ear. His expression made her heart stop, and her glare faded as the corners of his eyes crinkled lightly with the small smile he gave her. "I would marry you," he affirmed, as if it were the simplest thing in the world.

His hand drifted from behind her ear to join his other on her back. She steadied herself with an elbow on his chest and let her legs slide apart so that she was straddling his waist and stared at him, mouth slightly agape.

She didn't know why she wasn't more freaked out by a man she hadn't even considered as a lover until a few months ago telling her that he would marry her.

"How can you say things like that so easily?" she wondered softly.

The corner of his mouth quirked up into a playful grin. "Well, as you're so fond of pointing out … though you do exaggerate …" He briefly frowned at her. "I'm not young … I've had a lot of time to figure out who I am and what I want. And I've spent a lot of time over the last few years thinking about you, deciding what - if anything - I should do."

He paused, searching her eyes with his own. "Sakura, I wouldn't have risked your marriage and our friendship if I weren't sure about what I wanted … and I wouldn't have risked it if I weren't confident that I could make you happier than Sasuke does."

Sakura saw in his hooded grey eyes the struggle that he had gone through before deciding to make an advance on her.

"I know," she responded with a small sigh. "It's just strange for me. I hadn't ever thought about you … or anyone else, really … like this."

Kakashi took a hand from her back to readjust the pillow behind him so that he was sitting a little more upright. She felt his abs move between her legs as he twisted and repositioned himself, and then his hand returned to its place on her back and she found that she could look into his eyes more easily.

Her brow furrowed. "And it's strange that it doesn't feel stranger to be sitting here like this with you, in your bed, both of us completely naked. I don't know why …"

Her voice trailed off.

"Don't know why what?" he asked.

She looked at him curiously, as if trying to figure him out. "I don't know why it isn't weirder. I don't know why I feel so comfortable around you, even now, like this … I don't know how you can make me so happy when we're doing something so wrong."

His gaze softened, and he rose to a fully upright position, cupping her cheek with one hand. "I don't know either," he said. "But I would rather make you happy when we're not doing anything wrong."

His words scared her and excited her and made her feel loved. Almost unconsciously, she wrapped her arms around his neck and helped him bring their mouths together for a long, tender kiss, only pulling away when she felt the stirrings of desire again low in her belly.

"I'd better go. I need to make dinner for Sarada," she whispered against his lips, then spontaneously kissed him again, letting their tongues meet, feeling his grip tighten on her waist.

She broke away after a minute and laughed. "You're impossible," she sighed with a half-smile.

"What?" he asked, face the picture of innocence until the corners of his mouth twitched up into a grin.

Her pulse sped up. "That," she said, pressing the tip of a finger to his lips. "You'll keep me here forever …"

She tried to get up, but he tugged her back into him and kissed a line up her neck to her mouth. "There are worse things," he hummed darkly, melding their lips together for a brief but deep kiss before releasing her and leaning back against the headboard.

Breathing a bit ragged, she shook her head at the self-satisfied smirk he wore, then climbed off of his waist and the bed to get dressed. After a moment, he followed, pulling on his navy sweatpants. She couldn't help the heat that flashed through her at the knowledge that he hadn't put on any underwear first … combined with the way those pants rode low on his hips, she had half a mind to drag him back into the bed.

When she tore her eyes from his waist and lifted them to meet his gaze, she got the distinct impression that he knew exactly where her mind had been, and her face flushed.

She hurriedly pulled on her socks and made her way to the door … only to be stopped once again by a hand on her shoulder. But this time, she didn't object, instead turning and letting him hold her. He brushed his fingers through her hair.

"I know it's a little late to ask …" he began, one arm unconsciously reaching back to scratch his neck sheepishly. "But do we need to worry about …"

She knew what he was getting at, and she blushed and glanced at the floor. "No ... I'm protected. It's standard for kunoichi, unless you're trying ... to …"

He squeezed her waist. "Not that I would object to making babies with you-"

Her head shot up. "Kakashi! You can't … don't say things like that!" She knew her face had to be beet red.

He just chuckled and kissed her forehead. "Maybe later …"

In that brief moment, the image of a pair of silver-haired, green-eyed babies popped into her mind, and Sakura thought she might faint. When her next thought was, "No, at least one of them should have his grey eyes," she knew she needed to leave.

"I have to go," she mumbled, extricating herself from his arms.

"Wait," he said, clearly holding back laughter as he tugged her back into his chest. He lifted her face with a hand on the back of her head and placed a gentle kiss on her lips. "I'll see you later, Sakura."

With that, he let her go. She stumbled to the door and somehow managed to put her shoes on.

When her hand touched the doorknob, she heard his voice again. "Tell Sarada-chan not to forget … 8 a.m. tomorrow, training ground 3," he called from behind her.

Sakura looked back at him, and he flashed her a patented grin. She blushed. "I'll see you later, Kakashi," she said quickly before darting out of his apartment.

* * *

 **A/N:** Transition chapter. More action to come. Also, apologies for the delay on this and responding to reviews … I caught a wicked cold, and it turned into a sinus infection, and I just wasn't able to focus. Next one shouldn't take as long.


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter 31**

"What's up with you?"

Sakura looked up from the cutting board at her daughter. "What?" she asked, confused.

Sarada gave her an inquisitive furrowing of her eyebrows from where she stood in the entryway to the kitchen. "What's up with you?" she repeated. "You look ... _happy_."

Unbidden, memories of Kakashi tugging her on top of him flashed through Sakura's mind. She immediately blushed and quickly redirected her attention to chopping vegetables for dinner. "I'm the same as always," she replied dismissively. "Also, Kakashi told me to remind you to be at training ground 3 at 8 tomorrow morning."

"Yeah, I remember … _he's_ the one who won't be there on time," Sarada grumbled.

"Who knows?" Sakura hummed, reaching for a carrot. "Maybe he will be tomorrow." She was determined to keep her daughter distracted enough not to continue her original line of questioning … even if it meant that she had to keep talking about the man who tended to set her cheeks aflame merely by showing up in her thoughts.

Thankfully appearing to take the bait, Sarada snorted. "You don't really think he will, do you, Mom?"

Sakura shrugged. "You never know. One time we decided to be an hour late (because how would he know? we figured), and somehow he was already there when we got to the training ground. I don't know how long he had actually been waiting, but we had to run an extra lap for every five minutes we were late …" She frowned at the memory. "Sadist …" she added quietly.

"I wonder …" Sarada began, leaning back against the counter by the sink. "Maybe he had some way of tracking when you showed up on the field, and if you weren't there on time, he'd know and then get there before you." She paused. "I mean, he could've just been watching the whole time, but he seems too lazy for that …"

"He does," Sakura nodded, too intrigued by her daughter's idea to correct her for calling the former Hokage "lazy." "He could have one of the dogs keeping watch," she proposed, scraping the chopped carrot and other vegetables into the frying pan on the stove and turning on the flame.

Sarada made a sound of agreement. "Do you think he's tracking me too?"

Sakura stirred the vegetables while she thought. "Technically, we don't know that he actually _does_ have a tracking method … it could have just been coincidence that he was there early that particular day …"

Even as the words left her mouth, though, Sakura dismissed it as highly improbable, and Sarada's blunt "Unlikely" from behind her indicated that her daughter felt the same.

"Well, I assume you're planning to test it by being late yourself …" Sakura guessed, then glanced over her shoulder to catch Sarada nodding her head. "In that case, you're going to need some kind of surveillance of your own."

"… But Kakashi-sama will know if I try spying on him …" Sarada said. "He's too good … even if he is lazy."

"He would notice, it's true … and you shouldn't speak that way about your elders," Sakura chastised, tossing the vegetables over in the pan.

"Yes, Mom," Sarada replied obediently. "... But what can I do if I can't spy on him?"

"You could have someone else spy for you," Sakura suggested.

Sarada had apparently already considered the option, because her response was immediate: "All the adults are too busy, you'd be too obvious even if you're not busy, and I don't want to ask the guys."

Sakura turned the heat down to low and placed the two fish filets she had bought into another pan. "Why don't you want to ask the guys? They're your teammates …" she asked, lighting the flame on a second burner.

Sarada's voice was quieter. "I don't want them to know …"

Sakura set the pan on the burner and let the fish cook while she looked at her daughter. "About what?"

"The training," Sarada replied, eyes on the floor.

"Why not?"

The dark-haired girl fidgeted and kept her gaze downward. "I don't want them to ruin it," she said finally.

Sakura frowned. "How would they ruin it?"

Her daughter glanced up at her briefly before turning her head to the side. "I like that it's just Kakashi-sama and me ..." she admitted, the faintest of blushes dusting her cheeks.

Struck by the possibility that Sarada had a crush on Kakashi, Sakura swallowed thickly. That would be awkward … not that she could blame her daughter. "Ah … I see," she murmured, blushing lightly herself.

"It's not like _that_ , Mom!" Sarada corrected quickly, clearly understanding what her mother was thinking. "I mean, he's alright, I guess … for an old guy ..." Her blush deepened.

"He's not _that_ old …" Sakura countered defensively.

"You call him 'jiji' all the time," Sarada pointed out.

"I'm just teasing him," Sakura replied, turning to check on the fish.

"Whatever … it's not like that anyway," Sarada sighed. "It's just … nice, I guess. Being trained like that … like baka-Boruto and Naruto-oji-sama."

Suddenly Sakura found herself wanting to hug Kakashi so tightly he could hardly breathe … whatever his reasons, he was providing her daughter with something valuable, something that had been missing from her life for too long. It wasn't an actual father-daughter relationship, of course, but it was a lot more than Sasuke was offering.

Sasuke really should have stayed home …

Feeling at once heartsick over Sasuke's absence and warm and fuzzy about Kakashi, Sakura slid each filet onto a dish and spooned out the vegetables before switching off the burners.

"I suppose I could lend you Katsuya," she said, handing her daughter a plate. They made their way to the dinner table.

"That could work …" Sarada agreed slowly. "She could keep an eye on the training ground."

"Mmhm … you could have her posted in several places … small versions, so he'll be less likely to notice," Sakura recommended. "And I wouldn't wait too long to show up; if he is tracking you somehow, I'm sure he'll punish you for being late."

"Yeah, I'll wait maybe fifteen minutes … three laps aren't too bad," Sarada concurred, then took a bite of her fish.

"You might not be able to figure out _how_ he's tracking you, though," Sakura warned. "He's crafty … and very suspicious."

Sarada nodded, and Sakura smiled. "It would be pretty fun to get one up on him though …"

"Yeah …" her daughter said, returning the smile with a grin of her own before the two began giggling deviously.

* * *

The next morning found tiny Katsuyas stationed around the training ground, plus one outside of the window of Kakashi's apartment, one by his door, and a few at the cenotaph. A final one stayed with Sarada at the house, ready to notify her if any of the other Katsuyas saw anything or if the Copy-nin showed up early.

* * *

At 8:10, Sarada made her way to the training ground, arriving just before 8:15. Katsuya hadn't reported anything, so the genin decided to hang back at the outskirts of the field for a little while longer.

* * *

At 8:15 exactly, a familiar voice sounded out from the tree above her.

"You're late, Sarada-chan …" Kakashi announced, hopping down to land in front of her.

Sarada stared at him, mouth open. "You - how did you …" she stuttered. Then, surprise fading, she pointed her finger at him. "Why are _you_ here on time?" she asked accusingly.

The masked ninja looked confused. "I told your mother to remind you that we were meeting at 8 …" he said.

Sarada blinked. Kakashi tilted his head slightly, his expression pure innocence. "I hate you," she muttered finally.

"That's not very nice, Sarada-chan. I think you've been listening to your mother too much," Kakashi replied, frowning.

"Aren't I supposed to listen to my mother?" the dark-haired girl retorted.

"Not if she's saying mean things about kind people who take time out of their day to teach you new jutsu …"

Sarada glared at his guilt-tripping tone and puppy dog eyes before relenting. "Fine … I don't hate you," she grumbled.

"That's great to hear!" Kakashi said, smiling his crinkly-eyed smile. "You owe me a lap for every minute you were late."

"But - That's not fair!" Sarada exclaimed. "Mom said you only made them run one for every _five_ minutes!"

Kakashi shrugged. "I was feeling generous that day."

Sarada looked at him incredulously. "She was right," she said. "You _are_ a sadist …"

Kakashi paused before responding. "Well, _they_ also hadn't tried to set me up …" He looked at her meaningfully.

"Wh -" Sarada began, blushing.

Kakashi checked his watch-less wrist. "You'd better get started on those laps if you want to have any time left for me to teach you something today …"

Sarada groaned and walked toward the edge of the field. "I _really_ don't like you," she mumbled under her breath before moving into a slow jog.

"You shouldn't blame other people for your own mistakes, Sarada-chan," Kakashi called out from behind her, a grin pulling at the corners of his mouth. He heard her groan again as she picked up her pace.

* * *

When Sakura arrived home that night, it was to a sulking Sarada, Kakashi's chakra in her kitchen, and the smells of cooking.

"What's going on?" she asked the frowning girl sitting on her couch.

"He said you'd probably be late because you had new stuff at the lab, so he'd make dinner so you don't have to," Sarada reported grumpily. "And also supposedly he feels a little bad for making me run fifteen laps … but I'm not sure I believe him."

Setting aside the gooey feeling in her stomach at how well he knew her and that he was cooking for them, Sakura slipped off her shoes and stepped into the living room. "Fifteen laps?" she queried. "He made you run a lap for every minute you were late?"

Before her daughter could reply, Kakashi poked his head out of the kitchen. "Yes," he said, making eye contact with Sakura. "And don't think I don't know about your role in the plot …"

She blushed at his raised eyebrow, and his eyes darkened as they flickered down to her lips, but he ducked back around the corner without saying anything else. Sakura was grateful that Sarada was facing the opposite direction of the irritating silver-haired man.

After getting her blush under control, Sakura sighed. "I'd better go make nice," she said. "Since he _is_ cooking us dinner."

Sarada didn't respond, so Sakura stopped to pat her affectionately on the head. "Did he at least teach you something after all those laps?" she asked.

"Yeah … Housenka no jutsu," Sarada admitted begrudgingly. "But I still haven't been able to make it work."

Sakura ruffled her daughter's hair. "I'm sure you'll get it … you were probably just tired; it's hard to mold your chakra properly when you're tired."

Sarada batted her hand away. "Yeah … and whose fault was that?"

"Yours," came the reply from the kitchen.

"Well … you didn't have to be _that_ mean," the dark-haired girl complained, crossing her arms.

"Alright, that's enough," Sakura broke in. "While his particular punishment may have been a bit extreme …" She glared in the direction of the Copy-ninja, though she couldn't see him. "And I _might_ have encouraged you … you _were_ late, and you _did_ try to set him up, so no more whining."

"Fine," Sarada agreed sullenly.

"Good," Sakura replied, then made her way to the kitchen, where she found Kakashi at the cutting board, slicing mushrooms.

"It never fails to amaze me that you can actually cook," she commented, coming up to stand next to him. She popped a mushroom into her mouth and reached for another.

Without taking his eyes off the cutting board, his hand caught her wrist before she could steal the fungus. The heat of his bare fingers had her skin tingling, and she quickly pulled her arm away, looking up at his profile. She saw his mouth lift in a small smile as he glanced down at her out of the corner of his eye, and the heat spread from her wrist to her chest.

"It's not like I could live on takeout my whole life," he said.

"I mean, you _could_ …" she noted, trying to snatch a mushroom without him noticing.

"And risk losing this boyish figure? I think not," Kakashi responded, his hand once again darting over to stop hers.

Sakura couldn't help it that the image of his hard chest and toned abs popped into her head. "I'd hardly call it a 'boyish' figure," she said without thinking, slipping her wrist out of his light hold.

Grinning, Kakashi paused his cutting. "Is that so?" he teased.

Sakura blushed but managed a teasing half-smile of her own. "Yeah," she agreed. "You're way too old to have a boyish figure, _jiji_."

In response, Kakashi stretched his arm out behind her to grab the daikon on her other side, pulling her into a sort-of hug in the process. "Somehow I don't think that's what you meant, Sakura-chan …" he murmured darkly into her ear.

She shivered at the bolt of desire that shot through her and started to lean ever-so-slightly into him before she came to her senses and remembered that her daughter was in the next room and could easily walk in at any moment.

"Don't do things like that!" she hissed quietly, grabbing a mushroom and walking over to peek into the rice cooker, her cheeks a vibrant shade of red and her back still burning where he had touched it.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Kakashi said, dicing up the radish.

"You're impossible," she huffed.

"So you've mentioned," he replied, sounding completely unconcerned.

She scowled at him and opened the cabinet to take out three plates. "If you weren't making dinner, I'd send you flying through the door right now," she growled.

"That wouldn't be setting a very good example for Sarada-chan …" Kakashi hummed.

"I hate you," she grumbled, leaving the kitchen to set the table.

 _What you_ actually _hate is the way he can make you lose your head so easily_ , Inner Sakura observed.

 _Yeah, yeah_ , Sakura replied, but she knew it was the truth. That man made her lose control - of her mind, of her body … everything.

And the worst part was that she liked it … as risky and stupid and selfish as it was, she liked it …

* * *

Later, over dinner, Kakashi asked her if she had been able to examine the grass samples that day.

Sakura nodded, then swallowed the food she had been chewing. "Yeah, but the samples are too small for me to develop a complete antidote. I need more," she replied, her voice expressing the disappointment she was feeling.

"I'm sure Naruto would approve a mission to search for more samples if it meant you'd be able to make something that could save lives," Kakashi said.

"Yeah, but I don't take missions anymore … You know that," Sakura reminded reproachfully.

Kakashi glanced over at the still-glum genin sitting to his right, then turned his eyes back to Sakura. "Sarada-chan's old enough to stay home by herself now," he pointed out. "Besides, it would probably only be a two- or three-day mission."

Sakura looked unconvinced.

"Or she could go on the mission too," he suggested.

At that, Sarada's ears pricked up, and Sakura paused, holding her chopsticks over her plate.

"That could be cool, Mom … going on a mission together …" Sarada said, the beginnings of a smile on her lips.

Kakashi watched the pinkette consider the idea and snuck a few bites of food while her daughter was distracted.

"That could work …" Sakura admitted finally. "As long as you don't have any missions scheduled with your team."

Sarada's face broke out into a full smile. "I'll check tomorrow!"

* * *

Sakura sighed as she dunked a dirty plate into the water in the sink. Kakashi was hovering nearby; after she'd insisted on doing the dishes since he had done the cooking, he'd insisted on drying them.

For her part, Sarada had gone to bed (but not before muttering something about sadistic former Hokages making her work out too hard).

"Do you really think it's a good idea, going on a mission with Sarada?" Sakura asked, handing him a cleaned plate. "I know it's peacetime, but it could still be dangerous, and who knows how rusty I am …"

Kakashi gave her an affectionate half-smile. "Based on the way you managed to defeat two of my clones with your clones and then beat me by breaking my collarbone, I would have to say you probably don't need to worry about being rusty."

She raised a teasing eyebrow. "But can you really judge my readiness based on the fact that I beat an old man in a friendly spar?" She stuck the tip of her tongue out at him before turning back to the sink.

A second later, she felt his hand on the small of her back and the warmth of his body to her side. She stiffened, her hands stopping their motion in the soapy water.

"You shouldn't stick your tongue out at a man who's already having a difficult time not taking you right here … against the sink … or on the counter … or bent over the table ..." he spoke lowly into her ear as he moved to stand directly behind her and rested a hand on each side of her waist.

He stepped closer until she could feel him pressed against her back, then bent his head down to lick the base of her neck. Unconsciously, she tilted her head to the side to give him better access, and he took advantage, dragging his tongue up her neck to her ear, stopping to place an open-mouthed kiss every now and then while pulling her closer to his body.

She couldn't stop the small moan from escaping her mouth as one of his hands drifted from its place at her side around to her stomach and then lower until it was just above the space between her legs. At the same time, his other hand trailed up to her breast and cupped it gently. She could feel his growing erection against her lower back, and it only made her hotter.

"Ka- Kakashi … not here," she said quietly, breathy with desire. How he could always seem to do this to her … reduce her to mush … she suspected she would never know.

... But she did know that this was the house that she shared with Sasuke, and she knew that her daughter was asleep in that house, not far away from the kitchen.

She would never forgive herself if she dragged her sin into her family's home … it was bad enough that it was happening in the first place, but somehow she felt like doing anything in their house would be the ultimate betrayal, the ultimate violation.

And she would never, _ever_ forgive herself if her daughter caught her mother being unfaithful to her father.

So she was grateful when Kakashi just whispered, "I know," and then backed away.

There was a brief moment of silence before he spoke again, his voice normal as he picked up the wet plate she had handed him before and dried it. "Yes, I think it's a good idea … it will afford you the opportunity to bond with your daughter in a different way," he said. "And no, I don't think you have anything to worry about as far as being rusty is concerned, but if it would make you feel more comfortable, I would be happy to accompany you as backup. I am, after all, a retiree with very few obligations; I can spare the time."

Truth be told, Sakura was a bit irritated that he seemed to be able to snap out of the haze of desire so quickly, but she knew it was for the best, and his offer to come along was interesting … she _would_ feel safer with him there, though she wasn't sure she'd feel more comfortable ...

Still, it could be an opportunity to get a better idea than a handful of dinners could provide regarding what the dynamic amongst the three of them - Sakura, Sarada, and Kakashi - would be like …

"Okay," she responded finally. "I think you should come too."

* * *

 **A/N:** Sorry for the wait on this chapter and that it's kind of crappy; this cough just doesn't seem to want to go away … finished a round of antibiotics, which cleared up the sinus infection but did nothing for the cough, so I was still feeling like ass this week. Plus, I was hosting a Halloween party, which required a lot of prep time.

Anyway, thanks as always for reading, and special thanks to my reviewers … I'm going to do my best to respond to your reviews this week.

Till next time!


	32. Chapter 32

**A/N:** Bear with me a little longer on the Sasuke thing. I promise … it's not so very far away now.

* * *

 **Chapter 32**

Sakura looked up from her chart to see her daughter standing with a downcast expression on the other side of the nurses' desk.

"What's wrong?" she asked, closing the folder.

"My team has to go help out at a wedding at some ryokan tomorrow. We're gonna have to stay overnight 'cause it's in the country," Sarada replied, her tone suggesting that it was a travesty of the highest order.

"That seems like a pretty normal D-class mission," Sakura said, eyebrow raised in confusion.

Her daughter pressed the tips of her index fingers together. "But you said I couldn't go with you if I had a mission with my team ..."

Finally understanding, Sakura laughed. "I think we can wait another day or two. I still have to sort everything out with the Hokage and make arrangements with the hospital staff anyway," she said. "I just wanted to make sure you didn't have anything coming up that you couldn't miss."

Sarada immediately brightened. "Is Kakashi-sama going to come too? It was his idea ..."

Sakura was surprised. "Do you want him to? I thought you'd still be mad at him about those laps yesterday."

"Well, he _is_ a jerk …" Sarada grumbled, scowling. "But this could be the best opportunity to see his face yet! And if I do, I win the bet," she added excitedly, her scowl having turned into a mischievous smile.

Sakura pinched the bridge of her nose. "Haven't you learned your lesson about trying to trap him?"

The dark-haired girl looked thoughtful for a moment, then shook her head. "But his _face_ , Mom …" She held her hands out, palms up, then clenched them into fists. " _His face …_ "

"Sarada, it's just a face," Sakura sighed, trying to ignore Inner Sakura, who was arguing that Kakashi's wasn't "just a face" … it was one of the most attractive faces she'd ever seen.

Her daughter shot her a disbelieving look. "Then why does he always wear that mask?" she insisted. "He's got to be hiding something."

Sakura shrugged her shoulders. "You'll have to ask him …"

Sarada frowned. "He won't tell me …"

"Well … you can try to see it, but I know from experience that you won't until he lets you," Sakura said. "I'm pretty sure he's been wearing a mask since before he could walk …"

That thought led to the mental image of a baby Kakashi in a mask and a navy onesie, his head covered in fuzzy white hair, and Sakura inwardly melted before suddenly wondering if Kakashi would insist that his son wear a mask so no one would figure out what _he_ looked like ... assuming his son looked as much like him as Kakashi did his own father ...

Sakura shook her head. Why the hell was she thinking about Kakashi's non-existent son?

… Even if he would be absolutely adorable and undoubtedly very smart … Why hadn't that man reproduced yet?

 _You know why_ , Inner Sakura pointed out.

Sakura shook her head again. _Not that I would object to making babies with you …_ he'd said. She sighed as that stupid warm and fuzzy feeling filled her chest.

"Mom, what's wrong with you?" Sakura heard Sarada ask.

She blushed lightly. "It's nothing. I need to get back to work. Don't worry about the mission … I'll talk to Naruto and make sure your team knows you'll be gone for a few days, okay?"

"Okay," Sarada smiled, starting to walk away before stopping and looking back over her shoulder. "Wait … you never said if Kakashi-sama was coming with us …"

Sakura nodded. "He is … he said he'd be our backup."

"Well, we don't need backup, 'cause we're awesome, but at least he's coming …" she said, then pursed her lips. "I've got to come up with a plan …"

Sakura watched as her daughter headed down the hallway, muttering about how to catch Kakashi unawares and possibly getting input from "baka-Boruto." She sighed, a small smile playing on her lips as she reopened the chart she had been reviewing earlier.

* * *

The next morning, Sakura was in her office going over some paperwork when Kakashi appeared next to her with a pop and a puff of smoke. He leaned his back against the counter at her side so they were facing each other.

"What do _you_ want?" she asked, looking up at him, hoping her tone didn't give away the mix of shyness and happiness and guilt over the happiness she felt at his unexpected presence.

He turned his gaze down to watch his hand as he used a finger to push around the papers she had been reading.

"Come to dinner with me tonight," he said finally, raising his eyes to meet hers, his hand stopping its movements.

Sakura's cheeks flushed. "What?"

"I want to take you to dinner tonight," he restated.

"Kakashi, we can't-" she began.

"Why not?" he interrupted. "It wouldn't be the first time."

"Well, yeah, but that was before …" Her voice trailed off as her blush deepened, but then her brow furrowed and her eyes narrowed at him. "And you stuck me with the bill …"

He chuckled. "I won't stick you with the bill this time, I promise …"

He was wearing that lopsided grin that had a bad habit of making her heart beat faster. "Come to dinner with me," he repeated. "I know Sarada-chan's on a mission, so you're on your own tonight anyway … wouldn't it be better to have some company?"

"Not if it's _your_ company," she replied teasingly, sticking her tongue out at him by force of habit.

"I thought I warned you about sticking your tongue out at a man who wants you …" Kakashi hummed, dropping his hand from the counter to her stomach and then to the hip farthest from him so he could tug her into his body and lock his arms around the small of her back.

For the life of her, Sakura couldn't gather the will to resist, and her hands instinctively slid up his strong chest to circle his neck.

"You make it very difficult for me to remain a gentleman, Sakura-chan," he murmured with a wry half-smile, his voice sending a wave of heat through her body as his head dipped down toward hers.

"You've never been a gentleman," she argued quietly with a half-smile of her own.

He just raised an eyebrow in response, then slanted his mouth over hers with a sound low in his throat that might or might not have been one of agreement.

As their lips met, Sakura couldn't suppress a moan, and she pulled him closer, automatically wanting more of him, more of this man who overwhelmed her senses … He was her weakness, and it was only too clear as she let him lead her backward until he had her pressed against her desk.

"One day …" he groaned as his lips danced over hers, then trailed across her jaw to her ear while he used both hands to lift her up and sit her on the edge of the desk, completely ignoring the papers that crumpled or fell to the floor.

"One day," he repeated against the curve of her ear, his tone even lower, even darker. "I'm going to make you come …"

His hand slipped between her legs and began to rub her slowly over her clothes.

"... in this office …"

He traced his tongue along the rim of her ear.

" … while people walk by, completely unaware of what I'm doing to you behind the closed door …"

"Kakashi …" Sakura's voice was practically a whimper as she tried to hold on to what little reason she had left after his scandalous words shocked her with a surprising desire and his adventurous fingers stoked that desire until she found it hard to breathe, hard to think about anything but him.

* * *

At the sound of his name falling from her lips in such a needy tone, Kakashi removed his fingers from between her legs and gripped her ass to jerk her hips into his, letting her feel his own desire for her as he returned his mouth to hers in a fierce kiss.

"Come to dinner with me," he insisted, lips still on hers, sliding a hand up her back to grasp at the fabric between her shoulder blades as he ground his erection into her core.

* * *

It seemed that every nerve in her body was tingling, and Sakura throbbed with need with each movement of his hips, each pass of his lips over hers.

"Come to dinner with me," she heard him say again through the haze.

"Okay," she agreed semi-consciously before sinking her fingers into his hair and slipping her tongue into his mouth.

* * *

He swirled his tongue around hers in response, then tugged at her bottom lip with his teeth, her eagerness increasing his need exponentially.

"Dammit, Sakura …" he growled into her mouth. "I want you _now_ …" He kissed her almost harshly. "I want to watch you struggle to keep quiet while I make you wet for me …" He groaned at the thought and melded their lips together again. "I want to see how difficult it is for you not to cry out when I make you come with my cock deep inside you …"

* * *

Sakura inhaled sharply at the heat his dirty words sent burning through her body, and her thighs tightened around his waist as he kissed her.

"Kakashi …" she moaned against his lips, unconsciously letting one of her hands slip down between them.

* * *

When he felt her palm on his length, Kakashi tore his mouth from hers and dropped his head to her shoulder, his breath coming out in pants against her collarbone.

"Sakura …"

And then she began stroking him through his pants. Gripping her hips roughly with both hands, he lifted his head and let it fall back, eyes closing.

"Fuck …" he hissed. Her touch … her fingers pressing down on him, venturing ever lower …

When she cupped him at the same time that her teeth nipped his neck, he was done.

He took his hands from her hips and wrapped them around her back, holding her closer as he formed a few seals.

"What are you doing?" she asked breathily, but didn't stop her mouth from drifting up to his ear, her tongue reaching out to lick his neck along the way, as she continued to push her hand against him.

"Fuuinjutsu …" he replied as he finished, his voice gravelly with desire. "I'm going to make you come _now_ …"

* * *

Fuuinjutsu …

Sakura suddenly remembered that they were in her office at the hospital, where many, many people were walking about in the halls at that very moment. Her heart skipped a beat at the thought of what might have happened if anyone had walked in on them, but then his hands were nudging her off the desk until she was standing in front of him.

Fuuinjutsu … No one could get in now …

As if with a mind of their own, her hands moved up to clasp around his neck as his resumed their place on her hips and pulled her against his body.

"Turn around," he ordered darkly into her ear, the command sending heat straight down to her core, and she allowed him to guide her until she was facing the desk and his hard chest was flush against her back.

* * *

One hand on her stomach, Kakashi let the other travel up between her breasts and over her neck to tilt her head backwards until it was resting on his collarbone, then leaned his head down to suck just below the corner of her jaw.

"Kakashi …" she moaned, raising an arm to hold his head closer to her. "We shouldn't …"

"Mm," he concurred, the hand on her jaw moving to the zipper at her neck and dragging it down just enough that he could slip under her shirt to roll one of her nipples between his fingers. He was rewarded for his efforts with a quiet groan and a tug on his hair. "But I want to make you come …" he murmured. "... and I don't want to wait …"

* * *

She couldn't breathe. His words, his voice, his hands … he was driving her crazy with need. She knew they should stop, even if no one could get into her office while his jutsu was active, but she couldn't bring herself to push him away … she wanted him too much.

And so, when the hand not on her breast dipped past the waistband of her bottoms to pull them down, she didn't stop him - she helped him. And when he bent her over the desk, running a hand down her spine and off her back to his own pants, she didn't protest - she spread her legs just a little wider. And when he rubbed himself against her clit, all she did was clutch unconsciously at the papers on her desk and feel herself grow wetter in anticipation.

* * *

Kakashi was rock hard. She was ready for him … ready and willing - more than willing, if the crinkling of papers in her fists was any indication - and he wanted to draw this moment out, wanted to bring her to orgasm at least once before entering her.

But he knew that, even with the room sealed off, they couldn't take too long … eventually someone would come by, needing the head of the hospital for one thing or another, and he didn't want to raise any questions.

So he stroked the head of his cock against her clit one more time, then slammed into her.

* * *

"Oh … shit …" Sakura's eyes squeezed shut and her fists tightened as Kakashi thrust roughly into her … she was probably ruining whatever documents she was gripping, but at the moment, she didn't care. All she cared about was the way he was making her feel.

"Yes …" she breathed as he pulled out, only to drive himself into her again just as harshly. "Oh god … _Yes_ … "

* * *

"Fuck, Sakura …" he growled, his eyes sliding closed as he moved faster, harder, spurred on by every gasp, every moan that left her lips.

* * *

On her elbows, Sakura struggled to keep pressing back into him, fighting the impact of his thrusts pushing her into the desk so he would continue to hit that place inside her that would make her come ...

Just when she thought she would have to give in, the pleasure too intense for her to maintain control any longer, his hands were digging into her hips and holding her in place as he began truly pounding into her.

She couldn't help but cry out … it felt like he had gotten even bigger, even harder, was reaching even deeper, and she knew she wasn't going to last much longer.

* * *

The sound of her voice, the cry that he had forced from her with his cock, was so damn hot, he almost came. As it was, she had his grip tightening while he suppressed a loud groan of his own and made himself speak instead.

"Mm-mm, _Sa-ku-ra_ …" he tsked, his breathing ragged as he continued to drive into her. "Have to stay …"

He slammed his hips into her especially hard.

"... quiet …"

Another sharp jolt.

"... if you don't want to get …"

Another rough jerk.

"... caught …"

* * *

On some level, she knew his warning - with its punctuating thrusts - should have freaked her out … should have reminded her that what they were doing was forbidden in so many ways …

Instead, it had her desperately reining in more cries, more moans, as she drew nearer to orgasm. His harsh breathing and clenching fingers only made it more difficult to stop herself from voicing her pleasure.

"Kakashi …" she panted, feeling her inner muscles begin to contract around him.

"Yes, Sakura?" he bit out, never slowing his pace.

That low tone …

"Don't stop …" she whispered.

"... I won't," he promised, his words close to a groan. "I won't stop …"

" _Yes_ …" She was so close … that feeling … just …

His deep voice was her undoing. "Come for me, Sakura …" he growled, and she could hear the sounds of their lovemaking as he somehow drove into her even faster and she tumbled over the edge.

* * *

She cut off a shout as she finally came around him, and the almost-sound was sexier than he had imagined it would be.

"Sakura … god -" He felt the first spurt of his orgasm shoot into her. " _dammit_ ..."

He stopped the movement of his hips, holding himself deep inside her as his cock continued to fill her with his cum.

"Fuck …" he groaned. "You're …"

Still pulsing, he reached his hand over her shoulder and pulled her up against his chest.

"You're incredible …" he said darkly into her ear, then turned her head to draw her into a kiss.

* * *

Sakura thought her heart would burst as he kissed her, his right hand on her jaw, keeping her face toward his, while his left arm wrapped around her waist, holding her close to him. She could feel him still twitching inside her, her walls responding in kind, and she raised her own right hand to his cheek and tried not to fall apart.

* * *

Out of air, Kakashi broke the kiss and let his hand fall from her jaw to hug her chest. Her head dropped back onto his collarbone as she tried to catch her breath too. He was beginning to feel overwhelmed by how much he loved her, and his grip tightened around her.

"So I'll pick you up at 8?" he asked, his thumb tracing her side.

* * *

All Sakura could do was laugh. "Okay, okay," she sighed and placed a kiss on his jaw. "Okay."

* * *

 **A/N 2:** So this chapter wasn't supposed to have smut, but I wrote it, and smut happened. I wasn't satisfied with it, so I tried rewriting it without smut, but smut happened again, and I gave up.

On the upside, because the date was supposed to happen in this chapter, I have a fair amount of the next chapter written … hopefully it won't give me as much trouble.


	33. Chapter 33

**Chapter 33**

Sakura was nervous. Nervous … and feeling guilty.

When she actually thought about it, she realized that she'd probably never been on anything that could truly be considered a "date," and the closest she had come would have been with Sasuke.

Her husband.

She sighed and set down her brush.

What was she doing? Honestly? Going on a date with another man when she was married? Having _sex_ with another man when she was married? _Multiple times_?

She examined her face in the mirror. She looked the same as always, yet somehow she could hardly recognize herself, this woman who was internally debating how much makeup was too much makeup and which outfit she should wear on her date with a man who was not her husband.

Her date with the man she'd let bend her over her desk _at work_ not ten hours ago ...

Sakura couldn't help that her eyes slid shut as her body heated at the memory of how Kakashi had felt as he drove into her over and over and over until they both came, the memory of how deep his voice had sounded in her ear when he told her that she was incredible before kissing her breathless ...

* * *

And then she felt guilty again, not only because of what she'd done but because she _still_ wanted him, that man who was not her husband.

That man who made her feel more alive than she had thought was possible.

Damn it.

She pressed the palms of her hands into her brow.

What made it all worse was that she knew that she was going to go on this date, no matter how guilty she was feeling or how wrong it was, because she _wanted_ to, and apparently she was selfish. She _wanted_ to spend more time with Kakashi. Hell, if Inner Sakura had her way, she'd spend forever with Kakashi.

Dear god.

What was she thinking?

She tugged at her hair in frustration.

* * *

Great, now she had to fix it. So it would look good for her date. Her date with Kakashi.

She wanted to scream.

* * *

In the end, she'd settled on a billowy seafoam green skirt and white tank top and a pair of strappy tan wedges with a reasonable three-inch heel that were neither too dressy nor too casual since she'd realized that she actually had no idea where they were going to dinner.

On the whole, the outfit was only slightly more formal than one she might wear to the pub, but it was still dressier than anything she'd worn since the last wedding she'd gone to …

… Actually, maybe it _was_ too dressy … weren't they supposed to be acting like they were just out to dinner as friends, as they had been many times before?

Suddenly panicking, she turned to go back to her bedroom to change when she heard a knock at the door. She glanced at the clock on the stove and frowned ... It was ten to eight … it couldn't possibly be Kakashi.

Yet that was undeniably his chakra signature on her porch.

Her heart rate automatically accelerated as she headed for the entryway. What the hell was he doing there early? He was _never_ early. For anything. Ever.

Trying her best to calm her nerves, she reached for the door handle.

* * *

Kakashi was nervous.

Which was understandable, because he was pretty sure the only other dates he had been on had been mission-related, aside from that one that Kurenai had set up for him years ago (which had taught him that while civilians could be fun in bed, they weren't really relationship material for someone who had been repeatedly experiencing … and inflicting … various forms of mental and emotional trauma since he was four years old, give or take).

And then there was the fact that this was _Sakura_ , his best friend and the woman he had been in love with for the last three or so years … who also happened to be married to another of his precious people ...

He was nervous because he wanted the date to go well … he wanted Sakura to see how good they could be together outside of the bedroom (or office, as the case may be), and while he knew that one successful date wasn't likely to be enough to make her decide to end her marriage, he hoped that it would combine with all of the dinners they'd had as a makeshift family and the upcoming mission to show her what she could have, _should_ have - without all the guilt and the sneaking around and the risk of hurting Sasuke more than was inevitable.

He was nervous, because somehow, in the midst of all of his uncharacteristic nervousness, he'd left his apartment and ended up at Sakura's house a full ten minutes before he'd told her he'd be there.

If Gai could see him now, he would never call him "cool" again …

* * *

When Sakura finally opened the door, Kakashi forgot all about being nervous. He hadn't seen her that made up in a long time … her clothes, while simple, accentuated her figure, and though she wore no jewelry, she'd styled her hair in a dressy side ponytail that spilled over her shoulder in loose waves.

He wanted to curl those pink locks around his fingers as he pulled her in for a kiss.

* * *

Sakura had opened the door to find Kakashi standing on the other side in a version of his usual clothes … He'd left off the vest entirely, while instead of navy, his pants, shirt, mask and sandals were a deep grey only a shade or two lighter than his eyes, and without his hitai-ate to hold it back, his silver hair fell over his forehead in an attractively unkempt way as he scratched the back of his neck.

"I was going to bring you flowers, but … Ino-chan …" he said with a small, sheepish smile.

Though she blushed lightly at the way he was looking at her as he spoke, Sakura had to laugh. "Yeah, she would definitely ask a lot of questions if the perpetually-single Copy Ninja strode into the flower shop to buy a bouquet …"

Kakashi paused, then offered her his elbow. "Well, I suppose the curiosity would be warranted," he allowed. "I wouldn't buy flowers for just anyone ..."

Blush darkening at the wink he gave her, Sakura took his arm and stepped out of the door, then closed it behind her.

As she turned to let him lead her off the porch, he leaned his head down toward hers. "You look beautiful," he murmured, and the heat of his breath against her ear made her shiver despite the pleasant summer evening air, while his words had her heart filling with that now-familiar warm and fuzzy feeling she got so often around him.

"Thank you," she replied shyly, slipping her hand off of his arm when they reached the sidewalk. She didn't want anyone who might see them to get the wrong (or would it be the right?) idea ...

But to her chagrin, she found that she missed his touch almost immediately, and she couldn't stop herself from turning to look at him.

He was so handsome, even with that infernal mask on.

"That color looks good on you, you know … you should wear it more often," she said quietly, blushing. Then, more teasingly, she added, "Even it does make you pretty much monochromatic … Grey clothes, grey eyes, grey hair …"

He glanced down at her out of the corner of his eye, frowning. "My hair is silver," he stated firmly.

"Well …" she hummed, a mischievous grin tugging at her lips. "I suppose they do refer to handsome men of a certain … age … as 'silver foxes' …"

He tilted his head in her direction. "I'm sure I don't know what you mean about being of a certain age, but I'm glad that you can admit that I'm handsome …" The corner of his mouth lifted into his signature cocky smirk.

Sakura tossed her head away in mock disdain, hoping the dim light of the streetlamps would keep him from noticing her flushed cheeks. "You'd best check that ego of yours," she snorted. "I'd rather not have to waste my chakra carrying you back to your apartment just because you let your head get too big for your neck to hold up."

He put a finger to his lips. "I suppose if you were carrying me, it _would_ be rather difficult for you to indulge in one of your favorite activities - staring at my very attractive rear end, that is …" he mused.

Blushing furiously, Sakura opened her mouth to protest, but Kakashi spoke first. "Don't think I haven't noticed, _Sakura-chan_ …" he remarked with a raised eyebrow. "But fear not!" He lifted a finger dramatically in the air. "I shall keep my ego in check so that you can stare at my ass anytime you like."

Rolling her eyes, Sakura shook her head. "You're impossible," she sighed.

"Would you prefer that I walk in front of you? I don't mind …" he offered gallantly.

Stifling a laugh at both his ridiculous proposal and the deceptively earnest expression on his face, Sakura demurred. "I'd rather not be downwind of you, thanks."

Kakashi looked confused. "But I thought you liked the way I smell, Sakura-chan?"

"And what gave you that idea?" she retorted, hating that her cheeks warmed for about the millionth time that night.

"You told me so," he replied, as if it should have been obvious. "Granted, you were far from sober at the time … but many a truth has escaped drunken lips …" He shrugged.

"I must have been talking about someone else," she responded dismissively.

He was quiet for a moment, apparently thinking. "Well, you did keep calling me 'Kashi,' but I'm pretty sure that was just because you couldn't speak without slurring your words," he said with a devious smile. "It was very entertaining ... you even told me I wasn't allowed to kiss you …"

She glared at him. "Clearly you've followed that directive ..."

And suddenly he was much closer, his hand low on her back and his mouth by her ear. "That's because you're just too hard to resist, Sakura _-_ chan …" he murmured, then nipped her earlobe through his mask and was back to walking beside her as if nothing had happened. "And I don't recall hearing you complain about it," he added with a suggestive smirk.

Sakura scowled at him even as desire ran through her body. "Where are we going anyway?" she grumbled.

Kakashi turned his gaze back ahead. "Someplace I can eat without having to worry about anyone staring at my face," he replied.

"You know, you could probably avoid that in general if you didn't keep it such a secret," she commented.

He gave her a crinkly-eyed smile. "And where would be the fun in that?"

She sighed but couldn't help the affectionate grin that twitched at her lips. She wasn't sure whether she wanted to bop him on the head or hug him. Both, she decided finally, and for some reason, it made her feel oddly happy.

* * *

Eventually, she found that he'd taken them to one of the older areas of the village that hadn't seen as much damage during the Pein attack. Once there, he led her to a small yakiniku restaurant she'd never been to before.

After they stepped inside, the young hostess greeted them with a smile and a brief bow in Kakashi's direction, then walked them to a zashiki toward the back.

"I've been coming here for years," the silver-haired man admitted as they removed their shoes and sat down on pillows across the low table from each other. "The food is great, and it's not usually very busy this late in the evening."

Sakura nodded and looked around. The decor was typically spare, but she liked the ambience, and it smelled delicious.

A server came over with two glasses of steaming green tea, which they accepted, and after Sakura tilted her head in agreement, Kakashi ordered a bottle of sake to share, then lowered his mask.

"I usually just get the traditional set," he noted as they opened their menus.

Sakura read over the options. "Yeah, that sounds good," she said, then grinned. "They have anmitsu for dessert."

Kakashi chuckled. "I figured you'd be happy about that."

She blushed. "Well … I like it …"

He gave her one of his classic smiles. "I know."

* * *

When the food arrived, they each placed a few slices of meat and vegetables on the little grill in the middle of the table, and Kakashi refilled her sake cup.

"Why didn't you ever tell any of us about this place?" Sakura asked, taking a sip of the warm drink while they waited for their food to cook.

Kakashi hummed. "I suppose sometimes it's nice to have a place that's all 'yours', in a sense," he replied.

"But now I know about it …" she said.

He crinkled his eyes at her. "This is true."

She raised a brow teasingly. "How do you know I won't come by here all the time and bother you?"

Kakashi shrugged. "If you get too troublesome, I'll just teach Sarada-chan how to use her Sharingan to make you forget about it …" He grinned.

She huffed.

"But somehow," he added, his expression softening. "I suspect I wouldn't mind you coming around …"

Sakura felt her cheeks warm and took another drink. "Well, that's good, because I think teaching Sarada how to make me forget could have some negative consequences …"

Kakashi frowned. "Hmm … You're right. She is rather clever … I'm sure she'd find some way to use it against me …" He flipped the meat over. "Looks like I'll just have to put up with you."

Sakura giggled. "Looks like."

"I can think of worse things …" he started, then paused. "Like Gai finding out about this place ..." He shuddered. "He'd probably challenge me to some kind of grilling competition. Which I would win, of course."

"Of course," Sakura agreed, taking a bite of the kimchi that had been served along with the main dish.

"But it would be troublesome."

"Yes."

"Really," he continued. "The only downside I can see to you showing up all the time is that I can't touch you while we're here …"

His eyes darkened as he finished speaking, and Sakura felt a little bolt of desire shoot through her abdomen. She quickly looked down at her food, cheeks flushed.

"Have I mentioned that I like making you blush?" he asked, the barest hint of a chuckle in his voice.

"No," Sakura grumbled. "But that explains a lot. Jerk."

Kakashi nodded amiably. "Mm … You like me anyway."

"Only sometimes," she muttered, taking a few slices of meat off of the grill.

"That's a lie," he averred. "But I'll let it slide, because I like you too."

Sakura glanced up to find him wearing a lopsided grin as he transferred a pepper from the grill to his plate.

"I hate you," she said, cheeks bright red, and dipped a vegetable into one of the sauces.

"You're not very nice, Sakura-chan," Kakashi admonished. "Here I am, treating you to dinner at my secret favorite restaurant, and you're telling me - quite dishonestly, I might add - that you hate me ..."

Her eyes narrowed. "I bet that right now, as we speak, you're trying to figure out how to get out of your promise not to stick me with the bill," she accused.

He chewed thoughtfully, then swallowed. "Hmm … I probably should, given your involvement in Sarada-chan's little plot to see if she could get away with being late to training …"

Sakura's cheeks flushed yet again. "How did you know about that anyway? And that time we were late when we were kids, for that matter?"

Kakashi flashed his eyes briefly up at the ceiling. "You know, Sakura-chan, you just might be right about this getting old thing … I can't seem to recall."

She gave him a flat look. "Now who's lying?" she asked.

He smiled. "Sorry … One secret's all you get today … Can't have you learning everything about me on our first date, can I?"

 _Our first date._

Inner Sakura was fairly squealing, while Sakura worried she might hyperventilate. "This isn't a date," she said, her posture stiffening.

Kakashi didn't respond, just took another bite, and gave her a look that made her insides squirm. She wanted to run out of the restaurant, and she wanted him to kiss her. It was a very strange feeling.

"Kakashi …" she whispered.

"I meant to tell you …" he remarked, seemingly ignoring what she had said. "Naruto secured us access to Kusagakure."

Thankful not to have to discuss the nature of whatever it was they were doing right then, Sakura plastered on a smile. "That's great!" After a beat, her brows furrowed. "You know, it's going to be weird, going on a mission … even if it's not _really_ a mission."

"It's been a long time for me, too," Kakashi agreed. "I can't remember the last mission I went that wasn't just diplomatic."

She put a few more vegetables on the grill. "To be honest, I'm kind of nervous …" she admitted, then laughed. "Sarada's not, though … she was glad you were coming, but she insisted that we didn't need you to back us up because we're 'awesome.'"

"Well, she's right on that part … You're very strong, even if you haven't been out in the field for awhile, and she's showing as much potential as you would expect given who her parents are."

Sakura blushed. Kakashi looked suddenly perplexed. "She wanted me to come?" he asked.

Laughing again, Sakura nodded. "Yeah … I'd keep your guard up; she's planning to see your face at some point during the mission."

"Ah … Well, I'm sure I'll manage to evade her traps," he said. "She's good, but she's not _that_ good yet."

Sakura smiled. "That's probably true … You've had what? A hundred years to practice?"

* * *

By the time she'd finished her dessert (Kakashi having unsurprisingly passed on any sweets), it was after eleven.

"Well, what do you know? The Copy-ninja actually paid for a meal … and not just for himself!" Sakura teased as they stepped outside. Then, catching his (narrowed) eye, she thanked him with a true smile. "The food was really good … you may actually have to put up with me stopping by for dinner every now and then."

He returned her smile. "I think I can live with that."

Blushing lightly, Sakura followed him to the street. As they walked back in the direction of her house in a companionable silence, she found herself wishing that they could hold hands ... she wanted to touch him, to be close to him ...

So caught up was she in trying not to reach her hand out to his that she nearly jumped when he spoke suddenly.

"Stay with me tonight," he said without looking at her.

Her eyes widened. "What?"

"Stay with me," he repeated.

Gathering her wits, Sakura frowned at him. "What is it with you and your demands lately?" she grumbled. "First it's 'Come to dinner with me' ... now it's 'Stay with me' ..."

Kakashi glanced at her out of the corner of his eye, and she flushed automatically at the warmth and caring and vulnerability she saw in his gaze. "Will you stay with me tonight, Sakura?" he asked quietly.

A lump formed in her throat. "Kakashi …" she said, equally softly.

He turned his face towards hers. "Hmm?"

"I don't think that's a very good idea ..."

He smiled and raised an eyebrow. "We don't have to do anything …" he pointed out. "We can just sleep."

Sakura snorted. "And what's the likelihood of _that_ actually happening?"

His smile turned into a roguish grin behind his mask. "Why, Sakura-chan …" he hummed. "Are you saying that you don't think you can keep your hands off of me for one night?"

She blushed furiously. "No! I'm just …" she started, then threw up her hands. "Well, you don't make it easy!"

She flipped her head away and crossed her arms, scowling.

Kakashi gave a genuine laugh, then slipped his hand across the small of her back and bent his head down to her ear. "Stay with me tonight," he said, his voice low as it had been earlier on her porch.

Letting her arms fall, she had to fight with herself not to lean into him, but her struggle lasted only a moment before he had backed away to a respectable distance, his eyes on the road ahead of them.

"I want to wake up with you," he admitted, then looked at her out of the corner of his eye again.

Her heart began to feel overfull, and she sighed. "Okay," she relented, her cheeks pink.

With the ghost of a smile on his lips, Kakashi turned his gaze back ahead of them and brushed his hand against hers. Feeling his light touch, Sakura couldn't help but let their fingers tangle together as they walked toward his apartment.

There was no one out that late to see ...

* * *

 **A/N:** I debated putting Kakashi in dressier clothes, but I just couldn't picture it … I have a feeling Kakashi wearing anything but a uniform in Konoha would be a rarity at least as noteworthy as him buying flowers for someone ...

Also, this story really does have a mind of its own. I was trying to write this chapter when I got the image for a scene for later, and I had to sketch it out, so I wouldn't forget. You guys are in for some feels … I was tearing up as I wrote it (Is that weird? I kind of feel like a writer shouldn't do that over their own work …).

Anyway … Mission commences next chapter!


	34. Chapter 34

**A/N:** Um. NSFW.

* * *

 **Chapter 34**

Sakura stirred when the rising sun filtered through an opening in the curtains and into her eyes, but with Kakashi's arm draped loosely over her waist, she found it hard to be irritated. Smiling softly, she wrapped her hand around his and snuggled into his embrace.

"Morning," he murmured sleepily into her hair, tightening his hold before placing a lazy kiss on the crown of her head.

She couldn't stop her smile from widening as a sort of giddiness filled her heart, and even though she knew she shouldn't - that it was stupid and irresponsible and selfish - just for once, she wanted to let herself enjoy what they had without worrying about the consequences. Just for once, she wanted to give in to the happiness she felt when she was around him without the guilt tainting it, and the leftover haze of sleep combined with the golden sunlight and the warmth of Kakashi's bare chest against her back to make it hard to fight that urge to surrender.

Contentedly, she tucked one of her ankles between his. "Morning," she replied quietly.

He slipped his hand from hers and let it trail slowly over her stomach to where the bottom of the shirt he'd lent her had ridden up over her hips.

"It seems your worries were unfounded," he said, his voice still husky with sleep as he lifted the arm he was lying on to rest his head on his hand. "... You managed to keep your hands off me all night."

She shivered as he nuzzled the back of her head and kissed the tip of her ear. "I don't know that they're _entirely_ unfounded …" she countered just a little more breathily than she'd like as his fingers dipped under the shirt to brush her skin. "You're not making it easy right now …"

"Do you want me to stop? " he asked, his hand continuing to creep toward her breasts.

Oh, she knew should tell him yes, but after resisting her own desires as they lay talking in his bed last night until she finally dozed off in his arms - she in the grey shirt he'd worn to dinner, he in only sweatpants - she simply didn't have the will left, so she shook her head in the negative.

"No …" she whispered, raising her arm up higher to give him easier access.

* * *

With a slight smirk, Kakashi kissed her neck as he cupped one of her breasts and rolled the nipple between his finger and thumb. She moaned and arched into his touch, and her movement brought her rear into contact with his crotch, eliciting a quiet groan of his own as he grew harder.

"Sakura …" he rumbled lowly, grinding himself against her.

This woman would be the death of him … He'd been tempted by her the night before ... how could he not have been when she was in his bed, wearing his shirt, her hair still done from their date and practically begging him to muss it up?

But he also hadn't wanted to interrupt the conversation they were having; she was being particularly open, even for her, telling him about the ways that Sarada-chan reminded her of herself when she was younger and how different her daughter was at the same time … She'd admitted some of the thoughts she'd had as a genin that embarrassed her now, the fact that she hadn't been able to see herself and accept herself for so long, and how proud she was that Sarada-chan hadn't had the same issues.

For his part, Kakashi had found himself revealing much more than he had expected to … Sakura had of course learned about his background long ago, but he'd never told her about seeing his dad in the afterlife when he had died during Pein's attack, yet as she laid her head on his chest and hugged his waist with one of her deceptively slender arms, he ended up talking about that experience, how it had enabled him to finally forgive his father and how surprised he had been by the sense of peace that that time had afforded him, having had the ability to tell his dad about his life, to speak with him as an adult, to see the approval and understanding in his father's eyes.

It had happened so naturally, so easily - sharing with her something so incredibly personal - that he wasn't sure he had ever loved her more than he had in that moment. He couldn't imagine feeling that comfortable with anyone else, couldn't imagine _wanting_ to.

And when she had finally fallen asleep (in the middle of mumbling something about an "Inner Sakura" that he didn't quite follow), all he could do was laugh (quietly) … she was so adorable that he didn't know whether he wanted to squeeze her as hard as he could or kiss her until neither of them could breathe.

He had settled for pressing his lips to her forehead, and eventually, he'd fallen asleep himself, feeling more content than he ever had, knowing that she was there in his arms not because she was crying, not because she had given in to lust, but because she _wanted_ to be.

That contentment had only been amplified that morning when she snuggled into him after waking, and he hadn't been able to resist touching her more intimately. The night before, the feeling of her in his arms, the fact that she didn't want him to stop …

He took his hand from under her shirt and ran his fingers down her side, then back up to her shoulder, where he pushed gently until she shifted onto her back and looked up at him.

Still resting on one arm, he caressed her face with his other hand and leaned his mouth down to hers, pausing for a beat before capturing her lips with his.

* * *

Sakura was caught off-guard by the emotion in Kakashi's eyes as he brought his head down to meet hers. There was so much love and caring and admiration there that her heart threatened to break out of her chest, and when he drew her into a deep kiss, she could have sworn she felt it reach out to beat with his.

She was terrified, but she was also truly, incredibly happy, and she kissed him back with all of that fear and joy and affection and need and desire, running her hands up his shoulders to his hair and encouraging him to lie on top of her by hooking her leg over his hip.

He obliged immediately, sinking his weight into her body and moving the hand on her cheek down to her upper thigh, jerking it higher as he groaned into her mouth.

Sakura let their lips break apart. "Kakashi …" she breathed, catching his eye, then slipped her tongue out to trace his upper lip. "I want you …"

* * *

It wasn't a confession of love, but Kakashi had seen in her eyes how much she cared, and in the moment, it was enough … he sat up to slide her underwear down her legs, pulling it over one ankle at a time while she watched him.

When he had removed her panties and knelt at the end of the bed, she lifted her torso up to take off her shirt, then fell back onto the pillow and beckoned him with a finger.

"Come here," she said with a half-smile, and he gave her a quick grin of his own as he settled between her legs, the heat of her uncovered core burning through his sweatpants to his cock and making it twitch with anticipation.

* * *

When he didn't lower his upper body to hers, instead holding it away from her, letting his eyes rove her naked form while his silver hair tickled her forehead, Sakura furrowed her brow and repeated herself: "Come here."

Instead of obeying, Kakashi met her gaze and smirked. "And if I don't?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

Frowning, Sakura wrapped her arms around his neck. "Then I'll make you …" she growled and tugged him toward her.

* * *

Of course he didn't budge, just let his smirk widen.

She crossed her arms with an exaggerated huff. "I thought you wanted me," she groused.

Taking a moment to appreciate the way her arms pushed her breasts together, Kakashi slowly rolled his hips into hers and leaned toward her ear.

"You have no idea," he responded gruffly, enjoying the gasp she gave as he hit her clit with the head of his still-clothed penis. "But I want you to beg … I want you to beg for me to touch you, to kiss you …" He rolled his hips again. "... to make you come ..."

* * *

His words stoked the fire that was already burning inside her, but she wasn't about to let the cocky bastard get his way just like that, so with a quick jolt of chakra to her arms, she forced him down and locked her lips onto his.

* * *

Kakashi hadn't been expecting that, though in retrospect, he probably should have, given his lover. Either way, far from bothering him, her show of strength turned him on, and he couldn't keep from groaning as one hand involuntarily grasped her side while the other gripped her hair.

"Goddammit, woman, you're hot," he cursed between kisses.

He felt her smile against his lips, and then she slipped the toes of one foot under the waistband of his pants to push them over the curve of his ass. He took the hand that had been on her side and used it to help her until his pants were low enough for his cock to spring free.

"Since you were so accommodating about dinner and staying here last night, I have another demand," he revealed, his voice rough as he rocked against her, naked flesh to naked flesh.

* * *

"Ah … and what's that?" Sakura panted, rolling her hips in time with his.

He grabbed her ass with one hand and placed his lips beside her ear. "Ride me," he ordered, his voice dark and commanding and oh-so-sexy…

And then he was flipping them over so that she was on top and he lay beneath her, and she was overwhelmed by the desire that pooled between her legs, where he pulsed - hard and hot and smooth - against her.

"Kakashi ..." she moaned, hardly aware of her actions as she needily reached behind her to take him in one hand before raising her hips and sliding down onto him, her eyes closing.

* * *

Watching her hold his cock in her hand and then lower herself until she was fully seated on him had to have been one of the sexiest things he'd ever seen. Wanting her to control their movements, he dug his fingers into her thighs as he forced himself to stay still instead of driving up into her the way his instincts would have him do.

* * *

He felt amazing. Without even moving, he stretched her wide, filled her ...

But she wanted more.

With both hands on his lower abs, Sakura began pushing herself up and down, feeling his cock hit her right where she wanted it, then slip away only to hit it again when she let herself drop back down … over and over and over and over.

As her desire built, she began rocking, her clit rubbing against his abdomen, his hands on her ass guiding her rhythm. She could feel her breasts bouncing, and she opened her eyes to find him watching her intently, watching the place where their bodies came together, watching her chest, her eyes ...

When his dark gaze met hers, her inner walls began to flutter, and when those same grey eyes rolled back with pleasure as she had once imagined them doing, she lost it.

"Oh god …" she groaned, her pace speeding up and her fingers clawing unconsciously at his chest as her orgasm hit.

* * *

Seeing her make herself come on him was almost too much for him to take … he had dreamed of having her this way before, dreamed of her using his body for her own pleasure, and it was as erotic as he had imagined it would be ... but he didn't want it to end just yet.

Gritting his teeth and grasping her hips harder to keep from coming as she pulsed around him, he waited until she finally slowed, then stopped her movements and dropped her head back before sitting up.

"Mm-mm …" he murmured, licking his way up her neck to her mouth. "I'm not done with you …" He kissed her then, making his still-hard cock twitch inside her to prove his point.

* * *

She felt boneless, her legs like jelly, and it took serious effort to return his kiss.

"Mm … but I don't have any energy left …" she hummed, eyes closed, as he moved his lips back to her neck.

He chuckled and lifted her arms, which had been hanging limply at her sides, to place them over his shoulders.

"Let me then," he said, lowering her onto her back and kissing her as he pumped slowly into her a few times before slipping out and turning her over so she lay on her stomach.

"What are you doing?" she mumbled, snuggling her head into the pillow as her inner walls contracted, missing his presence.

"You'll see," was the only response she got as he skimmed his hands down her back, over her rear and to her thighs, where he gently separated her legs, bending them at the knee, and let a finger run over her slit.

* * *

"You're so wet, Sakura-chan …" he commented, his voice getting rough again as he grabbed his cock and began stroking it.

Kneeling between her spread legs, he leaned over her and kissed the back of her neck, then slid his length along her opening before rocking into her, pushing himself partially in and then pulling back out, each time going deeper until he had completely entered her.

* * *

She shouldn't have been surprised that he was somehow able to turn her on again, but she was … his teasing motions gradually rebuilt that need within her, and then he lay flush against her, his chest on her back, and locked each of his arms under one of hers so he could grip her shoulders as he began to pick up his pace.

With his body caging her to the bed, she felt deliciously vulnerable, and even though he was covering her, the way her legs were spread while she was on her stomach made her feel pleasurably exposed and just a little bit naughty.

Getting caught up in desire, she spread her thighs wider and put some weight on her knees to help anchor herself against his thrusts.

* * *

Kakashi groaned when she began participating, opening herself up to him even more and pushing back into him. He let his own legs slide a little farther apart and dropped his head beside hers as she grew wetter and he moved faster, deeper.

* * *

With his new position and increased pace, Sakura could feel his balls slapping against her clit, and it embarrassed her and turned her on at the same time, while his harsh breathing beside her head, the knowledge that he was enjoying this so much, had her well on her way toward another orgasm.

"How do you do this?" she moaned, fingers clutching the sheets as his thrusts turned harder.

"Do what?" he asked, sliding one of his hands from her shoulder down to her breast.

"Make me come …" she panted, his kneading fingers adding to her pleasure. "... multiple times in a row …"

"You've only come once this morning …" he argued, his hand leaving her breast to travel down her stomach to the patch of curls between her legs.

Just the thought of where he would touch next had her inner muscles clenching.

"I'm going to again if …" she started.

He rubbed a finger against her clit and began pulling out of her only partway before thrusting sharply back in. The effect was instantaneous.

"Oh _fuck_ …" she cried.

* * *

Keeping the fingers of one hand swirling around her clit, Kakashi let go of her shoulder with the other and reached it up until he was clasping her hand in his, interlocking their fingers together, all the while never stopping the movement of his hips.

* * *

Sakura was being enveloped by him, both physically and emotionally. Yes, he was inside of her, and yes, he had her trapped between his body and the bed, but when he joined their hands, her heart stopped … that connection added a level of intimacy that took her breath away.

Squeezing his hand tightly, she gave in to everything he was bringing out in her, everything he was making her feel, the sensation of his cock sliding in and out of her while she lay exposed beneath him, the touch of his fingers against her clit, the warmth of his chest on her back … she gave in to it all and came hard with a soft cry.

* * *

Kakashi felt her rippling around him, and this time, he didn't fight his own orgasm … he returned her squeeze as he emptied himself into her, groaning her name against the skin of her shoulder.

When she had milked the last of his cum from him, he pulled out and rolled onto his side, taking her with him, and tugged the sheet up over their bodies.

He wanted to tell her that he loved her, but he didn't want to bring up anything that might ruin the moment, so he simply held her close and kissed her neck, her shoulders.

* * *

Sakura was so unbelievably comfortable … her body still tingled in the aftermath of her two orgasms, and she was wrapped in the arms of the man who made her happy.

It was like a dream.

"Kakashi?" she asked tentatively.

He brushed his fingers against her stomach. "Hmm?"

She hesitated, then whispered, "Thank you."

It wasn't what she meant to say, but then again, she wasn't really sure _what_ she meant to say.

"For what?"

"For everything, I guess," she said. "For being there for me … and Sarada. For figuring out the cause of those poisonings. For dinner last night … for … everything …"

She shrugged her shoulders. He held her closer.

"Sakura, you know that I would do anything for you, right?" he murmured, then paused. "Well, except maybe wear one of Gai's green suits … though even that could probably be negotiated if it's you …"

She could feel his grin from behind her and had to smile herself. "I'll keep that in mind …"

He hugged her affectionately. "Are you hungry?"

"Um … yeah, a little bit …" she replied.

"Good … I'll make some breakfast," he announced, slipping off of the bed.

"Wait!" Sakura protested, sitting up, holding the sheet to her chest as if he hadn't already seen bare it several times. "You don't have to do that …"

"I want to," he insisted with a smile, and she blushed and quickly looked away when she realized that he was standing there completely naked. He chuckled.

"Well, at least let me help," she grumbled, still averting her eyes.

"Sakura, do you know how many surfaces there are in my kitchen?"

"Huh?" she asked, unconsciously turning toward him in her confusion.

"A lot," he answered, ignoring her question. "And if you're in the kitchen with me, all I'll be able to do is debate which of those surfaces would be best for me to take you on first."

The darkness in his eyes made the space between her legs pulse with unexpected desire, and she blushed again.

He pulled on his sweatpants and moved back to the bed. Cupping her burning cheek, he tilted her head toward his. "Get some rest … I'll make breakfast," he said, then kissed her softly and left the room.

* * *

Sakura sat there for several minutes, blushing like a silly schoolgirl, listening to the sounds of Kakashi moving about the kitchen. When she felt his cum begin to drip out of her onto her thigh, she climbed out of the bed and pulled his shirt over her head, hugging it to her body with a smile before making her way to the bathroom.

* * *

After she had cleaned herself up and combed through her tangled hair with her fingers (the man with perpetual bedhead predictably having no brush anywhere in sight), she headed for the kitchen, not bothering to put on her underwear.

Kakashi was standing at the counter, his bare back to her and his pants riding low on his hips as he stirred something in a small bowl.

Maybe it was the naughtiness of wearing _only_ his shirt, no undergarments, or maybe it was the way his muscles bunched as he worked, or maybe it was just his ass, but Sakura found herself suddenly wanting to feel him again, wanting to run her hands over his body, wanting to make him lose control the way he made her lose control.

* * *

Kakashi heard her enter the kitchen, but he was still surprised when he felt her fingers slip around his hips as she pressed her unbound chest to his back in a light hug and kissed each of his shoulder blades. He was even more surprised when her hands slid lower, over the waistband of his sweats, to rub him through the fabric.

He couldn't help but twitch as his body heated with the beginnings of desire.

Stopping his stirring, he let his head fall back. "What are you doing?" he asked, his voice husky, his cock quickly hardening at her touch.

"Mm …" she murmured, placing another open-mouthed kiss on his spine. "I was just thinking that it was unfair of me to get to come so many more times than you …" She kissed him again.

A bolt of need shot through him at her words, and his breath caught. "I don't mind … I like making you come …" he said, but he didn't stop her when she gripped his length and began stroking.

* * *

Even though she was marveling at the way he could get her to be this daring, this forward, when she was normally rather shy about sex, Sakura kept moving her hand over him as the other trailed up his abs to his chest.

"I like it when you come too …" she admitted with a blush he couldn't see and strengthened her hold on his cock. "I want you to come again …"

"Fuck, Sakura …" he growled, his fingers grasping the edge of the counter.

Letting him go, Sakura maneuvered herself until she was in front of him, standing between his strong body and the counter, and his arms trapped her while he dipped his head for a kiss.

Reciprocating immediately, she moaned into his mouth and brushed her hand down his stomach and under his pants. When she pulled him out, she broke the kiss, lowering herself onto her knees until she was a breath away from his now-rigid cock.

* * *

"Sakura … you don't have to ..." he groaned, even as he dropped a hand to her head, tangling his fingers in her pink locks.

She looked up at him, wrapping her hand around the base of his cock, and the sight of her in such a submissive position … the sight of this ridiculously powerful woman on her knees, caged between his body and the counter ... had him tightening his hold on her hair.

"But you want me to …" she said softly, her tongue darting out to lick him, eyes still on his.

"Shit …" Her innocent gaze was undermined by the mischievous smile she wore as she let her tongue caress his cock again, and he lost any will to protest. " _Yes_ …"

* * *

The second he gave in, she took him into her mouth, her lips sliding over his head while her tongue reached out to cradle it, the tip flicking along the underside of his erection.

The sharp breath he took at her actions was sexy as hell, and the fact that his other hand instantly joined its partner in her hair had her instinctively growing wet. Having this man … one of the strongest ninja in history … at her mercy was a rush unlike anything she had ever experienced, and the paradox of being in a submissive position while wielding so much control was incredibly erotic … she never would have thought she could be so turned on by giving head …

But then again, Kakashi seemed to have a knack for making her feel new things ...

* * *

When he felt the warmth of her mouth around him, he couldn't help but grab her head with both hands, trying to hold her in place. It had been so long since he had had a woman go down on him, and this was _Sakura_ …

She hadn't let go of his cock, and she stroked him with her hand as she started to move her mouth up and down his shaft, sucking as she pulled back and swirling her tongue around his tip every so often before engulfing him again. His hips unconsciously began rocking in time with her motions, and he had to fight to keep from increasing the pace, unwilling to make her uncomfortable, no matter how good she felt.

* * *

The shallow movements of his hips surprised her, but Sakura found that she didn't mind … the opposite, in fact, as it was a sign of just how much she was affecting him, and she involuntarily made a sound of pleasure deep in her throat.

"Mm …" she moaned, pulling her mouth off of him while her one hand continued its movement and the other gripped his thigh.

Keeping her lips so close they almost touched him, she looked up and felt herself clench with need. He was so hot, his abs rippling, his biceps taut as he held her head. When he returned her gaze, his eyes darkened with lust, the wave of desire that flowed through her nearly had her falling back onto her heels.

* * *

He could see that she was turned on by the way her breath caught and her grip tightened when their eyes met, and the thought that she was enjoying sucking him off made the pleasure he was feeling all the more intense.

"God, you're beautiful," he breathed, his voice barely above a whisper.

She just smiled and blushed lightly before slowly taking his cock back into her mouth, her eyes still on his until she couldn't fit any more of him inside, and then they slid shut and she resumed her motions ... only faster

He let his own eyes close, and his head fell back as her hand started following her mouth all the way up his shaft and then all the way down again, her saliva easing the process. "Shit, Sakura …" he groaned, feeling his balls tighten. "I'm going to come …"

* * *

His gravelly voice had her humming again, and she unconsciously moved faster, sucked harder, ran her tongue more deeply along the bottom of his cock … He was grabbing her hair almost painfully at that point, but somehow it was only making her wetter - she wanted him to come, very nearly _needed_ it, he was turning her on so much.

And then he was hissing and holding her head in place as his cum shot into her mouth, and her inner walls pulsed with desire as she tried to swallow everything ... but there was too much. Using her hand to pull him out of her mouth, she panted as the rest of his orgasm spilled onto her chin.

"Fuuuuck …" he moaned, his grip on her hair finally loosening as he finished.

When his hands dropped to his sides, she used the back of her hand to wipe off her mouth and chin and started to stand up gingerly - her legs had unsurprisingly fallen asleep at some point. He reached down to help her.

Her cheeks flushed as he looked at her, and she gave him an embarrassed smile. "Sorry," she said quietly. "Your shirt …"

* * *

He glanced down briefly to where some of his ejaculate had dripped onto the fabric between her breasts, and then he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her in for a deep kiss, uncaring that he could taste himself on her tongue.

"I love you," he murmured unthinkingly against her lips, then kissed her again before she could say anything in response, holding her tightly against his body.

* * *

Sakura couldn't stop her heart from fluttering at his words, and she raised herself up on her toes as she locked her arms around his neck and returned his kiss with equal fervor.

So distracted was she by his mouth that she didn't notice when one of his hands slipped from her back, but she _did_ notice when his fingers dipped between her legs to press against her clit, and she tore her lips from his with a sharp intake of breath.

"What are you doing?" she gasped, her desire instantly rekindled.

He just groaned and began stroking her. "You never put your panties back on?"

She blushed furiously and turned her head away. He took the opportunity to nip at her neck. "I swear you're trying to kill me …" he said darkly, thrusting two fingers inside her.

Her walls clenched around him immediately. "Oh god …" she sighed, her hips instinctively moving against his hand.

"You're so fucking wet …" he growled, then sucked harshly on the skin just above her collarbone. "It drives me crazy that you got this turned on giving me head …"

His thrusts grew rougher as he added a third finger, and she couldn't catch her breath … it felt like she was on fire. "Kakashi …" she moaned, barely aware of anything but the way he felt around her, inside her. "Kakashi …"

When his thumb rubbed against her clit and he drove his fingers into her with a particularly hard jerk, her orgasm hit with a force that had her collapsing against him, unable to keep herself steady as her vagina clamped down on him and she cried out.

* * *

Kakashi gripped her waist tightly, holding her up as she fell against him when she came. "So beautiful …" he whispered into her hair, her walls rippling around his fingers, her fluids soaking his hand. "So fucking beautiful …"

* * *

It was a long moment before Sakura was able to focus again, and when she did, she realized that she was in Kakashi's arms, in his kitchen, with his fingers still inside her.

He must have noticed that she'd come down from her high, because he slowly took his fingers out of her and moved his hand to grasp her rear as he continued to bear her weight against his chest.

"Hi," he said with a half-smile.

"Hi," she responded, her mind still not working at full speed, and lifted her head to look up at him.

He gently pressed their lips together, then brushed his nose against hers. "Thank you," he murmured.

"Huh?" Sakura looked confused. "Oh …" She blushed. "No, I … I enjoyed it …"

And then she realized something else. "Hey!" she frowned, poking him in the chest. "You weren't supposed to make me come again!"

Chuckling, he let his arms fall to her hips. "I couldn't resist," he grinned and gave her a peck on her nose, then released her and nudged her to the side. "You shouldn't be so distracting … at this rate, we'll never eat breakfast …"

As if on cue, Sakura's stomach grumbled. Cheeks pink, she clutched at her abdomen. Kakashi just laughed and started stirring.

* * *

 **A/N 2:** So yeah … longest chapter yet, and it's pretty much all porn. Go figure.

::Scratches back of neck Kakashi-style::

Anyway. It seems the mission will actually be starting _next_ chapter, not this one, thanks to my perverted muse, who thought you all might need some smut to tide you over, since the next few chapters, being rather family-oriented, probably won't have any.

Also, before anyone gets all up in arms about girls not enjoying giving blowjobs or blowjobs being demeaning to women, etc. etc. (because I've had those criticisms about others of my stories) … I'm a girl (in case it wasn't obvious by my screenname), and I find giving head to be ridiculously hot under the right circumstances. Obviously some people just don't like it, which is fine, because we all have our own things, but if you're with a guy who respects you, it's absolutely _not_ demeaning and can in fact be an enjoyable way to have the upper hand for a bit ;)

Also also, THANK YOU so much for all the reviews/faves/follows! They're really motivating ... I hadn't written this story with any expectations, but it's so great to know people out there are enjoying it.


	35. Chapter 35

**Chapter 35**

"Kakashi ..." Sakura whined as she walked out of his bedroom, where she had been changing back into her clothes from the night before. "Do you really not have a brush? My hair looks like a rat's nest; I can't go out in public like this …"

* * *

Kakashi was sprawled out on his couch, rereading _Icha Icha Tactics_ for the … well, he really had no idea how many times he'd read the book. An unhealthy number, no doubt …

He looked up from his novel to find Sakura standing a few feet from his bedroom door, fiddling with her hair. Truth be told, she did look a little ravished ...

He grinned at the knowledge that he had been the one to do the ravishing.

"Well," he said, closing the book and setting it on the coffee table before crossing his arms behind his head and resting on them. "I could lend you the one I use on Pakkun and the boys …"

Sakura stared at him as if he'd just declared that he was going to stop wearing his mask.

"Wait a minute …" she frowned. "Are you saying that you brush your _dogs_ but not your own hair?" A half a beat later, she shook her head. "Nevermind. I shouldn't be surprised."

Kakashi just lifted one corner of his mouth in a cocky half-smile. "Why mess with perfection?" he shrugged.

She gave him a flat look.

His half-smile softening, he got up and walked toward her. When he stood in front of her, he studied her hair for a moment, then straightened it with his fingers.

"Don't worry …" he said, his voice reassuring. "Now you only look a little bit like you've been having great sex all morning."

And that smirk was back.

Growling, Sakura batted his hand away from her head, but he used his famously quick reflexes to sneak around her arm and tousle her hair up again.

Satisfied with his handiwork, he gave her a crinkly-eyed smile.

"Kakashi!" she protested, trying to pat it back down. Finally, she sighed, giving up. "I should probably just use Shunshin no jutsu …"

Kakashi laughed, completely unrepentant and highly amused by the peevish expression on her face.

Sakura glared at him.

Ignoring the glare, he snaked an arm around her waist with a smile and pulled her into a kiss before she had time to react.

* * *

To her annoyance, she melted immediately into his embrace, letting her arms wrap around his neck and holding him close to her body.

After a minute or so, she tugged her mouth away from his, gently biting his lower lip in the process. "You're impossible," she grumbled.

"I know," he replied cheerfully.

She couldn't help but shake her head affectionately at him. "Anyway, why don't you stop by the house around six?" she proposed. "Sarada should be back by then, and we can prep for the mission tomorrow."

He gave her a look that said, _Sure, I'll come over, but it won't be at six … mwahahahaha._

Sakura let out a long breath. "If you're on time, I'll make you dinner," she promised. Really ... having to bribe a 44-year-old man?

Kakashi raised an eyebrow, considering. "Hm … Okay, but only if you tell Sarada-chan I was supposed to be there at 4."

Sakura pinched the bridge of her nose. "You're ridiculous."

He played innocent. "What? I have a reputation to protect ..."

"Yeah, a very dubious one …"

Kakashi smiled, clearly pleased with himself, and she couldn't stop her lips from quirking up in response. "Alright, I'll see you at 6 then," she confirmed.

He nodded, then kissed her again for a long moment, eventually pulling back and brushing his thumb against her cheek. Her heart burned at the warmth in his eyes. "See you later, Sakura-chan," he whispered.

Breathless and blushing, Sakura poofed out of his apartment.

* * *

"You're late!" Sakura heard her daughter call from the living room as the front door opened.

"Ah, well, you see …" came the familiar deep voice that flooded her insides with guilty happiness. "I was shopping for a hairbrush … Did you know there are so many different types?"

Sakura's cheeks flushed as she stood over the pot on the stove. Was that one of his silly excuses, or did he really go out and buy a hairbrush? If he did, what did that mean?

She tried not to be touched by the thought that he might have gotten one for her … especially because she shouldn't be needing to have a brush at his apartment in the first place … while the conversation in the other room continued.

"No offense, Kakashi-sama," Sarada commented, "but it doesn't look like you've ever used a brush in your life …"

The silver-haired man sighed deeply. "I must have gotten the wrong kind …" He sounded dejected.

Her daughter laughed. "Maybe Mom could help you pick one out ..." She paused. "Though you would look pretty weird with normal hair …"

"Hmm … that's probably true …" Kakashi agreed after a minute. "Maybe I should just stick with the usual."

"Yeah," Sarada said. "Probably for the best."

* * *

A few minutes later, Sakura felt the heat of Kakashi's body near her back.

"Curry?" he asked as he peeked over her shoulder.

Her body shivered pleasantly at his proximity, but she frowned nonetheless. Worried that Sarada might walk in, she was about to scold him for standing too close, even though he wasn't touching her, when she realized that he would have done the same thing before they started sleeping together, so she just sighed and wondered when exactly their relationship had started to blur the line between friendly teasing and flirting.

Suddenly she wasn't so sure they'd always been as platonic as she'd thought, because she doubted he ever would have done something like that to Naruto or Sasuke.

Thankfully, Kakashi stepped back to lean against the counter to her side before she could delve too deeply into the unsettling idea.

"I have to admit …" he began. "I was rather hoping your hair would still be disheveled …"

She turned her head toward at him, her eyes narrowed. "I have no idea what you're talking about," she responded, taking a page from his own book.

"Mm," he replied, fiddling with a knife she'd left on top of the cutting board. "I'll have to remind you then … It's a very … _appealing_ look …" He lifted his gaze to meet hers, his dark eyes both teasing and heated at the same time.

She couldn't suppress a blush, but she frowned at him nonetheless. "Well, you won't be doing that anytime soon," she said pointedly.

He raised a mischievous eyebrow. "But I'll get to someday?" She could see the corner of his mouth twitch upward in the beginnings of a smirk.

"You shouldn't …" she grumbled, returning her attention to the pot.

"That's probably true," he nodded. "... But I want to …"

His voice had gotten lower as he spoke, and she felt a rush of desire flow through her body at his admission, thoughts of all the ways he could mess up her hair floating around her mind with Inner Sakura's help.

She sighed. "Will you check on the rice?"

"Sure," he said, pushing himself away from the counter and walking over to the rice cooker.

"Sarada," Sakura called to the living room. "Come set the table, please." And then, in a whisper, she ordered Kakashi to behave himself.

"Of course," he agreed easily, and she could feel his devilish grin from behind her. She rolled her eyes.

* * *

After they had eaten and cleared the dishes from the table, Sakura laid out a map.

"OK, so this is the approximate route the chunnin took," she said, tracing the path with her finger as Kakashi and Sarada watched. "It will take us about a day to get there, so we should probably plan to just travel tomorrow and then put up camp; we can start the search the next day."

Kakashi nodded. "Since we know that the grass can penetrate our regular sandals, I picked up pairs of steel-soled boots for each of us from the armory. They're clunky, though, so we don't have to wear them until we get closer to Kusa."

"I'm going to bring the partial antidote that I've been able to create as well, just in case," Sakura noted. "It won't neutralize the poison completely, but it will hopefully buy us enough time for me to develop a complete antidote." Her expression turned concerned. "Sarada, maybe you shouldn't come after all … even with the boots, it's still dangerous."

Her daughter crossed her arms determinedly. "I'll be careful, I promise."

Kakashi squeezed Sakura's hand. "Sakura, it'll be fine. We'll both be there, and I doubt this is the riskiest mission she'll ever go on. It's hardly Zabuza." He grinned.

Discreetly slipping her hand from his, she quickly glanced at the dark-haired girl on her other side, worried that she might have noticed Kakashi's gesture. Thankfully, it seemed her daughter hadn't seen … or hadn't thought anything of it if she had. Sighing, Sakura relented. "Alright, alright, but you have to do everything we say … no wandering around on your own." She gave the girl a stern look.

Sarada stood up straight, face the picture of seriousness. "Yes, Mom," she stated.

"Okay, if we're all agreed then, let's meet at the gates at 8 tomorrow morning," Sakura said, then poked Kakashi in the arm. "And you ... don't be late."

He crinkled his eyes at her, then ruffled her hair. "Of course, Sakura-chan!"

Both mother and daughter sighed. They knew what that meant …

* * *

At approximately 8:30 the next morning, Kakashi arrived at the gates to find two glaring teammates.

"Well, at least you're only half an hour late, I guess," Sakura grumbled, picking up her backpack.

"It's not my fault … On my way here, I ran into a horde of Academy kids who ganged up on me to try and remove my mask," the silver-haired man explained, then frowned. "No respect, kids these days …"

Sakura stared flatly at him. "You do realize that you sounded exactly like a crotchety old man just then, don't you?"

Sarada covered a smile with her hand.

"Sounding like one and being one are entirely different things," Kakashi sniffed.

"Mmhm," Sakura replied disingenuously.

"Come on, you guys," Sarada cut in. "You're _both_ old … Let's just go already."

She stomped out of the gates while Kakashi and Sakura stifled giggles. "Sarada-chan, you shouldn't talk about your mother like that," Kakashi scolded finally, following after the girl.

"And you shouldn't talk about the former Hokage like that either," Sakura added reproachfully, walking next to him.

"Okay, okay," Sarada sighed without turning around. "I'm sorry." Then, under her breath, she added, "It's true though …"

"For that, you get first watch, Sarada-chan," Kakashi said.

"What? I didn't even say anything!" she protested, flipping around to look at him.

He just returned her gaze steadily until she blushed and sighed, eyes on the ground. "Fine …"

* * *

When they reached a suitable spot about two miles from the border, the three ninja stopped for the night, and Kakashi and Sarada set up the perimeter while Sakura gathered wood for a fire.

After crushing her daughter's hopes and dreams by making her start the fire normally (as opposed to via one of the katon no jutsu Kakashi had taught the girl), Sakura prepared a simple meal for the team with the supplies they'd brought.

* * *

As darkness fell and they sat around the fire, eating, Sarada asked Kakashi to tell her another story about her mother. "She hardly ever talks about when she was my age … it's no fun," the genin complained.

Kakashi chuckled. "Well, I suppose there was the first time she beat me in a spar …" he said thoughtfully.

"Mom beat you in a fight?" Sarada said, surprised.

"Twice, actually," Kakashi admitted, smiling his usual smile at the dark-haired girl but letting it soften into something that made Sakura's heart pound when his eyes drifted over to where she sat.

Sarada looked from Kakashi to Sakura, her eyebrows beginning to furrow. "How did Mom beat _you_ when she was a genin?"

Kakashi turned his gaze back to Sarada. "She didn't … she beat me when she was a chuunin," he corrected, setting his empty bowl on the grass before stretching out one of his legs and resting his arm on the bent knee of the other. "She destroyed the training ground with one punch when she figured out that I'd gone beneath her ... I'd never seen anything like it." His mouth quirked up fondly at the memory. "... It was kind of terrifying, actually …"

Sarada glanced at her mother with a newfound respect.

"That first time was with Naruto though," Kakashi continued. "And technically they won by tricking me …" He shrugged. "But tricks are just as much of a weapon for ninja as punches, so."

"What did they do?" Sarada asked curiously.

The silver-haired man paused, looking upward. "Well," he replied after a minute. "They threatened to ruin the end of the new _Icha Icha_ novel Naruto had brought me, so I plugged my ears and closed my eyes, and they stole the bells."

Sarada sighed and rolled her eyes, clearly unimpressed. "Oh jeez," she groaned. "I thought you were going to tell me she did something really awesome, not take advantage of your obsession. That's lame."

Kakashi coughed, somewhere between amused and self-conscious, and Sakura frowned at her daughter. "Sarada, that's not very respectful to either of us."

"Well, Sakura-chan, she is kind of right," Kakashi allowed. "It was a fairly shameful defeat on my part. But, Sarada-chan …" he added, making eye contact with the younger of his teammates. "That doesn't mean it wasn't still quite a victory for them … a good ninja takes advantage of their opponent's weaknesses, and they did exactly that."

"That's true …" the genin said begrudgingly. "What about the other time she beat you? You said she beat you twice …"

"Ah, that …" Kakashi began, a hint of a grin on his lips as his eyes darted briefly over to Sakura, who promptly blushed. "That was very recently … your mother defeated two of my clones with just one of hers, escaped a jutsu I stole from the Sandaime Hokage, and punched straight through a water dragon to break my collarbone."

Sarada turned to look at Sakura in awe. "Really?"

"Really," Kakashi nodded. "She moved faster than I've ever seen her move ... I have to admit, it was pretty impressive."

Sakura's blush darkened at the praise, and his mouth curved into a full-on mischievous grin as he met her eyes. "Thankfully, she was kind enough to heal me after …"

Sakura blanched, hoping her daughter didn't notice anything untoward in that frustrating man's smile, but she couldn't help that her body heated at the memories his words evoked.

"Sarada, if you're finished eating, you should go check the traps and get ready for your watch," Sakura said brusquely.

The genin nodded and stood up. "Okay. Thanks for the story, Kakashi-sama." She bobbed her head in a brief bow, then left the campfire.

* * *

When she was confident that her daughter was out of hearing range, Sakura glared at the Copy-nin.

"You can't look at me like that around other people, especially Sarada …" she hissed.

"Like what?" he queried innocently, but the glint in his eye suggested that he knew exactly what Sakura meant, and her frown deepened.

"You know what I'm talking about …" she stated flatly.

"Oooh …" Kakashi drawled, as if he'd reached an epiphany. "You mean like I want to tear your clothes off and make love to you right now because the fact that you beat me in a spar is hot as hell?"

Sakura's cheeks turned bright red in a mixture of anger and embarrassment. "Kakashi! Don't say things like that! Sarada might hear!"

He just gave her a steady look that indicated that he was more than capable of determining whether or not a genin was close enough to hear their conversation.

"Are you finished with your food?" he asked, standing.

Still flushed, Sakura answered yes, and Kakashi took her bowl, then picked up his and Sarada's dishes. "I'll rinse these off. You should set up the bedrolls." He started to walk away, then paused and glanced back at her. "Best make sure we're not too close … I couldn't be held responsible if I reached out for you in my sleep." With a last devious smirk, he headed out to the woods.

Sakura glowered in his direction before getting up to unroll their sleeping bags. That man would be the death of her.

* * *

 **A/N:** Every time I go to use the expression "will be the death of him/her" with respect to these two, I think about that Ingrid Michaelson song with the line, "In the best way, you'll be the death of me." I think it fits them well.


	36. Chapter 36

**Chapter 36**

"It seems your internal clock is working just fine," Kakashi remarked quietly as Sakura hopped up on the branch he occupied and sat at his feet. "I was just about to wake you for your shift."

"I couldn't sleep," she admitted, picking at a loose piece of bark next to her hip.

He slipped his book into his pocket. "Why not?"

Sakura looked down over the campsite to where Sarada slept on the other side of the fire, which had burned down until it was just embers. "I don't know really …" She turned her head toward his. "I think I'm too excited."

"To be on a mission?"

She smiled softly. "Yeah … I feel kind of … I don't know … free?"

One corner of his mouth lifted in understanding. "There is something about being out here, isn't there?"

"Mm," she concurred and tilted her head back to look at the stars through the leaves, her hands holding onto the branch below her. "Even the night sky is prettier ... It's been a long time since I've been able to see it without village lights getting in the way."

"It's peaceful," Kakashi said. "Makes you realize that there's so much more out there than just you."

Sakura nodded, eyes still on the midnight blue of the sky. "Yeah … you'd think that would be unsettling or depressing or something, but it's kind of the opposite … it puts all those day-to-day concerns into perspective, like the things that worry you aren't always as big of a deal as they seem." She let her gaze fall to the forest around them. "It's hard to remember that when you're caught up in your normal routines."

* * *

Kakashi hummed in agreement, and they sat in a companionable silence for several minutes.

"I miss it," she said, her voice so low it was almost a whisper. "I mean, I knew I missed it, but this makes me realize just how much." Her eyes slid toward his, and the sadness in them made his heart hurt.

"Sakura …" he began, but she cut him off.

"I know," she sighed, turning away from him to look down at her daughter again.

"Come here," he murmured.

Her brow furrowed as she caught his gaze. "What?"

"Come here," he repeated, letting his legs slip apart.

"I can't … Sarada's right there," she frowned. "You know that."

"Sakura, I can hear her breathing from here; I'll be in my bedroll the second it changes," he replied flatly. "Come here and sit with me."

* * *

Her heart skipped a beat at the way he was regarding her, and she found herself settling between his legs, her back against his chest, before she could talk herself out of it.

How could she hope to fight him when she wanted it too?

She let out a sigh and dropped her head back onto his collarbone when he wrapped his arms around her. The stars seemed to burn brighter with him enveloping her body, filling her with that warm and fuzzy feeling she was quickly becoming addicted to.

"I had a dream like this once," she said, suddenly remembering that morning not so long ago.

"Like what?" he asked, his deep voice pleasantly close.

"We were in a tree like this, but it was daytime, and we were watching Sarada practice a jutsu you'd just taught her." She smiled and put her hands over his. "Well, you were reading your book, but I think you were watching her too."

He chuckled, the rumbling sound making her snuggle into him. "Probably."

"It was a good dream," she added, almost inaudibly, then paused. "... That was the night before we fought in the woods …"

"Mm," he hummed, and she could feel his cheeks moving against the side of her head as he grinned and tightened his hold on her.

Her heart was overfull again, and she let herself lean even further into his embrace.

* * *

Kakashi felt her relaxing against him, and then he heard her breathing even out, and he knew she had fallen asleep.

It made his chest swell that she was comfortable enough with him, trusted him enough, to fall asleep in his arms just like that.

God, he loved this woman.

But then he turned his head to look down at the girl who looked so much like her father, and his heart ached for the whole situation. He wanted the both of them to be happy - wanted to make both of them happy - but he couldn't without hurting Sasuke, and, honestly, probably Sakura and Sarada-chan too.

Really, he already was, even if only one of the three knew it.

And he didn't know if Sakura would ever give him the chance to make them happy ...

Sure, she was with him now, but what would happen when Sasuke returned? What would happen if he decided to stay?

Kakashi found himself torn. _Would_ it be best for them to remain a family? Would it be too late for Sakura and Sasuke to repair their marriage?

Of course he wanted Sakura, and he had grown somewhat surprisingly fond of the relationship he'd formed with Sarada-chan … he hadn't realized how much he had been missing not having family. Would all of that be lost if Sasuke came back? Could he ever build a family with someone else?

He sincerely doubted it. There was something about Sakura … he was sure that the length of time they'd known each other, everything they'd been through, was a large part of it, but she also seemed to understand him, and for all her complaining, he knew she accepted him for who he was.

They were also oddly alike … despite the stark difference between her fiery, impulsive temperament and his detached, laid-back one, they valued the same things, viewed the world in much the same way.

And she made him want things he'd never wanted … he hadn't been kidding when he'd told her he wouldn't mind making babies with her - really, he'd downplayed it; the more time he spent with Sakura and Sarada-chan, the more he wanted to see Sakura pregnant with his child, wanted to watch Sarada-chan teach his son or daughter things that he'd taught her, wanted another little person or two or three at the dinner table.

He sighed. Thoughts like that only reinforced what he already knew - the longer this went on, the more hurt he would be if she chose Sasuke. At the same time, though, he couldn't _not_ try, not with the way she'd been when Sasuke took off after the clones.

… What if Sasuke came back only to leave again? Would Sakura finally decide that she'd had enough? Would she let him build a family with her?

It was a mess.

He wished things could be simple, but he had no idea how they ever could be. For now, he supposed, all he could do was wait and see.

And hold her for as long as she'd let him.

* * *

 **A/N:** So this sort of just popped out. I swear this story has a mind of its own.


	37. Chapter 37

**Chapter 37**

Sakura felt the warmth of his breath by her ear before she heard his words.

"It's almost dawn, Sakura-chan," Kakashi murmured, his voice husky, and in her drowsy state, she didn't resist the urge to nestle further into the comfortable expanse of his chest. He tightened his arms around her and gave her a lingering kiss on the outside of her ear. "You should probably get up before your daughter does …"

At that, she snapped awake, breaking his hold to sit straight up and turn to look at him, her eyes wide. "Kakashi … what -" she sputtered.

He gave her a tender, teasing grin in response. "You fell asleep," he replied simply.

"Why didn't you wake me up? Did you keep watch the whole time? Aren't you tired?" The questions tumbled out of her mouth as she tried to get her bearings.

He chuckled quietly. "I didn't wake you up because I like you being asleep in my arms. Yes, I kept watch the whole time. And I'll live," he answered, then slid his hand over her cheek into the hair at the back of her head and dragged her into a gentle kiss, a hint of a roguish smile curling at his lips as they met hers.

Still disoriented, Sakura allowed herself to be drawn to his mouth, even allowed herself to deepen the kiss, but it lasted barely a minute before she came back to reality and remembered that her daughter would be getting up sooner rather than later. Much sooner. Pulling away, she frowned at him. "Don't do things like that," she grumbled.

"Yes, yes," he said dutifully, putting on a contrite expression but not bothering to disguise the wicked little sparkle in his eyes as he took his hand from her head, his fingers brushing over her neck along the way, and lifted his mask up to cover his lower face. "I'd better get into my sleeping bag before your overly curious offspring sees anything she shouldn't …"

With a quick tap of a finger on her nose, he flashed to his bedroll, and she had to admire the way he could move that fast and climb under the blanket without making a single sound. Smiling softly at his seemingly sleeping form, she leaned back against the trunk of the tree where he'd been moments before and did her best to look like she'd been keeping watch her whole shift.

* * *

Sarada awoke about ten minutes later, and Sakura thanked her lucky stars that she and Kakashi were where they were supposed to be as her daughter scowled down at the "sleeping" Copy-nin.

"Is he going to stay like that all morning?" the dark-haired girl asked after several minutes had passed without Kakashi so much as twitching.

No sooner had she spoken than she found herself suddenly flat on her back on the ground.

"Oof," she groaned, rubbing her spine as she sat up slowly. "What the heck?"

Standing, Kakashi looked down at the perturbed genin and wiggled his fingers. "Don't let your guard down, Sarada-chan," he said, crinkling his eyes and reaching out to help her up. "You never know when an enemy might be deceiving you …"

Gritting her teeth and furrowing her eyebrows angrily, she took his hand and let him lift her up. "But you're not my enemy …" she argued and puffed her cheeks out indignantly.

He shrugged. "I have become something like your teacher, though. It would be remiss of me to let go of an opportunity to help you become a better ninja."

Sarada sighed. "I suppose that's true …"

"Indeed," the silver-haired man agreed, then turned a sly gaze up at the pinkette still sitting in the tree. "Anything of interest happen on your watch?"

Sakura narrowed her eyes at him. "Not a thing," she replied firmly, but her tone was undermined by the slight upward curve of her lips. She hated that he could always seem to make her smile in spite of herself.

Hopping down, she had to resist the urge to stick her tongue out at the Copy-nin and instead addressed her daughter. "Sarada, why don't you prepare breakfast? Kakashi and I will get the equipment ready."

"Okay," Sarada nodded and proceeded to unpack their rations while her mother took no small pleasure in ordering the former Hokage around.

* * *

After they'd eaten and cleaned up the camp, Sakura pulled out the map again and pointed to the lines she'd drawn on the open area where the chuunin had encountered the poisonous grass.

"I think it would be best if we took a grid approach," she began. "Sarada, you'll be working between Kakashi and me, and I want you to make sure you're within sight of one of us at all times. Is that clear?"

"Yes, Mom," her daughter replied immediately.

"Kakashi also brought headsets so we can communicate with each other. If you find the grass, _do not touch it_ ; call to us through the headsets, and we'll come to you. Got it?"

Sarada nodded.

Sakura handed her a long stick. "We'll use these to brush aside other plants and grasses, _not_ our hands. Based on the samples from the chuunins' shoes, we know the grass we're looking for grows at least four inches high, but it could grow taller. And we don't know how many spears grow together - whether there are clumps of the grass or if the blades are fairly spread out. My guess is the latter, since we found only one in each of the shoes and there haven't been many incidents that we know of. Unfortunately, if that is the case, it could take us awhile to find any specimens …"

Her two teammates were quiet.

"Okay … any questions before we head out?" Sakura asked, folding up the map and tucking it into her bag.

Sarada shook her head. "No."

Sakura turned her eyes to the silver-haired man at her side. "Do you have anything you want to add?"

Kakashi crinkled his eyes, then ruffled her hair. "No, Sakura-chan, I think you've got everything pretty well worked out."

Frowning at him while her daughter giggled, Sakura fixed her hair. When it was back to normal, she sighed and slung her bag over her shoulder. "Alright, let's go," she said.

* * *

At an average run, it took them about twenty minutes to get to the field, which was a few miles from their campsite. Once there, they split up according to Sakura's directives.

With an approximate distance of thirty paces between each of them and given that the field was more of a slight hill, Sakura was able to see Sarada but not Kakashi, which was just fine with her … that man was too distracting for his own - let alone her - good, and between the other night by the sink in the kitchen and the previous evening in the tree, she was quickly learning that she couldn't trust herself around him, even when her daughter was nearby.

She frowned as she used the stick she'd brought to poke through the grass along her path. Yes, she knew that Kakashi had excellent senses and almost forty years of experience as a ninja, but he could still make mistakes, and she couldn't afford to have Sarada catch them doing anything inappropriate … she needed to make herself resist his charms, and she needed to make him see that he couldn't do those sorts of things - he couldn't hold her to his chest or kiss her or give her heated looks.

No matter how much she liked it.

She sighed and rolled her eyes skyward, pausing her search. How did she end up in a situation like this? Sometimes it seemed so unreal, like it must be a dream. There was no way she was _actually_ having an affair - the word itself still made her stomach flip unpleasantly - and with _Kakashi_ of all people …

Right?

She turned her attention back to the grass.

If she were really honest with herself, she would have to admit that she'd had a few fleeting moments over the years where she'd noticed that he was an attractive man, but they were just the sort of abstract observations one naturally made about people of the opposite sex they spent time around …

Or so she'd thought.

… Again, though, if she were really honest with herself, she would have to admit that she'd never considered Shikamaru or Naruto or Sai or Kiba like that …

Well, okay, maybe Kiba once or twice … when she'd had a few drinks ... but who could blame her? The guy was basically all raw, wild sexuality … pretty much the opposite of her perpetually contained, controlled husband ...

She shook her head. Nevermind about Kiba. His smirk, while hot, held nothing on Kakashi's anyway …

She groaned. Why couldn't she seem to get that obnoxious man out of her head for five minutes? It was worse than with Sasuke when she was a girl, and that had been pretty bad.

… What did that mean?

And what was up with her thought a couple of nights ago … had their relationship actually _not_ always been as platonic as she'd believed?

She really wasn't sure anymore … just as she had to admit that she'd never thought of Shikamaru or Naruto or any of those guys as sexually attractive (except Kiba), she had to admit that she would never let any of them (even Kiba) invade her personal space the way she let Kakashi invade her personal space.

... Well, Naruto, she supposed ...

And abruptly stopped walking. Oh god …

Her heart dropped into her stomach as she realized that she'd _never_ viewed Naruto's invasion of her space the same way she'd viewed Kakashi's …

No, Naruto was like a brother to her, like family …

Her heart sank further as she realized that she'd never thought of Kakashi as a brother, and she'd never really thought of him as family either … She'd thought of him as one of her precious people ... but not family.

Why? Why had she never thought of him that way?

She took in a deep breath, then let it out slowly. She had a sinking suspicion that she'd never thought of Kakashi as family because she'd always been aware of him on some level as a _man_ , and one didn't typically think of their brothers or father as _men_ , not like that.

Not like a part of her had always thought of Kakashi.

Her eyes widened.

He'd been one of her best friends for years. How had she not seen this? How had she not seen that he'd always been something different to her - different than anyone else? Different even than -

Suddenly, her heart stopped and her head jerked around as she felt a familiar chakra headed her way. Moments later, a black-haired man she knew all too well stepped into view, and she froze.

"Sasuke …"

* * *

 **A/N:** You knew it was coming ...

Also, the one thing that sucks about writing this story is that I haven't been letting myself read any other Kakasaku fics because I don't want to lose my characterization of the pair. I miss reading Kakasaku fics ... :(


	38. Chapter 38

**Chapter 38**

"Sasuke …"

That one word coming through his headset in Sakura's voice made Kakashi's heart fall to the pit of his stomach, and it wasn't helped by the knowledge that he hadn't sensed his former student's chakra heading toward the field … Was he really that out of practice? Maybe he _should_ be more careful around Sarada-chan …

The heart that was already in his stomach twisted painfully as he realized there might not even _be_ another time when he would have to be more careful around the girl …

His fists clenched unconsciously, and he found himself struggling to move to where Sakura was; even though he knew that he needed to go, he wasn't sure he could stand it if the woman he loved were blushing and wearing that adoring look she usually did around her husband …

He bit back a bitter laugh and looked up at the sky. Her husband. That's right … he couldn't forget that the woman he was in love with was married, and everything they'd shared in the last few months might very well come to mean nothing in the face of it.

Funny how he could have been worrying about this very thing the night before, and yet it still shook him to the core to be confronted with it … to be confronted with Sasuke.

Funny how he had thought he would be prepared for it, wouldn't freeze at the sound of Sasuke's name slipping from Sakura's lips.

Funny how easily even the notoriously unflappable Copy-ninja could be brought figuratively to his knees because of one amazing woman who wasn't actually his …

* * *

Sakura watched Sasuke watch her for a moment before he finally responded with a simple "Sakura."

His deep voice, which normally would have made her shiver pleasurably, for some reason only bothered her just then. Why couldn't he embrace her? Or at least smile? Show _some_ emotion? Why was he always like this?

She frowned at him, her irritation overriding her shock at his sudden appearance. "What are you doing here?" she asked, trying her best to keep her tone neutral.

She suspected it ended up being slightly accusatory anyway.

Frustratingly, the only answer she received was the ghost of a smirk as Sasuke remained standing about four or five feet away. Her irritation level rose at his indifference, but she was surprised to find that even though the distance bothered her, she felt no inclination to reach out for him herself.

When he continued to study her without saying anything, she sighed. "Last I heard, you were in Iwagakure …"

Finally, he nodded and looked away. "Yeah, there was a rumor about a potential faction coming together here in Kusa, so I decided to investigate."

He rested his hand on the hilt of his sword.

"Ah …" Sakura replied, and an awkward silence fell around them.

After a minute, she cleared her throat. "So … how are you?" she managed.

* * *

Thankfully, Sarada arrived only a few moments later.

"Dad!" the genin called out as she ran toward her parents, and Sakura wasn't sure she'd ever been happier to hear her daughter's voice … the stilted conversation she'd been attempting to have with Sasuke, though brief, had been more than uncomfortable, not least because she couldn't figure out if it had always been that way and she just hadn't noticed or if it were only that way now because of Kakashi …

Kakashi ...

Her heart dropped at the thought of the silver-haired man who had held her in his arms just a few hours ago, who had made her feel so much over the last few months, and she found herself fighting to keep her eyes dry as Sarada passed her by to trot up to her father.

What had she been doing? What _was_ she doing?

She swallowed thickly as her daughter came to a stop at Sasuke's feet and he set his large hand upon her little head with an uncharacteristic warmth in his eyes and the smallest of smiles on his lips.

It was so clear that he loved their child …

What was she _doing_?

And where was Kakashi? Surely he'd heard her talking to Sasuke over the headset …

Suddenly, irrationally, she found that she _needed_ him there. She _needed_ him there to keep her jumbled feelings from overwhelming her. She needed his strong presence and his calming voice and -

She just needed him. She knew how wrong that was - really, how much more fucked up could you be than to need your illicit lover at your side in order for you to face your husband?

But it didn't change the fact that she wished Kakashi would get there, and she could barely contain her sigh of relief when she finally felt him approaching.

"Sasuke," the former Hokage greeted as he came to stand beside her.

Sakura allowed herself to glance up at him briefly, but he kept his gaze straight ahead, and so she followed suit, willing her disappointment at his refusal to look at her not to show on her face ... willing herself to act normally.

* * *

"Kakashi-sama! Dad's here!" Sarada cried excitedly, turning under her father's hand to beam at the Copy-nin.

Kakashi forced his face into one of his usual smiles. "Ah," he said, then met Sasuke's eyes, keeping his own blank.

"Kakashi," Sasuke nodded, and the older ninja thought he detected a slight twitch of his former student's eyebrow.

Whether or not he imagined the twitch, Kakashi discreetly put his weight on the leg opposite Sakura so as to increase the distance between them - this wasn't the time or the place to raise any flags, no matter how much his primal instincts were calling for him to pull her against his body and stake his claim.

He tucked one of his hands into his pocket. "So what brings you here?" he asked with false bonhomie.

Sasuke repeated what Kakashi had already heard through the headset, then returned the question.

"Hmm, well, I suppose that's better answered by Sakura-chan," he replied, tilting his head down at the pinkette, who caught his eye when he said her name.

Kakashi could see the tumult of emotions swirling around in those green orbs, and it made him want to wrap his arms around her ...

Instead, he settled for giving her a wink and a lopsided grin that spread into a soft smile when he saw her eyes shine with a measure of gratefulness at his gesture.

* * *

Feeling herself start to calm down at the sight of Kakashi's familiar grin, Sakura turned her gaze from the masked man to her husband and summoned a smile.

"We're on a mission," she started, then scowled at the way Sasuke lifted an eyebrow as if to say, "Obviously." Tamping down her annoyance, she continued, "We're trying to find a particular type of grass that poisoned two chuunin a few months ag-"

Her eyes widened suddenly, and she instinctively reached out for the dark-haired man, covering the few feet between them as she scolded him. "You shouldn't be walking here! That grass can penetrate regular sandals! We've got on special boots, but you -"

Sasuke lifted his hand from his daughter's head and used two fingers to poke Sakura just above the Byakugou no In. She immediately stopped talking and furrowed her eyebrows at him as she touched her forehead. "Sakura, I'm fine," he said, his tone expressionless as always.

"But -" she protested.

"Orochimaru made sure we were all inoculated against sashi-kusa when we were stationed at the base here," he explained with a sigh.

"Oh …yeah … that makes sense …" Sakura mumbled, letting her hand drop to her side.

"Then that means Orochimaru has already developed an antidote, right?"

All three Uchiha looked over to the Copy-nin when he spoke, and Sakura blushed as their eyes met. She unconsciously stepped back from Sasuke.

* * *

Sasuke appeared not to notice that his wife had moved ever-so-slightly away from him when she locked eyes with Kakashi, but Kakashi did, and it soothed a bit of the pain he'd felt when she'd rushed to the dark-haired man's side moments earlier.

He wanted to laugh at how pathetic and _selfish_ he was, being jealous of a woman showing concern about her own husband, who just so happened to be one of _his_ precious people too and therefore someone he should also have been concerned about ...

He clenched his jaw.

"Yes, I'm sure he has," Sasuke answered, and Kakashi saw Sakura's face perk up. "But I wouldn't hold out hope of him sharing it."

The pinkette's expression fell. "That's probably true …" she agreed glumly.

"I guess we'll have to stick to the original mission then," Kakashi shrugged. "Sasuke, what are your plans?"

He focused his deliberately lazy gaze on the black-cloaked ninja.

Sasuke returned it with a steady gaze of his own, and not for the first time, Kakashi found himself wondering what the one-time last Uchiha was thinking ... Did he have any idea that his former teacher was in love with his wife … and had been for years? Did he have any idea that his wife had let his former teacher bring her to orgasm against a tree? In her office? After spending the night in that former teacher's arms? Did he have any idea that his wife had made his former teacher come with her mouth while she was on her knees in his kitchen?

His eyes drifted over to Sakura for a moment, and he was suddenly disgusted with himself. He was disgusted that he could be even remotely turned on by the thought that he had shared things like that with Sakura that Sasuke knew nothing about, that he was thinking about their situation as if he and Sasuke were cavemen battling for a mate, that he was feeling some sort of twisted masculine pride in what he'd done with another man's wife ...

That wasn't what this was about at all.

Yet as he stood across from Sasuke, with Sakura between them, he couldn't quiet that small, unevolved part of himself that was counting as a victory each moan she'd made at his touch, each time she'd grasped him tightly to her body, each exhale of his name when he'd moved inside of her.

… And then he realized that maybe what he was feeling wasn't actually victory … maybe he was just trying to console himself in the face of probable defeat, taking solace in having had her body, because, after all, how could he really, truly hope to compete for her heart with the man who had held it for over two decades?

* * *

Sakura was torn. She had run to Sasuke without even thinking, but after looking back at Kakashi, she felt somehow … guilty ... about standing that close to her husband.

Which was ridiculous … he was her husband. Kakashi was just …

 _Kakashi_ , Inner Sakura stated flatly.

 _Yeah, s_ he agreed as she and her inner self mentally sighed.

But even if she knew that Sasuke was her husband, it couldn't be helped … she felt guilty, and the way she couldn't read what Kakashi was thinking, the way his eyes were so guarded as he glanced at her while waiting for Sasuke to respond … she didn't like it. She wanted to know what was going through his mind just then - what did he think when he saw her standing beside her husband?

And then she turned her head toward Sasuke. What was _he_ thinking? Had he noticed anything different about her interaction with Kakashi? Had he noticed her discomfort around him before Sarada and Kakashi arrived?

She knew her greeting had been less enthusiastic than normal … he could very well have found it strange ...

She could only hope that he wouldn't link it to Kakashi if he had …

* * *

Kakashi was quiet while Sasuke appeared to consider his question. Finally, the dark-haired man took his hand from his sword and dropped it to his side. "Hm," he murmured. "I suppose I can wait another day to investigate this rumor …"

Sarada jumped happily. "Shannaro!" she shouted. "This mission is, like, the best! Mom, Kakashi-sama, and now Dad too …" She looked up at her father. "Dad, did Mom tell you that I've been training with Kakashi-sama? He's been teaching me all kinds of new jutsu … I can't wait to show you!"

Kakashi watched Sasuke's expression as his daughter rambled on excitedly about the things he'd taught her, and he couldn't help feeling just a little bit smug when his former student caught his eye and raised an eyebrow.

"No, your mother didn't tell me," Sasuke said, his eyes shifting back from Kakashi to Sarada as he interrupted the girl's detailed recounting of how angry Sakura had been when she'd burned a hole in the backyard while practicing Katon: Goukakyuu no jutsu.

For his part, Kakashi wasn't able to detect any emotion - encouraging or otherwise - in Sasuke's voice as he responded, but Sarada didn't seem to mind. She just went right on with her story after noting that her mom "sucked" for not telling him about the training.

With a faint smile, Kakashi let his eyes travel over to Sakura, who was also smiling at Sarada and Sasuke, and he had the thought that they almost looked like a normal family …

He had to admit, at least to himself, that it hurt.

"Anyway," Sarada finished, grabbing her father's hand and leading him toward the top of the hill. "You can come search with me …"

As Sasuke glanced over his shoulder while he allowed himself to be dragged along, Kakashi was sure that if he'd been a more emotive man, his former student would have shrugged helplessly.

And if that former student hadn't been married to the woman he loved, Kakashi might have laughed.

* * *

When her husband and daughter reached the top of the hill where Sarada's section of the grid was located, Sakura realized that she and Kakashi were alone together, and her heart seemed to beat louder inside the cavity of her chest.

"Kakashi …" she started, her voice quiet as she looked at him. She felt helpless … what was she supposed to say to him? What did she _want_ to say to him?

He met her eyes with his own, and the blankness there, the way he was hiding his emotions from her, made her heart ache.

"Sakura, it's okay … he's your husband," Kakashi said, his tone carefully measured.

But those words … in that guarded voice, so different from the way he usually talked to her ... She felt her throat begin to close up, and she couldn't help the tears that gathered at the corners of her eyes.

* * *

The sight of her tears broke his resolve to keep his expression neutral, and Kakashi unwillingly let some of his own pain and uncertainty and concern and love show through as they stared at each other over that distance of a few feet that felt like a few miles.

He could tell she noticed, because a few drops of salty water fell over her cheeks. He wanted to wipe them away, to hold her and never let her go ...

But he couldn't. He couldn't even move closer to her, not while they were in Sasuke's line of sight.

"I should get back to searching …" he murmured finally, though it was far from what he really wanted to say.

She turned her eyes up to the sky as she discreetly brushed the tears from her cheeks, and he could see her jaw clench, see her swallow with difficulty, before she finally met his gaze again and nodded.

"Yeah, okay," she croaked out. His chest tightened at the sound, and he held her eyes for a moment longer than he probably should have before forming the sign for Shunshin no jutsu and vanishing in a cloud of smoke.

* * *

It took Sakura several minutes to tear her eyes away from the spot where Kakashi had stood … that empty space seemed to her like more than just a place where he no longer was - it was like a physical manifestation of the hole that had been building inside of her with every breath she had taken since Sasuke had shown up.

She wondered if she would ever be close to Kakashi again.

The thought that she might not hurt more than she could have imagined, and that cutting pain terrified her as she managed to drag her gaze over to where Sasuke was helping their daughter. It was a sight that should have filled her with happiness - the man she had loved for most of her life spending time with the daughter they had created together ... enjoying it even, if the tiny breaks in his typically serious facade were any indication ...

But instead of making her happy, it felt like something was trying to tear her apart.

She was lost - utterly, completely lost, and she had no idea how to find her way again.

* * *

 **A/N:** Well, even Kakashi isn't perfect ...

Also, "sashi-kusa": lit. "stabbing grass," because I'm super awesome at naming things …


	39. Chapter 39

**Chapter 39**

Even with Sasuke's help, they didn't manage to find any of the grass that day. Lunch had been an awkward affair, at least for Kakashi and Sakura, and it would have been more awkward if Sarada hadn't talked the majority of the time.

Sakura wasn't looking forward to a repeat at dinner.

Of course, she had no choice; Sasuke had decided to spend the night with them and leave to continue his mission in the morning, so she went about readying the camp with Sarada while Kakashi and Sasuke split up to set the perimeter.

* * *

When she looked up to find the two most important men in her life walking back into the small clearing side by side, Sakura felt sick to her stomach. Her husband and her lover, together, looking for all the world like they always had around each other, like nothing had changed …

But everything was different, and Sasuke had no idea; he had no idea that he was standing next to the man who had had sex with his wife as recently as three nights ago, the man who had asked his wife to end her marriage to be with him instead, the man who had told his wife that he had been in love with her for years …

And why _would_ he have any idea? He trusted Kakashi - trusted them _both_ , probably more than he trusted anyone aside from Naruto - but there they were, his wife and his former teacher, two of his precious people, acting like they hadn't been having an affair behind his back, like they weren't betraying him in the worst way possible.

Her throat tightened as she studiously avoided making eye contact with Kakashi and did her best to smile normally at Sasuke when he took a seat on a log not far from the fire. Kakashi jumped up to sit in the branches of one of the trees surrounding the camp, and she was both relieved and hurt that he had chosen a spot that hid his face from her.

"Dinner will be ready soon," she announced in as cheerful a voice as she could muster.

Sasuke made a sound of acknowledgement, but the man in the tree was quiet, and it was deafening.

She wanted to cry. Why did this have to happen? Why did Kakashi have to fall in love with her? Why did she have to let him in, lower her guard, get caught up in the whirlwind of emotions he made her feel?

What was the _point_? It was a cruel joke the fates were playing on the three of them, and she didn't know why when the only outcome she could see was at least two of them ending up very hurt …

Even if Sasuke never discovered that she had been with Kakashi, the thought of the pain he would feel if she left him after all that he had been through, all that he had invested in her … it tore into her heart.

And if he _did_ find out, she knew that seeing the betrayal in his eyes would kill her … for all his faults, he didn't deserve what she had been doing; it wasn't fair to him. He might have been absent, and he might not have expressed his feelings for her very well, but he hadn't been cruel, not since they got married …

And what she had been doing with Kakashi was cruel ...

No, she couldn't imagine herself telling Sasuke that she wanted a divorce.

Her chest ached. If she couldn't ask Sasuke for a divorce, she knew that she had to end things with Kakashi.

At the thought, her eyes started to burn and the lump in her throat grew, and she forced herself to stare resolutely at the noodles she was stirring. She didn't want to think about how hurt Kakashi would look when she told him that she couldn't be with him. She didn't want to think about what he would feel, having the hope that she had foolishly offered him taken away just like that …

She felt her despair threatening to break out - she needed to not be there with them, she needed to be alone, if only for a few minutes.

"Sarada," she called in what she hoped was an even tone. "Could you come stir this? I'll be back in a moment."

Her daughter nodded and got up to take the ladle from her mother's hand.

* * *

Sakura fought to keep her pace normal as she headed for the trees, but once she was out of sight of the camp, she ran. She ran, and she didn't stop the tears from streaming down her cheeks.

Kakashi … She was so stupid. So very, very stupid. She never should have gotten involved with him, never should have let him think that she might be able to be with him, never should have let him hold her ...

She choked back a sob as she slammed her palm into a tree and fell to her knees, dragging her hand down as she went. Her forehead hit the trunk and her fingers dug into the bark as she cried.

She hated herself. She hated herself so much in that moment, she thought she might crawl out of her skin. These were two good men - _good_ men - who loved her, each in his own way, and she was going to hurt one or both of them deeply … all because she was selfish and weak.

So selfish and weak …

She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to block out the mental picture of Kakashi's grey ones filled with pain ...

Because she knew it would be him … she knew it would be his sadness that she would see; she couldn't betray Sasuke any more than she already had, couldn't destroy their family, dysfunctional though it may have been. She couldn't do that to him or to Sarada.

So it would be Kakashi.

A fresh round of sobs wracked her body as she wished that she could take it back … take it all back, all the happiness and contentment and giddiness and pleasure she had felt when she was with him … she would take it all back if only it meant that she wouldn't have to hurt him.

But she couldn't. She couldn't take it back. And she hated herself for it.

Breathing ragged and legs shaking, she finally forced herself to stand and swallow the rest of her pain and regret. As she rose to her feet, she pressed her chakra to her eyes to calm the puffiness and get rid of the redness caused by her tears, then teleported back near the clearing and walked into the camp as steadily as she could.

* * *

Kakashi knew what she had been doing … she might have gotten rid of the visible effects of crying, but he could smell the salt of her tears from where he sat in the tree, and it killed him not to be able to go to her, to hold her, comfort her.

It killed him that he might never be able to do that again ...

Because while he didn't know what she had been thinking while she cried, he could hazard a guess, and that guess gave him the sinking feeling that he had lost her …

After all, he'd seen the way she'd deliberately kept her eyes from meeting his when he'd returned with Sasuke.

He should have known. He should have known that she would never pick him, that she would never leave Sasuke.

His heart twisted, and he gritted his teeth bitterly as he let his head fall back against the trunk of the tree.

He was a fool.

* * *

Trying to push her painful thoughts to the back of her mind, Sakura let her team know that the food was ready and handed bowls to her husband and daughter.

Kakashi hopped down from the tree.

"Ah, it seems I'm not actually hungry tonight," he said, his eyes crinkled.

"But …" she started.

Turning his gaze to her, Kakashi waved off her protestation. "It's okay, Sakura-chan … I must have eaten too much at lunch."

Sakura knew that was a lie - he'd hardly eaten anything, just as she had hardly eaten anything - but she couldn't call him out on it, not without raising suspicions.

* * *

Noting that she wasn't going to object anymore, Kakashi stuck his hands into his pockets. "I'm going to take a walk, give you three some space."

He couldn't be there just then … he needed to get away from her and Sasuke and even Sarada-chan.

He needed not to see them together as a family.

* * *

Sakura was grateful that Sasuke and Sarada were sitting behind her, because she couldn't hide her struggle from showing on her face when she saw how much Kakashi wanted to leave … he may have been wearing a blank expression, but she could tell anyway - she knew him too well ...

He wanted to leave as badly as she had wanted to leave earlier.

And she wanted to go to him, to stop him. She wanted to wrap her arms around his waist and feel him hold her tightly as he had so many times … She wanted their situation not to be so goddamned fucked up.

* * *

Kakashi saw the look in Sakura's eyes, saw that she didn't want him to go, and it only hurt more, because he knew that even if she felt that way, she wouldn't make a move to stop him, not while Sasuke was there.

So he schooled his face back into his usual smile.

"I'll take first watch too, so you guys can spend some time together," he said, then turned his back to them and started to walk away.

* * *

"Kakashi, you don't have to do that …" The words were out of her mouth before she could think twice about them, and she watched as Kakashi stopped, his back stiffening.

But a split-second later, it relaxed, and he raised his hand as he resumed walking toward the forest. "Don't worry about it, Sakura-chan," he murmured dismissively.

He didn't look back, and then she couldn't see him anymore.

* * *

 **A/N:** Pacing might be a little slower than you'd like, apologies.


	40. Chapter 40

**Chapter 40**

Sakura had forced herself to shake off her sadness before she turned back to join her husband and daughter for dinner, and the three had somehow managed to eat with a minimal amount of awkwardness ... She had asked Sasuke about his travels, he had told what he could with Sarada around, and when they were finished, he had offered to take the second shift. They jointly decided that with the three adults there, Sarada didn't need to keep watch that night (she of course protested this decision, but quieted quickly at the flat look she received simultaneously from each of her parents).

And so it was that Sakura came to be lying in her bedroll between Sasuke and Sarada, listening to her daughter's soft breathing and being acutely aware that her husband wasn't sleeping.

Kakashi hadn't returned, but she had felt his presence as he moved through the forest around the campsite before finally coming to a stop when, she assumed, he found a worthy tree to sit in. She wondered if he was reading ... and she wondered what he was thinking about if he weren't reading … Did he know what she was going to do?

A lump formed in her throat again.

She clenched her teeth. No, she couldn't think about that right now, not with Sasuke still awake only a few feet from her ...

Thankfully, as if the effort of keeping thoughts of Kakashi at bay were the last straw, Sakura was overcome by a sudden, deep exhaustion and felt herself finally drifting off to sleep.

* * *

When he walked back into the camp, Kakashi tried not to look over at Sakura, but he couldn't quite stop himself ...

She was so pretty, lying there with her head pillowed on one arm, the hand of the other resting on her stomach while her body was alternately bathed in silvery light and hidden by shadow as the moon and clouds played hide-and-seek above her.

Wanting to go place a kiss on her forehead but knowing that he couldn't, he sighed quietly, and, seemingly at the sound, Sasuke stood up.

They nodded at each other, Kakashi understanding that Sasuke would be taking over the watch, and then Sasuke pulled on his cloak and headed for the trees while Kakashi slid into his bedroll on the other side of Sarada.

He was grateful to have the sleeping genin between himself and the woman he loved … he wasn't sure he would have been able to stop sneaking peeks at Sakura had he been at her side, and who knew if Sasuke would have noticed ...

He tightened his fist under the blanket, then pulled it out and dropped it onto his forehead, palm facing the sky.

The sky … that dark blue expanse, with its twinkling lights that flickered through every break in the clouds, filled him with bittersweet nostalgia as he remembered holding Sakura in his arms under the stars just the night before ...

Could you really be nostalgic for something that had happened that recently?

He supposed you could … if you knew that it represented the end of something that was - that could have been - beautiful.

His eyes stung with frustration, and he closed them quickly, his muscles tensed and his brow furrowed with the effort of keeping himself from getting up and punching the nearest tree, because he couldn't go about punching trees ... the Copy Ninja didn't show that kind of emotion.

He shot an ironic grin at the cosmos.

Then again, the Copy Ninja also supposedly didn't fall in love …

He gave a wry mental shrug.

Maybe he _would_ try punching a tree sometime … when no one was around. It always seemed to help a certain pinkette relax ...

* * *

Sakura felt the slightest of touches on her shoulder and jerked awake to find Sasuke squatting in front of her, pulling his arm back from her to his side.

Without saying anything, they each rose to their feet and moved away from Sarada's bedroll.

"My turn?" Sakura queried softly.

Her husband tilted his head in agreement, then seemed to study her face before raising his fingers to her cheek. Her eyes widened with surprise.

"Walk with me …" he said, his voice a low hum.

Without waiting for a response, he turned his back to her and headed into the woods. Frowning, she followed him.

A few yards away from the camp, he stopped so abruptly that Sakura almost ran into him. "Sasuke … what -" she started.

Her question was cut off when he turned around and his eyes met hers. They were that dark, _dark_ inky color that had always made her feel like she was drowning … that blackness that was almost more frightening than the Sharingan, the way it could trap her ...

It was only when his hand gently gripped her hip that she realized where she was and where _he_ was in relation to her … while she'd been caught in the black pools of his eyes, he'd slowly backed her into a tree.

At his proximity, the way he was boxing her in, her heart raced, and her arms instinctively came up between them.

"Sasuke …" _What are you_ doing _?_ she wanted to ask, but the words wouldn't form on her tongue as his fingers slid up her back and he pulled himself closer to her, meeting her upraised hands with his chest.

And then her body froze and her mind went blank ... but her eyes stayed wide, wide open and watched as he leaned in and pressed his lips against hers.

Too shocked to respond, she felt him wrap his other arm around her waist to hold her more tightly while he nipped at her bottom lip and brushed his tongue along the upper one. At that familiar caress, her eyes finally slid closed and her hands relaxed into the fabric of his shirt.

But no sooner had she begun to return his kiss than her mind was assaulted with the memory of Kakashi's mouth on hers, and she broke away with an almost violent jerk. Her fingers fisted against his chest, keeping him back.

"What … Sasuke, what are you doing?" she demanded, breathing heavily, her brow furrowed.

Sasuke somehow managed to come across as both confused and unconcerned. "Sakura, you're my wife, and I haven't seen you in months," he sighed as if he shouldn't be having to explain it to her.

And really he probably shouldn't, Sakura knew. But …

"But Kakashi and Sarada are right over there!" she hissed, pointing.

Sasuke just raised an eyebrow. "So?"

Sakura sputtered, and he dropped both hands to the small of her back. "But … you don't normally do this kind of thing when other people are nearby!" she argued, her pitch getting higher as he started to close the gap she'd made when she'd torn herself away from him.

He rolled his eyes upward. "Sakura, they can't see us," he said, a hint of impatience in his tone.

She unconsciously pressed herself further into the bark of the tree, trying to keep the distance between them from shrinking. "But Kakashi's sense of smell … he'll know ..."

Sasuke looked unimpressed. "So what if he does? You're my wife," he shrugged.

Her mouth gaped open as her mind scrambled to find another reason …

 _Another reason for your husband not to kiss you?_ Inner Sakura remarked.

Sakura's heart dropped into her stomach … That _was_ what she was doing … she was trying to find a reason not to kiss her husband ... But why? Because of Kakashi?

Inner Sakura threw up her hands. _Of course because of Kakashi!_ she cried. _You stupid woman ..._

Meanwhile, his arms still around her, Sasuke let out a deep breath. "Sakura, I'm not trying to have sex with you out here."

Snapping out of her thoughts, she stared at him and promptly blushed. "Then …"

He looked to the side. "I just wanted to kiss you," he murmured, and she could see the muscles of his jaw clench.

"You …" her words trailed off as she studied his profile, her cheeks still tinted pink.

After a beat, he faced her again, his gaze indicating that she shouldn't expect him to repeat himself.

"I …" She didn't know what to say. A part of her, the part that had been in love with him for years, was feeling warm and gooey at his admission, but the rest of her was feeling supremely uncomfortable; whenever she thought about kissing Sasuke, she couldn't help but think about Kakashi and how close he was to where they were … how would he feel if he found out?

Her stomach flipped at the thought, and her inner turmoil must have shown on her face, because Sasuke took a step back and let his hands drop to his sides. She watched them mutely, those long fingers with their rough edges, for a minute before he spoke. "What's wrong?" he asked bluntly.

She couldn't make out any emotion in the question, and when she looked up at him, she saw only herself reflected in his eyes. It made her heart twist, and she started to reach for him, then stopped and rubbed her forehead.

"Sasuke, I -" she paused and sighed, her hand falling to meet its partner by her stomach as she pressed her fingers together restlessly. "I'm sorry … I was just startled. You're not usually that …" She struggled for words. "Forward, I guess, when we're not … in private …"

While she had talked, her eyes had drifted down to the ground, so she was surprised when she felt his hand on the top of her head.

"I understand," he replied, then gently pulled her toward him and gave her what could only be called a hug.

A hug from Sasuke.

Even as she hesitantly returned his embrace, she wondered what had come over him … he had hardly ever hugged her at all, nevermind outside of the bedroom.

But he let her go after only a few seconds, and without looking at her again, he started back toward the camp.

"Goodnight, Sakura," he said over his shoulder, leaving her so thoroughly confused by everything that had just happened that she wasn't able to reply before he'd gone.

* * *

Despite not having slept the night before, Kakashi had found himself still awake when Sasuke returned from his watch to rouse Sakura for her shift, and he had listened to her sleeping bag rustle softly as she got up.

When they had walked out of the campsite together, he had tried not to be hurt, and when Sasuke had come back a few minutes later, he had _really_ tried not to notice that he smelled like her.

He had failed on both counts.

It wasn't like he thought they'd had sex … he knew they didn't. But it reminded him that they _would_ , and his masochistic brain couldn't help but wonder how she would feel when they did, now that she'd been with him … Would she think of him? Would she remember what he had felt like when Sasuke touched her? Would she remember the way he had held her when Sasuke took her into his arms?

He squeezed his eyes shut again. The pain was acute … worse than he had imagined it would be.

Just the thought of Sasuke having her like that, so close to him … even if Sasuke had been the one to have her first …

Yet he couldn't bring himself to regret it. Even if she never chose him, even if it were killing him right then, he wouldn't take back any of the time they'd had together. He wouldn't take back any of it … He would rather feel the searing pain in his chest than never to have seen her smile at him between kisses or heard her scold him affectionately for getting too close. He would rather live with the aching emptiness than never to have tasted her skin or woken up with her curled into his body.

He would rather have to feel his heart break every time he saw her with Sasuke from then on than never to have had the hope for just one minute that maybe she would want to be with him.

* * *

In the end, Kakashi hadn't slept, and he rose early to prepare breakfast and pack up his bag, going through the routines of being on a mission in order to separate himself from his feelings. He couldn't let his troubles disrupt the team dynamic any more than they already had, couldn't let them make the situation any more difficult for Sakura.

It was his fault they were in this position in the first place.

Sasuke and Sarada were still sleeping when Sakura returned, and he greeted her with a close approximation of his usual smile. She looked pained as she tried to reciprocate, and he dropped his eyes to the rice he was cooking.

"Any trouble?" he asked quietly.

He heard her shake her head. "No," she replied equally quietly and took a seat on a log that wasn't quite directly across from him.

"Ah, that's good," he murmured without looking up.

They were quiet then, the silence not so much awkward as heavy with everything they weren't saying to each other. He felt her sadness; it was companion to his own.

* * *

"Kakashi-sama, you're already up?"

The question was posed by her daughter, who was crawling out of her bedroll and reaching for her glasses.

Even though she and Kakashi had been sitting in a quiet that made her heart hurt, Sakura found herself disappointed that it had ended … somehow, in the midst of all those unspoken words, she had felt close to him in a way that she hadn't since he'd held her in the tree. It wasn't the sort of closeness she wanted to feel, not by a longshot, but with the almost palpable weight of the quiescence hanging over them, between them, it had seemed to her that they were touching - in spite of the physical distance …

She had been so _aware_ of him, like they were the only two people on the planet ...

But even that small, painful connection couldn't last, and Sarada's voice reminded her that they were far from being the only two people on the planet. She wanted to laugh … no, if they were the only people on the planet, they wouldn't be feeling like this. They might be happy.

Her train of thought was disrupted when her daughter sat next to her on the log. She smiled softly down at the dark-haired girl.

That was right … if she and Kakashi were the only two people on the planet, she wouldn't have Sarada ... and she wouldn't give up Sarada for anything.

Even Kakashi.

* * *

Kakashi creased his eyes at the genin as she took a seat next to her mother. "Yes, I'm 'up already,' Sarada-chan," he smiled. "Even retired Hokages don't sleep in _all_ the time."

She gave him a skeptical look, then brightened as she noticed her father getting up. "Morning, Dad!" she called.

"Good morning, Sarada-chan," the dark-haired man responded, voice neutral as always, while he gathered his belongings and set them to the side for when he was ready to leave.

Kakashi watched the girl's face fall. "Do you really have to go?" she asked sadly. "Couldn't you stay just one more day? We didn't even find the grass yet!"

When Sasuke didn't respond, Sakura rested her hand on her daughter's arm. "Sarada-chan," she said reproachfully. "Your father is on a mission too; he can't push that off just because we're here."

Her daughter sighed. "I know, I know ..."

"Good. Now let's eat breakfast."

* * *

Sasuke was headed past the field where Sakura, Kakashi, and Sarada were conducting their search, so he went with them, allowing their daughter to set the pace (which was about as slow a walk as she could manage).

Sakura was grateful for his indulgence; she knew that Sarada was loving every minute with her father, and it was all the more evident in the massive disappointment written across the girl's face when they reached the edge of the field.

"So you're really leaving now?" Sarada mumbled, looking up at Sasuke over the rim of her glasses.

"Ah," he agreed.

"When will you be home?" Her voice was soft, tentative.

Sasuke hummed in response and lifted his hand to poke her in the forehead ... but before he could, Sarada ducked under his arm to throw her own around his waist in a tight hug.

Surprised, Sasuke stiffened, then after a moment, he wrapped one arm around her small shoulders, cupped the back of her head with the hand of the other, and held her close.

The action sent a stab of guilt right into Sakura's stomach, and she could see from Kakashi's studied lack of expression that he was also experiencing it ... What they had been doing jeopardized this nascent, fragile father-daughter relationship, and she couldn't believe she had let herself get so carried away by her feelings for the silver-haired man.

It had to stop.

She watched as Sasuke let their daughter go, getting in his forehead poke before catching his wife's eye.

"Sakura," he said in that way of his that conveyed everything and nothing ... but mostly nothing.

She frowned, suddenly irritated. The frown deepened when she caught sight of the corner of his mouth twitching up in a classic smirk as he walked toward her, and it deepened further when he touched two fingers to the Byakugou no In and the smirk widened.

"I'll see you," he remarked, then dropped his hand to the hilt of his sword as he turned his back to her and headed across the field.

Just like that.

She gritted her teeth. It was always just like that ... Here, then gone, with hardly anything to say.

Glaring at her husband's back, she readjusted her bag. "Alright, let's get to work," she ordered in something close to a growl, and the three ninja split up.

* * *

 **A/N:** Thank you soooo much for all the reviews and faves and follows! I'm trying to respond to reviews as often as I can, but (and I can't believe I'm saying this, that there are so many!) it's hard to keep up all the time.

As to questions regarding whether you'll get insight into Sasuke's thoughts ... let's just say that for now, you'll be seeing the situation through Sakura and Kakashi's eyes. Kind of the same way I wanted you to feel what Sakura was feeling early on, so I deliberately kept Kakashi's motivations obscured, I want you to feel what they're feeling now, coming face-to-face with Sasuke, including wondering what he knows, what he suspects, etc. There will be a point at which you get some of Sasuke's point of view, but for now, it's all through the lenses of our two heroes.

Also, can you believe that I originally envisioned this as a relatively short story, like 10 or so chapters?


	41. Chapter 41

**Chapter 41**

"Kakashi, you need to sleep," Sakura said quietly from where she sat across the fire from him.

He had been the one to find specimens of the grass toward the end of the afternoon, and the three of them had finished dinner not long ago. Sarada had already fallen asleep … which left Kakashi and Sakura sitting in another heavy silence as the flames flickered, their light providing the only brightness in the dark of the cloudy night that surrounded them.

Sakura had finally broken the quiet when she decided that she couldn't stand not to say something about the deep circles under his eyes.

"Did you sleep at all last night?" she asked after he didn't respond to her initial question. Her concern was apparent in her tone and the worried wrinkle of her brow.

He stopped staring into the fire and met her gaze. His was unreadable. After a solid minute of just looking at her, he shook his head slightly. "No," he answered finally.

She didn't ask why … she didn't have to.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

And she was … her heart ached; she wished she could touch his face, erase those circles with her thumbs and wrap her arms around his neck. She wished they could hold each other - and that holding each other could make everything alright.

* * *

Kakashi sighed. "It's not your fault, Sakura."

He wasn't sure whether hearing the pain she felt for him in her voice made him feel better or worse, but either way, they shouldn't be talking about their relationship - or whatever it was - when Sasuke could still be around for all either of them knew (he was still bothered by the fact that he hadn't sensed the dark-haired man's chakra the day before).

"Do you want to take first shift, or should I?" he asked.

* * *

Sakura could tell that he was trying to change the subject, and she figured he was right to do so …She wasn't sure if she were just paranoid because of the guilt or if her fears were valid, but with as strangely as Sasuke had been acting the night before, she couldn't help but worry that he was hiding his presence and observing them from somewhere nearby.

Besides that, even if Sasuke weren't around anymore, Sarada could wake up at any time, and Sakura didn't want her daughter finding out that her mother had been having an affair, especially since it would soon be over ...

There was no need for her daughter (or anyone else) to get hurt because she hadn't been able to stop herself from caring about Kakashi more - much more - than she should have for a handful of months that amounted to nothing in the end ... there was no need for anyone to know that it had ever happened when knowing would only bring unnecessary pain.

"I'll take it," she replied, forcing down the lump in her throat. "And I'll wake Sarada for the second shift so you can get a few uninterrupted hours of sleep."

There was another pause before Kakashi nodded and stood. "Okay," he agreed, and though his voice revealed no emotion, his eyes softened for a moment before he turned away to set up his bedroll.

That brief glimpse of tenderness helped to alleviate the aching in her heart that was the result of feeling him close himself off from her over the course of the last two days, but it exacerbated the aching that was the result of not being able to go to him, to really talk to him like they usually did .. it exacerbated the aching that came from already missing him - and knowing that it was only going to get worse.

* * *

Thanks to a combination of physical and mental exhaustion, Kakashi had actually been able sleep that night, and though the state of his mind and heart hadn't improved, his body was feeling better the next morning as he helped Sakura and Sarada clean up the camp and get ready to return to Konoha, in spite of his reluctance to go back …

Because at least while they were outside the village, they were in a state of limbo, a state where, irrational as it was to hope that she hadn't chosen Sasuke, he still could, because she hadn't said it out loud yet, hadn't stated explicitly that they had to stop what they were doing, that she couldn't be with him anymore.

He sighed as he zipped up his pack.

The problem was that he knew that remaining away from Konoha would only make things harder her … the longer they stayed at the camp, the longer they delayed the inevitable, and he didn't want to make her feel any guiltier than she already did, didn't want to make the situation any more difficult for her than it already was. He had been selfish enough dragging her into an affair in the first place; he didn't need to make things worse just because he didn't want to let go of any last vestige of hope.

No, they needed to go back … the sooner he was out of her sight, the sooner she would be able to get past whatever she felt for him and focus on rebuilding her relationship with Sasuke, on building a family with the man she'd loved for most of her life.

Building a family …

That phrase stabbed him in the heart ... It made him realize that whatever fantasies he'd had about seeing her pregnant with his child, about standing on the back porch with her to watch small silver-haired, green-eyed children play with their older, black-haired sister, about teasing her until she growled at him that he needed to behave himself because their kids could walk in at any minute … those fantasies would remain forever that - fantasies.

No, they needed to go back. Torturing himself, even if it were one of the things he did best, didn't do anyone any good in the end. It would just make it harder for him to let her go.

And he had to let her go.

* * *

The closer they got to the village, the more Sakura wanted to turn around and go back to the campsite.

Kakashi had barely said a word all day, but he was _there_ … she could see him, hear the sound of his breathing … smell him even, if she got close enough.

He wouldn't be there after they passed through those gates.

After they passed through those gates, he wouldn't come over for dinner anymore, wouldn't ask her to spar with him anymore, wouldn't tease her or touch her or give her looks that made her heart stop anymore.

After they passed through those gates, they might barely ever see each other at all.

The lump in her throat grew larger and larger until she couldn't stop the tears from forming in her eyes, and she was glad she was in front of both of her teammates as she pretended to be wiping sweat off of her face.

But she knew that she had to stop thinking about it or eventually Sarada would notice that something was wrong … if she hadn't already …

So she forced herself to look at the leaves on the trees they passed by, the plants growing on the sides of the road, the footprints in the dirt on their path …

She forced herself to focus on anything but where they were going and what would happen when they got there until she was surprised by her daughter rushing past her and looked up to find the gates only a few yards ahead.

Her heart sank.

They were home; she couldn't avoid it any longer.

Her pace slowed to a walk, and she felt Kakashi coming up behind her as they neared the entrance.

Already past the gates by then, Sarada called out that she was going to go find Chouchou to tell her about the mission, and then Sakura and Kakashi were alone as they traveled into the village.

* * *

They were quiet until they reached the point where the road forked, one direction leading to the center of the village and Kakashi's apartment, the other to Sakura's house, and there they stood in silence until Sakura knew that too much time had gone by for it not to seem strange to any passersby, and she finally, reluctantly looked up at the Copy-nin.

His eyes met hers, and the resignation there tore at her heart. She knew that he was waiting for her to speak, waiting for her to tell him what he already knew she was going to say.

Her throat tightened.

She wished she could say the opposite, but she had to do what was best for her daughter, had to do the right thing with regards to the man she had promised to love for the rest of her life ...

Even if it broke her heart.

Even if it broke the heart of the man who had, for a very short time, made her happier than she had known she could be.

Her eyes filled with water until he was a blur of navy and charcoal and silver, but she couldn't turn away.

"Kakashi …" she said, her voice impossibly quiet as she blinked and the tears rolled down her cheeks and she could see him clearly again. "We can't …"

She had to pause to swallow before she could finish speaking, and another set of tears fell as she watched the resignation in his eyes turn to emptiness. "We can't anymore …"

The emptiness was deeper than she had ever seen it, and she realized that she had never understood how open he had been with her until that moment ... She realized that even when she had thought he had closed himself off the night Sasuke had stayed with them, he hadn't completely hidden his emotions from her …

But now he had. Now there was nothing ... She could see nothing in his eyes as he nodded and then disappeared, leaving only a few leaves swirling in his place.

* * *

 **A/N:** Don't hate Sakura too much. Kakashi understands.

* * *

 **A/N 2 (12/24):** If you happen to be rereading this and it seems a little different ... yes, I did go back and make some edits; I wasn't satisfied with it as it was. Still really am not, but it is what it is.


	42. Chapter 42

**Chapter 42**

It was a moonless night, and Sakura had to rely on the dim glow of streetlights to guide her as she made her way to the pub.

A little more than a week had passed since she had last seen Kakashi, since the day that she had stood beside him on the road into the village and told him that they couldn't keep doing what they had been doing, and the fact of the matter was that she missed the frustrating silver-haired man deeply - so much so that she was secretly hoping that he would be at the pub that night for Genma's belated birthday gathering, even though she knew that it wasn't fair of her to hope for that, that it wouldn't be good for either of them to be around each other when their wounds were so fresh.

Still, even knowing that and even if they didn't speak … even if he ignored her completely (and she wouldn't blame him if he did), she wanted to see him.

She sighed.

He probably wouldn't come. He probably didn't want to take the chance of having to see her, probably hated her for leading him on, even if it hadn't been intentional …

But she hoped he would be there all the same ... She wanted to see if he would still look at her with the complete emptiness that had been in his eyes when those words she wished she hadn't had to say had left her mouth ...

She wanted to see if there were a chance that he might ever forgive her ...

* * *

When she finally arrived at the pub, she took a seat next to Naruto in the booth and did her best to keep her sadness and nervousness from showing as she greeted everyone before ordering a bottle of sake.

She had a feeling she was going to need the alcohol one way or another …

* * *

More than an hour and a bottle and a half of sake later, she was beginning to lose hope.

He really wasn't going to come after all ...

The disappointment weighed heavily in the pit of her stomach, and it was compounded by the guilt she felt for selfishly wanting him to be there in the first place after what she'd done.

Disheartened, she stared down into her cup, tilting it toward her and then away from her, then toward her again, then away from her again, then toward her and away from her and toward her and away from her until a warm body slid into the booth at her side and she was overwhelmed by Kakashi's scent.

"I think you're supposed to be drinking from that cup, not playing with it," he murmured quietly, and his deep voice sent shivers through her body, instantly washing away her disappointment and replacing it with a nervous happiness she shouldn't have been feeling under the circumstances.

She had missed that voice so much over the last week ... but she forced herself to tamp down her excitement.

"Actually," she replied, miraculously keeping her tone even. "It's a multipurpose object … part vessel for the consumption of liquids and part makeshift toy."

She couldn't keep a small smile from tugging at her lips as she spoke, but she kept her eyes on the cup.

He just hummed. "I see …"

Their little moment was interrupted by Genma shouting from down the table.

"Kakashi!" he called out. "I was beginning to think you'd chosen your porn books over celebrating your best friend's birthday …"

The older ninja tried to look put-out, but in the end he couldn't stop a teasing grin from breaking around the ever-present senbon in his mouth.

"It _was_ a tough decision …" Kakashi admitted, then paused. "Also, you're not my best friend."

Genma frowned and put his hand over his heart. "So cold …" he pouted.

Kakashi chuckled. "Happy birthday, man."

At that, Genma smiled broadly. "Thanks, man! Now get yourself a drink … you're way behind the rest of us …"

"Ah," the Copy-nin agreed.

While Kakashi flagged the waiter over and ordered a beer, conversation around the table picked back up, and Sakura suddenly realized that she had no idea what to say to him ... she'd spent so much time hoping he'd be there that she hadn't planned for what would happen if he actually _were_ there.

Her stomach flipped, and the nervousness started to overtake the happiness until the building panic was abruptly stopped by Kakashi.

"Breathe, Sakura," he commanded softly from beside her, and she could almost hear the smirk in his voice. It annoyed her.

"I'm breathing," she huffed, furrowing her brow and reaching for her bottle of sake.

"Mm," he responded skeptically as he brushed her hand away and lifted the bottle to fill the glass himself.

She blushed and accepted the now-full cup when he slid it toward her. She still hadn't looked at him since he'd sat down. "Well I am," she grumbled. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," he replied, and she became very aware of the mere inch or two separating their thighs. She supposed she shouldn't have been, but she was surprised by how much she wanted to close that distance, to feel his body against hers.

She sighed.

"What?" he asked, taking a drink from his beer.

As it had so many times in the past when she was around him, the rest of the room faded into the background, and all she knew was him … his voice, his scent, his warmth.

"Nothing," she said softly. "I just …"

 _I just missed you._

Though she couldn't get the words to form on her lips, she finally gathered the courage to look up at him, and her cheeks flushed when his grey eyes met hers ... She was sure that what she wanted to say was apparent in her gaze, because his expression grew soft, and he gave her a lopsided smile that made her heart flutter inside her chest.

She hurriedly returned her eyes to her cup. "What have you been up to?" she mumbled, embarrassed.

He didn't say anything for a minute, and she worried that she shouldn't have brought up something that might remind him of why she didn't already know what he'd been doing lately.

"The usual," he replied eventually. "Hanging about in random trees, reading _Icha Icha_ , and trying not to think about you."

Even though his tone was matter-of-fact, not angry or upset or critical, his answer filled her with guilt. "Kakashi, I'm …" She let out a long breath and began fiddling with her glass again. "I was trying not to think about you too …"

* * *

At her admission, Kakashi had to exercise all the control he had not to reach out and touch her. To be honest, it had been a battle, deciding whether or not to come to the pub at all when he knew that she was likely to be there, but in the end, he couldn't resist the opportunity to be around her … Somehow, he'd managed to keep himself from going to see her after she'd told him that they had to stop, but once he had a legitimate excuse, he found that he had to take it ...

And when she blushed because of what he did or said, when she looked at him like she had missed him as much as he had missed her, when she told him that she'd struggled not to think about him too ... he had to fight to remind himself that he wasn't going to pursue her anymore, that he was going to respect her decision.

He forced down a sigh. Who was he kidding? The minute he'd left his apartment to go to the pub, he'd known that if she gave any indication at all that she still wanted him, he wouldn't be able to maintain his resolve … he'd already proven over and over again that he had little willpower when it came to her.

And it didn't help that no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't convince himself that she had made the right decision when she chose Sasuke …

Yes, his troubled former student had seemed interested in being a father to his daughter (at least when they were in the same location), but he'd given no indication that he planned to be more open with his wife, and he'd certainly given no indication that he intended to return to the village in the near future.

And then there was the heartbreaking way she'd looked at him when she told him that they couldn't see each other anymore … If it made her that sad, how could it be the right thing to do?

No, he just couldn't bring himself to believe that Sakura would be better off if she stayed married to Sasuke, and between the general air of depression Sarada had had during their training sessions once it became apparent that her father hadn't been inspired to come home after the mission and the fact that he was sure she would pick up on her mother's unhappiness, he couldn't bring himself to believe that the girl would be either …

So while he didn't want to keep having an affair, he had to think that he could win Sakura over as long as she kept him in her life, and if he could win her over, then ...

When Sakura started apologizing, he realized that he'd gotten caught up in his thoughts.

"I'm sorry …" she said, worry in her voice. "I shouldn't have said that. I didn't mean-"

He unconsciously put a hand on her thigh, and she turned her green eyes up at him, her cheeks a shade of pink that nearly matched her hair. "Sakura, it's okay," he murmured.

He wanted to brush his fingers across those flushed cheeks. Hell, he wanted to kiss her until she couldn't think about anything else but him ...

"Oi! What are you two talking about over there?" Genma demanded suddenly. "Quit having your own little party and hang out with us!"

Kakashi sighed dramatically, slipping his hand discreetly from Sakura's leg as he leaned back in the booth and let his thigh rest against hers. She didn't move away. "It's not my fault you guys act like idiots when you're drunk. At least Sakura here knows how to hold her liquor," he replied, then took a sip of his beer.

"Hey, Kaka-sensei ... I'm not drunk!" Naruto protested.

Kakashi gave him a sidelong glance, but Sakura spoke before he could. "No, you're just naturally an idiot," she teased.

The blonde Hokage pouted. "Sakura-chan, you're so mean … "

She patted his shoulder comfortingly. "Don't worry … I love you anyway."

His blue eyes instantly filled with tears. "I love you too, Sakura-chan!" he cried and reached out to hug her.

Avoiding his grasp, she bopped him on the head and grumbled, "Baka … you are _too_ drunk …"

The whole table laughed as Naruto rubbed the bump she'd left, looking betrayed. "S'not funny, you guys …"

* * *

The rest of the evening went by quickly as most of their friends got more and more drunk, and before she knew it, Sakura was standing outside the pub with Kakashi, watching as Hinata tried to keep her husband from tumbling off the sidewalk and Genma, Raidou, Kotetsu, and Gai clasped their arms around each other's shoulders and wandered down the street, singing loudly and off-key.

The less-obviously drunk Shikamaru and his completely sober wife waved their goodbyes and headed home, with Kiba and Shino following shortly thereafter. Ino and Sai (who was only slightly more expressive drunk than he was sober) were the last to leave, but not before the blonde had pulled her friend into a clumsy hug and told her that she loved her.

Not entirely sober herself, Sakura returned the sentiment and giggled as Ino proceeded to drag her husband along, muttering something about needing take advantage of their son being on a mission, and then she and Kakashi were alone.

Suddenly nervous, she turned her gaze away from the road to meet his and smiled awkwardly. "You'd think they were still in their twenties, the way they carry on," she said, pressing her fingers together.

The corners of his eyes crinkled briefly as he stuck his hands into his pockets and nodded in agreement. The way he was looking at her had her heart racing, and she realized that she needed to go before she gave in to what those charcoal depths were promising.

"Well," she began, trying to keep her tone light. "Even if Sarada _is_ on a mission, it's pretty late … I should get going ..."

Somehow, though, no matter how many times she ordered her legs to move, she couldn't seem to get them to obey … She knew that she should, that she had to leave before he said what she could see he was debating saying, but still her legs stayed rooted in place.

And then he finally spoke, his eyes dark and filled with a blend of commanding and something like begging that made her insides squirm.

"Come over," he murmured, his voice almost too low for her to hear.

Almost.

* * *

Kakashi knew that he was probably going to end up regretting it, but with the way she was hesitating even after telling him that she needed to go home, he couldn't stop himself ...

He wanted her, and it was clear that she wanted him too … he had to at least ask her ...

And then he waited, watching the emotions swirling around in those beautiful green eyes of hers, hoping she would say yes.

* * *

Sakura didn't know what to do …

Oh, she knew what she _wanted_ to do, but she also knew that she shouldn't - for so many reasons … Even if she set all of the Sasuke- and Sarada-related ones aside, there was still the fact that it wouldn't be fair to Kakashi … She had chosen Sasuke; she shouldn't be continuing to let him think that she was going to change her mind.

No, she decided, she couldn't hurt him like that, and she couldn't stand the thought of him closing himself off from her like he had a week ago.

"Kakashi … I can't," she whispered, staring at the cracks in the pavement. "It wouldn't be fair to you or-"

"Sakura," he interrupted. "Look at me."

Once again, she found herself unable to ignore him when he gave that order, so she slowly raised her eyes to his.

"I want you to," he said firmly, and she could see that he meant it. "I know what you've decided, but I've told you before that I want you too much …" he continued, then sighed and broke eye contact to flick his gaze up to the sky before returning it to hers a moment later. "Let _me_ decide what's fair to me … If _you_ want to - _you_ \- I'll be there."

With one last half-smile, he looked away from her and headed in the direction of his apartment.

She just stood there at a loss, watching his back, and then she frowned sadly and started home. No matter what he said, she knew that it would hurt him in the end, and it would hurt her too … she needed to let him go; if she weren't going to choose him, she needed to let him go.

But she couldn't get his words out of her head ...

 _Let me decide what's fair to me_ …

They echoed in her mind as she walked, and Inner Sakura didn't help with her continuous bombardment of memories of Kakashi holding her, moving inside of her, making her laugh … filling her with happiness and contentment and everything that was him.

Halfway to her house, she stopped and sighed, tears pricking at the corners of her eyes.

She wanted him … so badly. She had missed him, had cried herself to sleep more than a couple nights since their mission.

And he still wanted her … even knowing that she hadn't chosen him, he still wanted her.

She sighed and wiped her eyes. She wanted him … if he wanted her too …

Before she was fully aware of what she was doing, she had changed directions and began to head not to her house but toward the apartment of the man that her heart just couldn't seem to resist.

* * *

 **A/N:** Sakura, Sakura ...


	43. Chapter 43

**Chapter 43**

Sakura stood on the street corner across from Kakashi's apartment building, chewing on her bottom lip and suppressing the urge to pace as she debated between going up to knock on his door and turning around to make a beeline back to the safety of her own house.

In the end, what made her decision was the sight of his silhouette momentarily hiding the light that shone through the thin curtains of his bedroom window as he walked past it… that glimpse of his familiar form filled her with a sharp longing to feel him again, to touch his chest and curl into his arms and let him envelop her with his scent, and she realized that she didn't have the will to fight it anymore, so she climbed the stairs to his floor, then knocked and waited nervously for him to answer.

* * *

When he finally opened the door wearing only his thin ANBU shirt and his usual sweatpants, he didn't speak. Instead, he gave her a crooked smile as he reached out to slide his hand over the curve of her waist and then used it to pull her inside.

It seemed like time stopped while she let him lead her into his entryway, and she barely heard the soft click of the door closing behind her as both of his hands slipped around her hips to the small of her back, and he dragged her into a kiss that made her toes curl.

Having his lips on hers after thinking that she would never feel them again had her sighing into his mouth in something not unlike relief, and her arms wrapped automatically around his neck, her body heating even as her heart was overwhelmed by more of that guilty happiness she'd felt earlier at the pub.

It felt so right, being there with him, even if her mind knew it wasn't.

"Kakashi …" she breathed, but he cut off anything else she might have said by deepening the kiss and lifting her legs to lock them around his waist before he walked her into his bedroom and lowered her onto the mattress.

With his hips pressing her into the bed, he finally let their lips part and looked down at her, his eyes full of a softness that made her already-racing heart beat faster.

She raised a hand to cup his cheek. "This is a terrible idea," she said quietly, but she was smiling in spite of herself.

He kept his steady gaze on her as he ran his fingers down her thigh. "Maybe," he murmured, then rolled his hips and brushed their lips together before pulling back and shrugging his shoulders. "Maybe not."

With that, he flashed her a devious grin and slanted his mouth over hers again, and she couldn't help but meet his movements with her own. Somewhere along the way, they both lost their clothes, and then he was inside of her, thrusting slowly, teasingly, as he held her close and kissed her mouth, her neck.

"What are we doing?" she asked breathlessly, her body and her senses full of him.

He paused at her words, his cock still buried within her, and let his thumb ghost across her cheek before answering simply, "We're making love." His voice was husky and tender and seemed to reach deep into her soul.

"That's not what I meant," she laughed softly, one side of her mouth quirking up into a half-smile as she shook her head at him.

He just smiled back and leaned down to kiss her, then whispered, "I know," and resumed his movements.

Even though she wasn't satisfied with his response, she found herself being drawn into his kiss anyway, and when he slipped his tongue into her mouth and hooked her leg over his shoulder, she couldn't concentrate on anything but where their bodies met, on the way he stretched her until he was hitting that place inside of her that made her gasp.

Instinctively, she wrapped her other leg around his hip and slid her foot between his knees. He groaned and tugged on her lower lip with his teeth in response, his hand reaching down to grip her ass and guide her into a sensual rhythm that had her digging her fingers into his back and moaning his name.

That sound must have triggered something in him, because he picked up the pace, and she could feel his need suddenly becoming much more urgent with each kiss, each nip, each thrust.

"Just come, Sakura …" he growled against her throat. "I want to feel you coming around me …"

His fingers tightened their hold on her hip, and he jerked her up to meet him as he drove himself into her, and even if she had wanted to, she couldn't have stopped herself from crying out when she finally reached her peak, her pleasure intensified by the feeling of her inner walls rippling around his hard length as he continued to slide in and out of her.

* * *

The sound of her voice calling out as she came and the sensation of her heat clenching around him while she grew wetter and wetter were too much for him to handle, and Kakashi captured her mouth with his only to break the kiss a moment later with a sharp intake of breath when his own orgasm hit.

"Sakura …" he exhaled, his voice low and rough as he held her shoulder and her hip tightly and emptied himself deep inside of her.

* * *

Eventually, his movements slowed until he was completely spent and his cock began to soften within her, and then, without pulling out, he started dusting her neck with kisses as he brushed the tips of his fingers up the thigh of the leg that was bent over his shoulder and gently coaxed it down until his waist was cradled by both of her thighs.

When she immediately wrapped her newly-freed leg around his and tucked her foot between his knees like she had her other, he felt his heart warm, and he dragged his lips away from her neck and raised his head to look into those luminous green eyes. He thought he saw in their depths an emotion that went beyond affection, and though he didn't want to hope that she was beginning to fall in love with him, he couldn't help it, not with the way she was looking at him, and he dipped back down to meld their mouths together, pouring into the kiss everything he felt for her.

She returned it with palpable passion, slipping her fingers into his hair and letting one of her legs slide up higher as she squeezed his hips more tightly between her thighs.

He could have stayed like that forever.

* * *

The love that was more than apparent in his gaze and his kiss overtook her senses, and with their bodies entwined until they were as physically close as two people could ever be - their arms holding each other tightly, their mouths dancing together, her legs curved around his, his length still inside of her - when they were like that, she struggled to remember why she shouldn't be exactly where she was … with him.

She finally broke their kiss and brushed his wild hair away from his forehead so she could see unobstructed those dark grey eyes that seemed able to easily destroy all of her defenses.

"You're so beautiful …" she said wonderingly, her voice soft as she traced a path over his cheekbones to his jawline.

The smirk-smile he cracked in response sent pleasurable shivers running through her abdomen. "I think that's my line," he replied, then snuck in a kiss that made his hair fall frustratingly back into its usual place. "And anyway, you shouldn't call a man 'beautiful' …" He paused. "Unless he looks like Deidara or something."

Sakura raised an eyebrow. "I never knew he was your type …" she teased.

Kakashi appeared to consider her statement before shaking his head. "Nah … I prefer pinkettes …" he stated decidedly, and then, as if to prove his point, he trailed his hand down her ribcage to her waist while he ran his tongue up her neck. "And I prefer one particular pinkette at that," he whispered darkly into her ear.

The heat of his breath sent a bolt of arousal directly down between her legs, and she could feel herself involuntarily pulse around him. It seemed that he felt it too, because he groaned against her ear and his cock twitched in response.

"Already, Sakura-chan?" he murmured, and she could hear the strain in his voice. "You must be trying to test your 'Kakashi is an old man' theory …"

"It's your fault for staying inside me and saying those things like that with your voice all deep and sexy and stuff," she retorted, blushing furiously.

"Sexy?" he smirked.

She frowned, her blush spreading to her chest while he chuckled.

"Well, in any case," he hummed, beginning to move with shallow thrusts as he slowly grew harder, "I can't let you be proven right, because a woman like you wouldn't want an old man …"

Sakura smiled mischievously and tilted her head back to allow him access to her throat. "I think this whole evening would serve as evidence to the contrary," she quipped, her breaths becoming shorter as he stoked her desire with open-mouthed kisses along her neck.

"Such wicked lies you tell, Sakura-chan …" Kakashi murmured, his tongue trailing a path down to her breast. "It appears that I'm going to have to teach you a lesson …"

With that, he took her nipple between his teeth and gave it a not-so-gentle bite, instantly eliciting a cry from his lover.

"Kakashi!" she scolded, tugging on his hair. "Be nice to me …"

He let go of her nipple and rested his chin between her breasts before looking up to catch her eye, his mouth curled into another cocky smirk. "If the way you just got wetter around me is any indication, I _was_ being nice to you …"

Her cheeks flushed yet again, and she opened her mouth to protest, but the words wouldn't come out. His smirk widened victoriously as he moved his head toward and then just past hers.

"In fact, I think you _want_ me to be a little rough, don't you, _Sa-ku-ra_?" He drawled her name into her ear in that same low, dark tone that always made desire swirl deep in her abdomen, and her fingers tightened around his scalp as her hips unconsciously rocked against his.

* * *

In response, Kakashi nipped at her earlobe and met her thrust with his own, his length somehow almost fully hard by that point. "Do you want me to fuck you, Sakura?" he asked huskily, his lips still brushing against her ear.

This time, he couldn't keep his need out of his voice, and he desperately hoped that she wouldn't be offended by his vulgar question, that she wouldn't think that he didn't love her because he had phrased it in that fashion.

But it quickly became apparent that, far from being offended, she was turned on by his words, because she threw her head back with a groan and gripped his shoulders tightly. "Yes …" she sighed, and he marveled at the way she could always surprise him …

Of course, he hadn't known what to expect when he'd first become intimate with her, but it seemed that she was more adventurous than he would have thought …

Yes, this woman he loved was perfect, and right then, he wanted to fuck her until he was the only thing she could think about.

* * *

With no warning, Sakura suddenly found herself sitting on Kakashi's lap as he smashed his lips onto hers and pressed her down onto his now-rigid length only to lift her up and then press her down again, encouraging her to repeat the movements.

When she finally managed to gather her wits and began rocking her hips in time with his, he tore his mouth from hers and held her gaze, then brushed his nose across her cheek until she could feel his breath on her ear again. "Sakura, I'm going to fuck you until you can't walk," he promised and punctuated it by driving his cock up into her as he simultaneously pushed her down hard onto him.

The pleasure she felt was intense, especially given the leftover sensitivity from their first round, and it combined with the heat that filled her at his declaration until she had to bite back a shout.

Apparently recognizing that, he immediately nipped her neck chastisingly. "Uh uh …" he tsked as he continued to drive their hips together. "Don't hold anything back … I want to know when I'm making you feel good …"

"Kakashi …" she panted, almost against her will, his dominant treatment bringing her close to orgasm faster than she would have thought possible.

Slowing his movements slightly, he slid a hand up her spine to her hair and tugged on it until she was arching her back, bringing her breasts closer to his face, and then he swirled his tongue around a nipple and sucked it roughly into his mouth.

She didn't even try to suppress her sigh of enjoyment at that, and she was rewarded with a slight grazing of his teeth before he started sucking even harder, then dragged her head back up and kissed her deeply.

"Turn around," he ordered against her lips.

Slightly confused, Sakura slid off of him and repositioned herself until she was on her hands and knees on the bed in front of him. She could feel their combined fluids dripping out of her, and she flushed with embarrassment even though he couldn't see her face.

He made her wait for a minute before he finally slipped his fingers between her thighs and spread them wide, then moved until he was sitting under her again, the tip of his cock brushing against her clit and causing her to gasp.

He hummed his approval at the sound and let his hands wrap around her thighs to run teasingly over her slit and up past her ribcage, where he cupped her breasts as he pulled her toward him until her back was flush against his chest.

She could still feel his erection between her legs, and it taunted her … she had been so close to coming before - she needed it ... _now_. "Kakashi …" she begged.

He chuckled low in his throat and dropped one of his hands from her breast down to rub circles around her clit as he began slowly lowering her onto his length until he was completely encased inside of her.

"Mm," he grunted against the back of her neck. "You feel incredible …"

Too distracted by his talented fingers and the way his erection was stretching her to say anything, Sakura just started rolling her hips in search of the orgasm she knew he could give her.

* * *

When her movements began speeding up until she was riding him almost fiercely, her wetness dripping out of her and onto his thighs, Kakashi couldn't help but squeeze her breast tightly, pinching her nipple and tugging it harshly, but she didn't seem to mind his rough treatment. Only half-consciously, he slipped the tip of the middle finger of his other hand over her clit and up into her to stroke her even as he continued to fill her with his cock.

"Fuck, Kakashi …" she almost growled, reaching back to dig her fingers into his hair while her rhythm began to break. "I'm going to come …"

He felt her inner walls begin to spasm, and he struggled to hold off his own orgasm … she was just so goddamned sexy, allowing herself lose control with him like that.

Giving himself over to his lust, he forced the finger inside of her up higher until he was rubbing her g-spot, and then she was cursing loudly as she came around his finger and his cock, and he let himself go, let his cum shoot up into her to mix with her juices while the hand on her breast held her tightly against his chest.

* * *

With her vagina still contracting around him at odd intervals, Sakura fell limp into Kakashi's embrace and tried to catch her breath.

"Mm … I've never done that before," she moaned, turning her head to tuck it contentedly under his chin.

"What's that?" he asked, his voice gravelly in the aftermath of sex.

In spite of their current position and what they had just been doing, Sakura blushed. "That …" She gestured vaguely with her hand. "With your finger and your … at the same time ..." She trailed off, too embarrassed to continue.

His quiet laugh rumbled through his chest. "Ah," he said and hugged her closer, slipping the finger in question out of her and resting his hand in her pink curls.

She shivered pleasurably, then whispered, "I liked it though …"

He laughed again, then kissed her neck and muttered, "I'm glad," before lifting her up and off of him and tugging her down until they were lying side-by-side, face-to-face, covered loosely by a sheet.

He kept one hand on her hip, and she was reminded of that morning that seemed like years ago when he had woken up next to her in her bed. She smiled, feeling warm and fuzzy as she had then, and the feeling only increased when he smiled back and raised his hand to her cheek.

"I love you," he murmured, his eyes dropping briefly from hers to her mouth before returning to hold her gaze.

Her heart seemed to expand with emotion as she looked into those dark grey eyes, and she felt her own green ones start to sting. "I ... Kakashi …" she began.

Her throat began closing up then, and she couldn't speak anymore, but he didn't appear to be bothered by it … his expression just softened even more as he studied her for a moment before tracing her mouth with his thumb and pulling her into a gentle kiss.

When he finally let her go, he trailed his hand back down to her hip and gave her a small half-smile.

Suddenly flustered, her feelings flying all over the place, Sakura tried to change the subject. Her eyes fell to his chest and she curled her fingers around the sheet between them. "Thank you," she said.

"For what?" he asked, and she could imagine his eyebrow furrowing in confusion.

She thought again of that morning, and her heart beat faster. "You're still training Sarada," she mumbled.

"Why wouldn't I?" he countered lightly. "It's not her fault I dragged her mother into an affair against her will …"

Sakura lifted her eyes back up at him then, and she shook her head. "It wasn't against my will."

He sighed. "You'd never thought about though … I was the one who put the idea in your head." He brushed his fingers against her cheek.

She frowned at him and looked to the side. "Actually …" She paused, bit her lip. "I'm not so sure that's strictly true …"

Reluctantly, she met his gaze again, and she couldn't tell what he was thinking. "I don't know … I was just thinking the other day, and I realized …"

She paused, but he didn't say anything, just waited for her to continue, so she took a deep breath and gathered her thoughts.

"I think you were something different to me for a long time," she admitted finally, and his eyes widened in surprise. "I mean, it wasn't something I was conscious of … and I still don't know really what was so different, but …" She sighed again. "Even if I never noticed it before … you were different. I don't think we would be here if you hadn't been …"

She grinned wryly and hugged the sheet to her chest. "No matter how good you are at seducing unsuspecting women."

He gave her a small smirk and placed his hand back on her hip to tug her up against him. She unconsciously moved her arm from between them and slid it under his to drape it over his waist until they lay there in a loose hug.

She was scared and nervous and uncertain, but more than anything, she was happy … her heart was reaching out for his again, and she tightened her hold on his body and nuzzled herself into his chest as she gave in to everything he made her feel while he pulled her even closer and kissed the top of her head.

* * *

With his body and his scent wrapped around her, she couldn't argue with Inner Sakura when her alter ego sighed and hummed that she wouldn't mind staying like this forever.

* * *

 **A/N:** Ugh, this chapter gave me a ridiculous amount of trouble for some reason, so I apologize that the quality is lower than the previous ones. Hopefully the rest of the story won't be as difficult.

I'm _also_ hoping you'll all continue to be patient with me and with our heroes … I promise there's a plan ... and maybe a few surprises too … ;)

To all the people favoriting and following ... thank you so much!

To all the reviewers … Thank you; you're wonderful, and I'm hoping to catch up on replies now that the holidays are over.

P.S., Happy New Year!


	44. Chapter 44

**Chapter 44**

"Ka- Kakashi, I have to go …" Sakura protested in what sounded more like a moan than an actual objection as the silver-haired man pushed her thighs farther apart and slowly licked her clit. "I need to shower -" He dipped his tongue inside her entrance and then licked her again, drawing out a sharp gasp against her will. She fought to maintain her focus. "Kakashi … I need to shower -" He repeated his action, and she unconsciously threaded her fingers through his hair. "... before work …"

"Mm," he hummed, then pressed his tongue flat and ran it up the entire length of her slit. "You can be a little late …" His deep voice vibrated against her aroused flesh as he slipped a finger inside and curled it upward. "Trust me."

"God -" she panted, tightening her hold on his head, then forced herself to look down at him with a raised eyebrow. "Well, I suppose you would know …"

It was still dark out in the wee hours of the morning, but there was just enough moonlight filtering through the curtains for her to catch the wicked gleam in his eye and the curve of his smirk as he lifted his head up from between her legs.

She shook her head with a resigned half-smile. "You are so much trouble …"

He just raised an eyebrow of his own and grinned before letting his tongue slide out of his mouth and over her, his hooded gaze still locked on hers, and she had to admit that it was one of the sexiest things she'd ever seen. When he added a second finger and stroked that most sensitive of spots inside of her, she officially gave up and dropped her head back onto the pillow with a sigh.

With a low chuckle, he began thrusting his fingers in and out - but oh so slowly - until she felt like every single one of her nerves would catch on fire, and then he started swirling his tongue around her clit in a way that only increased the pleasurable torture.

* * *

"You are ... so ... _good_ at this," Sakura breathed brokenly, and Kakashi couldn't stop himself from smirking pridefully against her sex as he plunged a third finger inside of her and sucked gently on the bundle of nerves above her opening.

She responded by lifting her hips up and trying to hold his head closer.

"Dammit, Kakashi …" she groaned.

He just drove his fingers as deeply into her as he could, then hooked them upward and slid them out, pressing against the top of her channel all along the way before pushing them back in and repeating the motion until her thighs started trembling and her inner walls began quivering around him.

"Dammit, Kakashi …" she repeated, her pitch uneven. "I can't -"

Flicking his tongue quickly over her clit, he picked up the pace of his thrusts until her voice caught in her throat and he felt her finally clamping down on him as her fluids dripped out onto his hand.

* * *

"Fuck …" Sakura exhaled harshly when she regained the ability to speak.

He hadn't stopped his movements, and her legs reflexively jerked as her orgasm faded and her nerves decided they were too sensitive. With a demanding tug on his hair, she dragged him up into a satisfied kiss.

"Mm … now that's a good way to wake up," she murmured against his lips. They tasted like her ... the memory of how they got that way made her insides flutter, and she slid one of her legs up over his hip. She could feel him hot and hard against her thigh, and even after he'd made her almost literally see stars, she still wanted him.

The way his mouth traveled from hers down to her neck didn't help … she instinctively ran her fingers down his back and lifted her leg even higher as he nibbled on her pulse point.

"You need to go to work," he mumbled, pulling on her earlobe with his teeth before skimming his hand over her side to grip her ass and hold her in place while he slid his cock between her lower lips.

She bit back a moan and dug her fingers into his muscles. "But you …"

After a few more rolls of his hips into hers, he raised himself up with noticeable difficulty and sucked on one of her nipples before falling onto the bed at her side. "I can take care of myself," he said huskily, grazing his hand over her stomach.

She turned onto her side to look at him and ghosted her own fingers across the ridges of his abdomen. "But …" Her brow furrowed as her eyes darted down to the place where his erection was tenting the sheet.

He smiled and lifted her chin, then leaned over to kiss her lightly. "You'll be _too_ late if you stay," he argued. "And that's if I even let you go at all ..."

She snorted and drew herself closer to him until their bare chests were touching. His hand fell to her hip and his grip tightened as she melded their mouths together.

"Woman," he growled finally, nipping at her lower lip. "Go to work."

She sighed and sat up, letting the sheet fall to her waist. "Okay, okay," she relented, smiling softly and shaking her head at him. "Okay."

With another sigh, she slipped out of the bed, consciously letting him get a good look at her naked form as she walked a bit more slowly than necessary to gather up her clothes, then turned to face him, holding her garments across her belly. She loved how dark his eyes were as they roved up and down her body.

"You should probably shower at your place …" he murmured, staring at her uncovered breasts, and she could see his cock twitch under the white fabric.

She laughed and shook her head again. "You're impossible," she grinned and started to pull on her underwear.

"Mm … it's _your_ fault," he countered with a crooked smile as he met her eyes again. "I seem to have excellent self-control when it comes to anything but you."

She blushed self-consciously. "No one would ever believe that the great Copy-Ninja's sole weakness could possibly be some skinny, pink-haired girl with an abnormally large forehead ..."

He shrugged. "I like your forehead."

She giggled, and the corner of his mouth curled up into one of his infamous smirks. "Well, I do," he insisted before frowning as she let her shirt fall down over her head. "I also like it better when you have no clothes on," he added, grumbling, and she wondered for the millionth time how he managed to be so attractive when he pouted like a five-year-old.

"You're the one who told me to go," she reminded him before climbing onto the bed to kiss him good-bye.

* * *

Instead of settling for the quick peck he knew she intended to give him, Kakashi wrapped his arms around her waist and dragged her on top of him, ignoring her protests to slide his tongue into her mouth and hold her captive for a long minute before finally releasing her.

He grinned in self-satisfaction at her slight breathlessness and flushed cheeks as she sat back and glared at him.

"There's a brush in the top drawer of the cabinet in the bathroom," he said, reaching out to twirl one of her pink locks around his finger.

* * *

The flush she already had from his kiss deepened into a dark blush and her glare faded as her chest filled with warmth at the knowledge that he _had_ actually gone out and bought a brush for her.

"It wasn't just an excuse?" she asked quietly, her heartbeat pounding loudly in her ears.

He laughed and let her hair slip from his fingers to cup her cheek. "No, it wasn't just an excuse."

Sakura wasn't entirely sure why, but she suddenly felt a lump growing in her throat, and she hurriedly got up to go into the bathroom.

The lump only grew larger when she opened the drawer. "How-" she started, her voice barely audible. "How did you know what kind I use?"

She couldn't look at him, instead keeping her eyes on the brush she had picked up, even when she felt him come in behind her and slide his hand over the small of her back.

"Lucky guess," he murmured, then kissed her shoulder.

She caught his gaze in the mirror and frowned … she didn't believe him for a second, especially when his eyes were dancing with that mischievous glint she was so familiar with.

He just grinned at her reflection, then ruffled her hair. "You should probably use it …"

With a chuckle and a quick squeeze of her hip, he slipped past her to turn on the shower.

Her heart still beating faster than normal, she watched him drop the sheet he'd had wrapped around his waist and step under the running water without looking back at her, and before she could think twice about it, she was darting over to draw back the shower curtain and pull him into a deep kiss, uncaring that her already-messy hair was getting wet.

When she finally let him go and leaned back, she found him staring at her, his eyes widened in surprise. "What was that for?" he asked.

"For being you," she whispered, her cheeks pink, then closed the curtain without waiting for him to reply and quickly went over to the sink to fix her hair.

When she'd finally gotten it under control, she put the brush back in the drawer with a soft smile. "I'll see you later, Kakashi," she murmured, knowing he would be able to hear her, and left his apartment.

* * *

Kakashi stood under the warm spray and listened to his front door close. "I'll see you later, Sakura-chan," he said quietly, a small smile curling at one corner of his mouth.

* * *

 **A/N:** A little bit of smut and a whole lot of fluff for you.

Also, Kakashi's not a creeper ... he's just a ninja. ;)


	45. Chapter 45

**Chapter 45**

Sakura was humming - actually humming - as she rinsed the shampoo from her hair, and every now and then, a giddy smile would break out across her face until she had to bite her lip to suppress it.

He'd gotten her a brush. Really, it was silly … it was just a brush, after all … but he'd actually gone out and gotten one for her after she'd complained about not being able to fix her hair the last time.

The last time, which was supposed to have been _the._ _last. time_ ...

Sakura shook her head, sending droplets of water flying against the shower curtain.

She would have expected herself to be sinking into a pool of guilt and sadness and worry after breaking her resolution not to sleep with Kakashi again, but her mind, her heart and all of her senses were too full of the silver-haired man for her to feel much of anything other than happiness and an urge to squeal that was embarrassingly difficult to tamp down.

She turned the knob to shut off the water and helplessly started smiling again. The way he'd looked at her ... kissed her ... made love to her …

And he'd bought her not just _any_ brush but the type of brush she used ...

Her smile deepened as she dried herself off and wrapped the towel around her body before stepping out of the shower.

"Well, you seem to be in a good mood this morning …"

The deep voice that interrupted the little happy dance she was doing in her mind sent a cold shiver straight down her spine. Eyes wide, she turned toward the bathroom doorway, unconsciously tightening her hold on the towel around her chest.

"Sasuke …" she almost-whispered, then forced herself to shake off her surprise and smile despite her growing panic. "When did you get back?"

Her tone and cadence were amazingly normal, but inside, her brain was going a mile a minute … Had he seen her coming home from Kakashi's? Did he suspect what (or who) was making her so happy? _Why was he there all of a sudden?_

"Just now," he replied, setting down his pack and glancing around the room. "You already made the bed?"

Sakura felt her heart leap into her throat, but through some miracle she suspected she'd never understand, a reason instantly popped into her head. "Yeah, I couldn't sleep," she said, scratching the back of her neck as if embarrassed. "I actually ended up going for a walk … got back just before my shower."

… It wasn't _entirely_ a lie, she thought, since she _had_ technically taken a walk that morning ...

A walk from Kakashi's apartment to her house, that is ...

She mentally sighed.

A part of her felt sick that she was able to come up with a story so easily, but the rest of her was relieved … she knew she had to keep Sasuke from finding out about Kakashi for _everybody's_ sake, and the quicker she could answer his questions, the less suspicious she would seem.

Sasuke shifted his gaze from the bed to her. He nodded his acknowledgement, and they lapsed into a silence that did nothing to help the churning in Sakura's stomach. Finally unable to stand it, she shifted her weight onto her other leg. "I didn't know you were coming back ..." she commented quietly.

He studied her for a moment, then turned his head toward the window. "It was an impromptu decision."

She stared down at her feet. "And Kusa?"

"Turned out to be baseless," he replied with the slightest of shrugs.

"Ah …" She paused. "How long are you going to stay?"

As soon as the words left her mouth, she was nearly overwhelmed by a large part of herself that wanted him to say "not long" …

It terrified her.

When had her feelings changed so much? She had wanted Sasuke to come home for years, and now she wanted him to leave? Had being with Kakashi really affected her to that degree?

It hadn't escaped her notice that all of the happiness she'd felt that morning had vanished the instant Sasuke first spoke, leaving in its wake only a lump in the pit of her stomach, a lump that was heavy with disappointment and guilt and something resembling despair ...

It wasn't supposed to be this way. Sasuke was supposed to come home, and she was supposed to be happy, and they were supposed to become a real family.

Instead, she found herself wanting to run away as Sasuke began to approach her, eventually pressing her into the bathroom counter and sliding his hands over her waist, and she found herself wanting to be back in Kakashi's arms as Sasuke lowered his head down to hers until she could feel the warmth of his breath on her lips.

When he spoke, his voice was low and dark. "I don't have any particular plans to leave again," he said, then brushed their mouths together once before dragging her into a deep kiss.

Her mind seemed to split in two as she made herself respond to him … One half was desperately trying to react the way she was supposed to react when her husband kissed her; the other half was unwittingly picturing Kakashi, remembering his lips on hers and the way his fingers gripped her hips and trying to forget that he wasn't the one she was kissing.

And then Sasuke was turning her around until she faced the mirror. He met her eyes in the glass as he bent down to place open-mouthed kisses along her neck and her shoulder, and she was instantly reminded of Kakashi doing almost the exact same thing in his bathroom less than two hours ago.

At the thought, her breath caught and her stomach twisted, and suddenly what he'd said registered with her.

"W- wait," she protested. "What do you mean, 'no particular plans to leave again'?"

Sasuke trailed his lips up to her ear. "I mean I have no particular plans to leave again."

She frowned and tried to pull away. He just held her closer.

"But-"

"Sakura," he said gruffly, wrapping an arm around her stomach. "I'm staying."

Her heart dropped down to join the lump in her stomach. He was staying? Actually _staying_? _For good?_

Seemingly unaware of the fact that he'd just sent his wife into a tailspin, Sasuke continued his ministrations while Sakura tried (and largely failed) to process his statement.

"Sarada's on a mission?" he asked, his voice rough beside her ear.

She could feel his growing erection against the small of her back, and it made the churning inside of her reach a fever-pitch, but somehow - _somehow_ \- she was still able to keep her outward appearance normal.

"She is," she answered steadily, letting one of her hands cover his to stop it from venturing between her legs. "But I have to go to work … I'm already going to be late."

"You can be late this once …" Sasuke hummed, taking her earlobe between his teeth.

Were the gods deliberately playing with her? Was this part of her punishment for being unfaithful, having her husband do and say the same things her lover had done and said earlier that morning?

Her heart was racing. Oh god … what if Sasuke had been spying on them? What if he'd seen them together, heard what they'd talked about?

She felt sick. Prying his arms away from her enough for her to twist around and face him, Sakura placed a hand on Sasuke's cheek. "I can't," she insisted, willing her inner tumult not to show. "I'm the head of the hospital … it wouldn't be setting a good example."

His only response was to lift her up onto the counter and kiss her again. "Sakura, I want you," he muttered against her lips, rocking himself into her core.

She was losing it. He felt good … she couldn't deny that he felt good, and a part of her wanted to give in, but at the same time, every touch, every kiss filled her heart with guilt, as if she were cheating on Kakashi rather than the other way around.

She was so fucked up.

Breaking away from him, she planted two hands on his chest. "Sasuke, I have to go," she repeated firmly.

He sighed deeply and finally backed away. She slipped off the counter, and the tiles were cold against her bare feet.

What was she supposed to do? What would she have done in the past, before Kakashi?

Before Kakashi ...

Forcing a smile, she reached out a hand and curled her fingers just inside the waistband of Sasuke's pants, then tugged him toward her. He gripped her hips as their bodies met.

"We can finish this later," she said quietly, hoping she sounded like she actually wanted to, and stood up on her toes to press her lips briefly against his.

"Mm," he agreed, returning her kiss, then nipping her neck as she pulled away.

When she was no longer touching him, she crinkled her eyes in his direction. Of course, he didn't reciprocate with a smile of his own; he just gave her an inscrutable look and left the bathroom.

Her fake smile faded as she turned to pick up her brush.

Her brush … even the sight of it made her heart twist painfully.

 _Kakashi …_

* * *

It was early afternoon when Genma found the lazy former Hokage napping in a tree not far from the training grounds. At his approach, one grey eye opened.

"Yo," the Copy-ninja said, raising a hand.

Genma lifted a hand of his own. "Yo."

Kakashi slowly opened his other eye. "What can I do for you?"

Clinking his senbon between his teeth, Genma looked away and didn't say anything for a moment. Finally, his gaze still focused on a cluster of trees across the clearing, he spoke. "Sasuke's back," he murmured.

Kakashi's face reflected no emotion as he inclined his head. "Ah."

Genma turned his eyes up at his silver-haired friend and frowned. "I tell you that Sasuke's back, and your only response is 'Ah'?" he asked, hints of incredulity apparent in his tone.

Kakashi gave him a blank look. "Is there something else I'm supposed to say?"

Genma sighed. "Look, man, I'm not blind … there's something going on with you and Sakura-chan."

When his friend remained quiet, Genma switched his senbon to the other side of his mouth and leveled his gaze at the Copy-nin. "And I just told you her husband is back …" he pressed.

Still nothing.

After another moment of waiting, Genma held up his palms in defeat. "Alright, man, I get it … you don't want to talk." He sighed again, looked off to the side. "Anyway, I'll be around if you change your mind."

* * *

Kakashi watched his friend's back as he walked away, then let out a deep breath and leaned his head back against the trunk of the tree.

He wasn't particularly surprised that Genma had guessed; he and Sakura hadn't exactly been as discreet as they should have been at the pub the night before.

Really, it wouldn't surprise him if some of the others had noticed too, but in the end, he wasn't concerned … they were all ninja and therefore generally disinclined to reveal information unless it was necessary, and he knew without a doubt that every one of them felt more obligation toward him and Sakura than toward Sasuke ...

No, he was confident that they wouldn't tell the former missing nin.

Of course, that didn't mean he had any intention of revealing to Sakura that Genma knew … she would just worry, and she didn't need anything else to worry about.

Anything else …

He clenched his fist and slammed it backward into the tree trunk behind him.

Damn it, why did Sasuke have to come back right then? He had just needed a little more time with her, a little more time to get her to truly fall in love with him, to convince her that she should be with him instead.

But now Sasuke was there to take advantage of the hooks he still had inside of his wife to reel her back in.

Kakashi squeezed his eyes shut in frustration.

He still believed that he would make Sakura happier than Sasuke ever could, even if the black-haired man stayed in the village … she needed someone who would show their affection for her easily, openly, someone who would share himself with her instead of keeping his emotions bottled up inside.

And maybe someday Sasuke _would_ be able to do those things, but how many more years of her life would Sakura have wasted waiting for that to happen?

Kakashi wouldn't lie and say he couldn't empathize with Sasuke … It wasn't like it hadn't taken _him_ a long time to be able not only to acknowledge his feelings but also to express them, and maybe if he'd never met Obito again, he never would have become able, and then he wouldn't have been any better for Sakura than Sasuke was.

But the fact of the matter was that he _had_ met Obito, and he _had_ had more than a decade since then to reconcile his past and figure out what he wanted for the future.

And what he wanted was Sakura … More than that, he wanted a _family_ with Sakura.

He had been prepared to let her go after the mission, but the way she had looked at him the night before, that morning - he didn't think he could back down so easily anymore.

Clenching his jaw firmly and taking one last look at the sky through the leaves of the tree he was sitting in, Kakashi formed the sign for Shunshin no jutsu and vanished in a puff of smoke.

* * *

 **A/N:** Doo be doo.


	46. Chapter 46

**A/N:** The next chapter probably won't be out as quickly as the last few have been.

* * *

 **Chapter 46**

Sakura was in her office, sitting at her desk, rubbing her eyes slowly with the palms of her hands.

She could have said that she'd given herself a headache by concentrating too much through the two surgeries she'd performed that morning, but the truth was that they'd been routine; she'd hardly needed to focus at all.

No, she had a headache because she hadn't been able to stop thinking about Kakashi and Sasuke since she'd parted ways with her husband a few hours earlier …

Her husband ...

What was she going to do after work when she and Sasuke were home alone? She had promised to finish what he'd started in the bathroom, but just the thought made her stomach turn, made her feel like she was betraying Kakashi, and as ridiculous as that was, given that Sasuke was the one she was actually betraying, she couldn't help it.

"Dammit," she growled, pressing her palms harder against her brow bone.

"You're probably making it worse, doing that …" a familiar voice suddenly commented, sounding faintly amused.

Sakura's head shot up to find the masked ninja who was both the last person she wanted to see and the person she wanted to see most leaning against her closed office door, his hands tucked into his pockets, the hint of a smirk playing on his covered lips.

"Kakashi …" she whispered.

"Yo," he replied, pulling down his mask.

Her heart twisted with a strange combination of joy and despair at the sight of his handsome face and his lanky form so near to where she was, and her eyes involuntarily filled with tears as she fought the urge to go to him, to let him hold her.

Still propped against the door, his smirk faded, and he sighed. "So it's true …"

He didn't need to be more specific; Sakura knew what he meant. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she tried to keep her feelings in check as she held his gaze. "Yeah," she said quietly. "He came back this morning …" She paused, then added, "I'd just gotten out of the shower."

Kakashi nodded and turned his head to look out the window. "Ah," he murmured, massaging the back of his neck. "At least there's that …"

Once again, she knew what he meant: " _At least he found you after you'd washed the scent of sex and Copy-Ninja off of your body …"_

Sakura watched him as his eyes remained focused on something outside that she couldn't see. She didn't know what to say, and it was several long moments before he spoke again.

"What are you going to do?" he asked eventually, the guarded neutrality of his tone making her chest ache.

She sighed heavily, dropping her head to stare at her desk as she ran her fingers agitatedly through her hair, and then, suddenly needing to move, she abruptly stood and went to pour herself a glass of water.

"Do you want something to drink?" she called with a lightness so fragile that she knew he'd be able to tell how close she was to breaking as she kept her back to him, grabbed a cup, and flipped on the faucet.

* * *

Though it felt like years, it had probably only been a handful of seconds that she had been staring blankly at the clear liquid spilling into the sink, her glass in her unmoving hand on the counter, when she registered on some level the click of the lock on her door a beat before she felt Kakashi reach from behind her to turn the water off.

With the brief squeak of the twisting metal, the room became painfully quiet … all she could hear was the pounding of her own heart in her ears as he let his fingers travel slowly from the knob up over her hand and then her wrist and then her elbow.

When at last he had curled his arm around her waist, she took in a shaky breath and allowed herself to give in, to lean into him and feel his chest cradle her shoulders, feel his warm breath pass through her hair, and when he wrapped his other arm around her, she was lost ... her hand slipped unconsciously from the cup to grip his arm and hold it tightly to her body as tears fell freely from her eyes.

"Kakashi …" she cried softly.

Why did he have to feel like this? Why did he have to feel so right when what they were doing was so wrong?

Why did she have to want him so much?

* * *

His heart twisting at the way Sakura had whimpered his name, Kakashi buried his nose and lips in her soft hair and breathed in.

"Are you going to give this up?" he murmured.

Her body immediately quaked in his arms, and she shook her head, then nodded her head, then let it fall back against his collarbone before tucking it under his chin.

"I don't want to …" she croaked out finally, and a few tears dripped off of her cheeks onto his shirt. "Kakashi … I don't want to …"

He sighed and gently spun her around until she was facing him.

When she lifted her head and met his eyes, the sadness and helplessness in their watery green depths cut into him, but he needed to hear her answer, so with a sadness of his own, he used his thumbs to brush away her tears, then cupped her cheeks.

"Are you going to give this up?" he asked again.

* * *

His voice was low and even, and it seemed to sink deep into her chest. Overwhelmed, Sakura dropped her gaze to his mouth, and, after choking back more sobs, she caught her breath and swallowed thickly.

"I don't want to …" she repeated almost inaudibly. "But …" She looked at him again and winced at the vulnerability in his charcoal eyes. "Kakashi, he said he was going to stay …"

She watched the muscles of the silver-haired man's jaw clench as he momentarily tilted his head up to face the ceiling, but he didn't say anything, and her entire being hurt … his appearance in her office had only confirmed what she had been trying to avoid admitting to herself since they'd returned from Kusagakure: she didn't want Sasuke anymore.

At the thought, her vision became blurry once again, and she let her forehead fall into Kakashi's chest as her fingers clutched unconsciously at his shirt and his hands slipped from her cheeks down to the small of her back.

* * *

More than a minute passed before she was able to speak again.

"I need time," she said heavily, her words muffled by the fabric of his shirt. "I have to …" Cutting herself off, she sniffled, then reluctantly lifted her gaze, her eyebrows peaked sadly. "I owe it to Sarada and Sasuke to give it a chance … If he's serious about staying, I have to at least try …"

She felt Kakashi's fingers tighten around her hips as he closed his eyes with a strained frown. When he opened them again, his expression was soft … pained, but soft.

"Okay," he murmured, then pressed his lips to her hairline and held her close, resting his chin on the top of her head. "Okay."

Sakura couldn't stop the tears from rolling silently down her cheeks as she reached her arms around him and squeezed.

She never wanted to let him go.

* * *

Kakashi hated that he was going to have to let her do this, that he was going to have to let her go, but when - _if_ \- she came to him again, he wanted her to be all-in … and he knew that she never would be if she didn't try to make it work with Sasuke first ...

In the end, the possibility of losing her forever was a risk he was going to have to take if he wanted to have all of her.

And he wanted all of her ...

He didn't want this back and forth, this purgatory where they were alternately blissful or miserable; he never had. But if it allowed her to see what life with him could be like, if it led her even to _start_ to fall in love with him ...

If it gave him a fighting chance to make her really, truly his ...

Maybe this would turn out to be for the best ... She had the opportunity now to see what an actual life with Sasuke would be like, to compare it to whatever glimpse of a possible life with _him_ that their affair had given her … to decide once and for all which man would ultimately make her happier ...

He could only hope that she would choose him.

With a sigh, he ran one of his hands up her spine to the back of her head, silently encouraging her to look at him again, and when her beautiful eyes met his, he had the bittersweet thought that no matter what happened, at least he'd been able to see in them what he was seeing now, what he'd seen last night ... that even if she never left Sasuke, even if she never said it out loud, at least he'd been able to see her look at him like she loved him.

The corner of his mouth quirked into a sort of smile as he brushed her hair behind her ear with one hand and pressed her closer to him with his other splayed across her lower back.

"I love you," he whispered, lowering his lips slowly down to hers, giving her time to stop him.

* * *

With her heart already near to bursting with pain and sorrow and a deep desire for things to be different, the emotion in his eyes and his voice as he told her that he loved her was too much for Sakura to take, and she had no hope whatsoever of fighting herself when his mouth covered hers, no hope of keeping herself from returning his kiss, from looping her arms around his neck and holding onto him with everything inside of her.

For that one moment - that one moment that might end up being the last moment - for that one moment, as their tongues slipped into each other's mouths and their teeth tugged on each other's lips and their fingers dug into each other's flesh with a desperate need, she allowed herself to do what she wanted to do, allowed him to trap her against the sink with his strong, comforting body, allowed her feelings to take control.

And then it wasn't enough ... it wasn't enough for what could be the last moment, and she was curling her fingers under the waistband of his pants and he was tearing off her shorts and lifting her up onto the counter, and when he drove himself into her, he knocked the air from her lungs, and her head fell back against the cabinet with a thud that she didn't even feel, because she couldn't feel anything but him ...

She couldn't feel anything but the satisfying roughness of his hard cock slamming into her, the heat of his harsh breaths burning into her collarbone, the sting of his teeth on her neck, the pleasure-pain of the strength of his grip on her thighs as he yanked her legs higher, spread them wider ...

The recklessness with which he took her, the absolute longing she felt with each of his thrusts, like he intended to brand himself onto her - into her - tore into her heart and her body until the tears she couldn't suppress were salting their kisses and she came with a sharp gasp that wrenched from his mouth a ragged groan as he spilled himself into her in a final series of hard jerks.

* * *

It was achingly beautiful, and it was over too soon … too soon Kakashi was breaking their kiss and touching his forehead to hers as they both caught their breath.

"I'd better go before someone comes to get you …" he said quietly, but he didn't pull out of her.

Sakura nodded, then tentatively lifted one of her hands to his face, trying not to think that she might never touch him like that again …

He held her gaze for a few seconds, and then he was slipping from her body and helping her with her shorts before setting her down on her feet, and a heaviness she hadn't known she could feel filled her chest as he stepped away and adjusted his pants.

There were so many things he had made her feel that she hadn't known she could feel ...

When he began to turn around, she impulsively caught his sleeve, and he stopped to look back at her.

"Kakashi …" she started, then bit her lip. "If this doesn't …" She wrung her hands helplessly. "If we don't … I -"

* * *

Kakashi watched her struggle for words for another moment before he interrupted her.

"It's okay, Sakura," he sighed, moving back to cup her cheek, his eyes drifting from hers to her mouth.

As he skimmed his thumb over her bottom lip, he gave her a wry smile. "I know," he said, then kissed her briefly and met her eyes one last time before teleporting out of her office.

* * *

After he had gone, Sakura slumped against the counter and stared at the place he'd stood, missing him already.

Why did things have to be so hard? She still didn't understand why he had to fall in love with her or why she had to feel … the way she felt about him when she was already married and a mother …

Why couldn't this have happened before?

Even as she asked herself that question, though, she knew that she never would have seen him back then, not when she was so caught up in Sasuke. And even if she had, the age gap would have been a problem … Fourteen years when you're eighteen were quite a bit more significant than fourteen years when you're thirty, after all.

She smiled sadly.

 _Jiji_ …

But she couldn't regret it anymore. As hard as it was, she couldn't regret being with him anymore, not when he clearly didn't regret being with her ... in spite of everything. He'd made her feel alive again, had brought colors back into her world, and no matter what happened, she would always be grateful to him for that, for making her so happy (if guilty) for the short time that they'd had.

Finally gathering herself, she wiped the tears from the corners of her eyes and drew her chakra to her face to get rid of the signs that she'd been crying ... She had to go back to work, and then - even if she didn't want to - for her daughter's sake, for the sake of the promise she'd made a decade ago, she had to go home to Sasuke and see if they could actually become a family.

* * *

Kakashi had been sitting at the bar for more than two hours when Genma slid onto the stool beside him.

"I thought I might find you here," the blonde ninja said, beckoning the bartender over.

Kakashi gave a small, defeated smile as he tilted his empty glass toward himself. "I suppose there's no point in telling you to go away …"

Genma just clapped him on the back and ordered a pair of shots, which were promptly poured and placed in front of them. "Man's got a right to drink," he declared, then held up his glass.

Kakashi sighed and clinked it with his own before downing the fiery liquid and gesturing for another. "Yeah …" he agreed. "Yeah, he does."

* * *

 **A/N 2:** You know, I really want Kishimoto to tell us how exactly Sakura and Sasuke ever got together in the first place, because I literally can't imagine it, no matter how hard I try… and I have a fairly good imagination.

I mean, for real, canon!Sasuke is so flipping constipated, not to mention solipsistic ... how did he ever get over himself long enough to impregnate Sakura, let alone marry her? Especially within two or so years of the end of the war … I just can't see how he could possibly have changed enough in that short time, given how marginal his growth seems to have been in _Gaiden -_ which is some _ten years_ later.

Anyway.

#showerthoughts

* * *

 **A/N 3:** Okay, so I went back and added sex ... Even though I'd reread this thing about a million times before publishing, when I reread it after publishing, I decided that there was too much emotion there for them not to have sex, and I had to fix it. I apologize to anyone who read it before the edit and came back to read it again for whatever reason and was like, wtf.


	47. Chapter 47

**Chapter 47**

Sakura was dawdling.

There was no better word to explain the offer she'd made to help out with an hour-long surgery that began ten minutes before she was supposed to leave.

Or the extra five minutes she'd spent in the shower once the surgery was done.

Or the lengthier-than-usual round of small talk she'd carried on with the medics coming in for the night shift.

Or the fact that she was walking at the slowest pace she possibly could without drawing attention to herself ...

While also stopping to look in the window of nearly every store she passed on her way home ...

Yes, she was dawdling … because she still hadn't figured out how she was going to handle Sasuke when she got back.

After hours of attempting to sort through the giant jumble of thoughts inside her head, the only thing she'd been able to decide for certain was that she couldn't have sex with him that night.

She just couldn't ...

Her heart clenched as she paused to pretend to study the menu beside the door of a restaurant.

It was too soon ...

Even though she'd washed away any evidence of what she and Kakashi had done in her office, her senses were still full of him ... She could still feel him inside of her, still feel his lips on hers, his arms holding her tightly ...

She could still feel the aching heaviness that had spread through her chest when he'd slipped out of her body and turned to leave ...

And she could still hear his voice and picture the warmth in his charcoal eyes as he told her that he loved her ...

No, it was too soon to be intimate like that with someone else … even if that someone else were her husband.

An all-too-familiar lump started forming in her throat, and she tried to push back those memories of Kakashi as best she could … No matter how much she wanted time to deal with the utter mess that was her heart, she didn't have it; she had to go home to Sasuke … she had to do what she had told Kakashi she was going to do and find out whether or not she could repair (and, if she were honest, in some ways create) her relationship with Sasuke. She had to find out if they could truly make a family together ...

Because she knew that if she didn't try, if she left Sasuke for Kakashi without giving her first love a chance, she would always wonder on some level whether she had made the right decision, and that wasn't fair to anyone, including the man that she -

She shook her head.

… Including that impossible man with his ridiculous hair and his infuriating smirk and his bad habit of getting on her last nerve and his obnoxious ability to …

She sighed.

… to make her want him so very much.

Her eyes began filling with tears.

That stupid man …

She squeezed her eyes shut and willed herself to stop. She needed to pull it together.

Taking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly, she allowed herself one minute to clear her head, and then she turned to go home, forcing herself not to look over at a certain tree or down the road that led to a certain man's apartment as she walked.

* * *

When she reached her porch, she stopped to remind herself that she _had_ to keep Sasuke from suspecting anything for the sake of their family, and if that meant burying her sadness and putting on the best show of her life until it wasn't a show anymore, then that was just what she was going to have to do ...

* * *

Sakura entered her house to find Sasuke sitting at the kitchen table, cleaning his weapons.

"I'm back," she said as she slipped off her shoes.

He nodded at her and set the kunai he'd been working on on top of the stack at his feet. "Welcome home," he responded.

She tried not to wonder if it had felt this strange to be greeted by him the last time he'd been in the village.

"I was going to make something to eat … are you hungry?" she asked, walking into the bedroom to change.

"I ate earlier," he stated, his voice revealing no emotion as he came in from the kitchen to lean on the frame of the bedroom door, his arms folded. "I assumed you would be eating at the hospital, given the time."

He watched her hang up her uniform in the closet, and though she felt self-conscious under his unreadable gaze, she continued to act like everything was normal as she pulled a t-shirt over her head, then glanced at the clock on the bedside table.

"Ah, I guess it _is_ late … I'm sorry ..." She smiled apologetically. "I got called into a surgery right before I was supposed to leave, and it ended up taking a while."

It was only a partial lie, but she still felt guilty.

Sasuke held her eyes. "I see," he replied. "Are you working tomorrow?"

"Just a half-day … the morning," she answered, pulling on a pair of loose shorts before going to leave the room ... only to be stopped by his hand on her stomach.

She fought to keep her pulse steady as his fingers brushed her hip lightly over her shirt.

"When will Sarada-chan be home?" he asked, his voice quiet.

Sakura looked up and gave him a crinkly-eyed smile. "She should be back in time for dinner tomorrow … she'll be so excited that you're here ..."

Sasuke inclined his head, then let his hand slip away.

Surprised that he hadn't tried anything else even though he'd been that close to her, Sakura touched her fingers to his arm briefly and headed into the kitchen. As she removed some items from the refrigerator, she heard him make his way back to the table and resume his cleaning.

* * *

Half an hour later, Sakura watched her husband raise his eyes as she set down her plate at the spot across from him. His gaze was as inscrutable as usual.

She frowned at her food.

It was really starting to drive her crazy that she could barely ever tell what he was thinking, and she wondered why it hadn't seemed to bother her before …

Or maybe it had, and she'd just ignored it? Figured unconsciously that it was just who he was, that it was unreasonable of her to ask him to change after all that he'd gone through?

 _And all that he put_ _ **himself**_ _through_ … Inner Sakura added snarkily. _You know a fair amount of what he had to deal with was his own doing, right?_

Sakura mentally glared. _Everything started when his family was ordered to be killed. That wasn't his fault._

 _Yeah, but he didn't have to handle it the way he did …_ Inner Sakura retorted.

 _He was a_ _ **kid**_ … _and Itachi spurred him on, and then there was Orochimaru and his offer …_ Sakura argued.

Inner Sakura looked unimpressed. _He wasn't a kid when he tried to kill you …_

 _To be fair, I tried to kill him first,_ Sakura pointed out.

Inner Sakura shrugged her shoulders. _Yeah, but you stopped yourself … On the other hand, he_ _ **would have**_ _killed you if Kakashi hadn't stepped in just in time._

Sakura's heart dropped at the mention of Kakashi.

 _You don't know that …_ she said softly.

 _And he wasn't a kid when he put you in that genjutsu where he drove his Chidori through your heart …_ Inner Sakura continued, acting as if her outer self had never spoken.

Beginning to get irritated, Sakura shook off her depression. _But he wasn't an adult either,_ she countered.

Her inner self rocked back and forth on her feet innocently. _I'm just saying … there are a lot of traumatized ninja who don't do shit like that_ , she hummed.

Before Sakura could reply, Sasuke interrupted her thoughts. "Are you not going to eat?" he queried, his voice characteristically monotone.

She blushed. "Um, yeah, I was just thinking." Picking up her chopsticks, she took a bite of rice, even though she'd lost what little appetite she'd had to begin with as a result of her internal debate.

Sasuke made a sound of acknowledgement, then didn't say anything else for several minutes, so Sakura kept eating while doing her best to block out her inner self.

* * *

After a span of time that really was too long in standard conversational terms and without taking his focus off of his weapons, Sasuke finally asked her what she had been thinking about.

At his question, her eyes shot up, and she stared at him, her mouth very nearly hanging open in surprise. He was actually asking her what she had been thinking about? She racked her brain for the last time he had ever done that, and nothing came to mind.

In her shock, she must have taken too long to answer, because suddenly he was setting down his shuriken and turning to face her. "Something wrong?" he asked, still somehow managing to sound bored.

"No, I- I just … didn't think you'd be interested …" she stuttered.

He gave her a flat look. "Why not?"

Getting over her surprise, Sakura furrowed her brows. "You've never seemed particularly interested before," she replied.

Sasuke looked off to the side for a brief second before returning his gaze to hers. "Well, I'm asking now," he shrugged.

She sighed. What was the point in getting upset over the fact that he had about as much feeling in his voice as a talking rock? At least he was making some sort of effort …

Inner Sakura snorted. _You know, when Kakashi asks a question like that, you get the sense that he actually cares about your answer …_

Sakura growled internally. _Shut up about Kakashi … I'm trying to save my marriage here._

 _Sure, sure._ Inner Sakura waved her hand as if to say, "Do what you want."

"Sakura?"

Apparently she had waited too long again.

"I'm sorry … I'm just worried about work," she lied.

His face revealed nothing. "Why?"

"I've been having trouble synthesizing the antidote for sashi-kusa," she answered, setting down her chopsticks.

That, at least, was the truth ...

"I thought you were able to locate samples," Sasuke responded, a slight crease between his eyebrows finally giving her the tiniest of insights into his thoughts.

She sighed. "Yeah, we did, but … there's still something I'm not seeing."

He nodded his head and picked his shuriken back up. "I'm sure you'll figure it out," he said, and though his words were encouraging in and of themselves, he might as well have been telling her that leaves grew on trees for all the emotion there was in his delivery.

She wanted to throw her bowl of rice at his head just to see if he'd react to it with more than a blank look in his eyes. She suspected not and sighed.

"I'm going to clean this up," she announced, standing to carry her dishes into the kitchen.

* * *

Sasuke had given no indication of having heard her, but she'd only been filling the sink with soapy water for a minute or so when he came up behind her and rested his hands on her hips.

Instantly, she missed Kakashi with a pain that ripped into her chest, and it was all she could do to keep tears from forming in her eyes as she turned off the tap and picked up one of her dirty dishes … she didn't have the power to stop memories of the silver-haired man from flashing through her mind like a film reel …

Kakashi sliding his hand along the small of her back while he took the sponge from her grasp …

Kakashi plopping a dish towel on her head with a roguish grin ...

Kakashi batting her fingers away when she reached for a mushroom while he prepared dinner …

Kakashi using the daikon on her other side as an excuse to wrap his arm around her and tug her against him …

Kakashi tilting her head to the side to place heated kisses on her neck while his hands roamed over her body until she scolded him …

Kakashi turning off the water in her office and pulling her back into his chest and asking her if she was going to give him up …

She gritted her teeth together and scrubbed the plate clean.

 _You can't … you can't … you can't … Not now … you can't … please stop thinking about him … you can't think about him right now … you can't …_

She tried furiously to block the memories with words, to crowd them out by repeating the same things over and over in her mind, because if she didn't, if she couldn't, she was going to fall apart then and there with Sasuke standing behind her, and that _could. not. happen_.

* * *

It was his voice that once again intruded on her thoughts and finally broke the slide show. "Sakura, the dishes can wait," he whispered darkly into her ear.

In another world, another time, it would have made her shiver pleasurably … now it just made her want to pull away.

"Sasuke …" she sighed heavily, doing her best to channel her emotional fatigue to different ends. "Can we …? It's just been a really long day …"

Instead of pressing the matter, he automatically let his hands fall from her hips and stepped back to lean on the counter at her side. Using the excuse of setting her plate down to dry, she swallowed her surprise before meeting his eyes with her own.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly.

 _I'm sorry for sleeping with another man._

 _I'm sorry for letting my feelings for him cloud my judgment._

 _I'm sorry for jeopardizing our marriage and our family because I couldn't stay away from him._

 _... I'm sorry for not wanting you anymore …_

He studied her as she looked at him, and she willed her sadness to show as regret that she was too tired to properly welcome him home instead of the heartbreak that it really was.

After a moment, he nodded. "It's okay. You should get some sleep."

Startled yet again by him that night, she could only stare mutely as he turned his back to her and headed into the bedroom ...

Was that actual _concern_ she'd heard in his voice?

* * *

 **A/N:** I … don't like writing Sasuke.


	48. Chapter 48

**Chapter 48**

Sarada had just gone to bed, and Sakura and Sasuke were sitting on the couches across from each other in the living room in an awkward silence.

She had tried to talk about work, then his mission, but in both cases, his responses had been brief, perfunctory ... not in any way helpful in keeping up a dialogue.

It was slowly driving her mad.

 _You know, he really could make this easier …_ Inner Sakura groused. _Conversation isn't exactly an S-ranked jutsu._

 _He'd probably be better at it if it were …_ Sakura grumbled, and her inner self snorted in agreement.

After a couple more minutes of nothing, Sakura couldn't take it anymore.

"Would you like a drink? Some sake?" she offered … anything to break up the quiet.

Sasuke shook his head ever so slightly. "No, thank you," he answered.

When he didn't say anything else, Sakura stood. "Okay … well, I don't have to work tomorrow, so I think I'll have a glass," she declared, keeping her tone upbeat as she headed into the kitchen.

A few moments later, she returned to the living room, holding up a bottle and two glasses. "I brought one for you just in case," she smiled, then poured herself a drink.

Sasuke just watched, his expression blank.

Shoving down her exasperation, Sakura took a sip. "Sarada was really excited to have you back," she commented.

He didn't respond immediately, and her annoyance continued to grow.

Finally, he leaned back in the couch and nodded. "She did," he agreed. "I'm glad."

Sakura didn't bother to disguise her heavy sigh, and after studying him for a minute, she set her cup on the coffee table. "Are you really staying?" she murmured, keeping her eyes on his.

"Mm," he replied, and she thought he meant "yes," so she asked, "Why now?" Her voice was soft, almost hesitant.

He held her gaze for a long moment. "I've been away long enough," he said eventually.

Her mouth threatened to drop open … she really hadn't been sure what she had expected - or even wanted - him to say, but that ...

 _What the hell -_

"What the hell does that even mean?" she hissed, clenching one of her hands into a fist.

Sasuke seemed unperturbed by her obvious irritation. "It means it was time for me to come home."

She blinked incredulously at him, then frowned. "Why are you always so cryptic? Is it really so hard to say what you mean?"

He looked somewhere between vaguely confused and mildly amused. "I do say what I mean …"

"Argh," Sakura growled, beyond frustrated. "Nevermind." She threw back the last of the sake in her cup, then rose to take the bottle and glasses into the kitchen. "I'm going to bed."

* * *

She had just climbed under the covers when he came into the room, and she pretended not to be watching him as he undressed. When he laid down next to her, she turned onto her side, facing away from him.

She felt his hand on her hip a few seconds later.

"Sakura …" he said quietly.

She ignored him. He sighed, and she felt the warmth of it on the back of her neck.

"Sakura, I'm sorry," he mumbled, then leaned into her hair and tightened his grip on her waist.

Her heart involuntarily stopped at his words … he hardly ever apologized for anything, and she couldn't help feeling herself relenting just a little bit. At the same time, though, she knew that if she asked him why or for what, he wouldn't give an answer, or one that would satisfy her anyway, so she sighed and took it for what it was.

"It's okay," she replied tiredly.

She felt him nod, and then he pulled her closer to him. Her pulse automatically sped up, but she forced herself not to stiffen in his embrace … he was her husband - if she were really going to try to make their marriage work, she knew that she couldn't put off having sex with him forever, even if the idea made her stomach churn with guilt and sadness ...

And so she didn't stop him when he began kissing her neck and dipped his fingers inside her panties … she tried to remember the times they had been together before.

And she didn't stop him when he slipped her underwear off her legs, following the movements of his hand with his mouth … she made herself think about the way she had felt when he'd made love to her in the past.

And when he tugged her leg up and back and entered her from behind, she did her best not to imagine Kakashi doing the same thing … she did her best to keep her focus on the fact that this was _Sasuke_ , this was her _husband_ , the only man who was _supposed_ to touch her like this ...

* * *

But for every time that she thought, "Sasuke," there were two times that she thought, "Kakashi," and when she finally came, she wasn't picturing black eyes and black hair …

* * *

It was the sound of her name falling from Sasuke's lips as he followed her in orgasm that jolted her back to reality, and the stab of guilt it drove into her heart had her eyes filling with tears.

What made them start falling, though, was that she didn't know which of the two men she felt she'd betrayed more … It should have been obvious answer, an easy answer … except that it wasn't, and that made the guilt even more acute.

* * *

And then Sasuke kissed her shoulder and gently whispered goodnight before turning onto his back to go to sleep, and she felt her heart break …

Because even if she had been doing all that she could to hide it from him, he hadn't noticed that she had been crying.

Kakashi would have noticed ...

Choking down her sobs, Sakura curled into a ball, hugging herself tightly as she tried not to think about anything … not Sasuke, not Kakashi, not what she'd done, not what she wanted to do … nothing ...

She thought about nothing until eventually she had exhausted all of her strength and the tears stopped streaming down her cheeks and she finally fell into a restless sleep.

* * *

 **A/N:** Just a short one this time. Next one will have more action.

Also, don't start shipping Sasusaku, at least for this story, because it's still Kakasaku. :)


	49. Chapter 49

**Chapter 49**

Sakura had never thought it was possible that she could be lonelier with another person than by herself, but over the two weeks since Sasuke had returned, she had discovered that she could, that spending hours in the same room as someone who kept his emotions closed off could feel emptier than spending days without so much as seeing another human being …

* * *

Eventually, she had taken to bringing home files from the lab to study (or pretend to study) in the evenings after Sarada had gone to bed, because despite the fact that Sasuke _had_ begun to talk a little more, there were still too many awkward silences between them for her to handle, and the files provided her with both conversation material and a distraction from the quiet when conversation stalled.

The first time she had brought work home, Sakura had been surprised when Sasuke had asked her about it, and she had been even more surprised when he had continued to show interest in what she was doing on the nights that followed.

Her eyes flickered over to where her husband sat in the living room, reading some newspaper.

Yes, he had been showing interest in her life ... but it wasn't enough to stop her from missing Kakashi ...

And she missed the silver-haired man dearly …

She missed his smiles - Sasuke so rarely displayed any signs of amusement, even when Sarada said or did something funny ... let alone made a joke himself.

And she missed the banter and Kakashi's teasing - even though she knew that Sasuke was clever, he was too reticent to engage in regular repartee, and his version of teasing was typically restricted to an eyebrow raise or a small smirk.

But what she missed the most was the way Kakashi let her see his emotions, the way he made her feel like he wanted her to know him, wanted her to share in his life - Sasuke had slowly been showing more affection, and she had been learning to read the slightest of flickers in his eyes, but those flickers were rare, and he _never_ discussed anything personal to him.

Sakura furrowed her brows as she looked back down at the report she was currently reading.

… It wasn't as though she had expected him to talk about the trauma he'd experienced in the past (in all the years that she'd known him, he never had, so why would he start now?).

No, what really frustrated her was that he wouldn't at least open up about what he was feeling in the present, and it had gotten to the point where she sometimes felt like a stranger when they sat together in the kitchen or the living room as they were doing that night.

But it wasn't just when they spent time together after their daughter had gone to sleep either ... Even when he held her or made love to her, he seemed to keep her at a distance, no matter how physically close they were to each other, and in those moments especially, she knew that being with someone could be lonelier than being alone.

In those moments, the hole in her chest that had opened when she'd watched Kakashi disappear from her office grew larger and larger until she was afraid that she would forget what it was like to feel complete.

* * *

"Why have you been crying at night?"

Sakura's head shot up from her document to stare wide-eyed at Sasuke's unexpected question.

"What?" she asked, completely caught off-guard. She could feel her heart pounding in her chest.

He returned her gaze with an almost imperceptible frown. "You've cried several nights over the last couple of weeks … Why?" he repeated, his voice revealing just a hint of curiosity.

Sakura looked at him in shock, and then suddenly she was incredibly angry. "You knew?" she hissed. "You knew, and you never did anything … never said anything? What the hell is wrong with you?!"

It was all she could do not to slam her hand down on the table as she stood up, her chair scraping the floor when she pushed it back.

Sasuke's almost-frown deepened into a true frown, and he turned his head away.

"I'm not …" he started, then clenched his teeth. "I don't know how to handle that sort of thing."

Sakura's mouth dropped open in incredulity. "Are you kidding me? You know, for a supposed genius, Sasuke, you can be really clueless sometimes …"

He kept his eyes away from hers, but she could see the muscles in his jaw flex again. He didn't speak.

"What you _do_ with 'that sort of thing,'" she growled, "is ask your wife, 'What's the matter?' and listen to her, hold her …" She rubbed her forehead, then threw her hands up in frustration. "It's not fucking rocket science!"

"I'm asking what the matter is now," he said in what might have been a grumble had he been a more expressive man.

By then, Sakura was too pissed off to care that she wouldn't have been able to talk to him about what was upsetting her had he asked her at the time ... she couldn't get past the knowledge that he had allowed her to cry until she couldn't cry anymore without even once attempting to comfort her.

"Well, it's a little late now that you've let me cry myself to sleep right next to you while you were awake the whole time … _multiple nights_..." she retorted, glaring at him.

When he didn't respond, her ire only grew, and then it was like a dam broke inside of her, and everything that she had been suppressing spilled over in a flood of outrage.

"Why didn't you come back?" she demanded.

"What?" Sasuke asked, turning back to look at her, his brows furrowed in confusion.

"After the clones ..." she answered, feeling a sick sort of satisfaction in having gotten a visible reaction from him. "Why didn't you come back?"

Her satisfaction was short-lived, though, as the confusion faded from his face, and his expression became unreadable again. "I wasn't ready," he replied, as if it were sufficient explanation.

She blinked. "You were gone for _ten years_ before then ... What do you mean you 'weren't ready?'"

He shifted his eyes to the side again. "I wasn't ready."

Sakura could feel her fury starting to take over, but she couldn't do anything to stop it, didn't _want_ to stop it, really ... it felt _good_ to finally get out some of the deep-seated anger she hadn't let herself acknowledge before; it felt _good_ to finally tell him what she'd been feeling on one level or another for a long time.

And so when she spoke next, she was nearly yelling, despite the fact that their daughter was asleep down the hall. "Ready for what?" she cried. "To be a husband? To be a father?"

When he just continued to stare at the wall, Sakura curled her hands into fists. "Why did you even marry me?" she asked angrily, shaking her head. "Why did you make a _child_ with me if you 'weren't ready?'"

She received only silence in response, and if she hadn't already destroyed one house that year, she might have driven a fist into the ground and hoped the resulting crack swallowed him whole. As it was, it took every ounce of her willpower not to throw the nearest file at him.

"Why did you come back now?" she scowled, trying to get him to say _something_ meaningful.

He caught her gaze again, then sighed. "I was ready," he stated matter-of-factly, and though she thought she might actually tear her hair out in frustration, when she responded, her voice was dangerously calm.

"You were ready …" she echoed, narrowing her eyes at him. "What changed?"

He turned his head toward the wall and didn't respond for a solid minute, and she gritted her teeth to keep herself from going over and shaking the life out of him.

When he eventually looked back at her, he wore a strange expression on his face, one she'd never seen before. "You did," he replied softly, and her jaw dropped again.

"What?" she snarled, her mind boggled.

Sasuke kept his gaze locked firmly onto hers. "You changed," he repeated.

For better or for worse, Sakura's anger overshadowed any shock or fear she might have otherwise felt at his accusation, and she lashed out at him.

"What the hell do you mean, I changed?" she challenged, her pitch rising steadily. "How could you possibly know if I changed? You're never here!"

To her utter consternation, he continued to appear unfazed. "When I saw you in Kusa, you were different," he murmured.

Sakura snorted. "Oh, you mean, when I didn't fall all over you like I had for all those years?" She laughed humorlessly. "I get it ...you never had to worry about how I felt about you before, because I always felt the same no matter what you did ... I forgave you no matter what … so what incentive did you have to stay if you didn't really want to?" Throwing up her hands again, she looked at the ceiling before dropping her eyes back down to his. "I get it, I get it … The first time I don't go all blushing schoolgirl when I see you, you realize that maybe I'm starting to feel differently about you, that maybe I'm starting to finally figure out that I deserved more than the occasional visit over TEN YEARS?"

"Sakura ..." Sasuke said quietly, standing.

For once, she could see regret in his eyes, but she was too irate to care, and she put out her hand to stop him from coming toward her.

"Don't," she ordered sharply. "I should have known … I've always only been that girl who's there for you - that's all. And the minute you thought I might not just blindly be there for you anymore, you freaked out, like a little kid who might lose his favorite toy. I'm not a fucking toy, Sasuke."

He frowned. "I know that …"

She stared at him, studied him. "Do you?" she wondered, then interrupted before he could get a word in. "Do you even know how I like my coffee?"

He didn't say anything, and she laughed bitterly. "Of course you don't … you haven't been here to learn that. What do you know about me at all?"

"You know how I feel about you," he argued, seeming to lose patience at last.

Her eyes widened in disbelief. "No, no, I don't," she countered, exasperated. "Because you never _tell_ me … you hardly show any emotion at all - _ever_. As far as I can see, the only difference between the way you feel about me and the way you feel about anyone else is that you trust me enough to marry and to raise your child."

Sasuke stiffened. "That's not …" he began.

She waited. When it became apparent that he couldn't finish his statement, she turned her back to him and headed toward their room.

"Sakura …" he called out, frustration audible in his voice.

She waved her hand dismissively as she walked into the bedroom. "Nevermind, Sasuke," she sighed, her anger deflated. "Just forget about it. I'm going to bed."

* * *

A few minutes later, she heard the front door open and close, and then she didn't bother to fight the tears as she crawled under the covers and wondered not for the first time just what the hell she was doing.

* * *

 **A/N:** I've had this argument ready for awhile ... nice to get it finally posted. Next chapter we'll get to catch up with our favorite scarecrow … I've missed him :/


	50. Chapter 50

**Chapter 50**

It was almost four in the morning when a dip in the mattress woke Sakura up and Sasuke lay down beside her. She could feel the heat of his body at her back, and it made her heart ache … there was a time when that warmth would have filled her with happiness, but now it just brought sadness - sadness that she didn't and couldn't make herself feel that happiness no matter how hard she tried, sadness that she wanted that heat to belong to someone else ...

Her heart twisted as she heard him take in and let out a deep breath, and then he called her name quietly, his voice low in that way she used to love.

She knew he was lying on his side, facing her, but she couldn't bring herself to turn around … she couldn't even bring herself to acknowledge that he'd spoken.

It wasn't that she was still angry; she didn't have the energy to be angry anymore. And she wasn't resentful either … really, she wondered why she had thought he'd be different in the first place … he was who he was, and she'd known that deep-down. It had been wishful to think that he might change, and in the end, she only had herself to blame for expecting anything more than she had gotten ...

So it wasn't anger or resentment that kept her from responding to him - it was the fact that she wasn't sure what she wanted to or _should_ say to him. A part of her wanted to forget that they'd ever had that argument, wanted to go back to thinking that it was only a matter of time before they weren't awkward around each other anymore, before they managed to create something resembling a real marriage.

Another part of her wanted to go even further back in time and forget what being with Kakashi had made her realize about her relationship with her husband in the first place … _that_ part wanted to go back to thinking that all she needed to be happy was for Sasuke to come home for good.

And then there was the part of her that wanted to tell him that it was over, to admit out loud that she wasn't in love with him anymore, that she didn't want to be married to him anymore ...

But that part was challenged by the part of her that was scared … scared of how Sasuke would feel if another person he cared about abandoned him, scared of how a divorce would affect her daughter, scared to walk away from the man she had loved for most of her life to take a chance on Kakashi …

What if it didn't work out? They'd only been "together" for a couple of months, if that … What if she tore her family apart for nothing? Would that be better or worse than staying with Sasuke even if he weren't the man she wanted?

And if it did work out … what if Sarada hated her for it, hated Kakashi for it?

What if Naruto hated them?

She couldn't stand the thought that Naruto might see them as traitors to Team 7, that he might blame them for destroying everything he'd worked so hard to bring back together ...

No, with all the parts of herself competing with each other inside of her mind, she was almost paralyzed; she didn't know what to do or say … so she said nothing, even when Sasuke murmured her name again, and she didn't move when he wrapped his arm around her until she wanted to give in …

Wouldn't it be easier to give in? To just stay with him and not have to worry about hurting him or Sarada or Naruto? She wanted things to be easy … she wanted things to be easy so badly …

"I'm sorry," he whispered against her neck, interrupting her thoughts, and she could hear the honesty in his voice. It made a lump form in her throat, made her instinctively curl into herself, but he didn't let her go … he followed her until he was curled around her, and the lump in her throat doubled in size.

"I know it probably doesn't mean anything now," he said softly. "But I _am_ trying …"

There was a long pause before he continued. "This isn't easy for me …" he sighed. "I've never-"

He stopped again and burrowed his nose into her shoulder.

"I've never been very good at … expressing my feelings," he went on eventually. "But I'm ready to try … I want to try." He paused yet again, squeezed his arm around her, and she couldn't keep a tear from sliding down her cheek and onto her pillow. "Sakura, I didn't marry you just because you were there and I trust you."

Her tears began falling freely at that point, but she still didn't speak. What was she supposed to say to that? Why was he telling her this now?

"I know I haven't given you much reason to believe me, but I _do_ love you …" He murmured, then sighed as if struggling to find the words he needed. "I'll admit that I didn't love you at first … not the way you loved me. But …" He sighed again. "I didn't really know you then. When we traveled together …"

He pressed his hand against her side so that she had no choice but to roll onto her back and turn her head to face him. His eyes were as dark as always, but in the moonlight, she could see more emotion in them than she'd ever seen aside from when he was angry, and though it was hard to determine just what those emotions were, it shook her until she could only look at him, her chest tightening painfully.

He brushed her tears away, and she thought she recognized tenderness in his gaze. It made her eyes water anew, but he brushed those tears away too, and she suddenly wanted to hit him. "You think I don't know you," he said softly, his hand cupping her face. "And maybe I don't know a lot of the details, but I know who you are, Sakura."

She shook her head and tried to swallow the lump in her throat. "Sasuke … I don't-"

A part of her wanted to push him out of the bed, to get him and his uncharacteristic gentleness away from her… he was making it so much harder for her to decide what to do. She never would have expected him to say anything like what he was saying, and yet there he was, stating unequivocally that he loved her and telling her that he wanted to try to be more open with her ...

It figured … just when she was beginning to think that they really wouldn't ever be able to make their marriage work, just when she was beginning to think that maybe she _would_ be able to be with Kakashi someday, he went and did this. She wanted to hate him for it, for complicating everything even more, but when he met her eyes with that much vulnerability - when _Sasuke_ met her eyes with that much vulnerability - she couldn't hate him.

And she couldn't leave him.

"Okay," she said finally. "Okay … let's try again."

He gave her the slightest of smiles and leaned down to kiss her, and it was bittersweet … she felt closer to him than she had in years, but while that made her happy on one level, it also filled her with a desperate sorrow …

Because the closer she felt to Sasuke, the farther away she felt from Kakashi, and her heart was ripping itself in two trying not to let go of the silver-haired man ... no matter how many times her brain told it that it had to, that she couldn't have it both ways, that she couldn't try again with Sasuke _and_ be with Kakashi, her heart still didn't want to let him go.

* * *

It wasn't long before Sakura heard Sasuke's breathing even out as she lay on her back, staring up at the ceiling, his hand on her stomach where he'd left it after their kiss.

She clenched her teeth and closed her eyes tightly.

If only he had said those things to her years ago … even months ago … she might have reacted so differently ...

Because she did love him; she had always loved him …

But Kakashi …

If Sasuke had never said those things to her, if he had left it the way it had been after their argument, she might have gotten up the courage to leave him … she might have gotten up the courage to take all the risks that went along with ending her marriage to be with that ridiculous man who drove her crazy in the best way and who so very clearly loved her …

She opened her eyes to look sadly at the ceiling again.

But Sasuke loved her too … she knew that he did before he even said it out loud; for all that she had accused him of when she was yelling at him, she knew that he loved her in his own way, and now it seemed that he was going to make an actual effort to show her, to let her in.

She sighed quietly. It would be better for Sarada if they could work things out. It would be better for Sarada if she could fall in love with Sasuke again. And Kakashi …

She felt a stabbing pain in her chest, and she unconsciously clutched at the shirt there as she tried to tell herself that he could find someone else, could be happy with someone else … there were plenty of women who would fall all over themselves to be with him …

Inner Sakura shook her head. _He doesn't want them. He wants you._

Sakura lifted her hand from her chest to her nose to stave off more tears, then ran her fingers roughly through her hair. _I know that ... Damn it, I know that. But he's an idiot … I'm even not worth it …_

And it was true … she wasn't worth it, no matter what he thought. He deserved a woman who would choose him without hesitation, one who didn't come with so much baggage, who wasn't an emotional wreck.

He deserved much better than her.

Even if the thought of it broke her heart.

* * *

Sarada was beginning to understand why the Copy-Ninja was so often described as "elusive" … For two days, she'd been trying to find her erstwhile trainer, but every time she got a lead, she showed up to discover that he was already gone, and she may or may not have created a decently-sized hole in the middle of training ground 3 in her frustration ...

However, she was confident that she was going to get him this time … she'd heard it on good authority (otherwise known as Genma) that the former Hokage was currently reading atop his own head on Hokage Mountain, and she'd created four clones to help her surround him.

She'd also come prepared with a container of miso soup with eggplant … if she'd learned anything from her mother, it was that the Copy-Ninja could almost always be bribed with free food.

And so, after providing her clones with instructions on when to approach from their specific locations, she snuck up the side of the mountain and over the rocky spikes that represented the Rokudaime's unruly hair. She was just about to jump onto the spike where she could hear him turning to the next page in his book when his lazy voice startled her.

"You may as well dismiss your clones, Sarada-chan … they can't catch me," he said matter-of-factly.

Hopping up to land in front of him, she glared at what little she could see of his face from behind the orange cover. "You-" she started. "I've been looking for you for _two days_ and that's all you have to say?!"

The masked man lowered his novel. "You should have tried the soup the first time," he shrugged, then held out his hand expectantly.

Her mouth opened as she sputtered and unconsciously set the container on his open palm.

He seemed unconcerned with her indignation as he turned his attention downward and pulled off the lid. "Look at it this way," he hummed, smiling happily at the steam that rose from the cloudy surface. "Your recon skills have improved, haven't they?" He lifted his head to meet her eyes, his own crinkling lightly at the corners.

At that, she clenched her jaw and narrowed her gaze. "You are _not_ telling me that this was some sort of stupid two-day training exercise …"

* * *

Kakashi deepened the crinkling of his eyes at the irritated genin who was glowering at him from where she stood, hands on her hips, a few feet away. Truth be told, hiding from her the last couple of days had been the closest he'd come to enjoying himself in over two weeks, and her current expression made it all the more worth it.

… Not to mention the soup. He had to give it to her for that one … he might have dragged their game out another few days if she hadn't brought it with her.

Putting the lid back on slowly, he waited to see what she would do next.

He didn't have to wait long.

With her finger pointed angrily at him, Sarada growled. "I hate you ... And how did you know I had soup anyway?"

Kakashi tapped the side of his nose. She scowled in response and plopped down onto the ground in front of him.

"Even through the plastic?" she asked grumpily.

"Even through the plastic," he confirmed.

She made a face at him and whispered, "Creepy," under her breath, then was quiet for several minutes, her eyes on her knee.

When she finally lifted her gaze back to his, she was frowning. "You haven't been around at all lately …" she accused.

Though her statement sent a pang through his heart, Kakashi managed to hide it behind another fake smile as he scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. "Ah … well … you see …"

The girl's frown deepened. "I thought you were training me?" she grumbled, swirling a finger in the dirt at her side. "And no, the last two days don't count …"

He looked at her curiously. "But your dad's here now …"

Sarada turned her head to the side, her brow still furrowed. "It's not the same …"

Kakashi's eyes widened slightly. "Of course it's not," he agreed, trying to keep his surprise from showing too much. "He's your dad. I'm just some retired old Hokage who spends his time reading in odd locations and being intentionally late everywhere."

Though his words were light, Kakashi couldn't help that his heart warmed at the thought that she might have missed him … He honestly hadn't expected her to care at all whether or not he was around to train her after Sasuke returned; he had assumed that she'd spend most of her free time with her father, and the idea that he had been more than just stand-in until Sasuke came back made him happier than he would have thought.

Of course, it also hurt ...

Sarada dropped her eyes down to watch her finger making circles in the dust. "You used to spend some of your time with Mom and me …" she mumbled.

Kakashi raised a teasing eyebrow. "I thought you didn't like it when I came around and ate all your food …"

The girl across from him made a fist and stared at it determinedly. "Well, at some point you were bound to slip up and let me see your face!" she declared.

Kakashi laughed, and he could see a smile tugging at Sarada's lips, but she kept her eyes on her hand. "I don't know," she sighed after a minute. "It was fun, I guess."

Another pang went through his chest, and he turned his gaze to the side of the mountain. "Mm … it was," he admitted softly.

Suddenly seeming flustered, Sarada's head shot up, and she started waving her hands about. "I mean, it's not like I don't like having Dad around!" she amended quickly. "And he _has_ been teaching me things … It's just …"

Her voice trailed off, and she looked down once more as she pressed the tips of her forefingers together.

"It's just not the same …" she finished, her words barely audible.

Kakashi nodded and glanced away from her small form. "Ah," he said quietly, his heart aching.

After a couple of minutes of quiet, Sarada spoke again. "He just … I don't know …" She let out a frustrated breath that ruffled her bangs. "He never talks!"

At her exasperated tone, Kakashi had to stop himself from smiling … she reminded him so much of her mother sometimes, the way she could go from glum to angry in .3 seconds flat ...

Sarada gestured toward him. "I mean, you drive me crazy, always showing up late for no reason-"

"Hey!" he objected, frowning. "I have reasons …"

She just gave him a very Sakura-like look, and he struggled to maintain his offended pout.

"You have silly excuses, not reasons," she countered, then blushed lightly and broke eye contact. "But they were pretty funny sometimes …"

Kakashi grinned, and he knew she could feel it, because she started smiling too, then bit her lip to hide it before her expression suddenly turned dour again.

"Mom was yelling at him last night …" she said quietly. "They thought I was asleep, but I wasn't."

At Sarada's admission, Kakashi couldn't help but worry about Sakura (more than he already did), and he sighed heavily.

Sarada met his eyes. For once, he couldn't read her, and it was unsettling … when had she learned to disguise her thoughts like that?

"Mom said she'd always forgiven him, no matter what he did … what did he do?" she asked, her tone giving no indication of what she was feeling.

Kakashi sighed again and looked down at the village below them. "You should probably talk to your parents about that …" he murmured. "It's not my place."

While he knew that Sarada knew something about Sasuke's defection, he was sure that no one had ever told her that her father had tried to kill her mother or that he'd trapped her mother in a terrible genjutsu just to get her off his back or that he'd planned to destroy Konoha, and he truly hoped she never found out ... whatever issues he had with Sasuke, his former student wasn't that man anymore, and there was no need for his daughter to learn that he ever had been.

Sarada's voice cut into his thoughts. "It was bad, wasn't it?"

It was more of a statement than a question, and Kakashi caught her eyes before shaking his head. "Sarada-chan ..."

"Nevermind," she interrupted tiredly, sounding older than her years. "I know you can't say."

They sat there in silence for a while after that, she avoiding eye contact, he studying her sadly. He wished he could do something to make her feel better, but her troubles were too close to his own heart; he couldn't be objective, so it was best if he didn't say anything at all.

Eventually, she broke the quiet. "Mom told him that she thought he'd married her and had me just 'cause he trusted her, not 'cause he loved her …"

Kakashi had to grit his teeth together before responding … at that moment, he would have given pretty much anything short of Sakura for the little girl sitting in front of him not to have overheard her parents' argument.

"Sarada-chan, your dad wasn't in a very good place when he was younger …" he began, then paused until she looked up at him. "But he does love your mom, and he loves you. That's why he came back."

 _Well, that or he figured out that his wife had been sleeping with his old teacher …_

Kakashi reined in a sigh. He really had no evidence that Sasuke knew anything, but he couldn't deny that the timing was suspicious. Of course, it could have just been seeing his family in Kusagakure ...

"Maybe …" Sarada allowed, but she seemed unconvinced. "Mom was right though … if he does love us, he doesn't show it very well …"

 _Icha Icha_ … naps … his left eye ... again ...

Kakashi stifled his inner monologue. "He's just not used to it, Sarada-chan," he said. "Your dad's been on his own for a long time now … longer than you can imagine. He'll figure it out."

 _Maybe …_

Her expression still skeptical, the dark-haired girl abruptly stood up and dusted off her shorts. "Training ground 3 ... tomorrow, 8 a.m.," she stated firmly. "If you don't show up, I'll get my revenge when you least expect it …" She held up her hand and started counting on her fingers. "Green dye in your shampoo … give Pakkun treats until he likes me better … tacks on all your favorite reading spots … convince the Academy kids to bother you day and night until you show them your face …"

Kakashi frowned. "You've really put a lot of thought into this, haven't you?"

"8 a.m., Kakashi-sama …" Sarada replied threateningly, then, with one last narrowing of her eyes, she hopped over the edge of the mountain.

* * *

When she'd gone, Kakashi leaned back on his palms and shook his head as he looked up at the sky, feeling some combination of amusement, sadness, and relief -

He really hadn't been prepared for a conversation like that, and he had a sneaking suspicion that he hadn't handled it particularly well … though Sarada had put on a strong face before she left, he could tell that she was still unhappy, that he hadn't really made her feel better.

But what else could he have done? Sakura had chosen to try to work things out with Sasuke, and it was inevitable that Sarada would get caught up in that struggle in one way or another, no matter how much none of the three adults wanted her to.

And as an outsider, even as the particularly invested outsider that he was, there wasn't a lot that Kakashi could do for her other than listen.

He sighed. He supposed that at least their conversation and the fact that Sarada (the cheeky little brat) had more or less ordered him to train with her the next day gave him hope that if Sakura ever decided to leave Sasuke to be with him, her daughter might actually be okay with it.

Of course, he knew that he couldn't use the argument to determine whether Sakura had changed her mind … she _was_ Sakura after all; she had a tendency to blow up and then let it go a minute later, so there was still the possibility that she would stay with her husband, in which case it didn't really matter if Sarada would have approved of her mother leaving her father to be with him …

Suppressing a frustrated groan, Kakashi tucked his book into his pocket and rose to his feet. Considering that he wasn't going to be able to get back into a reading mood (not that he'd been in much of one to begin with), he figured he might as well head home to eat his soup, and then maybe he'd see if Genma was in the mood to get the crap kicked out of him …

Surely his senbon-chewing friend would understand …

* * *

 **A/N:** I'd fall all over myself to be with Kakashi at any rate …

Also, we're really starting to get into scenes I've had planned for months; it's kind of exciting (for me).

Also also … Over 1,000 reviews? I seriously can't believe it. You guys are amazing, and I can't thank you all enough for reading and supporting. :)


	51. Chapter 51

**Chapter 51**

"So what are you two going to do while I'm at work today?" Sakura asked as she brought plates to the table.

"I'm going to train with Kakashi-sama!" her daughter announced happily before quickly saying, "Itadakimasu!" and diving into her breakfast.

Startled both at the unexpected mention of Kakashi and at what her daughter had said, Sakura looked over at Sasuke while she sat down. She could see a slight furrowing of his brows as he returned her gaze, and she suspected that it was because he had been training with Sarada every day that she hadn't been on a mission since he'd come home.

Not sure what else to do, Sakura gave him an apologetic half-smile and shrugged her shoulders as if to say, "What can you do?" When he nodded back at her - even though it was just a nod - she oddly felt like they had actually communicated … he had let her see that he was bothered by his daughter making alternate plans, and he had seemed to accept the sympathy she had offered in response.

It almost felt like a victory.

"Do you know I had to hunt him down for _two days_?" Sarada exclaimed suddenly, her expression and her tone indignant. " _Two days_! And I'm pretty sure the only reason he let me catch him at all was 'cause I had soup."

While Sakura suppressed a fond smile at the antics that were so very "Kakashi," Sasuke tilted his head inquiringly at his daughter. "Soup?"

"Yeah, Mom told me he really likes miso soup with eggplant, and he's always bumming food off everyone, so I figured I'd try it out," Sarada replied, then rolled her eyes. "Of course, it worked." She took another bite of her omelet. "You know, I know he's the former Hokage and a really awesome ninja and all, but Kakashi-sama sure is sketchy sometimes …"

At that, Sakura couldn't help but giggle, and even Sasuke couldn't hide the upward twitch of one of the corners of his mouth. Sakura was happy to see it … before their argument the other day, he wouldn't have shown amusement that openly (or openly for him anyway), and she took it and their earlier exchange as signs that he was serious about trying harder.

However, as quickly as happiness filled her, sadness came in to replace it … She had been doing everything she could to forget that it had been over two weeks since she had last seen Kakashi, but once her concern for Sasuke's feelings and her laughter at Sarada's comments had passed, she was left unable to avoid thinking about the silver-haired man, and some part of her even went so far as to be jealous that her daughter was going to get to spend time with him.

She sighed as she lifted a pickle to her mouth. Jealous of her own daughter … And when her husband was making a visible effort to change too … to change because she had _asked_ him to change ...

Sakura was starting to think that she really _was_ a terrible person after all ... Why couldn't she be satisfied with the life she had, with the fact that her family was finally together and happy (or working toward it in any case)?

Frowning, she ate another pickle.

Maybe she was being too hard on herself. Maybe she just needed more time … it _had_ only been a little over a day since her fight with Sasuke; it was unreasonable to expect her feelings to change that quickly … right?

She glanced up to find Sasuke studying her, and her face automatically flushed. Did he know what she had been thinking?

Even if he did, though, it seemed that her blush had an unintended effect on him, because his eyes darkened and dropped to her mouth. A part of her - the part that was in love with him for years - heated instinctively in response, and she could tell that he could tell, because he raised an eyebrow, and his gaze grew even darker as he lifted it to meet hers.

Flustered on multiple levels, Sakura glared at him and shook her head, subtly gesturing toward their daughter, who was still eating and seemingly unaware of what her parents were doing. But instead of backing off at her warning, Sasuke merely sent his wife a small smirk that promised things that made her blush against her will, and it was then that she became certain that she was a terrible person, because only a terrible person would be able to be turned on - even if only a little bit - by one man when she wanted another.

Suddenly ashamed, she broke eye contact to look down at her plate. It was for the best, she told herself … it was for the best if Sasuke could turn her on - they were trying to make their marriage work, and maybe if he could get her to respond to him that way, eventually she wouldn't want Kakashi anymore …

She sighed again.

Even if she told herself all of that, though, if she were truly honest, she would have to admit that she didn't _want_ to stop wanting Kakashi … she loved the way he made her feel, and she wasn't sure that Sasuke would ever be able to make her feel like that, no matter how many changes he made, no matter if he managed to turn her on.

But she couldn't think about that. Fighting back a scowl, she stuffed a bite of rice into her mouth. It was over … whatever she'd had with Kakashi was over, and she needed to focus on her marriage and her family.

Even if it hurt. Even if she felt guilty.

She struggled to swallow the rice.

Even if, deep-down, she wished that it were Kakashi - not Sasuke - sitting across from her right then, teasing her with his eyes.

How she missed those charcoal-grey eyes …

Standing abruptly, Sakura picked up her plate, bowl, and chopsticks. "Alright, guys, I've got to get going," she said brusquely. "Sarada, make sure you clean up breakfast before you leave."

Her bespectacled daughter nodded, and Sakura headed into the kitchen to put her dishes by the sink, then walked back to the table to place a brief kiss on Sasuke's lips before going to the entryway.

After slipping on her shoes and grabbing her white coat, she reached for the door handle, but when her hand touched the knob, she hesitated.

"And say 'hi' to Kakashi for me," she added in a falsely cheerful voice, then stepped hurriedly onto the porch, remembering just before closing the door to poke her head back inside and call out, "Love you!"

Sarada waved. "Love you too, Mom!"

Sakura smiled at her daughter, then caught Sasuke's eye. He inclined his head, giving her another one of those slight smirks. Blushing again, she turned away and shut the door behind her.

Once she made it to the sidewalk, she let out a deep breath and glanced up at the sky, wondering irritatedly why it was so normal when everything in her life was so … not.

Gritting her teeth, she shot the puffy, white clouds a dirty look, then finally set off toward to the hospital.

* * *

When Kakashi arrived at the training ground (at a very reasonable 9:32 a.m., he thought), the first thing he noticed was Sarada-chan glaring angrily at him, finger extended in the usual accusatory fashion.

The second thing he noticed was Sasuke's chakra coming from the direction of the woods at the end of the field.

The third thing he noticed was that Sarada-chan apparently hadn't noticed her father's presence, which, when combined with the fact that he himself had been unable to sense Sasuke in Kusagakure, meant that his former student was intentionally keeping his chakra output at a level too low for a genin but high enough for someone of Kakashi's abilities to pick up.

Quite frankly, it pissed him off. Why did Sasuke feel the need not only to spy on his daughter's training session but also to let her trainer know that he was spying? Was he bothered by the fact that his daughter had chosen to work with his old teacher that day instead?

Kakashi raised a lazy but deliberate silver eyebrow in the direction of the chakra, knowing that Sasuke would see it.

On the one hand, he supposed he could understand why Sasuke would be bothered, but on the other hand, he couldn't help but feel that Sasuke had no right to be … he hadn't been there to train Sarada-chan all that time; he shouldn't be able to be upset - or at least to show that he was upset - that the girl still wanted to train with the person who had taken on that role in his absence.

And if Sasuke were worried that his daughter was wasting her time training with someone else, well … even if it were true that, as things stood, Kakashi was the weaker ninja, what with having lost the Sharingan and Sasuke having gained the Rinnegan, he _had_ still copied over a thousand jutsu; he had plenty to offer as a trainer. Sasuke shouldn't have been concerned about that.

Which meant that it was probably simple jealousy after all ...

"What's the matter with you?" Sarada demanded grouchily. "I'm the one who had to wait FOR. EV. ER."

Kakashi turned his attention away from the trees and down to the dark-haired girl, who was now standing with her hands on her hips, reminding him once again of her mother.

He held back a sigh, crinkling his eyes instead. "It's nothing," he said. "And I hardly think you were waiting 'FOR. EV. ER.'"

She frowned. "How would you know? You weren't here."

Kakashi shrugged. "I know everything, Sarada-chan."

He was rewarded with an eye roll, and then she flipped her hand dismissively. "So what are we doing today anyway?"

Kakashi feigned confusion. " _You_ called this training session … threatened me quite vehemently, in fact … so I assumed you had a plan …"

Sarada opened her mouth to speak, then closed it and frowned.

Hiding an amused smile, Kakashi nodded his head in understanding. "Okay, okay …" He put a finger to his lips, turned his eyes to the sky, and hummed. "Well, since you've already been working on your recon skills this week -" He felt the irritated look she was shooting him but kept his gaze upward. "I think we could build on that. I'm going to create a number of clones, which will then hide … let's keep the area restricted to training grounds only, but all training grounds are fair game, not just this one …"

The dark-haired girl nodded.

"It will be up to you to find every clone before sundown -"

Sarada put out a hand to stop him. "Wait … before _sundown_? How many clones are you going to create?!"

Kakashi looked at her and made a speculative face. "Oh … I don't know … Ten?"

Her eyes widened. " _Ten_? It took me _two_ _days_ to find _one_ of you!"

Kakashi chuckled. "Well, there will be a few more rules this time … The clones won't move from their spots, and they won't fight or attempt to escape once you find them."

Sarada didn't say anything for a moment, seemingly considering the task. "Okay," she said finally. "You're on." A second later, a mischievous grin spread across her face. "What do I get if I find them all in time?"

Kakashi tilted his head at her and lifted a shoulder. "Better at your job?"

With an expression both irritated and disappointed, Sarada sighed and crossed her arms. "Fine, fine …"

His eyes softening, Kakashi patted her on the head. "Tell you what … if you find the ten clones _and_ me before sundown, I'll treat you to dinner."

The girl's face immediately brightened, but then she narrowed her gaze at him.

"You better not stick me with the bill," she warned. "Or I'll -"

"Yes, yes," Kakashi interrupted. "You'll get your revenge when I least expect it."

Sarada nodded firmly. "Yup. And I was thinking maybe purple hair dye instead … neon purple ... They might even have a kind that glows in the dark ..."

Kakashi just gave her a classic smile in response. "You should probably worry about finding us all first …" he pointed out, then made the hand sign for Kage bunshin no jutsu.

An instant later, ten copies of the Copy-nin appeared on the grounds.

"Close your eyes, Sarada-chan," Kakashi instructed, and when she complied, he and his clones all used Shunshin no jutsu to poof to their hiding spots.

* * *

While Sarada began her search, her silver-haired teacher appeared on a branch on the other side of the tree her father was occupying and was met with a simple, "Kakashi."

"Sasuke," he replied, equally tonelessly, leaning his back against the trunk. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

His former student just twirled a kunai around his finger.

So it's like that, Kakashi thought.

Once again, as he had when they'd stood across from each other in the field in Kusa, Kakashi felt like they were two cavemen battling for a mate.

And, once again, he wondered if Sasuke were aware of it.

Honestly, if the air between them hadn't been so tense, Kakashi might have laughed, the situation was so ridiculous. There they were, former teacher and former student, two men who were so alike in so many ways … including in the woman they loved … resting on opposite sides of a tree in some sort of backwards standoff.

It wasn't anything he would have ever predicted eighteen years ago ... but there it was.

"I was just curious," Sasuke replied at last, stopping the movement of his kunai to let it fly until it hit the center post with a thud.

"You're going to give away my position," Kakashi said with a slight hint of disapproval in his voice.

"Mm," Sasuke murmured, obviously unconcerned.

They stood in silence for a few minutes.

"Why are you training her?" the dark-haired ninja inquired finally.

Kakashi shrugged. "She asked me to," he answered, then gave a wry laugh. "More like she ordered me to on pain of retribution. She's quite creative when it comes to conjuring up punishments."

As he spoke, Kakashi couldn't help that the baser part of himself hoped that Sasuke would be hurt by the knowledge that his daughter had been the one to request the training session, but that part was immediately countered by the larger part of himself that cared for his erstwhile student, that held him as one of his precious people.

In the end, he hated himself for wanting even for a second to intentionally wound the man who had grown up from the boy he'd sworn to protect … After all, it wasn't Sasuke's fault that Kakashi had fallen in love with his wife. It wasn't Sasuke's fault that he'd become competition as a result …

Kakashi clenched his fist.

But he _smelled_ like her, like Sakura … not like sex but like her hair, her skin … who she was.

And it killed him.

Even though Kakashi had known that it would be that way - how could it not? they were living together, sleeping together, husband and wife - but even so, it felt like a stab through his heart.

Because _he_ had smelled like her not so very long ago … his pillows and his bedsheets had smelled like her … his shirt had smelled like her … his apartment had smelled like her ...

And now it was Sasuke.

Kakashi's thoughts were interrupted by his rival's voice. "I see," Sasuke said, then paused. "You were training her while I was … away …"

"I was," Kakashi confirmed.

There was another moment of quiet, then Sasuke stood straight only to hesitate once more before mumuring, "Thank you."

The next instant, without ever turning around, he was gone.

* * *

 **A/N:** Next chapter will see our two heroes meeting face-to-face again. :)


	52. Chapter 52

**Chapter 52**

"Thank you" was quite possibly the last thing Kakashi had expected to come out of Sasuke's mouth just then, and it took him a minute to get over his surprise.

When he did, he wasn't quite sure what exactly he felt … there was undoubtedly guilt there - receiving an expression of gratitude from the same person he had been betraying cut into him, especially when he forced himself to acknowledge that he had originally only offered to train Sarada-chan because she was _Sakura's_ daughter ... The fact that he had continued to train the girl because he enjoyed it didn't negate his initial motive, no matter what he told himself.

Furrowing his brow, he closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the tree.

Of course he felt guilt at Sasuke's "Thank you" ... and that guilt was perhaps stronger than any guilt he'd felt about his relationship with Sakura to that point, perhaps stronger even than the guilt he'd felt when he'd looked into her anguished eyes from across her coffee table after the exam room, perhaps stronger even than the guilt he'd felt when he'd listened to her sobs as she clung to him after the first time they made love ...

The guilt he was feeling was perhaps the strongest because those two words reminded him that - for all his absenteeism, for all that Kakashi had argued to himself before he ever took the next step with Sakura - Sasuke _did_ care about his family. He was distant, true … but he wasn't emotionless, and what Kakashi had been trying to do _would_ hurt him …

So yes, there was guilt ... but it wasn't everything.

He opened his eyes and stared up at the leaves above him, trying to determine the appropriate name for what else he was feeling.

"Irritation," he supposed … the heavy guilt he was feeling was accompanied by more than a little irritation, because he suspected that Sasuke hadn't _just_ been saying "Thank you" ...

While his former student may have matured over the years, a pure "Thank you" seemed uncharacteristic even for the Sasuke of now … Kakashi had no doubt that, on some level, Sasuke _was_ actually grateful that his daughter had had a father figure to look up to, to train with, but he had trouble believing that Sasuke was really, truly okay with it ... that _Sasuke_ \- who until only a couple of weeks ago had given no indication that he wanted to come back to Konoha - could have outgrown his selfishness enough that gratitude was all he felt in response to learning that another man had essentially taken his place … Even a less solipsistic father would have had difficulty not feeling some measure of jealousy, regardless of whether or not he knew the situation had been good for his daughter.

And Kakashi was very familiar with how difficult it could be to keep the way you _actually_ felt in line with the way you knew you were _supposed_ to feel … he'd experienced it himself minutes earlier when, for a brief moment, he'd wanted to hurt Sasuke simply because the dark-haired man was married to the woman he loved.

Yes, he _knew_ that it wasn't Sasuke's fault, just as he _knew_ that he cared for Sasuke, saw himself in the younger man in many ways, wanted the best for him. And he _knew_ that he should be glad that his troubled former student was finally staying, finally trying to make himself and his wife and his daughter happy.

But _knowing_ all that didn't stop Kakashi from _feeling_ pain and jealousy and then wanting irrationally to project that pain and jealousy onto the man who had everything he coveted - Sakura, Sarada-chan, a _family_ ... particularly when that man had so easily left it all behind for over a decade.

Even knowing that he could understand and partially empathize with Sasuke's struggles didn't stop him from feeling, in the recesses of his heart - no matter how much he tried to ignore it - that Sasuke didn't deserve what he had if he had continued to abandon it when he no longer had a real reason to do so.

No, Kakashi couldn't bring himself to believe that _that_ Sasuke, the one who had stayed away from his family out of what could really only be interpreted as selfishness, was capable of thanking another man for playing the father figure to his daughter and having it mean just that, just "thank you" ...

In the end, it was likely that Sasuke's primary intention had not been to convey gratitude but to indicate to Kakashi that he was no longer needed, that now that her _real_ father was back, he didn't have to train her anymore ...

"Thank you, but I've got it covered now … you can go back to your reading or whatever it is you do," was what Sasuke had really been saying.

And it irritated the hell out of him … Kakashi and Sarada had built a relationship with each other over the last few months, one that had given her a guiding adult male presence in her life that she hadn't truly had before, one that was easy-going but also helped her to grow as a ninja, one that made her feel comfortable enough to go to him with her problems …

There was no reason why he couldn't continue to train her periodically if she wanted him to.

With a sigh, he pulled out his book in anticipation of the approaching chakra signature of the girl in question.

Really, it didn't matter how guilty or how irritated he felt, and it didn't matter what Sasuke meant by his "Thank you" … Kakashi wasn't going to refuse Sarada-chan if she asked him to train her or stalked him down so that she could vent to someone she trusted - the last thing she needed was another father figure abandoning her, and for all the many faults Kakashi had, abandoning people he cared about wasn't one of them.

* * *

A minute later, his thoughts were interrupted by a small girl jumping up to join him on the branch.

"Found you!" she declared.

The smile that was spread across her face was undeniably triumphant, and she had a glint in her eye that was reminiscent of a victorious Sakura, but Kakashi made himself suppress his memories about the woman he loved and adopted a surprised expression instead, then frowned. "You must have cheated," he remarked before closing his book and tucking it into his pocket.

Sarada shook her head. "I didn't!" she stated firmly, then looked at him curiously. "Why'd you throw that kunai?"

Although he was sighing at Sasuke internally, Kakashi outwardly met the girl's questioning gaze with a blank one of his own and lazily shrugged a shoulder. "It slipped," he answered disinterestedly.

Sarada crossed her arms and raised a disbelieving eyebrow in his direction. "How'd it end up perfectly in the middle of the post if it 'slipped'?" she demanded.

Kakashi put a finger to his mouth and lifted his eyes upward as if thinking. "Well ... even my mistakes are awesome, I suppose," he hummed finally, then smiled his usual smile at the dark-haired genin.

Sarada made a valiant effort to conceal it, but Kakashi could tell that she wanted to laugh, and he deepened his eye-crinkle until she finally let out a snort and rolled her eyes. "You're so full of it," she accused, a grin pulling at the corners of her mouth. "Anyway, I found you."

Kakashi nodded in agreement. "Yes, you did … how about my clones?"

Sarada turned her head to the side. "I'm still working on that," she grumbled, her cheeks tinted pink.

Retrieving his book, Kakashi sat down and rested his back against the tree. "Ah," he said cheerfully. "I'll just wait here then. I have some reading to catch up on anyway."

With that, he opened to the page he'd left off on and held the book up to his nose, pretending to read and pointedly ignoring the genin in front of him.

After a moment, he heard Sarada huff, and then she hopped out of the tree and went off in search of his clones.

Smiling softly as her chakra signature drew farther away, Kakashi decided that, guilt or no guilt, he wasn't going to let Sasuke destroy the bond that he and Sarada-chan had developed … his former student was just going to have to learn to live with one of the consequences of his extended absence from his daughter's life.

* * *

That evening, Sakura looked up from her paperwork as her daughter slumped dejectedly onto the couch across from her.

"What's wrong?" she asked, setting her file down on the coffee table.

"I couldn't find them all," Sarada mumbled, staring down at her hands.

Sakura tilted her head, confused. "All of what?"

"Kakashi-sama's clones," her daughter replied, sounding demoralized.

"Ah … Well …" Sakura began, unsure what to say. "How many _did_ you find?"

"Five … plus Kakashi-sama," Sarada said, then slouched even further into the cushions. "But there were ten clones …"

"Five's a lot when you're talking about a legendary ninja … and you found the real one too, right?" Sakura pointed out.

Her daughter appeared to brighten up a little bit at that ... only to frown again a second later. "But he said he'd only treat me to dinner if I found all of them …"

Sakura smiled comfortingly. "I'm sure you'll find them all next time … and who knows? Maybe he'll treat you anyway if you work really hard."

Sarada looked unconvinced, and Sakura bit her lip, trying to come up with a way to make her daughter feel better. "Well, how about this …" she said after a minute. "I was thinking we could all go on a picnic tomorrow since I don't have to work."

At that, Sarada perked up. "With Kakashi-sama?"

The excitement that shone in her daughter's eyes sent a stabbing pain through Sakura's chest, but she kept it hidden. "No …" she replied hesitantly. "I meant with your dad."

Though Sarada managed to disguise it almost immediately, Sakura saw the brief flash of disappointment that washed over her face. "You don't think that will be fun?" she asked gently.

Her daughter looked startled, and then she frantically gestured in the negative. "No, no … It'll be fun," she agreed with a fake smile, clearly placating.

Sakura sighed. "But ...?"

Her hands dropping, the dark-haired girl turned her eyes away and didn't say anything for a moment. "I just kinda miss eating with Kakashi-sama …" she explained quietly.

Sakura's surprise overshadowed the aching she felt at the mention of the way things used to be … she hadn't realized that Sarada had been that invested in Kakashi.

 _Maybe she would be okay with it …_ Inner Sakura suggested unhelpfully, causing Sakura's heart to twist.

 _Shut up_ , she growled, and thankfully, her inner self decided to listen for once, because she didn't think she'd be able to handle more thoughts like that while attempting to comfort her daughter ...

With an understanding look, Sakura leaned forward so she was closer to Sarada. "I do too," she admitted reluctantly, hoping that the true depth of her sadness didn't show through. "But your dad just got back, so we should try to get to know each other a little better …"

Her daughter sighed. "I know ..."

Sakura couldn't help but echo the girl's sigh. "Sarada, I know this is all new for you, and you probably don't feel very comfortable around your dad yet, but you will," she said optimistically. "You've been training together, and we'll go on picnics and do the things that families do, and before you know it, it will be like he's always been here."

Sarada instantly frowned, and Sakura could feel the mood in the air change abruptly even before her daughter opened her mouth.

"How can it be like he's always been here?" Sarada cried incredulously. "… _ever_? He _hasn't_ been here!" As she spoke, her pitch climbed in register, and then she was on her feet with her fists clenched at her sides. "He just came home all of sudden and he expects us to act like - like it's _normal_ or something …"

She glared at her mother, almost daring her to respond as tears began to form in her eyes. When Sakura, rendered speechless at the unexpectedness of her daughter's outburst, didn't - couldn't - say anything, Sarada shook her head in angry frustration. "Well, it's _not_ normal," she argued. "And it never will be!"

Still rooted in place, Sakura could only watch as Sarada stomped down the hall to her bedroom, growling. "I hate him!" she shouted. "I hate him, and I don't want to go on some stupid picnic!"

The thud of the slamming door made Sakura flinch, and when she turned away from the now-empty hallway, she saw that Sasuke had just stepped inside the house, having returned from visiting Naruto.

Her heart automatically dropped into her stomach … from the studied blankness of his face, she could tell that he'd heard at least part of what their daughter had said, and she could only imagine what he must have been feeling.

"Sasuke …" she whispered, standing and moving toward him, her hand outstretched. "She doesn't mean it … she's just upset … it's a big change -"

The look he gave her stopped her in her tracks. "I know," he murmured, then walked straight past her into their bedroom and closed the door behind him, leaving Sakura alone in an almost deafening silence.

She didn't know what to do ... she wasn't even sure what the hell had just happened, what had made Sarada go off like that - she'd thought that her daughter had been overjoyed that her father had come back.

Her chest ached. Sarada …

Forcing herself out of her shock, Sakura made her way to the girl's bedroom door. After listening for a moment, she knocked quietly. "Sarada?" she called, her voice soft. "Sarada, it's me …"

"Go away!" was the angry yell she received in response, and Sakura flinched again… They'd had arguments before, but this was the first time that Sarada had shut her out like this.

It hurt.

"Sarada, let me in," Sakura nearly pleaded, only to hear the thump of a pillow hitting the door.

"Go away!" her daughter repeated, her voice cracking. "I don't want to talk to you! I hate you too!"

With those four little words, Sakura was struck with a pain like she'd never felt, an almost crippling pain, and she let her hand fall limply to her side. What was she supposed to do? What did you do when your child told you she hated you?

Tears forming unbidden in her eyes, Sakura glanced down the hall to her bedroom, wondering if she should go to her husband.

But then she remembered the look in his eyes as he'd walked past her, and the heaviness in her heart grew as she realized that she didn't really _want_ to go to him ... she wanted him to feel better, but she didn't know how to help him, especially when he so obviously didn't want her to, and after what Sarada had said to her, she didn't think she'd be of much use even if she did know how, even if he would let her …

The pain deepened, and all she could think anymore was that she wanted Kakashi.

She wanted the comfort that he gave her just by being him, by being there … She wanted him to hold her. She wanted to tell him what had happened and have him help her figure out what to do, how to fix it … like he always had.

She wanted him to look at her with those deep grey eyes and hold her cheeks with his large, rough hands and make her feel like everything was going to be okay ...

Suddenly overwhelmed by her sadness and her need to see him, Sakura was slipping on her shoes and stepping out onto the porch and forming a seal before she could think better of it, and a moment later, she was standing in front of the door to Kakashi's apartment, her knuckles frozen an inch from the painted wood.

What was she doing? She couldn't do this … she couldn't go to him now ...

But then she was knocking anyway, and she heard him moving, and when he opened the door, his unmasked face was full of surprise and concern.

"Sakura …" he said quietly, uncertainly.

The happiness that somehow broke through her pain at the sight of his handsome face, at the familiar sound of his voice again after what had seemed like ages terrified her, and she was torn between wanting to run to him and wanting to run away.

He seemed to notice her hesitation, because he reached out slowly to touch her arm as he repeated her name tenderly, worriedly. "Sakura … what's wrong?"

When his fingers met her skin, she couldn't stop her eyes from flooding with water, and she semi-consciously wrapped her hand around his and squeezed, trying to swallow the lump in her throat.

"She told me she hated me," was all she managed to get out before the tears began sliding down her cheeks.

Without saying anything, Kakashi immediately pulled her inside and into his arms, and she held him almost desperately as he closed the door behind her, then returned her hug, enveloping her with his body.

"Kakashi …" she cried into his chest as his grip tightened and he rested his chin on the top of her head. "Kakashi … she told me she hated me …"

He pressed her even closer to him. "It's okay," he whispered into her hair. "Sakura, it's okay …"

Even if she didn't believe him, his words and his presence and his touch and the way he smelled were like a balm, soothing her despair until it was more of a deep sadness, and she didn't fight him when he led her to his couch, didn't fight him when he sat her down on his lap, didn't fight him when he embraced her while she curled into him and felt like she had come home.

* * *

 **A/N:** She may be a ninja and mature for her age, but Sarada's still a pre-teen, right?

Also, sorry for the delay on this one and not responding to reviews … life intervened this week, and then my muse was all, "No, you can't write this chapter until you sketch out a scene for a later chapter …" Fickle beasts, muses.


	53. Chapter 53

**Chapter 53**

"You know she didn't mean it," Kakashi said softly, and even the rumble of his voice in his chest as he held her made Sakura feel better.

"I know," she sighed.

Her tears had stopped some time ago, and they'd been sitting in a warm silence, arms wrapped around each other, until he spoke.

"I know she didn't mean it … I just -" She paused. "She's just never said that to me before … or anything like it … But I guess maybe I should have expected it after she said she hated Sasuke ..."

* * *

Kakashi ran his fingers lightly over her side. "She said she hated Sasuke too?" he asked, slightly surprised.

Sakura nodded, and the movement made her hair rustle pleasantly against his collarbone. "He heard it …" she added, her voice faint.

"Ah …" Kakashi acknowledged, feeling a deep pity for his dark-haired former student, because he knew that, however long Sasuke had been gone and however poorly he showed it, Sarada was the person he loved most in this world ... and perhaps the only person he loved purely.

He was quiet for a moment, then frowned. "If Sasuke heard, why aren't you -"

"He didn't want to talk to me," Sakura interrupted, her tone implying that her answer should have been obvious.

"I see," Kakashi responded, giving her a light hug and trying not to think about the fact that she might have wanted to go to Sasuke first and had only come to him when Sasuke had shut himself off from her ...

One part of him - the morbidly curious and probably masochistic part - wanted to press for more details, but the rest of him wasn't sure that he was ready to talk to her about the status of her marriage, and he wasn't sure that she was ready to talk about it either, so he didn't say anything else, and the room was still for several minutes.

"Are you comfortable?" he asked finally. "Do you want to lie down?"

Sakura pulled back quickly at his words. "Kakashi, I don't think-"

Her eyes were startled, and he had to stifle a laugh at her expression … that hadn't been where his mind had been going at all, but once she revealed that hers had, he couldn't resist playing with her a _little_ bit.

"Just here," he clarified reassuringly as he lifted a hand to her cheek and gave her a lopsided smile. "On the couch. With clothes on." Then, after a beat, he raised a mischievous eyebrow as he let his thumb caress her bottom lip. "Unless you want to …"

* * *

Even though the look in his eyes was teasing, Sakura could see a heat in it too, a heat that combined with the intimate touch of his hand and the way his half-smile spread into a rakish grin to send her heart pounding and her breath catching involuntarily in her throat.

"Kakashi …" she whispered, her voice husky as a flash of desire rushed through her.

His eyes dropped down to her mouth, and then she was aware of his body around hers in a much different way than she had been when he was comforting her.

Comforting her …

That thought snapped her back to reality, and she hit him in the chest.

"Don't say things like that!" she growled, trying to climb off his lap, but he just laughed and tugged her back.

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding," he chuckled, and she glared at him, hating the way he could make her lose herself so easily, hating the way the familiarity of him amusing himself at her expense somehow washed away even more of her sadness ... but she didn't resist when he slipped his hands down to her waist.

His gaze softened. "Seriously though, I won't try anything … I promise."

With her eyes still narrowed, Sakura relented … her neck _had_ been getting kind of sore. "Fine," she grumbled. "But you better not … that's not why I'm here."

"I know," he murmured, and though his expression hadn't changed, something in his tone - a hint of resignation maybe - made her loop her arms around his neck in a tight hug.

* * *

Taking her embrace as acceptance, Kakashi scooted Sakura off of his lap and helped her adjust until they were lying next to each other on the couch, he on his back, she cuddled up against him, using one of his arms for a pillow.

As she settled in, she slid a hand onto his chest, and when he covered it with his own, she automatically curled her fingers under his and snuggled closer, and then he couldn't suppress the idea that he hadn't imagined what he'd seen in her eyes a couple of weeks before … Even if she may not have originally wanted to come to him that night, even if he knew that she would be leaving him again soon, he couldn't suppress it.

"Sarada misses you," she said suddenly, breaking into his thoughts, her words partially muffled by his shirt.

Kakashi hummed. "I did get that impression when she threatened to put tacks on all my favorite reading spots if I didn't meet her at the training ground this morning …"

Sakura lifted her head to catch his gaze, an eyebrow raised. "She said that?"

"Among other things …" he smiled.

"That daughter of mine …" Sakura sighed affectionately as she rested her cheek back down on his chest.

"She's a good kid," Kakashi responded, tracing the curve of her hip with the hand of the arm she was lying on.

He felt her head move in agreement.

"Although …" he mused slyly. "You should probably consider teaching her that threats and violence aren't the best ways to show affection …"

All too predictably, Sakura yanked her hand from his to poke him in the ribs.

With a pained chuckle, he rubbed his side. "Actually, maybe _I_ should teach _you_ that first …"

She poked him again - harder - and snorted. "Who said I was showing you affection?"

He raised his hands in defeat and grinned down at the top of her head. "I was just going by your behavior over the many years we've known each other …" he shrugged.

She tilted her head up at him, a mischievous twinkle in her eyes. "Who said I was _ever_ showing you affection?" she asked bluntly.

* * *

Sakura had to tamp down a victorious smirk as she watched Kakashi's cocky grin turn into a pout at her words.

"Yeah," she continued breezily, seemingly ignorant of his distress. "I could have been hitting you this _whole time_ because you _deserved_ it, not because of some underlying sense of affection …"

His pout deepened, and she had to bite her lip to keep from giggling.

"No affection at _all_?" he grumbled.

She shook her head decidedly. "Nope! Just doling out much-needed punishment ..."

He frowned. "None at all? Are you sure?"

"None," she confirmed.

He looked betrayed. "I think I need to reevaluate my life …"

Sakura eyed him speculatively. "You should probably do that for many reasons …" she noted, barely containing a giggle … but then the corner of his mouth twitched ever-so-slightly, and she couldn't hold back anymore. "Your face!" she laughed.

* * *

"It's a very nice face, thank you very much," Kakashi replied haughtily, but he only managed to keep his expression straight for a few seconds before her giggles had him breaking out into a grin and hugging her tightly to him.

* * *

"Why is it so easy to talk to you?" Sakura asked after her humor had finally subsided. "Why's it so much easier to talk to you than anyone else?"

She sounded genuinely perplexed, and Kakashi almost wanted to laugh. Instead, he let go of her hand to lift her chin up until their eyes met.

"I don't know," he murmured, brushing his fingers through her hair and smiling when she blushed. "We've known each other for a long time, I suppose."

* * *

The tender look he was giving her made her heart flutter, and Sakura felt her cheeks burning in response as the world began to fall away again and she had to force herself to pay attention to their conversation.

"I've known a lot of people for a long time, though … longer than I've known you," she countered, furrowing her brow. "But I don't feel …" She shook her head. "It's like I can say anything to you."

She tilted her head curiously at him. "And you always make me feel better …" She gave a bemused huff. "Half the time, you hardly even say anything ... or you annoy me …" She looked at him pointedly. "But somehow you still make me feel better. It's weird."

* * *

The little wrinkle on her forehead as she frowned at him made Kakashi want to drag her mouth up to his and show her exactly how much her words had affected him, but he didn't; he just smirked and squeezed her hip.

* * *

Sakura blushed and turned away, then was quiet for a long moment before meeting his gaze again.

"I missed you," she whispered, and his eyes widened in surprise as her heart stopped …

She hadn't meant to say that … she hadn't even realized that she'd been thinking it ...

But when those charcoal eyes of his had locked onto hers, the words had just slipped out, and now she couldn't take them back; all she could do was watch him nervously while he didn't do anything but stare at her for about half a beat, and then his arm tightened around her, and he tugged her up and slid his mouth over hers.

Before she could fully process what was happening, she'd already run her hand up his chest and into the hair at the back of his neck.

She couldn't think straight … once again, he'd taken over her senses until he was all she knew … the roughness of his stubble rubbing against her chin as he deepened the kiss, the heat of his hand as he held her cheek, the masculine spiciness of his scent as she inhaled him through her nose ...

"Kakashi …" she breathed, her leg unconsciously hooking over his as he overwhelmed her ... as her feelings for him overwhelmed her ...

She had missed him so much. It wasn't even really about the way he could make her body burn with need, though of course that was enjoyable …

No, she had just _missed_ him, everything about him, even the way he teased her, and all of her seemed to be fighting in that moment to hold him as close as she could.

* * *

That look in her eyes … that emotion in them that he was becoming more and more certain wasn't a figment of his imagination … Kakashi hadn't been able to stop himself from kissing her when she looked at him like that and told him that she'd missed him, and when she kissed him back and moaned his name, he couldn't stop himself from rolling her beneath him and pressing her into the couch as he dipped his tongue into her mouth.

"Sakura …" he groaned, biting her lip and grasping her thigh to hold her leg higher on his waist.

He wanted her ... he wanted her with every fiber of his being, but the part of him that was somehow managing to remain level-headed - in spite of the fact that he had the woman he loved back in his arms - knew that even if she wouldn't hate herself (and probably him too) if they did, they couldn't take things any further that night … it wasn't like before; Sasuke was back, and she was going to have to go home to him, not to an empty house.

And while Sasuke's sense of smell wasn't keen enough to pick up on the fact that Sakura had been held by another man if that other man weren't wearing cologne or some other distinguishing fragrance, he _would_ be able to smell it if they had sex, and he _would_ be able to smell it if she came home freshly showered.

Kakashi didn't want Sakura's marriage to end because her husband found out that she'd been having an affair … if it ended, he wanted it to be because she had _decided_ to end it ...

So he made himself find the strength to keep his hands from ducking under her shirt the way they were itching to do, and he made himself find the strength to keep his mouth on hers instead of trailing kisses down her neck to her breasts the way his body was telling him to do.

And when she pulled back to catch her breath, he made himself find the strength not to kiss her again and instead to shift his weight to the side so that he wasn't lying completely on top of her.

"Sakura …" he murmured, tracing her chin with his thumb.

* * *

Sakura kept her eyes shut as she tried to regain control of her heart rate; for at least a few seconds, she wanted to pretend that the real world didn't exist, and she couldn't do that if she could see it, if she could see that she was in Kakashi's apartment, on his couch ...

Because if she could see that she was in Kakashi's apartment, then she would have to remember that he lived there while she lived in a house with her husband and her daughter, and that was the real world ... but if she _couldn't_ see it, if all she could do was feel him, breathe him in, then she could imagine that they were anywhere, under any circumstances.

She gripped his shirt.

When he quietly called her name, she finally, reluctantly opened her eyes to find him looking worriedly down at her. With a soft, sad smile, she lifted her hand to his face.

 _Why does this have to be the real world?_

"It doesn't," Kakashi said simply.

Sakura's hand flew to her mouth. She'd thought that Inner Sakura …

Had she just said that out loud?

While she gawked at him, Kakashi gently pried her fingers from her lips, and the love in his eyes made her stomach flip and her chest swell. She unconsciously held his hand as he drew it away from her mouth and settled his body until he was resting entirely on his side, propped up on one elbow, his hand in hers on her abdomen.

"It doesn't have to be this way, Sakura," he repeated, and the warmth in his voice seemed to sink into her heart.

She sighed heavily. "It's only been a couple of weeks, Kakashi …"

"That's true," he agreed. "But you're here …"

* * *

Kakashi wasn't sure that that had been the right thing to say, that it had been the best move to call attention to the fact that Sakura was still cheating on her husband, and the pain in her eyes at his words made him doubt himself even more.

But then she sighed again and nodded. "I know," she whispered, her gaze falling to his collarbone. "I was so upset after what Sarada said, and I didn't want to leave Sasuke when I knew he was in pain, but …"

She paused, and Kakashi waited for her to continue.

"I don't know how to handle him when he's hurting," she admitted sadly. "And he's not … he wasn't the one I wanted to hold me …"

Her last sentence was spoken so quietly that even with his hearing, Kakashi almost couldn't make it out, but he did, and it filled him with a happiness that was bittersweet, because even if she had wanted to go to him for comfort first, she still wasn't his ...

She slipped her hand from his, and then he felt her fingers drawing circles on his chest.

"I don't think divorcing him would be a good thing for Sarada right now …" she said eventually, and he could hear the fatigue in her voice. "After what happened tonight, I think she needs stability … and Sasuke _is_ making an effort. We got into a …" She shook her head. "I told him how I was feeling, and he seems to have taken it to heart."

She looked back up at him, her fingers stopping their movement, and he hated the sorrow in her eyes. "I just don't think it's right right now … two weeks isn't enough time."

He let out a deep breath. He could understand what she was saying, and her point about Sarada needing stability was valid ... but he still didn't want to let her go.

* * *

Sakura watched his face as he considered what she'd said, and the struggle she saw there made her heart hurt. Only semi-consciously, she turned onto her side and wrapped her arm around his waist.

"I'm sorry for coming here like this," she whispered, burrowing her nose into his chest. "I shouldn't have … it's not fair."

She felt him sigh, and then he pulled her close. "It's okay," he murmured. "I wouldn't have wanted you to be by yourself after that."

* * *

 _Sasuke should have been there,_ he thought bitterly. _If you're going to be with Sasuke, he needs to be there for you ..._

Kakashi clenched his jaw as he tightened his hold on her and forced his anger aside. "But you're never going to find out if you and Sasuke can actually make it work if you keep coming to me when you need to talk to someone …" he said slowly, hating that he was telling her that, even if it were the truth ...

He hated that he was telling her not to go to him with her problems while she tried to sort out her marriage, and he had a feeling that he might end up regretting it … if she thought she couldn't come to him, would she just stay with Sasuke anyway, even if he didn't give her what she deserved?

Kakashi squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, debating, and then opened them as he leaned back to look at her. "I'm always here for you if you need me, but …" He brushed his hand over her cheek, and he knew that she could see his hesitation. "But you should try to need him first."

* * *

"Kakashi …"

Sakura was once again staggered by his selflessness, and it only made her want to stay more.

"I- " she started, then stopped. "I wish things were different."

"I do too," he admitted. "But you need to do what you think is best. I don't want you to be with me if you have doubts."

She nodded in reluctant agreement.

Neither of them said anything for several minutes, and then Sakura let her hand drift from his waist to his jaw.

"I should go …" she said quietly.

She felt the muscles in his jaw move before he sat up and helped her to do the same.

"I'll walk you to the door," he replied, and they both stood.

When they had reached his entryway and she had slipped on her shoes, she paused, unsure of what he would want from her.

* * *

Kakashi watched Sakura trying to figure out what she should do, and he finally decided that the world could go to hell for one more minute, and he dragged her into a long kiss, holding her securely against his body as he took from her everything that he could before he had to let her go again.

* * *

Sakura didn't fight him when he drew her to him and slanted his mouth over hers; she wanted that kiss as much as he did, and she lifted herself onto her toes to get as close to him as she could.

She didn't want to stop. She didn't want to leave his arms, and when he slid his tongue along hers and grasped her waist tightly, she had to remind herself again why she thought she needed to.

After what might have been minutes, she forced herself to break her lips away from his, and then she caught his eyes, knowing that he would be able to see the longing in hers, before forming the seal for Shunshin no jutsu and transporting herself back to the house she shared with her husband and daughter, back to the place where she lived and Kakashi didn't.

* * *

It was almost midnight when Sakura quietly opened the door to her bedroom and slipped inside to change. She could tell that Sasuke had heard her come in, but he didn't say anything until she'd climbed under the covers beside him.

"Where have you been?" he asked, tonelessly as usual.

"Ino's," she answered automatically, and she didn't have the emotional capacity left that night to feel guilty about the ease with which the lie had passed from her lips.

"Ah," Sasuke murmured.

"I needed someone to talk to," she explained tiredly, thinking that _that_ at least was the truth. "And you'd come in here and shut the door, so I assumed you wanted to be alone."

There was a hint of accusation in her voice that she didn't bother to hide, but her residual anger was disarmed when he thanked her.

"I did need some time," he admitted.

He seemed about to say something else when he was stopped by a tentative knock on their door.

"Mom? Dad? Can I come in?"

It was Sarada. Sasuke and Sakura exchanged looks, and he nodded.

"Come in," Sakura called softly, and the door cracked open as their daughter walked through, her eyes on the floor. "What's wrong?"

Sarada wrung her hands together nervously. "I'm sorry …" she whispered. "I didn't mean what I said before."

Sakura sighed. "It's okay, sweetheart," she replied. "We know." She heard a sniffle coming from her daughter's direction, and her heart hurt. "It's okay," she repeated. "Come here."

At that, Sarada ran over to the bed and threw her arms around her mother. "I'm really sorry, Mom … I don't know why I was so mad," she cried as Sakura held her close and stroked her back soothingly.

To her complete surprise, Sasuke sat up and leaned closer so that he could put his hand on their daughter's head, an action which immediately made Sarada turn from Sakura to wrap her arms around her father's neck.

"I'm so sorry, Dad," she sobbed, burying her face in his shoulder. "Please don't leave! I didn't mean it …"

Sakura watched as Sasuke hugged their little girl. "I'm not going anywhere," he said gently.

"Please don't leave again …" Sarada repeated, tears choking her voice, and Sakura reached over to brush her fingers through her hair, trying to comfort her.

"It's okay, Sarada … no one's going anywhere," she reassured her.

Even as she spoke and then more sharply when Sasuke opened his arm to allow her into the hug, Sakura's heart twisted as she couldn't stop herself from thinking about Kakashi, from missing him ... but at least for now, as she sat on the bed with her arms around her husband and their daughter, she knew that she was making the right decision.

* * *

 **A/N:** More fun and games to come, at least for a little while longer.

To MissHuffer, I update when I finish a chapter … I'm not patient enough to sit on things :)


	54. Chapter 54

**Chapter 54**

"Mom!"

Sakura turned around to find Sarada running toward her, her eagerness easily apparent on her face. Sasuke was following their daughter at a normal pace, and Sakura smiled briefly at him before turning her attention to the overly energetic genin who'd stopped at her feet.

"Sarada," she frowned. "Don't run in the hospital."

"Sorry, Mom," her daughter replied, looking reasonably contrite for a moment before breaking out into a grin. "Dad said he'd take us to Ichiraku for dinner!"

Sakura shook her head despairingly. "You've been talking to your uncle Naruto again, haven't you?"

"Yeah!" Sarada confirmed, seeming not to have noticed her mother's lack of enthusiasm. "Naruto-oji-sama was at the Hokage Tower when we got back from our mission, and Boruto-kun said he was starving, so Naruto-oji-sama said we should go to Ichiraku, but then Hinata-oba-sama - she was there too - she told him that she'd already planned to make dinner, so Boruto couldn't go, and Mitsuki said he had to go home anyway. But I thought Ichiraku still sounded really good, and it's been _forever_ , so I asked Dad about it, and he said we could go tonight if it's okay with you. It's okay with you, right?"

If Sakura hadn't already gathered that Sarada was excited, the speed at which the words had tumbled out of the girl's mouth would have tipped her off, and she wanted to laugh as Sasuke came up and placed his hand on top of his daughter's head in what she assumed was an attempt to calm her down.

"So Ichiraku then?" Sakura asked him, smothering a giggle at the way Sarada was practically bouncing under his hand.

Ignoring his daughter's bobbing movements, Sasuke nodded. "It seems so."

Sakura sighed. "Okay," she agreed. "Just let me drop this chart off at the nurse's desk and grab my things from my office."

Sarada immediately looked put-upon. "Mom!" she whined.

Raising a warning eyebrow, Sakura caught her daughter's eye. "Hold your horses … I'll be right back."

With a dramatic exhale, Sarada crossed her arms impatiently. "Fiiiine …" she grumbled.

Sakura frowned disapprovingly and turned to walk down to her office, but once her back was to her daughter, she couldn't contain a small, fond smile; she really was happy to see Sarada so excited, because while things _had_ gotten better in the weeks since her daughter's blowup, it hadn't been completely smooth sailing ... Sakura could tell that Sarada was often frustrated by the subtlety of her father's reactions to her stories, and Sasuke still hadn't gotten past his habit of automatically deflecting (or flat-out ignoring) any questions Sarada asked him about himself, though he had apparently revealed a few of his memories here and there while the two were training (one such memory, to Sakura's infinite surprise, had even involved Itachi and some kind of target practice exercise, according to Sarada).

In any case, this would be only the second time they'd gone out to eat as a family since Sasuke's return, and given her daughter's enthusiasm, Sakura had to think that it would prove to be another step in the right direction for the three of them.

Smiling again, she hung up her coat and snatched her bag, then headed back out to the hallway.

* * *

A couple of hours later, Sakura was walking beside Sasuke in a quiet that was rather surprisingly not awkward as they watched their daughter lead the way home.

Dinner hadn't been particularly entertaining, but it had gone fairly well … Sasuke had even volunteered a brief story about Naruto being mauled by a renegade house cat when Team Seven were genin. Though he'd relayed it with his typical lack of expression and Sakura was pretty sure she'd already told Sarada the story, their daughter had laughed, and Sakura knew that she had done so intentionally to encourage her dad, to show him that she had appreciated his effort.

Sakura smiled softly at her daughter's back, feeling closer to content than she had in a long time ... probably since the morning she had found out that Kakashi had bought her that brush -

She mentally shook her head. She wasn't going to think about that …

* * *

But apparently the gods had other plans for her, because no sooner had she tried to clear her mind of the silver-haired man than she happened to glance across the street and there he was, stepping out of the bookstore.

Just like that, the sense of contentment that had been beginning to form inside of her was shattered as she remembered the last time she had seen him, when he'd pulled her into a deep kiss after helping her calm down, after making her feel like everything was okay again.

Her breathing stopped, and her pace unconsciously slowed. She wanted to look away. She _had_ to look away.

But she couldn't, and then he was looking at her, and all the feelings for him that she'd thought she'd finally been starting to get over came flooding back.

She wished she'd never turned her head. She wished he'd stayed in that bookstore for five more minutes. She wished they'd left the restaurant earlier … or later. She wished it weren't the 20th anniversary of _Icha Icha Paradise_ , with its requisite special edition that was like catnip to the Copy Nin ...

Anything. She wished anything that might have kept them from running into each other while she was out with Sasuke and Sarada, while she and her husband and her daughter were probably looking like the picture of a happy family ...

It killed her to think of how he must be feeling, seeing her like that. She'd never wanted him to see that. It was irrational … she knew that she wouldn't have been able to avoid it forever, she knew that it had only been a matter of time, but that didn't stop her from wishing it hadn't happened, and the sadness she could see in his eyes - even from across the street, even though she could tell he was trying to disguise it - that sadness made a lump form in her throat, and she found herself wanting to go to him, wanting to wrap her arms around him and tell him that she was sorry, that she still missed him, that she still cared about him.

She knew it was wrong … she knew that she was supposed to be investing herself in her family and putting whatever it was she'd had with Kakashi behind her, but seeing him so unexpectedly … she hadn't been prepared for the way it made her feel.

With an acute ache in her chest, Sakura suddenly realized that the contentment she'd thought she'd been feeling that night and the last few weeks was much shallower, much more superficial than she'd allowed herself to admit, and she wondered how she could have ever believed it was anything but when all it took to derail it, to crush it into tiny pieces, was seeing that one man - that one impossible man - from a distance.

* * *

Kakashi had noticed Sakura before she had noticed him, and on some level, he'd hoped that she would continue to remain oblivious to his presence, because seeing her like that, walking with her husband and daughter, smiling … it hurt. It hurt, and he wasn't sure he would be able to hide his pain if she looked at him as though he were just another friend, as though she didn't want or need him anymore now that her family issues seemed to be sorting themselves out.

But she _did_ notice him, and he watched her happiness abruptly fade as she stared at him, her steps slowing until she ended up a few paces behind her family. He wasn't sure which hurt worse … the thought that she might be falling back in love with Sasuke, the thought that just making eye contact with him from across the street was enough to make her sad, or the knowledge that there was a selfish part of him that was taking solace in the fact that he'd been able to elicit that sort of response from her, that he could see in her face that she missed him, that he still meant something more to her.

* * *

Kakashi wasn't sure how long he stood there, his gaze locked on hers … he knew it couldn't have been more than a minute, but it seemed like ages had passed when his focus on her was interrupted by the sight of Sasuke tilting his head back to find his wife and then looking from her over to him. Raising a hand and forcing his eyes to crease, Kakashi acknowledged the dark-haired man, then, for half a second, he let his fake smile relax into a small, crooked one as he met Sakura's eyes once more before turning to head in the direction of his apartment.

* * *

When Kakashi looked away from her and lifted a hand to greet her husband, Sakura felt like she was coming out of a trance, and she hadn't quite gathered her wits by the time he returned his attention to her, so she wasn't able to do much but watch as he smiled softly at her and walked away.

"Dad!" Sarada called out, causing Sakura to finally snap back to reality, and when Sasuke went to find out what the girl was pointing to in one of the store windows, she followed, plastering on what she hoped was an expression that bore at least some resemblance to the one she'd been wearing earlier.

* * *

Standing beside the man she'd loved for almost longer than she could remember while he listened to their daughter try to justify buying a new pair of gloves … it was a scene that represented everything Sakura had wanted over the last decade, everything that she'd ever wanted, really … until Kakashi.

It was all different now. Seeing him like that had shocked her into acknowledging that what she'd wanted for so long wasn't enough anymore, and she couldn't help but wonder if it ever would be. Sasuke had been showing more emotion; he'd been more engaged with her, with Sarada … but it still wasn't enough. He was trying, and it wasn't enough.

Feeling a hollowness in her stomach, Sakura glanced up from the gloves to look at her reflection in the window and was startled when Sasuke's eyes met hers. As she made herself smile at him, she had the thought that yes, he'd been trying … _but she hadn't_.

Not really.

With a surprising flash of clarity, she recognized that a part of her, however deeply buried, was always waiting for Sasuke to shut down again or to leave again, and she knew that that was affecting her ability to trust him, to open herself up to him.

Was this something that had developed more recently? Something that had come about after the clones, when he'd continued to stay away? Or had she never truly shared herself with him?

Sakura started to feel sick, and she had to drop her gaze from his back down to the gloves.

Though she hadn't let herself admit it before, the reality was that she'd always felt like she was walking on eggshells around him, like it was risky for her to talk too much about herself, like he would reject her if she did. And she'd hated the thought of him rejecting her, so she'd hidden her deeper feelings, the more complicated parts of herself, from him; she'd tried to maintain a lighter mood between them to counter his heavy personality, to keep him from seeing her as one more burden in his life.

She swallowed thickly.

She didn't know what to do … Her relationship with Sasuke was _never_ going to be enough if she couldn't share herself with him, _he_ was never going to be enough if all he saw of her was whatever small part she _let_ him see … It didn't matter how much of himself he shared with her if she kept herself closed off from him … she had realized that.

But she didn't know how to change it. Even if it seemed like he might not reject her now, she didn't know _how_ to open up to him, how to get past those ingrained fears, that instinct to do whatever it took to keep him from leaving her, even if it meant not being entirely herself.

She didn't know how to be with Sasuke the way she was with Kakashi - she'd never had to think about it with Kakashi … it just _was_ , she just _was_ herself with him. It was natural.

And it was wonderful.

"Come on, Mom!" Sarada shouted, and Sakura became suddenly aware that she'd been left behind, that Sasuke must have told their daughter that she couldn't have the gloves and the two had resumed walking back to the house while she had been busy being overwhelmed by an unwelcome epiphany.

Putting on another fake smile, Sakura jogged lightly to catch up. As she apologized for spacing out and took her place beside her husband, he slid his hand onto the small of her back, and she couldn't stop the stabbing guilt she felt, because he really was doing what she'd asked … he was being more open with her, more affectionate; he was making an effort to show that he cared.

And what was she doing? She was giving all of that, all of what she was asking him to give to her - emotion, thoughts, affection - she was giving it to another man, not to him. Even when she thought she wasn't, she was … she'd given more to Kakashi in one look from across a street than she'd given to Sasuke in any of the conversations they'd had over the last six weeks.

The knowledge made her heart hurt, and she was worried ... Would she ever be able to just _be_ with Sasuke the way she was with Kakashi? Would she ever be able to trust him enough to let him in - to trust that he was really going to stay, that he wouldn't leave her and their daughter when he got to know her better?

And if she couldn't, if the best she could get to with him was a superficial sense of contentment ... would she be able to make that be enough?

* * *

 **A/N:** Things will be picking up a bit now. Also, I'm going to do my best to respond to reviews ... don't want you guys to think I don't appreciate them!


	55. Chapter 55

**Chapter 55**

Sakura second-guessed herself when she bought the saury and the eggplant at the market.

She second-guessed herself while she broiled the fish and prepared the soup.

She second-guessed herself while she packed the food into two bentos and tucked the boxes into a picnic basket.

She second-guessed herself when she opened the door and stepped out onto the porch.

And when she got close enough to training ground three to see her daughter and a certain silver-haired man, she second-guessed herself all over again …

But it was his birthday, and she didn't want him to think she'd forgotten; in the end, even if things were a mess now, she couldn't bring herself to let what had happened between them ruin everything they'd built over the years … she couldn't bear the thought of ignoring his birthday, of acting like it didn't matter, like she didn't care simply because the only interaction they'd had in a month had been making eye contact across a street the week before.

Plus, if she were honest with herself, she'd have to admit that she just plain wanted to see him …

She sighed as she reached the outskirts of the field and put the basket down by her feet. She made sure that she was far enough away that it was unlikely that Sarada would notice her, because she was rather curious about the way her daughter interacted with Kakashi when she wasn't around … and she hadn't quite mustered up her courage yet.

She groaned quietly, annoyed with herself.

At least there was no risk of them getting into any trouble with Sarada there … Sakura would get to see him, be around him for a few minutes, hear his voice, and she wouldn't have to worry about fighting the temptation to touch him. It was the perfect plan, all things considered … she'd even decided not to bring a bento for herself so she wouldn't have to stay if it turned out to be awkward.

Her thoughts were suddenly interrupted when she saw her daughter point a small finger at Kakashi, making what Sakura assumed was meant to be an angry face but which was in reality more adorable than intimidating. She was too far away to hear what Sarada was presumably accusing the Copy-nin of doing, but the exchange was so comical from a physical perspective that it didn't matter - a lazy-looking, lanky man with terrible posture and an aspect that betrayed absolutely no visible reaction whatsoever to the heated scolding he was receiving from a much shorter, clearly indignant dark-haired girl who was probably less than half his weight but twice as volatile …

Sakura couldn't help but laugh to herself, and when Kakashi touched his mouth and turned his gaze up to the sky in that characteristic way he had and Sarada crossed her arms and pursed her lips only to crack a smile at whatever he said in response a moment later (though she schooled her expression back into a frown and shook a fist at him almost immediately), Sakura couldn't help but think that her daughter looked happy, comfortable, more animated than she did around her father … she couldn't picture Sarada making faces like that at Sasuke, and she couldn't imagine him defusing her anger with humor.

It wasn't that Sarada wasn't herself or wasn't happy when she was with Sasuke; it was just different … she seemed to have a very relaxed relationship with the last Hokage, and Sakura suspected that her daughter viewed Kakashi as something of a confidant - not a peer, but a trusted adult … and one who didn't come with a whole host of complications.

Her heart warmed as she watched the two of them, and she was glad that Sarada had him in her life … she was glad that her daughter had the opportunity - because of Kakashi - to get to know Sasuke without the pressure of him being her only father figure.

Her chest was feeling over-full again … she wanted to go sling her arms around Kakashi's neck and pull him close to her, to breath him in and feel his hands on her waist ... She wanted to show him how much she appreciated everything he had done for Sarada … and for her. She wanted to hear him tell her that he loved her, and she wanted -

Sakura clenched her jaw and glared at the sky as she realized yet again that she hadn't done much of anything with the epiphany she'd had a week ago … she was still giving herself to Kakashi, even if only in her mind …

And her heart.

She leaned her head back against the tree trunk.

Honestly, things had almost been worse since she'd seen him … yes, it had made her realize what she wasn't doing in her marriage, what she needed to do, but somehow she'd been having a more difficult time finding even superficial contentment since then - and no easier a time sharing herself with Sasuke.

Really ... how was she supposed to be open with Sasuke when so much of herself anymore was tied to that silver-haired man? No matter how hard she tried, most of what preoccupied her was Kakashi … She seemed to always be missing him or comparing him to Sasuke or wondering just what it meant that Sarada appeared to be so intent upon continuing her training with him that she made sure to meet up with him twice a week when she wasn't on a mission, in spite of the fact that Sasuke had questioned the necessity of doing so.

Even when Sakura brought up the past, the time before the affair, most of her memories seemed to involve Kakashi … She had been discovering that, oddly, even when he hadn't factored significantly into the event she was remembering, even if she hadn't interacted with him personally, somehow she found herself recalling some random comment he'd made or some silly thing he'd done, and it had reached the point where she had to consciously stop herself from talking about him too much for fear of raising Sasuke's suspicions.

Ultimately, what she was figuring out was that she couldn't be open with Sasuke not only because she instinctively had her emotional defenses up around him but because what she really wanted to talk about was the man she'd been having an affair with ... and that was obviously not an option.

Sakura squeezed her eyes shut in frustration, and when she opened them again, she saw Kakashi turning his head toward hers. Following his gaze, Sarada finally noticed her mother and smiled widely.

Sakura had known that Kakashi had known that she was there; she could tell by the way his body had tensed for the briefest of seconds when she'd approached the training ground. Although she wasn't sure what it meant that he hadn't acknowledged her presence immediately, it seemed he'd decided that it was time, and now her daughter was calling her name and gesturing for her to come join them.

With a sigh and a flip of her stomach, Sakura picked up the basket and walked toward them.

"What are you doing here?" Sarada asked, her question indicating pleasant surprise rather than irritation.

Although she could feel his eyes on her, Sakura couldn't bring herself to look at Kakashi just yet; instead, she kept her focus on her daughter. "Well …" she started, feeling much more nervous than she'd thought she would. "It's _this_ jiji's birthday, so I thought I'd bring him lunch. I made some for you too."

With that, she collected all of her courage and glanced over to where the Copy-Ninja was standing a couple of feet to her side. To her dismay, she couldn't contain her blush when their eyes met, and she had to hope that Sarada either didn't see it or didn't think it was weird if she did …

* * *

To say that Kakashi had been surprised when he'd felt Sakura's chakra nearing the training ground would be an understatement … she'd never stopped by while he was working with her daughter in the past, and they'd been actively avoiding each other for weeks, so he had no reason to think that she would ever show up there.

And when she revealed that she'd come because she'd made him a birthday lunch, he had to credit all of his years of being a ninja with the fact that he managed to keep his visible response limited to a slight widening of his eyes, and he was thankful that she had hesitated before looking at him after her pronouncement because even though her daughter was right there beside them, he wasn't sure he'd have been able to stop himself from pulling her into a kiss if he'd seen her flushed cheeks and the shy warmth of her gaze without that handful of seconds to gather himself.

It really was pathetic how easily that woman could break down his willpower …

With a mental sigh, Kakashi forced his eyes to narrow as he stared down at her. "You must be mistaken, Sakura-chan … there are no old men here," he said, then smiled his classic smile. "But it _is_ my 27th birthday, and I very much enjoy your cooking, so I'll let it slide."

Sakura frowned. "I should make you admit that you're an old man before I hand this over …"

"I cannot be blackmailed," he stated self-righteously, staightening his back, and he heard Sarada giggle in the background.

* * *

Unimpressed by Kakashi's show, Sakura raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Even for broiled saury?" she asked.

His affronted expression shifted slightly into a contemplative one, and then he shook his head. "I cannot be blackmailed," he reiterated firmly.

In response, Sakura pulled out one of the bentos and peeked under the lid. "Even for broiled saury and miso soup with eggplant?"

He squinted at her. "You are a devil woman," he announced, then snatched the bento from her hand before she could react.

"Hey!" she protested, reaching for the box as he held it above his head. "Give that back!"

He lifted it higher. "It's _my_ present, Sakura-chan. You made it for me …" he reminded her, calmly brushing off her attempts to steal it from him.

By that point, Sarada had sat down and taken out the other bento. "You two are ridiculous," she laughed. "You act like little kids sometimes …"

At her daughter's words, Sakura flushed and stopped trying to retrieve the box, instead crossing her arms and turning her back to the infuriating former Hokage. "Hmph! That's the last time I make _you_ anything …" she huffed.

"But Sakura-chan …" Kakashi objected, and she could picture the pout he was no doubt wearing.

She glanced at him over her shoulder and confirmed that he was, in fact, pouting. "Just eat your lunch," she said with an exasperated sigh, but the affection that she couldn't hide undermined her scowl.

His eyes softened, and she had to fight back another blush. "Thank you," he murmured, and the genuine happiness she could see in his gaze made her heart beat faster.

"You're welcome," she replied, looking down as she lost the battle with her blush and he stepped past her to take a seat beside her daughter.

When he'd made himself comfortable he gave her a quizzical look. "Where's yours?" he frowned.

"Ah …" she mumbled, rubbing the back of her neck. "I didn't want to interrupt you guys too much, so I was just going to drop them off ..."

Sarada's head immediately shot up. "No … Mom, you should totally stay! I want to see you fight Kakashi-sama!"

Both Sakura and Kakashi turned to the girl with surprise written all over their faces. "What?" Sakura asked.

Sarada stared at them like she couldn't understand why they were so caught off-guard. "I want to see you fight Kakashi-sama," she repeated. "I wanna see if you're really as good as he said you are …"

"Sarada, I don't think …" Sakura looked over at Kakashi, who just shrugged his shoulders lightly and cocked a half-smile.

She sighed … all she could think about was the last time they'd sparred together and how she'd ended up in his bed afterward. How could she fight him with those memories haunting her? The mere thought of them had desire running through her ...

And she'd have to touch him … what if they found themselves in a compromising position?

"Please, Mom?" Sarada begged, her eyes gleaming with excitement.

* * *

Though a part of Kakashi was thinking that sparring with Sakura was a very bad idea, the rest of him wanted to take advantage of the opportunity to be close to her and to see her in her element, to catch that sparkle in her smile as she challenged him.

Besides, her daughter was there … it wasn't like he was going to be able to trap her and then teleport her back to his apartment so he could make love to her the rest of the afternoon, no matter how much he might want to ...

So he quirked an eyebrow in Sakura's direction. "Why, Sakura-chan … you wouldn't happen to be afraid that you'll lose, would you?" he taunted.

She rewarded him with a glare. "I'll remind you that I won the last time," she retorted.

Ah … the last time …

Mentally shaking off the memories of pressing her down on his lap in the forest as she tugged on his hair and tangled her tongue with his, Kakashi raised his eyebrow higher. "If you're not afraid, then …"

Her glare deepened into a frown, and she waved her hand at the bento he was holding. "That lunch I spent a lot of time making you is going to get cold," she pointed out.

He shrugged. "I'll eat it now, and then we'll spar."

"You shouldn't exercise on a full stomach," she argued.

Kakashi chuckled. "Now you just sound like a mother …"

"I _am_ a mother," she sniffed.

"And your daughter's asking you to prove that her faith in you isn't misplaced ... Are you really going to let her think her mother's a coward?" he asked, then grinned smugly.

"Yeah, Mom!" Sarada chimed in. "Show him you can beat him anytime you want!"

* * *

Sakura hated him. Seriously, he _had_ to be the most annoying man on earth … more annoying even than Naruto …

And she was going to pound that smug look of his right into the ground …

Clenching her teeth, she reached into her pouch and pulled out her gloves. "Fine," she growled, tugging them on. "You're going down."

Her daughter's fist shot up into the air. "Yes!" she cried. "This is going to be awesome!"

Kakashi stood, and Sarada grabbed the bentos and the picnic basket and ran to the edge of the field while Sakura got into a fighting stance.

"Don't think I'm going to go easy on you just because it's your birthday, _jiji_ …" she warned as he faced her, his demeanor relaxed as usual.

With a genuine smile that curled around her heart against her will, Kakashi shook his head. "I really don't know why you still have this mistaken notion that I'm old ... given the number of times I've proven to you that I'm not …"

As he finished speaking, his smile slid into a smirk, and Sakura couldn't help that his insinuation sent a wave of heat straight to the parts of her that had been missing his touch the most.

 _Annoying,_ _ **annoying**_ _man_ , she thought crossly.

And then he disappeared, and she automatically tensed.

He had to be underground. He always went underground. She readied herself to punch the earth, but before she could, she felt the air behind her move, and she was forced to jump forward to avoid a kick to the head. She'd just landed when a sandaled foot swiped at the back of her legs.

He'd made a clone.

Arching into a backflip to keep from being knocked off her feet, she tossed a handful of shuriken at the Kakashi in front of her and channeled chakra to both of her hands, intending to take out the Kakashi behind her, but he rolled out of the way before she could make contact with his body, and her palms sent cracks running through the ground instead as she vaulted off of them and back onto her toes.

"You're still quick, jiji ... I'll give you that," she called out as she started to form the seals to make her own clones.

Keeping her focus as she ducked a flurry of kunai, she completed the signs, and two clones popped into existence just in time to block Kakashi's Housenka no jutsu with Doryuuheki.

Deciding to take a page out of his book, Sakura used the cover of the earth wall to execute Doton: Moguragakure no jutsu and sent one of her clones into the ground to head toward the most distant Kakashi while her other clone hopped over the wall, located the second Kakashi, and shot Suiton: Suidan no jutsu at him.

* * *

Bunshin-Kakashi saw the stream of water heading toward him and quickly created a water dragon to counter it. The two jutsu clashed, forming a wide spray that interrupted his line of sight but provided him with an opportunity to teleport himself right beside the Sakura who'd used the water bullet. Though he could tell that he'd caught her by surprise, she managed to dodge the kunai he swiped at her neck and sent her glowing fist toward his ribs as she twisted around.

* * *

Sakura sensed Kakashi's appearance on the other side of the wall and heard the sounds of hits being parried. When the wall shook with the heavy thud of what she assumed, given the force, was Kakashi's body slamming into it, she mentally apologized to her clone and sent her fist through the mud until she felt the fabric of a flak jacket that disappeared on contact and then her own clone's chest momentarily before it too disappeared with a pop.

 _One down_ …

Just as she was wondering if her other clone had managed to find the second Kakashi, the clash of metal rang out from beyond the rubble of the destroyed wall, and she saw her clone engaged in a fierce taijutsu battle with the silver-haired man.

And then one of her arms was grasped firmly and twisted behind her back.

"You shouldn't let yourself get distracted, _Sa-ku-ra_ …"

The words were murmured low into her ear as Kakashi's other arm hooked across her shoulders and tugged her against his chest. Startled both by his sudden appearance and by the way he was enveloping her, Sakura froze ... Even with the cold metal of his kunai pressed against her throat and her arm locked in his grip, she almost forgot that they were sparring …

It was so _nice_ to have him that close to her again ...

And then she felt her hair rustle as he breathed her in and brushed his thumb lightly along the inside of the wrist of her trapped arm, and she knew that he was feeling the same way.

It all made her not want him to let her go ...

But they _were_ sparring, and her daughter was watching them, so she made herself lift her free arm to grab the wrist of the one he had wrapped around her while she channeled chakra to her hands and her foot before simultaneously tearing his arm away from her body, yanking her other arm out of his grip, and slamming her heel into the ground.

* * *

Forced to let Sakura go, Kakashi jumped up and flipped to the side to avoid falling into the chasm she'd created. When he landed, he found himself facing her across the divide, and the way she was looking at him, with dirt on her cheeks, locks of her hair flying free in the breeze, her fists readied to attack or defend as necessary … she was so beautiful, and he wished that she would let herself feel what he could see in her eyes, that she would let herself take a chance - a real chance - on being happy, on being with him.

But now wasn't the time to be thinking about things like that ...

He sighed and let fly a volley of shuriken to distract her while he molded the signs for Doton: Doryuu Taiga, only to stop when he was bombarded with the memories from his clone - who had apparently just lost to hers - and he sensed her victorious bunshin coming for him from under the ground.

Switching his signs to that for Chidori Nagashi, he pushed his crackling palm onto the earth and felt the lightning instantly strike and dismiss Sakura's clone, and then, knowing that Sakura herself would have jumped up to avoid his jutsu, he checked her location and threw another round of shuriken at her.

Though she predictably blocked most of them, he'd thrown too many for her to deflect, and she was forced to use Kawarimi no jutsu. In the seconds between her creating her replacement and her reappearing several yards away, Kakashi used his renowned seal-forming speed to execute Doton: Doryuu Taiga, and the moment her foot touched the ground, she was caught up in a river of mud.

* * *

With no trees close enough for her to use as an anchor for a wire and her feet already too covered to use a replacement, Sakura knew she'd lost, and she cursed as she held her hands above her head and watched herself sink up to her waist in Kakashi's jutsu before he finally stopped it.

"I hate you," she scowled when he walked up to her, wearing a triumphant smirk.

"Now, now, Sakura-chan," he tsked as he reached out to help her up. "I won fair and square."

She tried to ignore the heat of his hand when he clasped it around hers, but then he dropped his smirk into a lopsided smile and met her eyes, and she failed miserably, unable even to hold her scowl anymore as the heat seemed to travel from the point of contact through her entire body.

* * *

Kakashi saw Sakura's scowl fade and her gaze soften as he touched her, and if Sarada hadn't come running up just as he tugged her free of the mud, he might not have been able to stop himself from pulling the woman he loved into his arms.

But for better or for worse, she did.

"That was so cool, you guys!" the dark-haired genin squealed as she skidded to a halt beside them. "Mom, you were so awesome!"

Kakashi watched Sakura give her daughter a defeated smile. "I still lost though," she sighed.

* * *

It was only when Kakashi slid his hand out from hers to ruffle her hair after she'd spoken that Sakura realized that she hadn't let him go after he'd helped her up. Blushing furiously in embarrassment, she glared at the Copy-nin while she tried to fix her hair.

"Yeah, but you beat both of my clones," he remarked, crinkling his eyes, apparently unconcerned with either the state of her hair or the fact that they'd basically been holding hands when her daughter had arrived.

"It's true, Mom," Sarada agreed, nodding, and even though she was still unsettled by Kakashi's touch, the admiration in her daughter's expression made Sakura smile.

She cleared her throat. "Well … I'm kind of covered in mud -" she announced, gesturing toward her lower body. "So I think it's time for me to go home." She directed her gaze toward her daughter. "Dinner's at seven. Please bring home the bentos and the picnic basket."

"I will," her daughter promised.

Tamping down the butterflies in her stomach, Sakura turned her head to catch Kakashi's eye. "Happy birthday, jiji," she said with a small, genuine smile before she frowned. "And don't complain to me about your food being cold … you're the one who wanted to spar."

"I'm sure it will still be delicious," he replied, then grinned, and her heart seemed to skip a beat.

"Well … I hope so," she muttered, flustered, and with one last look at him, she patted her daughter on the head and walked away.

As she neared the edge of the field, she heard Sarada demanding that Kakashi teach her how to make the mud river, and Sakura couldn't help but feel warm and fuzzy when he pointed out that her daughter had to gain earth release before he could do that and Sarada instantly responded by telling him that he'd just have to teach her that first then.

She smiled softly … they really were cute together ...

* * *

"What happened to you?" Sasuke asked with a raised eyebrow as she stepped through the door.

Sakura instantly blushed. "Ah … I took bentos to the training ground, and Sarada insisted that Kakashi and I spar, so …" she explained awkwardly.

Sasuke frowned, and it caught Sakura by surprise, because it was perhaps the most noticeable facial expression he'd made since he'd returned.

"Why did you take them bentos? You haven't done that when I've trained her …"

At his words, Sakura's heart began pounding so loudly that she worried he would hear it. "I haven't before with them either …" she said, then hesitated. "It was Kakashi's birthday."

Sasuke's frown deepened. "I see."

Why was he so upset? Did he know? Sakura felt a growing panic and had to force herself to relax as best she could. "I just thought it would be nice to make him lunch, since he's been so generous with Sarada and -"

She abruptly cut herself off ... Sasuke was very nearly glowering, and she knew that all she was doing was digging herself into a hole, so she crinkled her eyes and finished taking off her shoes. "Anyway," she continued, her voice light. "I'm a mess … I should really get a shower now."

Trying to keep her nervousness from showing, she gave him a peck on the cheek and slipped past him to go into their bedroom. Thankfully, he didn't stop her, and when she got to the bathroom and closed the door, she dropped her forehead against the wood and let out a breath she hadn't even been aware that she'd been holding.

Her pulse was racing. She hadn't been prepared for that. She hadn't been prepared for that at all. Hell, she hadn't been prepared for anything that had happened that day ...

With a shaky hand, she undid her hair and dragged herself over to the shower. As she waited for the water to warm, she stared at herself in the mirror.

What was Sasuke thinking? Could it really be jealousy? And if it were jealousy, was he jealous because he knew that she'd been having an affair or was he jealous just because? She knew he was possessive, so he could very well be jealous just because …

But he'd seemed _so_ angry …

She sighed and studied her hand, the one that Kakashi had held, and she remembered what it had felt like to have his mouth in her hair as he held her against his body … she remembered the almost feather-light touch of his thumb on the delicate skin of her wrist … she remembered the way he'd looked at her from across the giant crack she'd made in the ground, like he wanted her more than anything in the world.

She closed her eyes for a moment, then stepped into the shower. As the water spilled over her head, over her shoulders, and down her back, washing away the mud that covered her, she stared at the little whirlpool of brown that formed around the drain, trying to clear her mind of Kakashi, trying not to worry that Sasuke had found out about them, trying to hold herself together.

* * *

 **A/N:** I really debated including this chapter, but in the end I decided that Sakura would need more than just seeing him to get to what happens next chapter, so I kept it in. I know the story's probably not moving fast enough for some of you, and I apologize for that, but in the end, I suppose I've got to go with what I think would happen.

In any case, there's going to be a lot more action (of multiple varieties) coming up, so stayed tuned, my wonderful, patient readers. :)

 **A/N 2:** Also, a lot of you Kakashi fans probably already know that his birthday is September 15, but I wanted to point it out for those curious about the timeline … Kiba's birthday is July 7, so this whole thing (from the market scene) has been going on for about three months, since somewhere around the middle of June.


	56. Chapter 56

**Chapter 56**

"Sasuke … we're going to be late," Sakura complained, swatting his fingers away from her hip as she dug into a dresser drawer for shorts to wear under her skirt.

"We're just meeting friends …" he countered, slipping both hands around her bent waist and pulling her back against him. "And Sarada isn't here."

Sakura sighed, trying not to shy away from him. Ever since she'd sparred with Kakashi the other day, her discomfort at her husband's touch had grown ... it hadn't been easy for her to be intimate with him to begin with, but the recent memory of the former Hokage's arms around her and his breath in her hair made it all the more difficult.

… It didn't help that she knew that Kakashi was going to be at the pub that night, and she was well aware that he would be able to tell if she'd just had sex.

Feeling queasy, she hurriedly grabbed a pair of shorts, straightened up, and attempted to turn toward her closet. "Sasuke, I need to get dressed," she repeated, struggling lightly when he tightened his grip, holding her flush against his chest.

Ignoring her protests, he kept one arm around her abdomen and used the hand of the other to brush her hair from her neck, then placed a series of kisses along her pulse.

"I thought you wanted me to express my feelings," he teased, his voice deep against her ear as his fingers traveled down to her bra-covered breast.

Though she pushed his hand away from her breast, she couldn't help but roll her eyes and crack a small smile. "That's not what I meant, and you know it …" she said reprovingly, but he just nibbled on her neck.

"I'm still expressing my feelings," he argued, his hand venturing upward once more as his other snuck down between her legs, and the heat of his tongue at her collarbone made a flicker of desire stir low in her body against her will.

Needing to get away, Sakura twisted in his arms and frowned at him. " _Physical_ feelings," she clarified.

"Still feelings," he insisted with a smirk, his fingers caressing the small of her back.

Her frown deepened. Was he _flirting_? Actually _flirting_? Really, he was almost … _playful_ …

It was unsettling.

Studying his face, Sakura finally sighed in defeat.

"Fine," she grumbled, dropping the hand that she'd held up between them. "But _you're_ telling Naruto that it's _your_ fault we're late …"

"I can live with that," he shrugged, then dragged her mouth to his as he pressed her into the dresser.

Reminding herself that he was her husband and that sex was a part of a healthy marriage and that this wasn't the first time they'd done it since he'd returned and that she could get a shower afterward anyway, Sakura kissed him back, letting her arms loop around his neck while he turned them both around and walked her backwards until her knees met the edge of the bed, where he broke the kiss and pushed her gently onto the mattress

 _Black eyes. Black eyes and black hair and_ _ **not Kakashi**_ , she told herself as he slowly crawled on top of her, then dipped his head down and tugged on her lower lip with his teeth.

 _ **Not Kakashi**_ _,_ _ **not Kakashi**_ _,_ she repeated in her mind, willing herself to focus on Sasuke as he slipped her underwear off of her hips, willing herself not to remember the way Kakashi had looked at her when he'd done the same thing so many weeks ago, willing herself to be in the moment …

* * *

But she couldn't ... she couldn't stop herself from seeing Kakashi's face overlaid on Sasuke's as the dark-haired man knelt before her and pushed down his own pants until his erection sprang free, and she couldn't help picturing grey eyes where there were black as he leaned over her and held her thigh up so he could rub himself between her lower lips.

She couldn't keep from hearing Kakashi's voice as Sasuke groaned when he entered her with a jerk, and she couldn't change the fact that it was the unbidden memory of another man that made her pant against her husband's mouth when he kissed her.

Worse still - and just like every other time she and Sasuke had made love in the last two months - Sakura couldn't prevent herself from imagining that he was Kakashi when she came.

* * *

Disgusted with herself, Sakura sat up as soon as Sasuke slipped out of her and rolled onto his back beside her.

"I need to get a shower," she announced brusquely, immediately trying to climb off of the bed, but Sasuke gripped her arm and tugged her back.

With a hand on her cheek, he kissed her lightly, then lifted his head and stared down at her. "We don't have time," he taunted, mimicking her tone from earlier.

Nevermind that he was inexplicably being playful again … Sakura's pulse sped up at the thought of going to the pub smelling like she did, and she pushed him away and scooted off the mattress. "Well, we're already late … what difference does it make now?" she retorted in what she hoped was a nonchalant tone.

Sasuke stood and walked around the bed to stand in front of her. "We'll be _too_ late," he stated, his voice serious.

Beginning to panic, Sakura waved her hands about, gesturing to various parts of her body. "But my hair's a mess, and I smell like sex now …" she started, and he tilted his head at her. Her heart skipped a beat. "I mean, you know what Kiba's nose is like …" she added quickly. "And if Akamaru's there … that would be so embarrassing …"

His face giving away no indication of what he was feeling, Sasuke dropped her shorts onto her hand. "You're embarrassed that people might know you have sex with your husband?" he asked.

Sakura very nearly gaped at him. "No … no, that's not it … it's just …" she trailed off.

He raised an eyebrow. "Well, then let's go."

What was she supposed to say to that? How could she insist on getting a shower when he put it that way?

Her stomach churning, Sakura slipped on her shorts, then located her bra and the shirt and skirt she had been planning on wearing. As she finished getting dressed and fixed her hair with the brush that was the same as the brush that Kakashi had gotten her, she prayed to every god she could think of that that silver-haired man wouldn't be there, that he'd spontaneously decide to ignore Naruto's dictate that all of Team Seven be at the pub that night because they'd been "too antisocial since Sasuke got back."

Kakashi did things like that, right? He didn't go to places he was supposed to go _just_ _because_ all the time … right?

* * *

It wasn't long before Sakura found out that even if she had been right, that evening was apparently not one of those times ...

As she walked into the pub, Kakashi's spiky hair was the first thing she noticed, and she saw his nose twitch ever-so-slightly beneath his mask as Sasuke guided her into the booth until she was sitting across from the man she had hoped wouldn't be there.

Initially, Kakashi showed no response to her presence beyond the nose twitch, but when Sasuke was distracted ordering drinks from the waiter, she saw him drop his guard, saw the pain and anger in his eyes as he looked at her, and it felt like a sword cutting into her heart. She tried to convey how sorry she was just through her expression, but she knew it would never be enough, and now they were stuck sitting across from each other for the next however-many hours.

Her throat closed up even more as the waiter left, and Kakashi's carefully curated blank face returned a moment before Sasuke slung his arm over the back of the booth behind Sakura's shoulders … not touching her exactly, but not _not_ touching her either.

"Kakashi," Sasuke greeted.

Sakura watched the silver-haired man's gaze flicker for a second over to where her husband's hand rested beside her far shoulder and then back to Sasuke as he nodded. "I take it things have been going well since your return?"

His eyes schooled into showing only their usual apathy, the Copy-nin took a sip of his beer while he waited for Sasuke's response.

"Yes," Sasuke agreed finally. "Being with Sakura and Sarada-chan has been good, and I have a mission next week."

* * *

Even through the near haze of his jealousy, Kakashi could see Sakura's posture stiffen when Sasuke mentioned his upcoming mission, and he couldn't quite decide why … was she happy that he was going? Or was she worried that he wouldn't come back?

Mentally shaking off his thoughts, Kakashi took another drink. "So Naruto put you back on the active roster, then?" he asked, setting his now-empty beer on the table as the waiter brought a fresh round, plus a bottle of sake for Sakura.

He clenched his jaw while Sasuke filled her cup for her.

"Yeah. It was time," the dark-haired man answered, putting down the sake bottle and picking up his own beer.

"I suppose it was," Kakashi replied, his tone deliberately neutral, and he had to force himself not to reveal any of the anger he was feeling as he pulled a copy of _Icha Icha Violence_ from his pouch ... because no, it wasn't "time" … Kakashi knew that Naruto never would have made Sasuke go back on the active roster unless the Uchiha had requested it himself - Naruto cared too much about Sakura, about the marriage between his two teammates, and he'd been trying to get Sasuke to come home ever since the clones issue was resolved ...

So Sasuke must have wanted to go on missions for himself again …

With another sip of his beer, Kakashi settled against the booth and lazily opened his novel, trying to hide his emotions behind the red cover, trying to ignore the way Sakura smelled and the way Sasuke had his arm more or less around her - as if to claim her, as if to emphasize that she was his ...

He bit back a growl.

Sasuke had brought her into the pub smelling like sex, _knowing_ that at least two of the people who would be there that night would notice, and given Sakura's reaction when she'd first sat down across from him, Kakashi could tell that she had tried to avoid it.

Which meant Sasuke had done something to make her leave the house anyway.

He gritted his teeth together and turned the page he hadn't read to another page he wasn't going to read.

It was going to be a long evening.

* * *

When Sakura finished her second bottle of sake and decided that she finally couldn't stand to sit there between those two men anymore, she excused herself to go to the restroom.

Once inside, she inspected her reflection sadly in the bathroom mirror.

What kind of woman was she ... really?

Kakashi's face crossed her mind, and she frowned at herself.

She'd _known_ that he was going to be there that night ... she should have made Sasuke let her take a shower. Or she should have protested the sex more in the first place … _something_.

But she didn't, and now she was separated only by a table from the man she _never_ wanted to hurt, and she was hurting him - again …

Her heart twisted, and she splashed some water on her face. She needed to leave. She needed to come up with some excuse to get out of there, to get away from Sasuke's possessive arm and the pain that she'd caused Kakashi.

She was going to say something … she was going to tell Sasuke that she'd had too much to drink, and he could stay, but she was going to go -

Sakura froze, her hand on the knob of the bathroom door she'd just opened.

"Kakashi …" she whispered, and before she could think, he had her backed against the wall, one of his hands in a fist above her head. He tugged his mask down with his other hand, then set it beside her face, digging his fingers into the wood.

He didn't touch her, didn't say anything, but he was so close ... close like he had been that fateful night when she'd almost kissed him for the first time ...

And, just like that night, she found herself wanting to press her lips to his, but she remained frozen as she watched the muscles in his jaw move.

Finally, he let out a long breath, his gaze dropping to the floor until the tips of his hair were tickling her forehead.

It was so familiar, she wanted to cry. Or reach out for him. Or both.

"I'm sorry," he sighed. "Fuck."

She heard his fist tighten above her head, felt the air move as his bicep flexed by her ear.

"I know it's not right for me to be upset about you having sex with your husband," he continued, his voice strained with barely contained frustration. "But … it drives me crazy …"

He leaned in then, ran his nose along her neck so lightly that all she could feel was the tingling of the tiny hairs there as he breathed in. She shivered instinctively, her nerves fraying with his proximity, with the heat of his body so near to hers.

"I can't stand that you smell like this," he ground out, his mouth just below her ear. "It makes me want to …"

From the corner of her eye, she saw his other hand curl into a fist, and in that moment, that moment where the usually unflappable man she knew was all but admitting how jealous he was, Sakura was so incredibly turned on that she thought she might suffocate ...

Because as she stood there, trapped between him and the wall, she could see that he was closer than he'd ever been to losing that last bit of control he always seemed to have - he was so _raw_ ... and it was impossibly sexy.

"Kakashi …" she repeated, but this time it was more of a whimper than a whisper, and her back instinctively arched off the wall toward him.

In response, he dropped his hand from beside her head and curled his fingers harshly around her hip, drawing her closer to him, letting their chests touch, holding his mouth beside her ear.

"It makes me want to rip off your clothes ... and lay you down on my bed … and lick every inch of your body until I can't smell him anymore …" he told her, his voice a low rumble. "It makes me want to make love to you until there's no trace of his scent anywhere on you, until you smell only like _me_ …"

Sakura's breath caught in her throat, and she couldn't stop herself from clenching her thighs together to try to stave off the aching need his words had elicited from her.

His grip tightened as he inhaled, then nudged her head back with his nose against her chin. "You should only ever smell like that for me …" he growled, and she knew he was talking about her current arousal.

She wanted to drag his head up and kiss him deeply, to let him follow up on everything he was saying ... she wanted him to lose control, to take the decision out of her hands ...

With a quiet moan, she tilted her head even further back against the wall, bringing her neck closer to his mouth.

"I wanted it to be you," she admitted breathlessly. "I always want it to be you …"

His fist immediately fell from above her head to join its partner on her waist, and then her hands did sink into his hair as he pulled her roughly against his body.

"You have no idea what you do to me, woman," he groaned, running his tongue in a slow line up her neck from her collarbone to her ear as one of his hands slipped down to grip her ass.

She didn't fight him … couldn't fight him … didn't _want_ to fight him. Right then, with all of her senses once again overwhelmed by that one man she couldn't seem to resist, she almost didn't care if anyone saw them ...

"Sakura …" Kakashi's gruff voice broke through the fog of desire and happiness he'd created around her. "Sakura … go back to the table before I do something stupid …"

Despite his words, he didn't release her, didn't even loosen his hold - instead, he sucked on her neck … not hard enough to leave a mark, but the little bite he gave her just before removing his mouth told her that he'd wanted to, that he'd wanted to leave evidence that he still had her, and she couldn't quiet the irrational part of her that wished he had, that wished he'd just claim her for everyone to see so that she wouldn't have a choice in the matter anymore ...

But she knew that he wouldn't, and she knew that he shouldn't either.

When he pulled back, he took his hand from her hip and cupped her cheek. The struggle in his eyes would have hurt her more if she weren't dealing with the same thing herself, and she covered his hand with hers, unconsciously brushing her thumb along his skin.

His gaze dropped down to her lips and then back up to meet hers again. "Sakura, if you don't go back to the table right now, I'm going to teleport us to my apartment and do everything I said I wanted to do to you … twice," he warned, and though his words made her body burn, she could tell that he was serious.

She let her eyes and her hands fall to his waist.

"I'm sorry …" she whispered. "I tried- "

She was suddenly cut off when he jerked her hair back sharply and locked their eyes together. "Don't," he ordered, and then she could see him debating - but only for a moment - before he slanted his mouth over hers, sliding his tongue along her top lip, her bottom lip, her teeth. She couldn't help but respond, slipping her own tongue out to tangle with his and wrapping her arms around him.

"Sakura," he said, breaking away for a moment, only to kiss her again, long and hard, and then break away again with a pained sigh, his hand tightening its hold on her hair. "Sakura, go back to the table before I _really_ can't stop myself …"

With that, he abruptly freed her, and she stumbled into the wall, her heart racing wildly.

Their eyes met for several seconds before she managed to peel herself off of the wood and head into the dining room, pausing at the end of the hallway to glance back at him one more time. He furrowed his brow at her, and she wanted to be in his arms again, but she knew that they would only do something they would regret, so she she turned and walked away.

* * *

After Sakura left, Kakashi pinched the bridge of his nose as he slumped against the wall. What was he doing? Her husband was _right over there_ …

And so was Naruto.

And most of their friends.

He ran his fingers agitatedly through his hair. He had been foolish ... had let his jealousy overcome his reason, and he'd put her happiness at risk because of it.

At the same time, though … Sasuke …

Kakashi gritted his teeth. He knew that Sasuke knew _exactly_ what he was doing, and it pissed him off, because now he was going to have to go back and sit across from the woman he loved while her husband wrapped his arm around her shoulders and whispered into her ear …

He would have to sit across from her, fully aware that, in spite of whatever Sasuke had done, if Kakashi hadn't pushed her away, Sakura _would_ have let him take her to his apartment, would have let him take her into his bed again - because she was in love with him … whether or not she'd admitted it to herself, whether or not she was even aware of it, the woman Kakashi loved was in love with him too.

He just didn't know how to get her to do anything about it ...

* * *

 **A/N:** Had this chapter sketched out for a long, long time (really, pretty much everything from here on out has been planned for a long time). Not sure I'm satisfied with how it turned out though. Hopefully the others will go better.


	57. Chapter 57

**Chapter 57**

Sakura glanced up from the lab results she'd been examining to find Ino stepping into her office, her brow furrowed. Confused, Sakura watched as the blonde closed the door, then tilted her head in her direction.

"I saw you last night," she said finally.

Sakura's eyes widened. "What?"

"With Kakashi …" Ino added, leveling her gaze.

Sakura blanched, and the blonde's eyes narrowed further. "What are you doing, Forehead?" she asked quietly.

Still in shock, Sakura could only gape at her friend, shaking her head numbly, her jumbled mind trying to figure out how they were even having this conversation.

With a heavy sigh, Ino sat in one of the chairs opposite Sakura. "Forehead …" she repeated, her expression sliding not into the judgmental stare that Sakura had expected but into a look of genuine concern, and it was that look - that unexpectedly compassionate look - that seemed to release the latch on everything that Sakura had been desperately fighting to avoid.

"I love him, Ino," she blurted out. "I'm in love with him …"

A second later, the full impact of what she'd just admitted hit Sakura like a punch to the gut, and she suddenly felt herself hyperventilating ... she gasped frantically while her fingers scraped at her throat in some unconscious attempt to open her airways. "Oh god … oh god … what am I going to do?"

"Sakura!" Ino cried, rushing over to her friend's side to shake her shoulder roughly. "Sakura, get ahold of yourself!"

Barely recognizing that she was being jerked around, Sakura's grip switched from her neck to the collar of her shirt, and she struggled to breathe. "Pig …" she whispered brokenly. "I tried … I didn't …"

Ino let go of her friend and slammed her hand down on the desk. "Forehead … pull yourself together!" she ordered.

Startled by the sound of Ino's palm hitting wood, Sakura began to regain control of herself, and when her gasps had slowed to uneven breaths, Ino lifted her hand and straightened up, crossing her arms. "Now tell me what the hell happened … and _h_ _ow_ the hell it happened," she demanded, her incredulity apparent in her tone.

Sakura's mouth opened, then closed, and she turned her eyes to the window. "I don't know," she replied softly. "It just …" Her voice trailed off as she tried to gather her thoughts.

Sighing quietly, Ino leaned against the desk. "How long?"

Sakura looked back at the blonde, then down at her hands. "A couple of months …" she answered, but as soon as the words were out of her mouth, her stomach abruptly flipped, and she stopped talking.

"What?" Ino pressed.

Sakura shook her head slowly, wonderingly. "I think maybe it was longer than that …" she murmured, her voice almost inaudible.

Ino frowned. "What do you mean?"

"I don't know …" Sakura mused. "When I think back … When I think about the last couple years …" Her heart sank as she realized the truth in what she was saying. "He's always there … In my memories, he's always there …"

Ino raised an eyebrow. "So, what … he was, like, stalking you or something?"

"Pig!" Sakura scolded, but she couldn't hide a small smile when she caught the blonde's teasing smirk. "No, he wasn't stalking me …" she retorted with an eyeroll, then paused, looked thoughtfully at the ceiling, and giggled lightly. "Well, not like that anyway …"

"Like what then?" Ino snorted.

Sakura's giggles faded, and she furrowed her brow. "I don't know … He was just there for me …" she said. "We were friends - good friends, I guess. Or that's what I thought anyway ..." She let out a frustrated breath and leaned her head back in her seat. "I don't know what happened … or how it happened … or when it happened, but somewhere along the line he became the one I went to when I really needed to talk- "

Ino pouted exaggeratedly, and Sakura stuck her tongue out at her. "It wasn't like I intended it to be that way, Pig … You were busy with your family and missions, and I'd see him at all these random times- "

"Stalker," Ino interrupted with a cough. Sakura glared at her.

" _Anyway_ …" she scowled. "When I'm around him … it's … I don't know … comfortable. Or natural, maybe. I find myself just telling him things ..." She smiled affectionately. "You know, for as obnoxious as he is, he's really good at making you feel better."

Ino fixed her with a suspicious gaze. "So _he's_ the reason you were blushing and grinning like a fool when we got drinks awhile ago…" she accused.

Sakura's cheeks flushed. "Yeah …" she admitted.

Ino's eyes narrowed further. "And _he's_ the reason you needed me to cover for you that one night … You weren't really out just walking by yourself, were you?"

Sakura's eyes fell guiltily to her desk. "No …"

The blonde pouted again. "That's mean, Forehead, getting me to lie for you without telling me the real reason … _Especially_ when it's a reason like, oh, I dunno … _you're in love with Hatake fucking Kakashi_!" she hissed, then threw up her hands. "Jesus, Forehead … how could you keep something like that from me?"

Sakura dug her palms into her brow. "I didn't know, Pig … I never let myself …" She turned her gaze onto her friend. "This is the first time I've acknowledged it, even to myself."

Though she was still frowning, Ino looked slightly mollified, and then she poked the pinkette in the shoulder as a mischievous grin spread across her face. "So … how is he?" she asked slyly.

Even though her blush undoubtedly gave her away, Sakura pretended not to know what Ino meant. "How is he what?" she queried innocently, playing with a pen on her desk.

Ino huffed impatiently. "In bed, Forehead … _in bed_ ," she pushed. "I mean, had you ever heard about anyone who'd slept with the Copy-nin before? 'Cause I hadn't, and with the way he looks, you'd think …"

Sakura's blush darkened.

Ino gave her a flat stare. "Oh come on … you know you're not the only one to recognize that he's one fine piece of former Hokage ass, Forehead, however old he is."

"Pig!" Sakura cried, scandalized. "You're married!"

Ino's flat stare grew flatter, and Sakura realized her mistake. She cleared her throat, feeling guilty again, and didn't say anything for a minute, instead staring absently at the pen as she rolled it beneath her index finger.

"He's good …" she answered finally, quietly.

" _Just_ 'good'?" Ino pressed.

Sakura's head dropped lower, her blush spreading to the tips of her ears. " _Really_ good … " she whispered, and her body heated involuntarily at some of the memories that popped into her head. "He's intense and sexy, and he _knows_ what he's doing … Dear god, Pig, you have no idea …" She instinctively bit her lip. "… And his _abs …_ and his _hands …_ and his …"

When Ino started laughing, Sakura suddenly realized what she'd been saying and how she must have sounded, and she clamped her mouth shut, feeling her cheeks burn.

The blonde's laughter eventually slowed, and then she sighed, and it was clear that her mood had shifted. "What about Sasuke?" she asked, her voice serious.

The heat of her memories of Kakashi faded as quickly as her chest began to ache, and Sakura echoed her friend's sigh. "It's such a mess, Pig …"

Ino sniffed. "Of course it is … how could it not be? You've been having an affair with your old teacher, who happens to basically be your husband's surrogate older brother …"

Sakura's heart twisted at Ino's blunt appraisal of the situation. "I never meant …" she started, then cut herself off when she realized that all she could offer were excuses. The real truth was that she had given in, that she was weak, and she told Ino as much.

Her friend's gaze was sympathetic. "You're human, Forehead," she said with a faint shrug. "Yeah, you should have talked to Sasuke, and no, you shouldn't have gone off and found out how good the Copy-nin is in bed …" She paused to grin wickedly, and Sakura frowned. "But these things _do_ happen …" She paused again, this time to think. "Honestly ... I'm not sure how you could even call what you and Sasuke have a 'marriage' …"

Sakura blinked at her friend.

"I mean, how much time did you guys spend together over all those years?" Ino continued. "And how much time did you spend with Kakashi?"

Sakura turned away and sighed while Ino went on. "Really," the blonde mused. "When you actually think about it, it's almost more surprising that it took this long to happen than that it happened …" At that, Sakura's head shot back to glare at her friend, who held up her hands hastily. "Not that I was _expecting_ it to happen ..." she clarified, then stopped, looking thoughtful. " _Although_ …"

When her friend didn't finish her statement, Sakura pinched the bridge of her nose. "Although …?" she prompted.

Ino studied her face, as if checking to make sure that Sakura actually wanted her to say what she'd been thinking. After a moment, she nodded. "I guess I never noticed it before, but the way you guys flirt- "

Sakura cut her off. "We do _not_ flirt," she stated firmly.

Ino rolled her eyes. "Yes, you do _too_ flirt … like, _all the time_. I just brushed it off, because you were so obsessed with 'Sasuke-kun' for so long, and Kakashi's … well, Kakashi."

Sakura's cheeks tinted pink both at the reminder of how she used to be and at the idea that people might have thought that she and Kakashi were flirting.

 _Well, you were …_ Inner Sakura pointed out.

 _Shut up,_ Sakura grumbled mentally before returning her attention to her blonde friend, who had pursed her lips.

"I suppose I should have seen it …" Ino murmured.

"Seen what?" Sakura asked, suddenly annoyed.

Ino peered down at her. "How good you two are together," she answered simply.

All of her irritation vanished instantly in the wake of her surprise, and Sakura opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out.

Clearly undisturbed by her friend's sudden inability to talk, Ino kept on. "Yeah … you've always seemed happy when you were around him, and he seems to be more … I dunno … open, I guess, when he's around you. He seems happy too, really."

Somehow managing to locate her voice, Sakura waved her hand for Ino to stop. "Wait, wait," she said. "You're acting like you're _okay_ with this …"

Ino furrowed her brow. "I'm _not_ okay with you having an affair," she replied firmly. "But you and Kakashi … you make some weird - WEIRD - kind of sense. I just hadn't ever put it together …"

They made sense? Ino thought _they made sense_? Sakura's heart began pounding, and she couldn't figure out if it was because she was happy or because she was terrified.

 _Both ..._ Inner Sakura called out helpfully.

Trying to ignore her, Sakura squeezed her eyes shut. "So what are you saying exactly?" she sighed.

"What are you going to do?" Ino asked.

Her eyes still closed, Sakura massaged her temple. She was surprised that she didn't feel like crying … her heart hurt, her head hurt, but she didn't feel like crying. Maybe it was the relief of being able to talk to someone - someone outside of the situation, someone who didn't seem to hate her for it …

 _Or maybe it's because you finally admitted that you're in love with that silver-haired bastard_ , Inner Sakura countered, raising an eyebrow, and Sakura couldn't help that her heart skipped a beat at the mere memory of what she'd acknowledged at last.

"This makes it so much more complicated …" she groaned, only half-aware that she was responding to Inner Sakura out loud.

But Ino seemed to understand, because she nodded in agreement, though she stayed quiet.

Sakura ran her fingers through her hair, tugging lightly. "If only I hadn't said it … if only I hadn't thought it …" she moaned, then looked at Ino, her eyes pleading. "What do I do? Sarada finally seems happy … What if I end it and Sasuke abandons her again?"

Ino scowled. "Then he's a bigger dickhead than I thought …"

"Pig!" Sakura exclaimed. "He's not a dickhead …" The corner of her mouth twitched. "Most of the time …"

At that, both women burst into giggles, and it was several minutes before they collected themselves.

"No, but seriously, Pig," Sakura sighed when they'd calmed down. "He's changing … he's making an effort. I can't just ignore that …"

"But you're not in love with him," Ino replied frankly, and Sakura's heart twisted again.

"No …" she agreed softly. "I'm not … but Sarada needs stability. She needs a family, and Sasuke's trying to make one."

With visible frustration, Ino flicked the pen Sakura had been playing with until it hit a stack of papers on the other side of the desk. "You know what all that sounds like, Forehead?" she asked.

Sakura snatched back the pen and frowned. "What?"

Ino looked her in the eye. "A bunch of excuses," she declared. "The reality of it is that you're scared to death of being in a real relationship with someone you truly love who truly loves you, and you're using a bunch of excuses so you don't have to try."

Sakura felt her throat close up. Was that really what she was doing? Was she really just being a coward?

Apparently done with the conversation, Ino stood and headed toward the door, but before she left, she glanced back over her shoulder. "Do the right thing, Sakura," she murmured, then walked out of the room.

* * *

 **A/N:** There won't be another chapter til sometime week after next, because I'm going to go lounge on the beach and try not to get sunburned.


	58. Chapter 58

**Chapter 58**

"Do you _really_ have to go?" Sarada whined, flopping onto her stomach on her parents' bed beside Sasuke's bag.

Her father glanced down at her out of the corner of his eye briefly as he packed. "It's a mission, Sarada-chan."

By the closet, Sakura slipped her coat off of a hanger, then turned toward her daughter. "You take missions too," she pointed out.

"I knooooow," Sarada sighed. "But …"

There was a pause as the girl looked down and pressed the tips of her index fingers together.

"Are you for sure coming back?" she asked finally.

Sasuke set aside the shirt he'd been about to tuck into his bag and put his hand on his daughter's head. "It's only for a couple of weeks," he answered.

"But you _are_ coming back, right?" Sarada insisted quietly, turning her dark eyes up to meet his.

"Yes," he affirmed, ruffling her hair lightly.

With a small, skeptical frown, Sarada searched his gaze for a moment before turning away. "You better," she grumbled, and Sasuke nodded his head as he resumed packing.

* * *

When Sakura watched her daughter express concern that her father wouldn't be coming back, she couldn't help but feel guilty, because if she were honest with herself, a large part of her was relieved that Sasuke was leaving, even if only for a short while …

Really, just the thought of a week or two without him seemed to make her chest loosen, her shoulders feel lighter … since he'd first mentioned his upcoming mission, she had been discovering exactly how much stress his presence had been putting on her.

Of course, she knew that some of it had to do with Kakashi … If she'd had trouble getting the silver-haired man off her mind before, it had been damn near impossible since her talk with Ino, but with Sasuke gone, she'd be able to let herself attempt to sort through all those feelings without having to worry that he'd notice that something was wrong; she'd be able to express her emotions in the privacy of her bedroom without having to come up with some story to explain them to him.

At the same time, Sakura knew that it was more than Kakashi … She had started to realize that Sasuke in and of himself stressed her out - she never knew what kind of a mood he would be in from one moment to the next -would he be "present," or would he be withdrawn? And she never knew the best way to respond to him, whatever his mood was - if he were withdrawn, should she try to reach out for him or let him be? If he were present, what should she avoid doing so he wouldn't clam up?

Until he'd announced that he would be going on a mission, Sakura hadn't understood just how tiring it was to be his wife … She hadn't understood how much pressure she felt not only to make their marriage work but to help Sasuke build a relationship with his daughter, to become a father … She wanted him to be happy, to be able to get past the tragedies of his childhood so that he could make a real life in a real home with his family - so that he could become _whole_ again. She wanted to help him see that he didn't need to wander the world by himself ...

But it was _exhausting_. The pressure was exhausting; the task itself was exhausting. _He_ was exhausting.

Her heart twisted … she hated feeling like that, because it was a selfish feeling - and hadn't she been the one to sign up for the job when she married him? She'd known what she was getting into …

Or she'd thought she did.

Maybe it had all been youthful naiveté and she'd never really grasped how much she would have to give to help him. Maybe it was ten years of making sacrifices to raise their daughter alone and telling herself that it would all be worth it once his mission was over ... only to have him put off coming home for almost half a year when it finally ended.

Or maybe it was realizing upon his return that he hadn't made nearly as much progress on his own as she might have expected, realizing that he still had a long, _long_ way to go before he would truly be okay … if he ever would.

Whatever the reason, though, and however selfish of her it was, she couldn't keep from feeling like a burden had been lifted when she found out that she would have some time away from him, time to be herself again without having to constantly worry about whether or not she was doing the right thing, saying the right thing … time to _breathe_ again.

Breathing sounded wonderful ...

* * *

Sakura was drawn out of her thoughts when she heard Sasuke zip up his pack. She watched him sling it over one of his shoulders.

"I wanna walk with you to the gates!" Sarada announced.

Sasuke inclined his head in acknowledgement of his daughter's declaration, then turned to Sakura.

She nodded and slid on her coat. "I'll go with you," she said, and the three Uchiha headed to the door.

* * *

Sasuke's departure had gone as expected; he'd poked the both of them in the forehead and left with hardly a word.

That had been five days ago, and three of those days had been blissful reminders of the way things used to be when it was just she and her daughter in the house: the awkwardness-free meals, the easy conversations, the occasional spat about something silly … even when Sarada relayed details of her training with Kakashi, Sakura had been too grateful for the space to breathe to spiral into her usual existential crisis regarding her situation with the silver-haired man.

… And then Sarada had left for a mission of her own, and Sakura was suddenly alone in her house with nothing to distract her from thinking about what Ino had said a week and a half or so prior:

 _Do the right thing, Sakura_ ...

The right thing ...

What was the right thing? Given the rest of their conversation, Sakura assumed that Ino meant, "End your marriage and be with Kakashi," and while she knew that her blonde friend would accuse her of making excuses, she couldn't help but think that it really wasn't that simple … these were other people's emotions - other people's _lives_ \- that she was dealing with … Sasuke's, Kakashi's, Sarada's. Whatever decision she made affected them all; she couldn't make it lightly.

As she walked down the hall in Hokage Tower on her way back to the hospital after a short meeting with the council, she wondered if she'd truly given her marriage a chance. It had only been a couple of months … that didn't seem like nearly enough time, especially when she considered that she'd spent it unsure of how to share herself with Sasuke.

Sasuke … who was making progress, tiny step by tiny step. Could she - _should_ she - risk destroying that by tearing apart his family, his primary reason for staying in the village?

And what about the trust that he'd allowed himself to give to her? To Kakashi? Because even if he never found out about the affair, she wouldn't be able to - wouldn't want to - hide her relationship with Kakashi after the divorce, which meant that Sasuke would know that his ex-wife was sleeping with his former teacher, was in love with his former teacher, wanted to be with his former teacher more than she wanted to be with him ...

Her heart twisted with sadness.

No, her relationship after their marriage ended wouldn't be with just any man, any random ninja or villager … it would be with one of Sasuke's precious people, one of the few individuals in this world that he trusted. Affair or no affair, it was a betrayal … it would hurt, and she never wanted to hurt him … She may not have been in love with him anymore, but she still loved him, and she hated the thought of hurting him.

How could leaving a man who trusts you, who's in a fragile place, who's finally trying to build relationships and open himself up … how could that be the right thing to do?

 _If you don't leave him, you'll be hurting Kakashi_ , Inner Sakura interjected, and Sakura felt a stabbing pain in her chest at the thought ... but still her inner self continued. _You're going to hurt one of them,_ she stated frankly. _It's unavoidable. But if you choose Sasuke, you'll be hurting yourself too._

Sakura knew it was true. Especially now that she'd accepted that she was in love with Kakashi, she couldn't bear the thought of letting him go, of never having his arms around her again, never seeing that look in his eyes, never feeling the overwhelming happiness she felt when she was with him.

It crushed her.

 _How can making two people miserable just to avoid the possibility of hurting one person be the right thing to do?_ Inner Sakura asked. _And, technically, you don't even know how Sasuke will handle it … he's spent time with Sarada now, gotten to see what it's like to be a father; do you really think he'd leave her again?_

Sakura didn't know … she honestly didn't know. With a frustrated sigh, she pinched the bridge of her nose and rounded the corner … only to find herself stopped in her tracks by a pair of all-too familiar hands on her waist and a broad, flak-vested chest mere inches from her face. Startled, she looked up to find the masked man she'd been thinking about for days peering down at her with an exaggerated air of disapproval.

"You should really watch where you're going, Sakura-chan …" he admonished, his frown deepening. "You might run into someone ..."

With her mind clouded by surprise at his appearance seemingly out of nowhere, Sakura barely heard what he said … it was all she could do to whisper his name.

As soon as she did, his artificially stern look fell, and he met her gaze with a tenderness that tugged on all of those emotions she'd only just allowed herself to feel.

"Sakura," he said with a hint of teasing in his tone, one corner of his mouth curling up into a crooked smile that made her heart skip.

She couldn't look away from him … she was trapped by the warmth in his eyes, by the heat of his body, by the comforting - yet thrilling - scent of him surrounding her once more.

As his crooked grin grew, her troubled thoughts faded away, and her cheeks flushed in a combination of elation, embarrassment, and anticipation, and then suddenly she was smiling back at him with all of the giddiness of a girl in love.

* * *

The brightness of Sakura's smile caught Kakashi completely off-guard, and for a moment, he was frozen speechless … She was smiling like he'd never seen her smile, like she was so happy that she almost couldn't contain it, like she'd unexpectedly stumbled upon everything that she'd ever been searching for.

Was she smiling like that _at him_?

The idea filled him with the hope that maybe he _hadn't_ been a fool to take a chance on her, and he couldn't keep his fingers from squeezing her gently.

* * *

Through her giddiness, Sakura saw Kakashi's eyes widen and then soften, and the expression on his face made her breath catch in her throat. Almost simultaneously, his grip on her tightened, and she became cognizant of the fact that he was still holding her, that he hadn't let go of her waist since he'd stopped her from bumping into him moments earlier.

"What are you doing here?" she asked quietly, her voice slightly above a whisper as she managed to get her emotions under control enough to tone her smile down into something a bit more normal, a bit less lovestruck teenager.

His hands slid from her waist, and he used one of them to pull a scroll out of his pocket and hold it up for her to see. "Mission," he replied with an eye crease.

Though she'd missed his touch the minute he'd let her go, the wrinkles at the corners of his eyes made her heart beat just a little faster, and when he relaxed his face again to look at her with that tenderness he seemed to reserve for her, her mouth threatened to break back into a ridiculous smile.

She made it form words instead. "Where to?"

He grimaced as he tucked the scroll back into his pocket. "Iwagakure," he answered sourly. "They want me to attend some event."

She gave him a sympathetic look. "Just you?"

He shook his head. "No … Shikamaru's going too."

"Well, at least you two can commiserate about how troublesome it all is," she grinned, automatically sticking her tongue out at him.

* * *

Sakura realized her mistake as soon as Kakashi's charcoal eyes flickered down to her mouth and lingered there for a second too long, instantly recalling to her mind his words so many months ago:

 _I thought I warned you about sticking your tongue out at a man who wants you_ … he'd said. His tone had been so low, so dangerous, and then he'd dragged her into a kiss that had turned on so much that she'd let him fuck her into her desk in the middle of her shift.

Her body heated involuntarily at the memory of his strength as he drove himself into her from behind, of the way he'd cautioned her against crying out and then did everything he could to make her do it anyway, of the rumble of his voice in her ear as he told her that she was incredible ...

* * *

When he returned his gaze to hers, she could see in it a desire that mirrored her own, and the world started to fade away again - like it always seemed to do around him - until she found it harder and harder to think through the headiness of her feelings for him, harder and harder maintain control over herself, harder and harder to remember that they were standing in the middle of an empty hallway in Hokage Tower that could at any moment become _not_ empty ...

She wanted to touch him, to put her hands to his face and bring his mouth down to hers. She wanted to stop fighting this need for him, to stop fighting with herself …

She wanted to _let go_.

So she did … she reached up and slowly slid her fingers along his masked jawline. When he didn't move away, she stepped closer to him, watched his eyes fall again from hers to her mouth, felt his hands return to their place on her waist and then slip from there to the small of her back.

"Sakura …" he hummed roughly, still focused on her lips. "What are you doing?"

She shook her head gently, hesitantly, not quite sure herself until she'd already spoken.

"What I want to do …" she whispered finally, and then she pressed her lips against his.

* * *

Kakashi had told himself after his display at the pub that he had to put some distance between the two of them, that he couldn't force things or all the progress he'd made with Sakura so far could be lost …

But something was different. _She_ was different … her smile, the joy that seemed to shine from her eyes when she looked at him, the way she reached for him as though she wouldn't have stopped herself even if she could …

For the first time, he felt like she wasn't holding any of herself back from him. For the first time, he felt like she was giving herself to him completely, unreservedly. And for the first time, he felt like she loved him - and knew it.

It made it impossible for him to keep from returning her kiss, from wrapping his arms around her and pulling her against him.

* * *

Somewhere in the back of her mind, Sakura remembered that she was still married, that she still hadn't decided if she should leave Sasuke …

Somewhere in the back of her mind, she recognized that no matter how you looked at it, this wasn't the right thing to do, not there, not then …

But it _felt_ so right, and the sensation of Kakashi's covered mouth on hers, of his arms tightening around her, was overriding her reason … the temptation to be close to him now that she'd admitted the depths of what she felt for him - the temptation to truly _make love_ with him - was overriding her reason, and for as many times in the past as she'd felt like her heart might explode if Kakashi didn't hold her together, it was reaching for him then in a way that it hadn't before - in a way she hadn't _let_ it before - and she found that she _needed_ him. She _needed_ him with fibers of her being that she hadn't even known existed.

No, it wasn't the right thing to do … she was being rash and selfish and weak all over again, but she was too caught up in the dizziness of kissing the man she loved, of being held by the man she loved for what was, in a way, the first time … She was too caught up in the wonder of sharing her whole self with a man who actually felt like a partner, like an equal, like she didn't have to force anything from him, like he wanted to be there every bit as much as she did …

She couldn't stop. It wasn't the right thing to do, but she couldn't stop … she felt like she was floating, and in that moment, she didn't care if she ever touched the earth again.

* * *

 **A/N:** We're getting there …

Also, apologies on the delay for this; I had hoped to finish it earlier, but one of my dogs passed away while we were on vacation, and it's been kind of a rough week and a half. I wasn't actually sure if I'd be able to write for a little while, but apparently my muse decided that it would be a good distraction, so she kept putting words in my head until I typed them out.


	59. Chapter 59

**Chapter 59**

Even as he slid his masked lips over her mouth, even as he sank into the feeling that something in the way Sakura viewed him - the way she viewed _them_ \- had changed, Kakashi couldn't forget where they were, and the part of him that kept instinctively scanning the area for chakra signals had the wherewithal not to give in to his desire to drag her into the nearest supply closet and do to her what he'd been wanting to do to her for months; instead, he softened the kiss, then pulled away slowly until she opened her eyes to meet his gaze.

"Not here," he murmured, brushing a thumb across her jaw.

He waited for her to object, waited for her to recover herself and realize what they were doing, what he was offering, but all she did was nod and smile a smile that was at once shy and completely open, and then he couldn't resist wrapping both arms around her and making the sign that would take them to his apartment.

* * *

Sakura didn't even hesitate. When he held her face in his hand and suggested - though not in so many words - that they continue elsewhere, she didn't hesitate … her heart fluttered, and her stomach flipped in a pleasant, fuzzy kind of way, and she didn't hesitate.

The next thing she knew, they were in his living room, and he was looking down at her, his smoky grey eyes filled with warmth and respect and desire and love …

Love.

He loved her ...

And she loved him.

A thrill raced through her body at the thought, and her mouth curled helplessly into a wide smile as she lifted a hand from the back of his head to slip down his mask, then stood on her toes and brought their lips together again.

* * *

Their first real kiss - bare mouth to bare mouth - since she'd admitted to herself how she felt about him was more than she had thought it would be, more than she had imagined it could be … it was gentle yet heavy with emotion, and she never wanted it to end ...

She never wanted to stop feeling his hands trailing across her back or reaching up into her hair. She never wanted to stop breathing him in or clutching at the muscles in his shoulders. She never wanted him to stop pressing her body into his or holding her as tightly as he could.

And when he deepened the kiss, running his tongue over hers, under it, along each side, the shock of arousal that flashed from her breasts down between her legs took her breath away, and she moaned brokenly, needily, into his mouth.

She felt more than heard the responding rumble in his chest as he slid a hand over the curve of her ass, then grabbed it hard, pulling her up even higher so that she had to lock her arms around his neck just to keep her balance, and the precariousness of her position, the fact that her very ability to remain upright was dependent upon their hold on each other, sent another unexpected wave of lust coursing through her body.

"Bed," she ordered roughly, momentarily breaking free of his kiss. "Bed now."

* * *

The need in her voice shot straight to his cock, and Kakashi automatically began backing her towards his room, using his lips and his tongue and his teeth to distract her along the way until she tripped over his feet or her feet or the floor itself and he had to catch her … before doing it all again a second later.

* * *

Even through the haze of her desire, Sakura could feel him smirking against her mouth every time he made her lose her footing, and if she hadn't been so turned on, she might have hit him for it. But she _was_ turned on - _very_ turned on, so instead, she tightened her grip on his neck with one hand, then ducked the other down between them to rub his erection through his pants.

She was immediately rewarded with a groan as he stumbled toward the wall just outside his bedroom, trapping her body against it with his.

"Fuck, Sakura," he breathed harshly before capturing her mouth in a searing kiss.

"Mm," she moaned, then nipped at his tongue and trailed her lips over his jawline to his ear as she wrapped her fingers around his clothed cock and stroked it harder. "I thought I told you to take me to your bed …"

* * *

Kakashi could have come just from the combination of her touch and the dark tone of her voice, but he wasn't one to give in that easily …

So he let her tease him a little bit longer, let her think that she was winning, let her feel his pants dampen with precum that he couldn't control, and then, when he felt himself growing dangerously close to orgasm, he leaned back with a wicked grin, grabbed both of her wrists, and pinned her arms to the wall.

Taking no small pleasure in her surprised gasp, he left one hand around her wrists while the other ghosted over a nipple, down her side and across her stomach until her eyes were clouding over with need, and her chest was rising and falling rapidly with shallow pants, and his fingers were dancing past the waistband of her shorts ... only to pause just as they reached her curls.

The cloudiness instantly disappeared as she glared at him, but the glare was undermined by the fact that she wasn't attempting to get out of his hold in the least, and one corner of his mouth quirked up higher ...

She really was sexy as hell, this woman he loved …

* * *

Sakura had barely a moment to appreciate just how unfairly attractive Kakashi was when he was giving her that infuriating, self-satisfied smirk before his lips were on hers again in a rough kiss, and he was slipping his hand under her panties, spreading his fingers in a V around her clit, his middle finger on one side, his ring finger on the other, and sliding them slowly up and down.

Groaning in aroused protest at the way he held her arms hostage as he tortured her, she bit at his lip and tried to tug her hands free so she could sink them into his hair, but Kakashi just strengthened his grip on her wrists and pulled his mouth away.

Looking way too amused, her silver-haired lover raised a mischievous eyebrow as he narrowed the distance between his fingers, increasing the pressure on her clit, and she hated that it made eyes slide shut against her will.

"Damn you, Kakashi," she cursed breathlessly, struggling once more against his hold even as her hips began rocking in time with the movements of his hand.

* * *

She was so wet. She was so fucking wet, and it made him want to forget about teasing her and just thrust into her right there, against his wall, mere feet from his bed, but the sounds she was making, the pleasure he could hear in every moan she tried to disguise, the empty threats about what she would do to him if he didn't let go of her arms (because they both knew that she could break free any time she wanted) … he couldn't resist. He couldn't resist seeing how much wetter he could make her, how much longer she could last before she succumbed ...

* * *

He was going to drive her crazy. With his long, languid strokes that didn't _quite_ hit where she needed them, with his mouth nipping and sucking all along her neck (when he wasn't smirking at her), with the burning heat of his large, calloused hand shackling her arms to the wall, he was going to drive her crazy ...

And then, just when she thought she couldn't take it anymore, he closed the gap between his fingers and circled them lazily around her clit and up inside of her, then back out again … exactly the way she liked it … and as annoyed with him as she was, she couldn't stop herself from calling his name.

* * *

When Kakashi heard her cry out, he returned his mouth to hers in another deep kiss and picked up his pace, curling his fingers into her now-dripping core over and over, stroking her inside and outside again and again until she couldn't keep up with his movements, until he felt her body tremble, and he knew that she was about to come.

But he didn't want that just yet … He didn't want her to come until she'd begged him for it, until she'd begged him to fill her with his cock, to bury himself inside of her and bring her to orgasm. He didn't want her to come until her juices were covering not his fingers but his cock, until he could feel her quivering not around his knuckles but around his shaft ...

* * *

"Fuck!" Sakura hissed, tearing her lips from his in frustration.

She had been so close … she had been _so_ close to coming, and then he'd taken his fingers away and she was left throbbing with desire, her inner walls clenching around nothing, her clit and her nipples almost painfully aroused.

Seemingly ignorant of her plight, Kakashi sucked on the tender flesh just below her ear and used the hand that had been inside of her to jerk one of her legs up around his waist. She could feel his rigid length between her thighs as he rolled his hips into hers, and it made her remember what it was like to have him inside of her, what it was like when he angled himself just right and pounded into her ...

"Fuck ..." she breathed again, this time the word as much a moan as a curse as the sensation of his cock repeatedly pressing against her covered entrance and sliding over the hypersensitive bundle of nerves above it kept her just on the edge of orgasm.

Oh, she knew what he was trying to do … she knew that he was trying to get her to beg for him, and she didn't want to give in, but her control was slipping …

She needed to come … she needed him inside of her, not against her … she needed him to lose control too …

"Now …" she commanded darkly.

* * *

Her voice was hoarse, filled with desire, almost a whisper as her labored breaths ruffled his hair.

"Hm?" he murmured into her ear, doing his best not to sound like he was seconds away from ripping her clothes off and slamming his cock into her.

Clearly angry with his response, she locked her leg around his hip, drawing an unintentional groan from him as her action brought their bodies even closer together.

"Fuck you, Kakashi," she panted.

"Is that a request?" he asked as he kept rocking against her, his own voice strained with need.

* * *

She was going to kill him …

She was going to kill him ... but first, she was going to make him make her come ...

"Yes, dammit," she growled impatiently.

* * *

No sooner had she spoken than Kakashi gave into his desire and released her hands so that he could kiss her - hard - as he lifted her up, wrapping her other leg around his waist.

"My pleasure," he mumbled into her mouth, then tugged on her lower lip with his teeth as he dragged her away from the wall and carried her into his room.

* * *

Finally let loose, Sakura dug her fingers into Kakashi's hair and returned his kisses with harsh ones of her own, fully intending to make him pay for teasing her for so long, and when he broke their kiss and fairly dropped her onto his bed, her resolution strengthened.

But then she looked up at him as he slipped her shorts off and climbed onto the mattress over her, and her irritation faded away as though it had never been there at all …

His expression still contained traces of an arrogant smirk, but his eyes were filled with a softness that stopped her heart, and when he reached a hand up to gently cup her face, then gave her a small, tender smile before brushing his lips across hers, a lump formed in her throat, and her arms instinctively looped around his shoulders.

The kiss was everything. It was everything that he felt for her and everything that she felt for him manifested in the melding of their mouths and the tangling of their tongues, in the slide of his rough fingers from her cheek to the nape of her neck and the weight of his body coming to rest on hers, in the press of his hand against the small of her back and the unhurried rocking of their hips.

It was overwhelming in a completely different way than her earlier sexual desire had been, and when he left her mouth to leave a trail of wet kisses along her jaw, she felt tears pricking at the corners of her eyes as she hugged him closer.

"I love you," she murmured unthinkingly.

His movements instantly stopped, and he raised his head to meet her gaze. "What?" he asked quietly.

She saw the hesitation in his charcoal eyes, and she thought her chest would burst as a strange, wonderful lightness began to fill her heart until she suddenly felt freer than she ever had before. "I love you," she repeated, smiling softly, one of her hands drifting up to cup his cheek.

The grin that spread across his face only made the lightness grow, and then he was bending his head down to slant his mouth over hers in a long, _long_ kiss while he reached between them to pull himself out of his pants. He didn't rush, and though she could feel him twitching with need when he held his thick shaft against her, he didn't enter her. Instead, he leaned back to capture her eyes again, and they watched each other as he rubbed himself up and down her slit before slowly - so very slowly - pushing past her folds to sink into her body.

As he slid deeper and deeper inside of her and then back out again just as deliberately, his eyes still locked on hers, she felt like the lines between them were blurring, like they were blending together into one being, and with every amazingly, torturously drawn-out thrust, she became less sure of where she ended and he began, and before she even realized it, she was coming.

Her eyes finally slid shut as her walls rippled around his cock, but he didn't stop rolling his pelvis into hers, and through the pleasure, she felt him kiss the corners of her mouth, then drag his lips to the edge of her jaw until the heat of his breath on the sensitive skin there had her unconsciously arching her back and curling her toes into his bed sheets.

"I love you," he whispered into her ear, and the unexpected words, spoken in his low, rough voice, made the air catch momentarily in her throat before it was released in a soft, surprised moan as somehow she was coming a second time, more intensely than before.

* * *

When Kakashi heard her quiet cry and felt her clenching around him again, mere moments after her first orgasm, he couldn't stop the sudden, sharp pleasure that had his grip on the hair at the back of her head tightening and his hips moving faster while he tried to get even deeper, tried to hold her even closer, until he was releasing inside of her in a series of jerks that seemed to match the rhythm of her pulses.

"Fuck …" he groaned, his mouth still by her ear, and she contracted around him harshly as another gasp escaped her lips.

… It was the sexiest thing he'd ever heard, made sexier by what she'd said earlier - by those three little words that he hadn't been sure he'd ever hear her say to him.

She loved him.

With his mouth curving into a smile against her neck as he came down from his high, he squeezed her waist. "Be with me, Sakura … for real ..."

* * *

 **A/N:** Even though I've had this scene planned out forever, it totally would not cooperate. Made me realize how long it's been since we had real smut in this story ...


	60. Chapter 60

**Chapter 60**

 _Be with me, Sakura … for real …_

Just like that, Sakura came back down to earth, and her body froze instinctively as a paralyzing combination of joy and panic overtook her heart and mind.

She _wanted_ to say yes … she wanted to say yes _so badly_ , but she couldn't seem to get her mouth to work, and then she felt the muscles of his jaw flexing against her neck before the soft spikes of his hair brushed over her cheek as he shook his head sharply and let out a long, harsh breath.

A moment later, the mattress above her dipped, and he lifted himself up and out of her.

The cold - a cold both physical and much more than physical - hit her immediately, and she wanted to reach for him, to pull him back down to her, but somehow she couldn't … she couldn't do anything but sit up and watch him climb off the bed and tuck himself into his pants, couldn't do anything but flinch when he frowned at her before walking over to his window to crack open the blinds and peer outside.

The silence between them was louder than any sound she'd ever heard, and it seemed to wrap around her heart like a vise, squeezing tighter with every breath. Unconsciously, she hugged the sheet to her chest, even though she'd never taken off her shirt.

"So that's it ..." he said finally, his eyes still focused on the world beyond the window. "You're in love with me, but you won't choose me."

His voice was almost completely void of emotion, and it killed her.

"Kakashi …" she whispered. She didn't know what to say. A hundred thoughts were flying around her head, and she couldn't tie any of them down long enough to articulate.

The silver-haired man she loved glanced back at her, his gaze unreadable for a long minute, and then he sighed and released the blinds before pinching the bridge of his nose as he leaned against the wall and looked at the floor.

* * *

When he eventually dropped his hand and raised his head to meet her eyes again, his expression was tired … tired, frustrated, and sad. "This terrifies you, doesn't it?" he asked quietly, though it was less a question than a statement.

Her throat beginning to close up, Sakura just stared at him. Wasn't that what Ino had told her?

 _You're scared to death of being in a real relationship with someone you truly love who truly loves you_ …

What made it worse was that she knew it was true … she knew that the idea of being with Kakashi for real frightened her as much as it made her happy, and she knew that, no matter what she told herself, that fear was one of the main reasons she was hesitating.

* * *

Kakashi hated the indecision in those green orbs, hated that he could see that she could see the truth in what he'd said, yet she did nothing.

He couldn't stop his fist from clenching, and he thrust it into his pocket, angry that he had let himself think even for a minute that anything had _actually_ changed … he'd already known that Sakura loved him; the fact that she'd admitted it - both to him and to herself - was important, but it didn't really mean much in the end if she still refused to take that next step, if she still wouldn't leave Sasuke to start a real relationship with him.

With another sigh, he shut his eyes and rested his head against the wall, trying to get control of his emotions.

"I'm not him, Sakura," he acknowledged at last, then made himself look at her again. "I'm not the man you've been dreaming about since you were a little girl."

* * *

The guarded seriousness in Kakashi's gaze seemed to cut into her soul, and Sakura turned her eyes away from it, but he didn't stop.

"I'm not the man you've been dreaming about for most of your life," he repeated, a hint of impatience in his tone. "But there's a difference between dreams and reality, and you've been learning that since the day you married Sasuke."

It hurt, because he was right … she knew that he was right, and her mouth opened to speak as she looked back at him, but no sound came out.

Why couldn't she say anything? Why couldn't she make words form on her tongue, pass from her lips? Why couldn't she get herself to stand up and go over to him, to wrap her arms around him the way she wanted to?

His eyes slid closed again at her silence, and she hated that the crease between his brows was because of her, that the pain on his face and the tension in his body were because of her.

"I'm sorry …" she managed somehow to get out, and then suddenly she was staring into those charcoal depths once more, but there was anger in them now, and the crease in his forehead had deepened. She could see his struggle, and she hated herself all over again, because she _still_ couldn't make herself move.

"Sorry's not what I want, Sakura," he replied steadily, but his voice held a sharp edge. "I want you to stop this bullshit ... I want you to stop staying with Sasuke out of some misguided sense of obligation. I want you to stop letting your fear of the unknown keep you from doing what's right ... for all of us."

He seemed to be waiting for her to respond, and when she didn't - couldn't, he shook his head and tugged his fist from his pocket, then slammed it into the wall. She jumped at the sound, and he turned his side to her.

"Fuck," he growled, his hand loosening and tightening again, and then he let it fall as he stood straight and moved away from the wall.

For a second, she thought he was going to come over to her, but he stopped a few feet from the bed, his brow furrowed, and the space between them seemed miles wide.

"You don't owe him anything anymore, Sakura," he told her bluntly. "You don't owe him anything anymore ... and you're not giving your daughter enough credit."

Sakura's eyes widened in confusion. "Sarada …?"

"She understands more than you think," he murmured, his expression softening a bit, and then he sighed and shortened the distance between them, coming to rest at the end of the bed in front of her.

At his proximity, Sakura's hold on the sheet relaxed, but she didn't quite let it go, even when he slid his fingers over her cheek to cup her face. The anger had faded from his eyes, and his gaze was tender again as he looked down at her, but the tenderness was clouded by a resignation that ran deeper than the resignation she'd seen the day they'd stood at the intersection heading into the village.

"I don't want half a relationship, Sakura," he said quietly, his thumb lightly stroking her jaw in a way that made a lump form in her throat. "Not even with you."

The corner of his mouth lifted into a joyless half-smile, and then his hand slipped from her cheek, and he walked out of his room and out of his apartment, leaving her behind on his bed with the gentle click of the closing front door echoing inside her heart.

* * *

 **A/N:** So I had about four different versions of this scene sketched out, but this is how it ended up, I guess.


	61. Chapter 61

**Chapter 61**

"I think I'm going to have to take back what I said … Your skills _have_ grown a bit rusty …" Kakashi remarked quietly from the doorway into his room, then watched with affectionate amusement as Sakura sat bolt upright and stared at him, her lips parted and her eyes widened in surprise.

He had returned to his apartment just a couple of minutes before to find her asleep in his bed, cuddled under his blanket, her moonlit pink locks spilling over the pillow he usually slept on, and she had looked so vulnerable and so beautiful and so _right_ lying there that - even given the lingering hurt from the afternoon - he couldn't resist teasing her when she didn't notice his presence.

Predictably, her disorientation lasted only a moment before she was scowling at him and crossing her arms with a huff, the blanket pooled around her waist.

"I'd've stopped you before you could do anything the second you got close enough," she groused.

Suppressing a smile at her adorable pout and disheveled hair, he raised an eyebrow. "And if I'd chosen to throw a kunai instead of getting close?"

Sakura's scowl deepened, and she turned her head to the side. "Well, it's not like anyone's going to break in here anyway …"

"Mm … I suppose you have a point," he allowed. "Not quite 'fists of doom,' but I _am_ the infamous Copy Ninja."

Sakura shook her head. "I didn't mean it like _that_ …" she sniffed. "I _meant_ that there's nothing in here worth stealing … just a collection of dirty books and a bunch of the same exact kinds of shirts and pants."

It was Kakashi's turn to frown. "I'll have you know that several of those books are limited editions and/or autographed … quite valuable, actually," he retorted.

Sakura rolled her eyes. "Whatever you say, ero-jiji …"

At (a version of) her familiar insult, Kakashi felt his heart warm, and a soft smile played on his lips as he held her gaze from across the room.

Honestly, with the way she'd frozen when he asked her to be with him, with the way she hadn't said anything except "I'm sorry," he hadn't expected to find her still in his apartment when he returned, and he'd spent hours at the cenotaph and then hours atop Hokage Mountain because he hadn't wanted to confirm her absence, hadn't wanted to feel the stillness or hear the silence that she would have left in her wake, hadn't wanted to face the fact that he would have to let her go ...

So in the end, when the sun fell and the autumn air became more chilly than crisp and he had reluctantly headed home, the clear sense of her chakra coming from his apartment had caught him off-guard, and though he'd tried to remind himself that she may have stayed just to make it clear that their relationship was over, the sight of her sleeping in his bed, curled up on his side, had him daring to hope that she had finally chosen him.

* * *

Sakura had sat motionless for a long time after Kakashi had left, her mind churning and churning around four little words:

 _Not even with you …_

They tore into her with a pain worse than the pain she had felt when Sarada had told her that she'd hated her, because on some level, she'd always known that her daughter didn't mean it ...

But Kakashi meant it.

He had repeated to her what he'd said that very first night that she'd consciously begun to see him differently, and it had reminded her that what she'd been doing with him wasn't what he really wanted, wasn't what he _deserved_ … It had reminded her that he wanted to give to her what he'd never given to anyone else - his whole self.

And it had reminded her that he deserved her whole self in return.

She knew that he'd probably known for awhile how she felt, even if _she_ hadn't, and he'd been willing to sacrifice what he really wanted so that she could have time to come to terms with her feelings, but now that she had, he couldn't - wouldn't - compromise himself anymore.

He shouldn't have to.

 _Not even with you ..._

It had been less of an ultimatum than an affirmation that they couldn't continue as they were, that now that she had accepted that she was in love with him, she had to make a choice, and those four little words had seemed to swim around inside of her skull until she finally realized that at some point they'd become something else - a single, unshakable thought: "I don't want to lose him."

She'd known then what she had to do, but given his particular talent for disappearing into thin air when he wanted to, she'd figured that it would be easier to wait for him than to try to find him, so she'd pulled her shorts back on and settled herself into his bed.

She hadn't intended to fall asleep, of course, but he was gone for so long, and his scent was so comforting that she'd drifted off before she knew it, and now he was there, leaning against the doorframe leading into his room, his hands tucked into his pockets, teasing her as if nothing had happened.

She studied him quietly. His handsome features were mostly visible thanks to the filmy, silver moonlight filtering in from the window, and the gentle curve of his lips and the warmth in his gaze as he held hers made her annoyance that he'd been able to catch her unawares disappear into the ether.

Almost unconsciously, she flipped the blanket off of her lap and walked hesitantly over to him.

He straightened up as she approached, but otherwise he didn't move ... Even when she stood only a few inches from him, even when she reached out to place her hands on his chest, even when she rested her forehead just below his collarbone, he didn't move, and though it hurt that he didn't wrap his arms around her the way he would have before, she recognized that he also didn't push her away, so she gripped the navy blue fabric of his shirt between her fingers and buried her face further into his chest.

"I need to talk to Sasuke …" she murmured softly.

She felt his body tense, and there was a pause before he responded.

"Talk to him about what?" he asked.

His voice was a low thrum in her ear, and his question made her more nervous than she'd arguably ever been in her entire life … because there was no going back after she answered it.

With her heart pounding, she raised her eyes to meet his, and somehow their dark grey depths drew her in and calmed the butterflies in her stomach, and then suddenly what she wanted to say didn't seem so daunting, because this was Kakashi, the man who had always been there for her, the man who made her happy, the man who had shown her that she deserved - and could have - better …

This was Kakashi, the man she loved with every last bit of herself.

"About ending our marriage," she responded finally, and it felt _right_.

She knew that things were still going to be hard … possibly for a long time ... but _it felt right_ , and a shy smile formed on her lips as she tentatively slid her hands from his chest up around his neck, hoping that it wasn't too late, hoping that he would accept her even after the way she'd reacted that afternoon.

* * *

It had been taking everything in him not to hold her the way he wanted to, but at that, at her words and the small, happy smile she gave him, Kakashi couldn't keep his arms from closing around her anymore.

When he returned her embrace, she let out what seemed to be a sigh of relief and broke eye contact to squeeze him to her in a real hug. "I'm sorry I froze like that," she whispered into his neck.

He tightened his fingers around her waist and shook his head lightly, dismissing her apology … none of that mattered now. "Are you sure about this?"

Her arms loosened a bit, and she leaned back to look up at him. "I want to be with you, Kakashi … for real," she replied, then shrugged helplessly. "I'm in love with you."

Kakashi lifted a thumb to caress her cheek, a playful grin tugging at his lips. "You say that like it's a bad thing," he teased, then drew her into a brief but gentle kiss.

After he pulled away, she fixed him with an exasperated half-smile. "Well, it isn't exactly the most convenient of things ever to happen," she grumbled, but there was no regret in her voice, and her gaze was tender.

"No, it's certainly not," he agreed with a laugh, tucking a lock of her hair behind her ear.

* * *

As she stood there with his arms around her, his fingers dusting over her cheek into her hair, his eyes dancing with happiness, Sakura's heart felt fuller than ever, and she couldn't help but drag him down for another kiss ... this one not quite so gentle.

He returned it easily, dipping his tongue past her lips to tangle with hers and skimming a hand over her back to hold her close.

"Stay here tonight," he murmured into her mouth after a moment, and even through her burgeoning giddiness, Sakura had to sigh.

"You're always so demanding," she complained fondly, breaking away to frown at him.

His only response was to pick her up, and she shrieked in surprise as her legs instinctively locked around his hips.

She had but a moment to catch the wicked gleam in his eye before he was slanting his mouth over hers again and pressing her into his mattress.

"You're impossible," she breathed without malice when his lips left hers to trail down her neck.

* * *

Kakashi hummed. "Perhaps," he acknowledged, running his tongue along the outer rim of her ear until the hand that had crept under her shirt had pulled it up and over her ribcage, and he had no choice but to lift his mouth from her body if he wanted to reveal her bra-covered chest.

Which, of course, he did.

With a last nip at her collarbone, he sat back to look at her, and she obediently raised her arms so that he could take off her shirt. After he'd dropped it onto the floor beside the bed, he rested on his heels and smirked at the pink-haired woman lying beneath him as his hands traveled lightly down her sides.

"Stay here tonight," he repeated, his fingers toying with the waistband of her shorts. "And stay here tomorrow night …" he added, starting to slide them - and her panties - past her hips, then bent down to place a kiss on her lower abdomen before removing her bottoms completely and letting them fall to the ground.

When he sat up to meet her eyes again, the green pools were clouded with need, and with his own desire rising, he ran a finger down her slit. She bit back a gasp at his touch, and then he began stroking her in earnest, enjoying how much wetter she got for him, how much more ragged her breathing grew with each pass of his finger over her clit.

* * *

The heat in Kakashi's gaze as he hovered over her again, one hand by her head, the other still between her legs, sent a bolt of arousal through her entire body, and she pulled him into a rough, needy kiss.

At nearly the same time, he pushed two fingers inside of her, and she moaned involuntarily, her fingers digging into his shoulders. "You have too many clothes on," she panted.

At her words, Kakashi sat up again and grinned down at her for a moment before taking his hand out of her to tug his shirt over his head.

Sakura was once again caught off-guard by his body, by his defined abs and toned pectoral muscles, by his flexing biceps and strong forearms, and she unconsciously bent her knees and planted her feet into the mattress, spreading herself wider for him.

His eyes darkened considerably at her new position, and he put his hand back down beside her head and leaned over her, his face close enough that his hair brushed against her forehead.

"Stay with me," he said again, his voice low, his other hand gripping her hip to pull her body up to meet his.

She could feel his hard length under his pants, and it made her contract with need. "Still too many clothes …" she groaned, ignoring his command and rolling her hips into his.

* * *

Reciprocating the movements of her hips, Kakashi dragged his stubborn woman into a deep kiss, sweeping his tongue into her mouth and over her teeth until he was holding back curses and her wetness was seeping through the fabric of his pants and he couldn't wait anymore …

Pulling back only long enough to release his aching cock, he returned his lips to her neck as he slammed into her, shocking a pleased cry from her lips and a guttural moan from his own, and then her nails were digging into the bare skin of his back as she met his thrusts.

"Kakashi …" she sighed into his hair, and he knew that he'd never get tired of that sound … he knew that no matter how many times they made love, no matter how many times he brought her to orgasm, he would never get tired of hearing her breathe his name in pleasure.

Suddenly feeling like she needed to be closer, he splayed one hand between her shoulder blades and gripped her ass with the other, then he sat back on his heels, taking her with him.

She tightened her hold around his neck when he jerked her up, but she didn't lose her rhythm, and he used a hand under each of her thighs to help her slide up and down his shaft, to help her help him hit that spot inside of her, the spot that would make her come around him, the spot that would make her call his name again.

* * *

Each time Kakashi drove himself up into her as she pressed down onto him, Sakura could feel herself getting closer to that edge, could feel her sensitive nipples rubbing through her bra against his chest, could feel him getting harder and harder until he was nipping at her ear as his hold on her thighs tightened.

"I need you to come …" he groaned, his voice gravelly. "I can't … so goddamned hot …"

His movements grew rougher, and the knowledge that he was losing control - that she was _making_ him lose control - had her so wet that she could feel herself dripping onto his cock, and she could hear the sounds of their lovemaking echoing through the room.

It was so sexy, and he was so hard … so big … so _right_ … She just needed a little more ...

"Fuck, Sakura … I'm going to come …" His words were almost pained, and then his mouth was on hers as he ground her hips into his, and a moment later, she felt his warm seed shoot up inside of her.

 _Not yet … not yet …_ she pleaded in her mind.

She was so close … _so close_ … she just needed -

A surprised shout fell from her lips as a calloused thumb suddenly rubbed against her clit, and she realized that he was still hard even after filling her with his cum ... his hips were still thrusting into hers and he was kissing and sucking on her neck and he was _still hard_ …

She felt like her nerves were on fire, and then, with the brush of his thumb in just the right place, she finally came.

"Oh god …" she moaned as she contracted violently around his shaft, her orgasm almost overwhelming in its intensity.

He dragged his lips up to meet hers, and when she wrapped her arms around him and returned his kiss, her inner walls still fluttering, unbidden tears formed in her eyes.

She loved him. She loved him more than she thought she could ever love any man, and somehow the sensation of their combined fluids sliding out of her and down his length made her feel even more connected to him, to this man she never wanted to lose, and she held him closer and kissed him more deeply as tears began to fall over her cheeks.

* * *

Kakashi could tell when Sakura started crying, could hear the rhythm of her breathing change, could feel the difference in the way she clung to him, the way she kissed him.

With his lips still on hers, he slipped his hand from between her thighs and buried it in her hair as he tightened his other arm around her waist. She seemed to choke then, and he broke the kiss and leaned back.

She was sniffling, clearly trying to hold back her tears, and she immediately tucked her head beneath his chin as the drops she couldn't stop fell onto his chest.

"Sakura …" he murmured. Her whole frame shook, and more tears fell, and he felt her fingers clutching at the skin of his shoulders. "Sakura … look at me."

When she finally lifted her head to meet his gaze, he gave her a soft smile and wiped her eyes with his finger before resting both of his hands on the small of her back.

"Don't cry," he said softly. "You don't have to stay if you really don't want to ..."

* * *

At his mock-serious expression, Sakura couldn't help but laugh, even as another couple of tears slipped out.

"You're ridiculous," she mumbled, her voice shaky.

He grinned shamelessly, drawing out a begrudging half-smile from her as she ran the back of a hand under each eye and felt her body begin to relax.

They were quiet for a long moment, just watching each other until she'd collected herself enough to speak without having to worry about her voice cracking.

With an affected frown, she turned her head to the side. "I _suppose_ I could stay here tonight," she mused, and then his mouth was on her neck again, kissing its way lazily up to her ear.

"I'm glad I could convince you," he whispered, and she felt herself shiver against her will.

He pulled back with a chuckle and lifted her off of his lap. A bit unsteadily, she stood to go to the bathroom, and when she returned, she found him under the covers on his side of the bed. She pouted.

"I'm not going to switch sides just because I like you, Sakura-chan," he shrugged.

It wasn't like she could tell him that she preferred that side because the pillow smelled more like him, so with a blush, she climbed into bed on the other side.

After she got settled, she heard him sigh dramatically, and then he bopped her on the head with his pillow. She sat up and glared at him. Unperturbed, he raised an eyebrow and handed her the pillow.

She felt her entire face flame, and she broke eye contact, embarrassed, but she snagged the pillow anyway, then grabbed hers and tossed it at him before replacing it with the one that smelled like Kakashi.

He chuckled again and wrapped his arm around her waist to pull her against his body. Feeling warm and fuzzy, she hugged his pillow to her chest and snuggled into him.

* * *

After another long but comfortable silence, Sakura sighed and covered the hand he had on her stomach with one of her own.

"I'll talk to Sasuke when he gets back," she said so quietly that she wondered if he'd hear her, but apparently he did, because he squeezed her close and pressed his lips to the nape of her neck.

"Okay," he nodded, and though she couldn't deny the nervousness that flooded through her at the thought of the conversations she was going to have to have … first with Sasuke, then with Sarada, and then with Naruto … the happiness that she felt in Kakashi's arms overshadowed it, and she was finally - _finally_ \- confident that she was doing the right thing.

* * *

 **A/N:** In the home stretch now.


	62. Chapter 62

**Chapter 62**

As Sakura slowly rejoined the waking world the next morning, she found herself surrounded by Kakashi's scent, and she couldn't help but bury her face in his pillow with a smile and a contented mewl.

At the sound, the figure behind her stirred. "Still not sure why you need that when you have the real thing right here," his deep voice mumbled sleepily into her back.

Sakura's cheeks flushed automatically, but she didn't let go of her hold on the plush rectangle. "You wouldn't understand," she retorted.

"Mm … clearly," he murmured, squeezing her lightly.

When he showed no other signs of moving, she turned around in his arms to look at him. His features were relaxed, his eyes closed, and the few locks of hair that hung over his forehead glinted white gold in the morning sun.

Feeling peaceful, she reached out to brush a thumb affectionately over the light wrinkles at the corners of his eyes. "Jiji …"

"Nicknames usually reflect a person's characteristics, Sakura-chan," he responded tonelessly, his eyes still shut.

She snorted. "Tell that to Sai …"

Kakashi let one eyelid slide open. "Who said his nicknames don't reflect a person's characteristics?" he asked slyly.

With a frown, Sakura poked him hard, then turned back around with a huff. "I am _not_ ugly," she grumbled.

He chuckled and kissed her shoulder. "No, you most definitely are not …"

There was an underlying darkness in his voice that recalled all the ways he could touch her and taste her and make her cum, and she unconsciously rubbed her thighs together as she settled back against his chest.

He gathered her close and nuzzled her neck. "You should watch your thoughts unless you want to be late for work _, Sa-ku-ra_ ," he hummed with a flick of his tongue over her earlobe that did nothing to help the desire building between her legs.

She sighed even as she arched into him. "I do need to go …"

"Ah," he agreed, echoing her sigh, then placed a kiss below her ear before loosening his hold on her and rolling onto his back. "Do you have time for breakfast?"

She glanced at the light shining through the blinds. "Probably not … I need to go home to shower and change."

"You could shower here," he offered, and a quick scan of his face over her shoulder told her that he wasn't suggesting anything untoward.

"I don't have anything else to wear," she pointed out, turning onto her other side and wrapping her arm around his chest.

He massaged her hip. "You should probably bring something when you come back over tonight …"

"And who said I was coming back over tonight?" she teased, pressing her nose contentedly to his side.

She felt his smile against her hair as he held her closer. "Well, Sarada-chan's not due back for another couple of days, so I thought you might enjoy the company …"

The fact that he didn't mention Sasuke wasn't lost on her, and Sakura felt a pang in her heart as some of her contentment faded at the thought of what she still had to do.

"I don't know …" she whispered, her finger absently tracing a pattern over his skin.

He put his hand over hers. "It's okay," he said. "I understand."

She could hear the heavy sigh he wasn't releasing, and she was torn. She wanted to stay with him again - hell, she wanted to stay with him always, even if it still made her stomach flip to think about it - but she hadn't talked to Sasuke yet, and what they'd already done was bad enough …

"I'll think about it," she murmured, then kissed his chest.

His hand released hers, and then she felt two fingers under her chin as he tilted her head up until their eyes met. There was that tenderness in his expression again … it made happiness bubble up inside of her in spite of the guilt, and she couldn't help but smile softly at him. He returned the smile and bent his head down to kiss her, and she was almost overwhelmed by how much she loved him.

How had it taken her so long to realize it?

When their lips parted, she raised her hand to his jaw. "I'd better head home," she said quietly.

He nodded, then kissed her again before letting her go. She stood and located her clothes, which were thankfully mostly in a pile on the floor beside the bed.

"Hospital or lab today?" he asked, sitting up to watch her dress.

She pulled up her shorts, then grabbed her shirt. "Lab."

With a quick glance at the silver-haired man who made her feel like giddy inside, she tugged the garment over her head and walked into the bathroom to fix her hair.

Her heart warmed as she ran the brush he'd bought for her through her tangled tresses, and when she returned to the bedroom to find him shirtless, leaning against his dresser, waiting for her, she had to fight back a grin.

"Well, I suppose I should be grateful that you at least put pants on," she remarked.

He shrugged. "I didn't want to make it any harder for you to leave …"

"Always so sure of yourself …" she grinned before deliberately sticking out her tongue.

As expected, his gaze drifted down to her mouth, and he reached out to snag her wrist and jerk her into his chest. "You'll kill me one of these days," he grumbled, then claimed her lips in a deep kiss.

She was breathless when she finally broke free. "There are worse ways to go," she argued, slipping out of his arms.

"This is true," he conceded, following behind her as she headed for his door. He held it open, and she stepped through. "Well, I'll see you later then, Sakura-chan."

She shook her head at his familiar crinkly-eyed smile and raised a hand as she turned her back to him. "Don't die while I'm gone, jiji …"

She heard him chuckle from behind her and had the thought that she could get used to mornings like this …

* * *

Sakura was about twenty feet from her house when she felt her daughter's chakra, and it stopped her dead in her tracks. What was Sarada doing home? She wasn't supposed to be back for another two days ...

A flood of shame and horror and embarrassment and despair rushed through her … How long had her daughter been there? How could she have let this happen? How was she going to explain her absence?

She was so stupid - she should have thought about the fact that Sarada's mission could end early … or what if Sasuke's had ended early?

Her chest twisted painfully. They weren't supposed to find out like this … they weren't supposed to find out about Kakashi _at all_ yet … she'd planned to end the marriage and then wait a little while before announcing her relationship with him so that things wouldn't look too suspicious and she wouldn't hurt Sasuke as badly…

But now … what if Sarada told her father?

She felt sick. She was the worst wife and the worst mother in the world … She'd been so careless ...

 _Calm down … calm down … you don't know anything yet … calm down …_

She had to go inside. She couldn't just stand out there forever and hope the problem went away ...

Suppressing her rising panic as much as she could while she walked up to her house, Sakura took a deep breath and turned the knob.

* * *

Sarada had apparently been asleep on the couch, because she sat up groggily when her mother opened the door. The sight felt like a stab in the heart to Sakura … her daughter had come home to an empty house and had been waiting for her for god knows how long while she'd been off sleeping with a man who wasn't her husband ...

 _Worst mother in the whole world … Absolute worst mother in the world ..._

Hating herself, she swallowed with difficulty and plastered on a surprised smile. "Sarada! You're home early …"

The dark-haired genin rubbed sleep out of her eyes before putting on her glasses. "Yeah, we got done faster than we thought," she said, then frowned. "Where were you?"

Sakura felt her throat close up. "Um … I just went for a little walk …" she replied, doing her best to keep her voice normal.

Sarada's frown deepened. "I got back at like midnight, and you weren't here …"

Sakura's despair thickened, and her panic spiked again. This was one of her worst nightmares come true … she couldn't think fast enough … she couldn't come up with an explanation fast enough ...

As her mother scrambled to collect her thoughts, Sarada sighed. "You were at Kakashi-sama's, weren't you?" she asked softly.

In utter shock, Sakura's eyes shot over to her daughter's, and she felt the air freeze in her lungs, felt her heart constrict almost unbearably. "I don't … I don't know what you mean," she stuttered.

Sarada stood and clenched her hands into fists at her side, obviously frustrated. "Mom, do you think I don't see it? You're so different around him … You're …" She furrowed her brow. " _Happy ..._ You're not at all like you are with Dad."

Tears sprang to Sakura's eyes at her daughter's accurate assessment, and she reflexively turned around to hide them. She'd never thought that Sarada would … It wasn't supposed to be this way ...

A moment later, she felt her daughter's small hand lightly touch her elbow. "Mom, look at me …"

She didn't sound frustrated anymore, but for some reason, that only hurt worse, and Sakura had to fight to hold off the tears. She couldn't speak … she didn't know what to say. What did you say when your daughter found out that you were cheating on her father? And cheating on him with the man who'd become a father figure to her, no less?

Guilt and shame piercing through her chest, Sakura bit her lip harshly, and when Sarada walked around to face her, she automatically turned her gaze to the wall ... she could feel her daughter's eyes on her, but she couldn't bring herself to meet them.

"Kakashi-sama makes you happy."

It was a statement, not a question, and a tear fell down Sakura's cheek, but she kept her eyes averted and struggled to find her voice. "Sarada …"

The girl put her hands on her mother's forearm. "Mom, it's okay," she said quietly. "I'm not mad."

Sakura stared at her daughter in disbelief. "Sarada … _How_? This is your _father_ … It's our _family_ , and I - I've -"

The lump in her throat threatened to choke her. She couldn't say the words. This conversation wasn't really happening … it couldn't _really_ be happening ...

Sarada bent her head down and stubbed the toe of one foot nervously into the floor. "Don't stay with Dad just because of me," she whispered finally.

Her daughter's voice was almost inaudible, but there was a conviction in it that shook Sakura to her core, and she wondered when her daughter had grown up so much ...

How had she not noticed?

 _You're not giving her enough credit_ , Kakashi had said.

Sakura's heart ached. He was right. She should have seen it. Sarada was her daughter, and she was barely twelve years old, but she was a ninja.

She should have seen it.

"Sarada … This is your _father_ …" Sakura started again, reaching out to brush her daughter's hair lightly with her fingers.

The girl looked up at her then, and Sakura was taken back by the maturity in those black eyes that were so like Sasuke's.

"I know," Sarada said quietly. "And I love Dad, but …" She glanced to the side as if trying to figure out how to say what she wanted to say. "But he was gone, and you were sad, and then Kakashi-sama started coming around all the time, and you were happy …"

Feeling like someone had knocked all the wind out of her, Sakura watched speechless as her daughter stood in front of her, pressing her fingers together, a light blush dusting her cheeks.

"So … even if he drives me crazy and shows up late all the time and won't let me see his face …" Sarada continued, scowling in the direction of her mother's hip. "If Kakashi-sama makes you happy, then you should be with him."

All of her panic suddenly seemed to deflate, leaving exhaustion in its place, and with a heavy sigh, Sakura pulled her daughter into a hug. Sarada returned the hug, wrapping her arms around her mother's waist.

"Sarada, your dad wasn't gone because he wanted to be. He loves us, and now that he's back, he wants us to be a real family. Don't you want to be a family?" she asked softly.

Sarada shook her head against her mother's stomach. "We can be a family even if we're not all together … we were forever anyway," she argued.

Tears formed again in Sakura's eyes, and she tightened her hold. This wasn't how things were supposed to be … her daughter wasn't supposed to have to say things like this ...

"You're happy when you're with each other, you and Kakashi-sama ..." Sarada mumbled into Sakura's shirt, then leaned back and rolled her eyes. "I mean, you're obnoxious and you act like little kids, but you're happy."

At that, Sakura had to laugh, and she let go of her daughter to brush a stray tear from the corner of her eye before her smile faded.

They were both quiet for several minutes, Sakura studying her daughter with a mix of sadness and hope in her heart.

"You're really okay with this?" she asked at last.

Sarada nodded. "It's okay, Mom, really … I just don't like it when you're sad."

Sakura wondered what she'd ever done to deserve such an amazing little girl for a child. "You're the best daughter any mother could ask for, you know that, right?"

Sarada grinned. "Of course … look who my parents are!"

Sakura laughed and dragged the girl into another hug, which she immediately protested.

"Okay, okay, Mom, geez …" she complained, trying to extricate herself from her mother's arms.

Sakura let her go after a minute, and Sarada stomped away, straightening her hair and frowning. "You didn't have to get all Naruto-oji-sama on me …" she mumbled indignantly.

Sakura smiled, unrepentant. "You know, why don't I take off work today? We can go spar and then get lunch, just the two of us," she suggested.

The dark-haired girl seemed to contemplate the idea for a moment. "I suppose we could do that," she agreed. "But I want Yakiniku …"

Sakura sighed, pretending to be put out by the demand. "Fine, fine," she said. "Let me change and then we can go."

As mother and daughter each went to get ready, the full impact of the conversation they'd just had hit Sakura, and she found herself filled with relief. She still felt like a terrible person and a terrible wife and a terrible mother, but somehow, she'd gotten lucky enough to have a daughter who didn't seem to be holding it against her, who seemed even to be encouraging her ...

It gave her the hope that maybe Naruto would understand too, that he wouldn't hate her, wouldn't hate Kakashi ...

She realized that she would have to talk to Sarada about keeping Kakashi a secret for a little while, and that made her uncomfortable … she hated that she would be bringing her daughter into her lie ... but for better or for worse, her little girl was growing up, and Sakura had to trust that she would see why it was for the best.

With a last look in the mirror, Sakura left her room to meet Sarada in the hall, and as they headed out to the training grounds, she couldn't hide her smile ... she was in love with Kakashi, and he was in love with her, and somehow Sarada was okay with it.

* * *

 **A/N:** Okay, okay, I know I shouldn't do this (it's a bit like feeding wild animals in your own backyard), but I'm feeling unusually sympathetic (and just a little playful) today, so I wanted to give a shout-out to someone who is in desperate need of a little TLC.

 **To my regular flamer** (I know by your creative and varied epithets that there is only one of you):

I feel bad that no one pays attention to you in real life, so I thought you'd appreciate having an author's note dedicated solely to you ... And in any case, I've been meaning to thank you for taking the time out from what is undoubtedly a very busy social schedule to give me some invaluable feedback on my story; I do hope that you'll forgive me for deleting such eloquent and clearly very well-thought out reviews, but I have to protect the virgin eyes of the rest of my readers. I'm sure you understand.

Now, I must warn you that this shout-out is a one-time thing. Unfortunately, I do not possess enough power to fill the massive void left by all of the people in your life who regularly forget that you exist; my only hope is that this message will provide you with enough validation to get you through one more day - maybe even two - before you're back to feeling worthless and ignored ...

Because I really, truly do hate the thought of you holed up in some dark corner of your house, no one to talk to, no one to care if you've had a shower in the last year, nothing to remind you that you're alive except the clicking of keyboard keys, the heat from your deep mouth-breaths, and your unshakable belief that in no fictional version of their already fictional world could the fictional characters Hatake Kakashi and Haruno Sakura ever possibly fall in love.


	63. Chapter 63

**Chapter 63**

Kakashi put down his novel when Sarada jumped up from the ground and silently took a seat on the branch at his feet.

Her appearance wasn't a surprise to him; Sakura had sent a message via Katsuya the day before explaining what had happened, so he'd been more or less waiting since then for her daughter to confront him.

Still, he wasn't sure what to expect from the girl. Sakura had said that she'd been supportive, but that didn't mean that she wouldn't be angry with him … even if she understood intellectually that he made her mother happy, in her heart, she might very well blame him for breaking up her parents' marriage, for breaking up their family.

And he couldn't fault her if she did, because he _did_ bear responsibility - if he'd never pursued Sakura, it was more than likely that she would have stayed with Sasuke, whether she were happy or not ...

He watched the dark-haired girl's brow crease as she stared at him and had to smother a sigh at the conflicting feelings that filled him … he felt guilty that he'd intentionally set out to steal her mother away from her father, but he also felt something similar to relief that it seemed like he was actually succeeding, because succeeding meant that he would have the opportunity to give them the kind of life that they deserved, the kind of life that he just didn't believe Sasuke could provide ...

Of course he knew that he wasn't capable of being purely objective where Sakura was concerned, but when he imagined her staying with Sasuke, he could only see her being slowly worn down, could only see her continuing to sacrifice her own happiness and fulfillment to support a man who couldn't - or wouldn't - do the same for her.

And he could see the little girl in front of him growing disillusioned with her father the older she got, the more she was able to understand about her parents' relationship, the more aware she became of everything her mother was giving up.

Yes, he knew that he couldn't be objective, and he knew that there was a chance that Sasuke would be different from what he imagined, but when it came down to it, he didn't want to take that chance, not when it involved the happiness of the woman he loved and her daughter, whom he'd also come to love as his own ...

"You didn't disappear," Sarada accused after a moment, her voice interrupting his thoughts.

Kakashi shrugged. "I was feeling lazy."

"You're always feeling lazy ..." the genin retorted. "But you still disappear."

"I can disappear now if you really want to train that badly, Sarada-chan," he offered, crinkling his eyes. "I just thought you might have something else on your mind ..."

She sighed quietly. "Mom told you I know?"

Kakashi's expression sobered. "She sent me a note yesterday …" He paused. "How are you?"

Sarada quickly looked down at the branch, but not before he caught a glimpse of tears. It made his heart hurt, and he reached out to place his hand gently on her head.

A few drops of water fell onto the girl's lap, and she rubbed her eyes under her glasses, but she didn't raise her gaze.

"I don't know," she sniffled. "I'm mad at you, but I'm not mad at you, and I'm mad at Mom, but I'm not mad at Mom … And Dad ..."

Her back hunched over further as she wiped away more tears, and Kakashi instinctively gathered her into his arms. She didn't fight him, and he had the thought that she was so small, so young … too young to be having to deal with this. He knew that she was a ninja, that she was smart and strong like her mother, but with her tiny frame dwarfed by his own much larger one, he was reminded that she was also still just a little girl, and he wished that things were different, that she didn't have to get hurt.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, holding her close. She didn't return his hug, but he did feel some of the tension leave her shoulders.

"I know you love her," she mumbled, then sniffled again.

"Yes, I do," he said. "Very much."

Sarada nodded against his chest. "And she loves you …"

He smiled softly. "I think so."

She lifted her gaze to his then, and her dark eyes were rimmed in red. "She does."

Kakashi couldn't help that hearing Sarada's confirmation made him happy in spite of the guilt he felt at the sight of her tear-stained cheeks, and some of that happiness must have shown through, because a resigned grin twitched at her lips as she sat back.

"You guys …" she sighed, sounding older than her years, and he rubbed his neck, embarrassed.

They sat for a few minutes without saying anything, Sarada studying the grass below them absently, he waiting for her to talk.

"I wonder how Dad will -" she started finally, but then her eyes filled with tears again and she looked despairingly at him. "Do you think he's going to leave?"

Kakashi felt his heart break again, because he couldn't give her the reassurance that she wanted, and he was the reason that she needed the reassurance in the first place.

"I don't know …" he replied sadly, and she nodded, clearly putting on a brave face. He brushed her hair lightly. "But I do know that he loves you, and he'll know that none of this is your fault, because it _isn't_ your fault … it's mine and your mom's."

She nodded again, biting her lip. "I know Mom isn't happy with him, but …" She stared at her fingers as a few more tears fell. "But I don't want him to leave again ..."

Her voice had quivered as she spoke, and Kakashi exhaled deeply, turning his eyes up to the orange and red leaves above them. "I don't either," he murmured, because there wasn't anything else he could say ... he couldn't make promises on Sasuke's behalf.

"Why did this have to happen?" she asked helplessly. "Why did you have to fall in love with my mom? Why couldn't Dad have …" Tears dripped down her cheeks, and her hands curled into fists. "Why did it have to be like this?"

Kakashi shook his head. "I've asked myself that every day," he admitted. "Why did I fall in love with your mother? Of all the women in this world, why her?"

Sarada must have heard the honesty in his tone, because her tears slowed as she looked at him.

He shrugged his shoulder. "The truth is that I don't know … she's just …" He frowned, sighed. "I couldn't stand to see her in pain ... I couldn't stand to see that vitality, that spark that she has waste away." He chuckled. "Probably why I always try to make her mad ..."

Sarada furrowed her brow. "Guys are weird," she muttered.

Kakashi laughed. "Yes, I suppose we are," he agreed, ruffling her hair.

She sighed. "I guess it can't be helped now, can it?"

He gave her a small, defeated smile. "I'll take good care of you and your mom, Sarada-chan, no matter what happens … I promise."

She sighed again and wiped her eyes. "We don't need you to take care of us," she grumbled, but he knew that she wasn't rejecting him, and he grinned lightly. "Anyway, _w_ _e'll_ probably have to take care of _you_ …" she added. "Can't be _that_ many more years before you're in a wheelchair …"

He pouted. "Sarada-chan, that's not a very nice thing to say …"

She smiled shamelessly, then raised an eyebrow. "Will you show me your face now?"

Kakashi chuckled nervously. "Ah … well … you see …"

* * *

In the end, he had (overly dramatically) formed the hand sign for Shunshin no jutsu, and Sarada had stopped him from executing it with a giggle, telling him that it wouldn't be fun if he gave in just like that anyway, and he'd offered to teach her a new technique instead.

The training session that had followed hadn't been awkward per se, but he'd carefully avoided doing or saying anything that might recall the reality of their situation, and he knew that she'd done the same … they were both aware that there were still things left unsaid, that they still had issues that they were going to have to deal with, but they seemed to reach a silent agreement that they'd addressed enough for the time being, and it wasn't until the end of the afternoon when Sarada had spontaneously hugged him before running home that the change in the nature of their relationship had come back to the forefront.

That had been three days ago.

Kakashi sighed as he stared at the sign for the ryokan where he and Shikamaru were staying in Iwagakure.

Like the lazy ninja he was, Shikamaru had gone to bed shortly after they'd wrapped up an informal welcome dinner with the Tsuchikage. Kakashi, on the other hand, knew that he wasn't going to be able to fall asleep yet, so he decided to grab a drink at a bar he'd seen on their way into town.

When he arrived, he found that it was a rather dingy place and not particularly popular, but that suited him just fine … all he wanted was to have a few beers and let the dim lighting and the cigarette smoke and the hum of drunken conversations and the clink of pool balls drown out his worries about Sakura and Sarada and Sasuke and whether or not Sasuke had returned from his mission and if he had returned, whether or not Sakura had told him and if she had told him, how he'd reacted ...

* * *

And for the better part of two hours, he more or less succeeded at shoving down his concerns … In that time, he'd added two bottles of beer to the bottle of sake he'd had at dinner, and he was starting to feel just the right amount of fuzzy when a recognizable and entirely unwanted chakra entered the bar and snapped him back to reality.

Somehow, though, as the black-cloaked owner of the chakra pulled out a stool and sat down next him without a word, Kakashi realized that he wasn't actually surprised. He'd had no reason to suspect that his former student would be in Iwa while he was there, but even so, he wasn't surprised … Perhaps at an unconscious level, he'd been expecting something like this to happen sooner or later.

Not that it meant that he was particularly happy about it.

He mentally sighed.

Either way, it didn't really matter, because Sasuke was there now, and he couldn't do much to change it, so, resigning himself to what was inevitably going to be an unpleasant exchange, he suppressed the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose.

"Naruto have you doing recon on the side?" he guessed, more to get on with the conversation than because he actually believed that that was the case.

Sasuke ordered a bottle of sake, then poured himself a cup. "No," he responded. He had yet to even glance at the silver-haired man beside him.

Kakashi made a small hum of acknowledgment, but otherwise he remained quiet, opting for the time being to let his former student lead the discussion that he'd very clearly orchestrated.

* * *

Finally, after several long minutes of silence, Sasuke gave Kakashi a sidelong look. "How is my wife?" he asked, and although his voice was impassive, there was an unmistakable darkness swirling in his eyes.

" _My wife,"_ Kakashi thought. _Not "my family" or "Sakura and Sarada-chan" or even a simple "Sakura," but "my wife" ..._ If he hadn't already been fairly certain that Sasuke knew about the affair, between that word choice and the way the dark-haired man was watching him, he was certain now.

Still, unless it was unavoidable, he didn't want to confirm anything, so he just met his former student's steady gaze with one of his own. "I imagine she's fine," he answered, shrugging his shoulders lightly.

Sasuke lifted an eyebrow. "I find that difficult to believe," he mused.

Kakashi decided to play along. "Why is that?"

The ghost of an utterly humorless smirk passed across the Uchiha's lips. "Well ... you're not there," he replied, and Kakashi could hear the challenge, the dare to admit what he'd done, lurking in his old student's tone.

It made him realize that confirming the affair was, in fact, going to be unavoidable, so he put his beer down on the counter.

"What is it that you're trying to say, Sasuke?" he demanded flatly.

Sasuke turned away to refill his sake cup, then took a deliberate, leisurely sip before facing his former teacher again. For a minute, he studied the silver-haired man, searched his eyes, his expression. Then, bluntly, "I'm not just going to hand her over to you, Kakashi," he said.

And there it was.

With a wry smile, Kakashi nodded. "Ah … so that _is_ why you came back after all," he murmured.

For the first time since he'd sat down, Sasuke's calm facade broke, and anger flashed through his eyes right before his fist slammed into Kakashi's face.

* * *

When he heard his nose crack and felt a searing pain, Kakashi regretted not dodging the punch, but then he remembered that he really did deserve it, so he just tugged down his mask and used a napkin from the bar to stanch the blood as he looked at Sasuke again.

The dark-haired man had stood up, sending his stool scraping back several feet across the floor when he did so, and as his eyes bled from black into red and purple, Kakashi noted absently that the majority of the bar patrons had chosen that time to head home.

"I should kill you," Sasuke seethed.

Without dropping the dark-haired man's gaze, Kakashi crinkled his eyes in a deceptively amiable half-smile. "These days, you probably could …" he remarked. His voice was muffled by the napkin.

Clearly not in the mood for games anymore, Sasuke wrapped his hand around the hilt of his sword, his fingers tightening to the point that his knuckles turned white. "She's my _wife_ ," he ground out.

With a sigh, all hints of levity left Kakashi's expression, and he lowered the bloody paper from his nose.

"Yes, she is," he stated matter-of-factly, flickering his eyes down at the sword for a second before reaching for his drink. "And it only took the threat of losing her to another man to make you act like it."

To his annoyance, the faintest whisper of the anger he felt at what Sasuke had put Sakura through had tinged his words, and he took a sip of beer and pressed a fresh napkin to his nose as he tried to rein it back in while Sasuke glared at him, his jaw clenching.

But the dark-haired nin didn't say anything, and then he loosened his grip on his sword, and a strained silence fell between them.

* * *

"I understand why she did it," Sasuke said eventually, his voice level again.

In the pregnant pause that followed hung the unspoken, _But I don't understand why_ _ **you**_ _did_ , and Kakashi felt the familiar stab of guilt.

However, he still felt that anger … that anger that he rarely allowed himself to feel, anger born from years of watching Sakura hide her pain, years of wanting to make it go away, to make her happy ….

And he felt indignation that Sasuke had begun to recognize his wife's value only when there was a real possibility that she might leave him ... He felt indignation that such a man should feel entitled to someone he'd taken for granted since the day he met her, and though he knew - or thought he knew - that Sakura had chosen him, the anger and the indignation and the four years of not saying anything to the man in front of him blended with the alcohol he'd consumed that night until they overwhelmed his guilt.

He dropped the napkin from his now-dry nose. "You didn't see what you were doing to her," he replied tonelessly.

The muscles in Sasuke's arms tensed as he looked at Kakashi again. "I was on a mission," he countered.

Kakashi sighed and took another drink. "You forget that I was Hokage for the first part of your travels, Sasuke," he said. "I know what you were and weren't capable of doing with respect to your family."

Sasuke gritted his teeth. "I thought she understood."

"She did," Kakashi agreed. "But she's still human … she needed more. She _deserves_ more."

The dark-haired man visibly winced at that and broke eye contact, and Kakashi watched the fingers of the hand not on the sword dig into the wood of the bar.

* * *

When several minutes passed without a response, Kakashi decided that it was time for him to leave, and he rose to his feet and threw back the rest of his beer before setting it and some cash on the counter, but as he started to walk away, he heard Sasuke's voice, so low it was almost a whisper.

"I know that," the younger man murmured, and Kakashi turned to look back at him curiously. Sasuke, his eyes black again, met his former teacher's gaze evenly. "I know that she deserves more," he repeated. "That's why I came back."

Feeling suddenly very tired, Kakashi sighed and shrugged. "Maybe that's true."

He didn't have the energy to disguise his skepticism, however, and it was clear that Sasuke noticed, because his brows furrowed deeply, and he turned to face Kakashi fully. "And why do _you_ think I came back?" he asked darkly as he closed the distance between them.

Kakashi didn't move, even when his former student stood close enough for him to feel the heat of the younger man's breath, and he didn't respond immediately either, instead taking a moment to debate which path he wanted to go down, to decide whether he wanted to get everything out there or just let the rest slide.

"I think you came back because you can't stand the idea of losing her to someone else," he answered finally.

Sasuke narrowed his eyes and stepped closer. "Do you really think you're that much better than me?"

Kakashi paused before replying simply, "No."

"No?" Sasuke challenged.

"No," the older man confirmed. "I don't think I'm inherently better than you …" He paused again, holding the Uchiha's cold gaze. "But I do think I'm better _for her_."

"You fucking bastard ..." Sasuke growled, grabbing Kakashi roughly by his shirt.

The Sharingan and Rinnegan were flashing once more, but Kakashi didn't even blink.

"How long do you honestly think you'll be able to stay, Sasuke?" he prompted soberly. "Can you really promise her that you won't abandon her again?"

"It's none of your fucking business," the younger man hissed.

Kakashi shook his head. "It is now," he disagreed, his voice both calm and deadly serious. "You made it my business when you left her the second time."

The tomoe spun faster. "It still wasn't your place ..."

Kakashi's expression hardened. "I won't let anyone hurt my precious people, Sasuke … not even another one of my precious people," he stated firmly. "I gave you time to make it right … _years_ to make it right ... and you didn't."

Sasuke's fingers squeezed his collar tighter. "You slept with my _wife_ …"

Kakashi sighed, knowing there was no point in making excuses. "Yes," he said frankly.

Without the slightest hesitation, Sasuke drove his fist into the silver-haired man's stomach hard enough to send him flying into the wall.

"Fuck you, Kakashi …" he snarled.

Kakashi's back and then the back of his head hit the plaster with a thud, and cracks sprang out from the points of impact. The force of the blow knocked the wind out of him and broke at least three ribs (by his estimation), and he struggled to breathe as he wiped a drop of blood from where he'd bitten his lip and stood upright to face his former student again.

* * *

No sooner had his eyes made contact with Sasuke's than Kakashi found himself pressed against the wall with a kunai at his throat.

"She's mine," the black-haired man declared angrily, his face inches from the Copy Nin's as he pressed the cold blade closer.

Kakashi didn't flinch. "That's really up to her, isn't it?" he murmured, and the movement of his Adam's apple caused the kunai to make a thin cut across his neck.

Sasuke glowered in response, and Kakashi felt the sharp edge dig deeper into his skin, but neither of them said anything, and a long minute passed in which the two men just stared at each other.

Finally, Kakashi raised a tired eyebrow. "Are you going to kill me, or are we going to stand here like this all night?"

Sasuke seemed to want to do something else, but in the end, he settled for pushing the blade in another fraction of an inch before letting the kunai fall to the ground between them and stepping back.

"Stay the fuck away from my wife," he bit out, then turned and walked away.

Kakashi didn't stop him.

* * *

To his surprise, Kakashi found Shikamaru still awake when he returned to the ryokan.

The master strategist took one look at Kakashi's broken nose and the way he was holding his side and released a heavy sigh.

"Sasuke?" he asked.

Kakashi snorted. Of course Konoha's laziest genius knew ... if he and Sakura couldn't even fool a genin, of course Shikamaru knew …

"Shut up," he grumbled without malice.

Shikamaru just chuckled, and they lapsed into a comfortable silence as Kakashi gingerly removed his shirt and searched through his pack for some bandages to wrap around his ribs and cover the cut on his neck.

* * *

He was almost done binding his chest when Shikamaru finally laid down to go to sleep. After a moment's hesitation, the spiky-haired nin caught Kakashi's eye.

"For what it's worth, I think you're good for each other," he remarked before frowning and rolling over on his futon. "Even though it was arguably the most troublesome way you could possibly have chosen to go about getting a woman …"

This last was added under his breath, and Kakashi couldn't help but grin at the other man's back before he flipped off the lights.

"Yeah ... yeah, it was," he agreed, climbing carefully under his own blanket.

A low grunt from the lump on the other futon was his only acknowledgement, but somehow, in spite of his injuries and his lingering guilt and what had happened that evening, he felt like everything just might turn out all right.

* * *

 _Omake_

A few minutes later, the lump at the other end of the room spoke again. "Should probably have a medic take a look at your nose, pretty boy …" it mumbled. "Sakura might not like you so much if you're old _and_ ugly …"

Kakashi glanced at the lump out of the corner of his eye. "I will tell your wife where you go when you want to hide from her …" he retorted flatly.

The lump was silent for the rest of the night.

* * *

 **A/N:** Bonus omake as an apology for the wait … real life intervened, and then I was cranky because I got to thinking that I probably should have gone with the training ground version of this confrontation that would have happened after Ino and before Sasuke left for his mission that I'd originally planned … not sure why I changed my mind on that. Sigh. Maybe once this is done I'll rework it or publish an alt version or something.

Problems with writing a serial, I guess …

Anyway, it made it difficult to get this written, so I apologize for making you wait and probably wonder if I fell off the face of the earth. Next chapter shouldn't take as long.

Thanks for sticking with me!


	64. Chapter 64

**Chapter 64**

Sakura and Sarada had just finished dinner and were clearing the table when Sasuke returned home from his mission.

At the sound of the doorknob turning, Sakura's heart plummeted into her stomach, and she immediately froze, a plate in one hand. Sarada, by contrast, smiled widely and ran to the entrance.

"Dad!" she greeted happily, throwing her arms around her father's waist as he stepped into the house.

Forcing herself to act normally, Sakura put on a smile while Sasuke returned his daughter's embrace, and when the little girl turned her head around to give her mother the slightest of worried looks, Sakura crinkled her eyes reassuringly before noticing that the knuckles of Sasuke's hand were bruised and swollen.

"What happened?" she asked, frowning, her nervousness automatically supplanted by concern. "Did you run into problems?"

Following his wife's line of sight, Sasuke held up his hand and studied it as though he hadn't even realized he'd been injured. After a moment, he shrugged. "I just had to defend what's mine," he replied indifferently.

At that cryptic answer, Sakura's frown deepened for a minute before she decided that it most likely wasn't worth trying to wheedle anything else out of him. It was probably classified anyway.

"Let me see it," she sighed.

Her husband patted their daughter on the head and hung up his cloak, then walked over to where Sakura stood beside the table. When he arrived in front of her, he gently brushed her hair behind her ear, and her insides churned with guilt and nervousness, but she made herself set down the plate she'd been holding and reach for his hand.

"Jeez … you must have punched whoever it was pretty hard," she commented as she began healing him.

"Not as hard as I should have," Sasuke mumbled, the slightest of edges in his voice.

Curious again, Sakura turned her gaze up at him and raised an eyebrow. "You punched them hard enough to break one of your knuckles …" she pressed, but he just gave her a blank look in response, so she sighed heavily and went back to work.

* * *

When she finally let go of his hand a minute later, he stared down at it and flexed his fingers. "Thank you," he murmured.

"You're welcome," she replied, and then panic began to rise again inside of her, and she quickly grabbed the dirty plate she'd put down moments before. "Sarada, let's finish cleaning up," she ordered brusquely.

Her daughter nodded and came back over to start gathering the dishes while Sakura left Sasuke by the table to go into the kitchen.

* * *

Once she'd made it to the sink, she turned on the faucet and closed her eyes.

What was she going to do? She really wasn't ready to face him … She wasn't ready for the conversation they needed to have ...

 _This isn't the sort of thing you can "be ready for"_ … Inner Sakura stated matter-of-factly. _You just have to do it_.

 _I know_ , Sakura thought sadly, and then an arm slipped unexpectedly around her waist, and she felt her already-tenuous hold on her anxiety threaten to evaporate entirely.

"Sasuke …" she choked out, trying to sound like she was simply surprised and not like she was about to have a heart attack. "Sarada's right over there …"

He kissed below her ear. "No, she's not … I sent her to bed," he hummed, sliding his fingers along the edge of her shorts.

But all she could think about as he touched her was Kakashi, and before she could stop herself, Sakura had squirmed out of his hold and darted back to the relative safety of the table, where she started picking up the napkins and silverware.

Sasuke followed her to the edge of the kitchen and leaned against the doorway there, an amused smirk playing on his lips.

"Nervous?" he asked, his eyes darkly teasing.

"N-no …" she replied hastily as she slipped past him and back to the sink. "This just isn't an appropriate place for that sort of thing …"

"We can always relocate to the bedroom if that's your concern …" he pointed out.

His voice was deep and rough, and she felt like she was about to hyperventilate, because she couldn't have sex with him when she was going to ask him for a divorce, and she couldn't ask him for a divorce while their daughter was home - she had no idea how Sasuke would react, and she didn't want Sarada to see a side of her father that she shouldn't - so she summoned her resolve and turned to face him.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I wasn't expecting you back tonight, and it's been a very long day … I was planning to just go to bed after dinner …"

She prayed that he would believe her. Finally, he tilted his head in acceptance, then stepped closer and ghosted his fingers down her side to her hip. With a mischievous sparkle in his eye, he pulled her against him and put his mouth beside her ear.

"I suppose I can wait a little longer to make love to my wife …" he whispered, and a heavy guilt filled her as she let him run his lips along her pulse before gently pushing him away.

"I've got to finish cleaning this all up," she murmured, reaching for one of the dishes she'd set beside the sink … only to be stopped by his hand on her wrist. She stared at him in surprise.

"I've got it," he said quietly. "You get some rest."

Her heart ached at his words and the warm look his eyes. Why had it taken him so long to act like this?

Suddenly feeling incredibly sad for what might have been, she kissed him on the cheek with a soft "Thank you" and headed into the bedroom.

* * *

Three hours later, she found herself staring at his broad shoulders as he slept beside her the way she'd always wanted him to.

Was she really going to do this? Was she really going to tell the man she'd loved for most of her life, the man who was the father of her child, that she wanted a divorce?

It seemed almost unthinkable …

But then she remembered being in Kakashi's arms … she remembered the tender way he held her and looked at her, the way he treated her like she was the most important thing in the world to him, the way he made her feel loved and appreciated and valued for who she was, not what she represented or what she did for him or because there wasn't anyone else he could trust ...

And she remembered the pain that she'd felt when he'd told her that he didn't want half a relationship with her … she remembered the fear that had nearly overwhelmed her when she thought that she might lose him, and she knew that yes, she really was going to tell the man she'd loved for most of her life, the man who was the father of her child, that she wanted a divorce, because while doing that seemed almost unthinkable, the alternative actually _was_ unthinkable …

Letting go of Kakashi was unthinkable …

The mere idea was enough to make her heart feel as though it were being torn out of her chest.

Her gaze traveled from Sasuke's back up to the ceiling.

It still surprised her sometimes (most times, honestly), but she couldn't imagine her life without Kakashi anymore … and she didn't want to - for better or for worse, he was the man she loved now, the man she wanted to fall asleep next to and wake up beside every day for the rest of their lives if he would let her, and she couldn't deny that any longer, no matter how much she hated the prospect of hurting Sasuke ...

Because as crazy as the idea of being in a real relationship with Hatake Kakashi was and as much as it terrified her, Sakura knew that she would be an idiot not to take the chance at happiness that he was offering her ...

Even her daughter and her best friend had given their approval …

With an almost wistful half-smile, she looked at her husband's shadowed form again.

He wouldn't be her husband for much longer ...

It was a strange, sad thought, but at the same time, it meant that she could be with Kakashi - really, truly be with him, with the man who was her match - and _that_ thought filled her with a happiness that even her guilt and sorrow couldn't suppress.

* * *

The next morning, Sakura awoke to an empty bed. She could sense Sasuke's chakra in the kitchen, but it seemed that Sarada had already left for practice with her team.

Her stomach flipped at the realization - this was her opportunity … he was home and their daughter wasn't and she knew that she shouldn't put it off any longer than she had to …

It suddenly felt like a swarm of bees was flying around her abdomen, stingers extended.

But she had to do this.

She squeezed her eyes tightly shut and clenched her fist against her forehead.

She had to do this. It wasn't fair to anyone to drag it out anymore, so, with a heavy sigh, she mustered all the courage she had and climbed out from under the covers to get dressed.

* * *

Sasuke was sitting at the table, a cup of tea in his hand. He had been reading the paper, but he looked up when she entered the room.

"Good morning," he said, and the bees in her stomach circled faster until she lost control of her mouth.

"This isn't working," she blurted out before she could think twice.

He immediately frowned. "What isn't working?"

Though he posed the question, she could tell by the tension in his body that he knew what she meant, and tears sprang to her eyes.

"Our marriage," she said, doing everything she could to keep her voice steady. "I can't … anymore ..."

Unable to maintain eye contact after that, she dropped her gaze to the floor.

"Is it Kakashi?" he asked bluntly.

Sakura's heart stopped beating and her head shot up in surprise. She wanted to ask him how he knew, but the look in his eyes said, "I'm not an idiot," and she instantly felt like one herself for ever thinking that she could have hidden it from him.

Her stomach turned. "He's a part of it, yes …" she admitted, and she heard the cup in his hand crack as pain flashed clearly across his face.

The guilt that filled her at that sight threatened to choke her, and she had to fight to keep tears from streaming down her cheeks. He was so hurt … so angry … and it was all her fault.

"When did you …?" she whispered.

His frown deepened. "Kusagakure …" he answered tonelessly. "The way you looked at him."

His fist tightened around his teacup, and she could see a shard cut into his hand, but his gaze didn't waver from hers. "The way you reacted when I touched you …" He clenched his jaw. "Fuck … _Kakashi_? Really?"

She winced and turned away.

"He was our _teacher_ , Sakura …"

Her eyes closed automatically in shame.

"Jesus …" he growled. "He was a fucking _teenager_ when you were _born_ …"

He started to grip the cup tighter, then abruptly stood and threw it at the wall instead. The sound of it shattering made Sakura jump, and she stared in mute shock at the dent in the plaster and the porcelain pieces strewn across the kitchen floor as he slammed his chair against the table.

" _Kakashi_?" he snarled. "Of all the people … Why not Naruto? Might as well have fucked Naruto while you were at it."

Stunned and hurt, Sakura shook her head. "It wasn't like that … I didn't …"

He stepped toward her, his expression suddenly mocking. "Or maybe you only go for broken men? Happy ones don't do it for you?"

The taunting edge to his voice snapped her out of her trance, and she felt a spark of anger.

"This wasn't _on purpose_ , Sasuke," she argued, throwing up her hands. "I wasn't _trying_ to hurt you … I wasn't _trying_ to fall in love with Kakashi …" She glared at him. "And we're _all_ broken; some of us just deal with it better than others …"

Sasuke laughed bitterly as he advanced, slowly backing her up against the wall. "So you're in love with him then? With _Kakashi_?" he challenged, ignoring her insinuation.

By the time he finished speaking, he had her caged in, and a different kind of nervousness spread through her stomach as he rested his arm to the left of her head and focused his unreadable gaze on her.

"Is he better in bed?" he asked after a moment of just staring at her. "Is that what it is?"

When she responded with only a frown, he smirked knowingly, then bent down to brush his lips against her ear. "Does he make you come harder?"

This last was whispered darkly, derisively, and she flushed, first with embarrassment and then with indignation.

"Is that all you care about?" she exclaimed angrily, pushing at his chest with both hands. "Sex?"

His body didn't budge, but he did lean back to look at her again. "You let another man _fuck_ you, Sakura …" he hissed. "You let that bastard …" His tone was incredulous, accusatory, and then his eyes abruptly narrowed. "Did you fuck him here? In our bed?"

Surprised by his accusation, Sakura automatically protested. "No!" she cried, her indignation forgotten. "I would never … this is _our_ house!"

His expression grew cold. "It was our _marriage_ …"

Her heart twisted, because she knew that he was right, and she had to swallow the lump in her throat that had formed at his words. "Sasuke …" she said brokenly, unthinkingly reaching for him.

He immediately batted her hand away with a stinging slap, but he still didn't step back, and she cradled her wrist against her breasts as tears once again filled her eyes.

"How did he do it?" Sasuke scowled, his icy stare piercing through her. "How did he get you? Was it those fucking porn books he's always reading? Is that what turns you on - a man who reads porn in public? In front of _children_?" His fist tightened beside her face, and he shook his head, a disbelieving smile on his lips. "Or was it the way he touched you? Did he promise to be everything you've always wanted? Did he promise to be your _white knight_? Ha ..." The muscles in his jaw clenched. "Tell me … what exactly did he _do_ to make you want him so much that you would destroy a decade of marriage for him?"

 _What did he do?_

Sakura gaped at her husband.

 _What did he_ _ **do**_ _?_

All of a sudden, every ounce of the anger and frustration she'd felt for years came roaring to the surface.

"He was _here_!" she cried, her hands curling into fists at her sides. "He was _here_ , Sasuke! He was here for me and Sarada, and he helped me ... he _shared_ himself with me …"

The dark-haired man surrounding her snorted, and she glowered at him, pressing both palms to his chest to shove him again ... only this time, she used just enough chakra to push him back on his heels.

"I meant that he shared _who he was_ , who he _is_ …" she clarified heatedly. "He _let me in_ … I don't feel like I'm on the outside when I'm with him - I feel like we're _together_ , like we're more than just two separate people who happen to be married and have a child ..."

The man she'd loved for as long as she could remember closed his eyes then, gritting his teeth, and to her dismay, she had to choke back a sob.

"You weren't _here_ , Sasuke," she said, her voice uneven as her anger and frustration deflated, leaving only hurt in their wake. "You weren't here, and you didn't even seem to care that I was alone, that I was raising our daughter alone. Worse than that …" She had to pause to force down more tears. "Worse than that ... you didn't seem to care that you were leaving _her_ alone …" Her fingernails dug into the palms of her hands. "You left her without a father."

He opened his eyes at that and frowned. "I was on a mission."

She returned his frown with one of her own. "You could have done more," she countered, and they stared at each other for a long while before she finally relaxed her hands.

"It doesn't make it right. It doesn't make it right at all, and I know that, but …" Her voice wavered as she spoke, and she turned her eyes down to the floor. "It _hurt_ that you never came home. It _hurt_ that you never sent us real messages … that you didn't seem to care what was happening with us at all ..." She bit her lip, and a tear slid down her cheek as she lifted her gaze to his again. "And it _really_ hurt that you left again just when I thought you were finally going to stay … It felt like a betrayal."

"You would know about betrayal …" he murmured, but it lacked the sharpness of his earlier comments, and she could see that his anger too was fading, so she tentatively raised a hand to touch his face.

This time, he let her.

"You say a decade of marriage, Sasuke, but how much of that time did we spend together?" she asked quietly.

He just stood there silently, his indecipherable eyes on hers.

"Why do you even want to be with me?" she pressed, undaunted, but his expression remained blank, and still he said nothing.

"Why did you come back?" It was the same question she'd asked him months ago, and his jaw clenched as he looked away.

She let her hand fall to his chest, felt his steady heartbeat beneath her fingers as her voice dropped almost to a whisper. "If you hadn't noticed that there was something going on with Kakashi, would you have come back?"

He sighed heavily and stepped away then, turning to the side so she could only see his profile. "I don't know," he replied finally.

Sakura could hear the honesty in his answer, and it stung … Though she was in love with Kakashi, it still hurt to know that the man she'd devoted so much of her life to might have come back solely because he was jealous, not because he wanted to be with her.

He sighed again and let his head fall back until he was staring at the ceiling. "I don't know, Sakura," he murmured, and there was a long pause. "When I saw you with him, how you looked at him … I was angry. I _am_ angry … I want to fucking kill him ..."

His fist clenched tightly, and an irrational fear instinctively gripped her at the thought of what he might have done. His knuckles the night before ...

A moment later, though, his grip relaxed. "But it wouldn't fix anything, would it?" He tilted his head toward her, and his expression was more open than she'd ever seen it. "I took you for granted for too long."

Sakura's jaw dropped in utter shock … that wasn't something she'd expected him ever to realize, let alone say, and she was speechless as she watched his brow furrow.

"But still … I thought ..." he started, seeming almost confused. "After all those years … I thought if I came back …" He shook his head and squeezed his eyes shut. "Fucking Kakashi …" He muttered it disbelievingly, almost under his breath, and then he looked at her again with a bitter smile. "I thought if I came back, you'd forget about him."

Though a part of her wanted to be insulted by his arrogance, the rest of her knew that he'd had no real reason to think she wouldn't, not with how she'd felt about him for so long.

But she'd changed ... Kakashi had changed her.

"I'm sorry," she said, trying to convey the depth of her sadness. "I should have talked to you more about how I was feeling …"

"No," he cut in. "I should have seen it. It shouldn't have taken that bastard …" His fist tightened again. "… for me to see that you needed more."

Her eyes widened. He was so different, so different from moments ago, so different from the way he'd been the last eighteen years … she didn't know what to say.

There was a long pause, and then he stepped closer to her and raised a hand. She instinctively flinched, and she saw pain cross his face as he hesitated before brushing her hair back. "You really don't want me anymore?" he asked quietly with a vulnerability that nearly crushed her.

"It's not …" she began, but her voice trailed off.

He nodded in understanding, and she saw his jaw flex. "You're not in love with me anymore."

The regret in his gaze hurt deeply - so deeply - but she knew that she couldn't change how she felt, and a tear slipped down her cheek until he caught it with his thumb.

Apparently accepting the tear as her response, he nodded again and cupped her face. "And you're really serious about this? Getting a divorce?"

Her heart twisted sharply at the word. "I'm sorry, Sasuke …" She touched her hands to his chest, and when he wrapped his arm around her, the sobs that she'd been holding back finally wracked her body. "I'm so sorry …"

He rested his chin on the top of her head and held her while she cried. "I apologize for what I said earlier …" he murmured after her tears had slowed. "I was … angry."

She could tell that he meant it, and she automatically slipped her arms around his back and squeezed. He returned the hug, and she couldn't stop another small sob from escaping her lips … his body and his scent were so familiar ...

He sighed and held her for a moment longer before pulling away.

She let him go too, and he took a step back, then shrugged almost helplessly. "Okay," he said flatly. "If that's what you really want, I won't stop you."

She hated that the tension in his body belied his calm tone. "I'll tell Naruto …" she whispered, and the lump in her throat grew again. "It's my … I'm the one …" She swallowed thickly. "I'll tell Naruto."

He nodded. "I'll find somewhere else to stay."

"You don't -" she began but quickly cut her words off at the look he gave her. "Okay."

His expression softened. "I know it hasn't always seemed like it … but I do love you, Sakura."

The ache in her chest was acute, and she had to bite back more tears. "I love you too …"

He closed his eyes briefly in acknowledgement but didn't say anything else as he slipped on his shoes and put his cloak around his shoulders, then turned toward the door, pausing only for a beat to glance back at her before walking out of the house.

* * *

Sasuke was sitting atop the Sandaime Hokage's monument later that day when his daughter found him. He turned his gaze from where it had been directed over the village to meet hers.

"Hi, Dad," she greeted quietly as she sat down next to him.

"Hi," he replied, then regarded her sadly. "Sarada-chan, your mother and I …" he started, but stopped when he saw her expression. "You knew …"

Her concern for him was more than apparent in the way she looked at him before responding. "Kind of …" she admitted at last.

He smiled wryly, then stared up at the sky, and they sat in silence for several minutes.

"She still loves you," Sarada said softly. "Just … I think sometimes love changes."

Sasuke dropped his eyes back down to his daughter's and considered her for a long moment before putting his hand on her head. "I really missed a lot, didn't I?" he murmured.

She smiled, then wrapped both of her tiny hands around his and pulled it from her head onto her lap. "I don't blame you, Dad," she told him honestly, holding his index finger in one hand and his pinkie in the other in a childlike way that contrasted starkly with the maturity of her words, and he couldn't help wondering how much her grip would have changed over all those years he was gone, how much smaller it would have been when she was one or four or seven years old.

A deep regret filled him in spite of the absolution she gave him.

"If you want to go away again, I'll go with you," she offered suddenly, avoiding eye contact. "I'm sure Naruto-oji-sama would let me …"

"Are you sure you wouldn't miss it here?" he asked.

She looked at him and frowned. "Well, it's not like you're going to be gone forever, right?"

The implicit threat in her gaze and her tone made him chuckle quietly. "No, I suppose I won't be," he agreed, and his daughter nodded approvingly before they both sat back again and watched the village bustling below them.

* * *

 **A/N:** Had this shit planned practically since the beginning ... happy to have it done.

In other news, I saw the other day that they're making a _Naruto_ manga sequel, and neither Kakashi nor Sakura were in the promo art, I assume because they're off on their honeymoon (hey, a girl can dream, right?).

Anyway, one more chapter and an epilogue to go. :/


	65. Chapter 65

**Chapter 65**

A few minutes after Sasuke left, Sakura's eyes finally drifted away from the door he had closed behind him to the fragments of porcelain strewn across the kitchen floor.

Her marriage was over.

In some ways, it was like she'd lost her identity - for almost as long as she could remember, she had been the girl who was in love with Uchiha Sasuke … who was she if not that girl?

She stared at the white chips, some resting in a splash of matcha green, others tinted red with Sasuke's blood, then crouched down and carefully picked up one of the smaller pieces. It was roughly triangular in shape with jagged edges, wet from both tea and blood, and it looked out of place on the palm of her hand.

Who was she now?

Clutching the first shard, she picked up another and held it between her forefinger and thumb, felt its sharp corners dig into her skin, then placed it too in her palm before reaching for a third.

Who was she?

Her brow wrinkled as she continued to add to the pile of fragments in her hand until she'd finally collected all the ones she could. With a sigh, she stood up to carry the porcelain pieces over to the trashcan. They clinked together when she dropped them in, and the sound was both jarring and oddly pretty in the quiet of the kitchen.

Who was she?

She wasn't the girl who was in love with Uchiha Sasuke anymore … she supposed she was just Sakura now - or perhaps again? Though it didn't seem like it, she hadn't always been defined primarily in relation to Sasuke; once, a long time ago, she had been her own person - small, insecure, and unsure of her place in the world, but her own person.

She took a towel from the rack, and as she wiped up the spilled tea and the last little slivers of the cup that had held it, she felt her jumbled emotions begin to settle … she had the opportunity now to figure out who she was independent of Sasuke, and whatever happened next, whether or not she and Kakashi worked out, she knew that she had made the right decision, because she had made it not for Sasuke but for _herself_.

* * *

It was the afternoon of the following day, and Sakura had been pacing outside of the door to Naruto's office for about five minutes when her blond teammate finally called out to her from the other side of the wood.

"I know you're there, Sakura-chan," he said bluntly. "Why aren't you coming in?"

Taking a deep breath to try to calm her nerves, Sakura straightened her shoulders and stepped through the door. She was immediately greeted with a wide smile from the Hokage, who was sitting at his desk behind a stack of papers that he pushed aside as she entered the room.

"What are you doing here?" he asked cheerfully. "It's been forever since you visited …"

She gave him a flat look. "I was here last week to drop off the hospital budget plan …"

"Last week was forever ago," Naruto countered, pouting.

Sakura sighed affectionately. "Some things never change …"

"Nope," he agreed, his smile broadening. "So what's up?"

That one simple question brought reality crashing back down on her head, and Sakura's eyes automatically fell to the floor as she remembered why she'd come. Her stomach turned at the thought of telling Naruto that she and Sasuke were getting divorced, and she found herself frozen, unable to get her mouth to function properly … her nervousness felt like hands wrapped around her throat, choking her, robbing her of the ability to speak. If she told him, Naruto was bound to ask her why, and then she'd have to admit what she'd done; she couldn't keep that from him, not now that Sasuke knew - it wouldn't be right for Naruto to be the only member of Team Seven who didn't know the truth …

"Sakura-chan?" Naruto's voice sounded worried, and when she continued to just stand there immobile, he got up to walk over to her.

As he approached, she kept her gaze locked on her feet and steadfastly avoided looking at him, even when he stood right in front of her and gripped her shoulders.

"Sakura-chan, what's wrong?" he repeated.

She couldn't face him. She couldn't meet his eyes … what if he hated her? What if he never wanted to talk to her again? She shook her head and swallowed thickly as she wrung her hands together.

"Sakura-chan …" Naruto said again, much more gently, and she could hear his concern for her in his tone. It made her heart hurt. Would he still be concerned about her after he learned what she did?

She winced, then forced herself to clear her parched throat.

"Sasuke -" she started, then had to stop, her tongue heavy with the weight of what she had to say. When she managed to speak again, it was barely above a whisper. "Sasuke and I are getting a divorce."

She felt Naruto's hold on her shoulders loosen then, and she finally gathered the courage to look up at him. To her surprise, his expression wasn't one of shock … she could see only worry in his eyes before he pulled her into a tight hug.

"Are you okay? Did teme -"

She cut him off. "No … It … It was me …" She squeezed him, then let him go and stared at the floor again. "I was the one."

She felt him turn his gaze away from her, though he didn't step back, and her chest ached.

"Why?" he asked quietly.

She lifted her eyes up to his face and tried to speak, but no words came out, and his brow furrowed before he tilted his head at her.

"Was it because of Kaka-sensei?"

Sakura's mouth automatically dropped open. "Dear god, does everybody know?" she exclaimed, too caught off-guard to think about what she was saying, but Naruto just seemed to find her flustered question amusing, because he started chuckling.

"Well, it was kinda obvious," he said with a cheeky grin.

Sakura's face flushed. "It must have been if even _you_ noticed …" she grumbled.

"Um ... well ..." Naruto scratched the back of his neck self-consciously, his own cheeks faintly pink. "Hinata might've said something," he admitted reluctantly. "But I totally would have seen it anyway!"

Sakura sighed, both amused and bemused at the same time, and Naruto's hand fell down to his side as he leaned back against his desk with a sigh of his own.

"So you and Kaka-sensei then, huh?" he murmured. His blue eyes regarded her softly, and a part of her felt guilty for the very lack of accusation in their depths.

"Aren't you mad at me?" she wondered aloud. "I mean, I …"

He shook his head. "I'm not mad at you, Sakura-chan."

Her brow furrowed in confusion. "But why not? We spent all that time searching for Sasuke and trying to save him, and now I've gone and messed everything up … You know he wants to leave again - you should hate me."

Naruto snorted, then smiled lightly. "Sasuke tried to kill me at _least_ three times … If I don't hate him for that, I can't hate you for falling in love," he pointed out.

Sakura's eyes widened, and then she let out a tired laugh. "I suppose that's true …"

"Besides," he continued with a shrug. "You seem happy when you're around Kaka-sensei …"

"That's what Sarada said …" Sakura mumbled, and Naruto's eyes took on a teasing glint.

"I mean, I don't really get it … he's old … and lazy … and pretty much all he does is read ero-sennin's pervy books." He made a comical face.

"He's not _that_ old …" Sakura protested, unable to deny the other two claims against the Copy-nin.

Naruto's eyebrow rose skeptically. "He's pretty old, Sakura-chan," he argued, then reached out to ruffle her hair. "But he's always there when you need him, and if you love him, it doesn't really matter anyway, right?"

Sakura nodded reluctantly, still trying to process the fact that Naruto not only already knew about Kakashi but also didn't hate her for it, and in the pause, Naruto looked down to where his hand was curled under the top of the desk.

"How's Sasuke?" he asked softly.

At that, Sakura slumped down into one of the chairs provided for visitors. "He was really mad …" she murmured. "And hurt …" She felt her heart twist at the memory.

Naruto nodded sadly.

"Sarada wants to travel with him," she said, and her teammate's eyebrows lifted in surprise.

"Are you okay with that?"

Sakura stared at her hands. "I wasn't expecting it," she replied honestly. "But … I think it will be good. For both of them." She raised her eyes to his. "If it's alright with you, that is … I know she has team obligations."

Naruto seemed to consider her for a moment. "I'll talk to Konohamaru," he answered finally. "I don't think he'll have a problem with it."

Sakura sighed. "I'm going to miss her …" she admitted quietly, then gave him a resigned smile. "But I'm glad that she'll be there for Sasuke … I don't want him to be alone anymore, even if I ..."

Her eyes suddenly filled with tears, and Naruto knelt down in front of her and covered her hand with his. "It's okay, Sakura-chan. He'll be okay."

Sakura wiped away the tears and took a deep breath to stave off more. "I hope so …"

Naruto ruffled her hair. "He will be … he's not the same as he used to be."

She nodded, and he ruffled her hair once more before standing back up to lean against his desk again.

"You and Kaka-sensei though …" he remarked, scrunching up his face. "It's gonna be pretty weird."

Sakura let out a huff of a laugh. "Yeah … tell me about it. Who'd've thought?"

The blond shook his head wonderingly. "I guess you never know with love …"

"I guess not," she agreed, then looked out the window. "But he does make me happy …" She frowned slightly. "I didn't realize I could feel this way about someone …"

Naruto smiled gently. "It's a good thing, Sakura-chan," he said. "You deserve to be happy. And Kaka-sensei deserves to be happy too." He chuckled. "I thought that guy was gonna be alone his whole life ..."

She turned her gaze back toward him and echoed his smile. "Yeah … I still can't believe it sometimes, that he wants _me_ of all people. It's so strange."

Naruto nodded understandingly. "Yeah, but you two've always gotten along. Even Hinata was saying that she wondered what would've happened if you hadn't married teme."

"I can't believe she noticed something …" Sakura mused. "I was clueless …" She shrugged. "But then again, she's always been perceptive."

Naruto grinned proudly. "Yeah … I'm a lucky guy."

Sakura laughed. "Yes, you are. She's too good for you."

His grin just widened in response, and Sakura giggled again before her expression sobered. "I hope Kakashi and I will be happy like you two are …" she murmured.

"I think you guys've got a good chance," Naruto said, his blue eyes honest, and Sakura smiled.

"I think so too …" she replied, then sighed. "I really love him, Naruto … it's crazy, but I really do love him."

Naruto matched her smile. "I'm glad, Sakura-chan. As long as he makes you happy …"

She nodded, and they lapsed into a comfortable silence. After a few minutes, Naruto abruptly frowned.

"What?" Sakura asked.

He squinted at her. "Just don't let him make your kids wear a mask all the time …" he said, then winked mischievously at her when her cheeks turned bright pink.

"I - I won't …" she whispered, and Naruto laughed heartily as he got up to walk back around to the other side of his desk.

* * *

Three days later, Sakura made her way to the forest area outside training ground 3 that Kakashi liked to frequent. He was supposed to have returned the night before, and she had wanted to go see him then, but she'd figured he'd be tired and had decided to wait until after work to find him.

She had begun regretting her decision after only an hour into her shift … it had been difficult enough getting through the previous few days of waiting for him to come home, and she'd had the distraction of preparing Sarada for her journey with Sasuke then. But father and daughter had left that morning, and all Sakura had had the rest of the day was a relatively light patient list to keep her from thinking about Kakashi, from wanting to see him, wanting to tell him that they could really be together.

Her heart fluttered as she passed through the trees, and she had to bite back a giddy grin. They could really be together now …

She hoped he was in his usual spot … It was a surprisingly nice day for late October, so she'd assumed that he would be taking advantage of one more opportunity to read outside and had opted to look for him at the training ground first instead of his apartment.

* * *

She'd apparently made the right call. As she approached his favorite tree, she saw his familiar form through the almost-bare branches, and her pulse sped up while butterflies swirled around her stomach and a flood of happiness spread through her body.

"I thought I might find you here," she said, trying to remain calm as she came to stand at the base of the tree.

He closed his book and looked down at her with a smile that made her heart pound in her chest. "Hi, Sakura-chan," he greeted.

"How was your trip?" she asked, doing everything she could to sound normal.

He shrugged. "Troublesome, as expected," he replied before jumping down to land in front of her.

She hadn't missed the way he'd rubbed his ribs as he'd spoken, and she narrowed her eyes worriedly. "Did Sasuke do something?"

His eyes widened slightly in surprise. "Why would you ask that?"

"His hand was pretty beaten up when he got back the other day, and I thought he might have …" her voice trailed off as he scratched the back of his neck.

"Ah … well … we may have run into each other …" he admitted. "And he may have requested that I refrain from interacting with you …"

He crinkled his eyes, and Sakura instantly felt guilty. "I'm sorry …" she whispered, reaching out to tentatively place her hands on his waist. "Are you okay?"

Kakashi's grey eyes were warm as he wrapped his arms around her. "I'm fine," he said reassuringly, and she sighed as she buried her face in his chest, letting his comforting scent wash over her.

"I missed you," she mumbled into his shirt.

He tightened his hold on her, and she could feel his lips curling up into a smile against her hair. "I missed you too," he murmured.

They stood there like that for a long moment, just enjoying each other's embrace. Finally, Sakura squeezed him.

"I talked to Sasuke …" she said quietly, then leaned back to look up at him. "I told him I want a divorce."

She found herself stroking his back with a strange kind of nervousness that she couldn't really explain, and he cupped her cheek in his hand. "How did he react?"

Her eyes dropped down to his chest. "He …"

When she didn't continue, Kakashi tilted her chin up until their eyes met again. "He didn't hurt you, did he?" he asked, frowning.

Seeing in his gaze the genuine concern and a hint of the anger he would feel if she answered in the positive, Sakura immediately shook her head. "No …" she started, and then suddenly Sasuke's voice echoed in her mind, and she stopped.

 _"Or do you only go for broken men? Happy ones don't do it for you?"_

Kakashi's frown deepened. "No?"

Sakura snapped back to the present. "No, he didn't hurt me," she said quietly, turning away. _He_ _apologized …_

"Sakura …" Kakashi warned, giving her a steady look.

She sighed. "He was just angry … he said some things he didn't mean …" she explained, but Kakashi's brow remained furrowed. She put a hand on his chest. "But we're okay now."

He studied her for a moment, still skeptical, then reluctantly relaxed his features. "So …"

A small smile formed on Sakura's lips as her happiness began bubbling up again. "So … he agreed."

She had expected Kakashi to return her smile automatically, but he seemed to hesitate. "Do you regret it?" he asked, his voice almost a whisper.

She lifted her hand to his cheek. "No," she answered firmly. "I want to be with you, Kakashi."

At her words, he flashed a broad smile and tugged down his mask to drag her into a deep kiss that she felt all the way down to her toes.

It was several minutes before he finally broke away and pressed his forehead to hers. "Marry me," he demanded, his eyes dancing.

Sakura pulled back, shocked. "I'm not even divorced yet!" she protested.

Kakashi seemed entirely unconcerned. "When you _are_ divorced, marry me."

Sakura's cheeks flushed. "What is it with you and your commands?" she grumbled, flustered.

He kissed her hard in response. "Just marry me, you stubborn woman," he growled, grinning.

She shook her head helplessly, unable to keep herself from returning his smile as giddiness filled her. "Okay, okay," she relented.

The moment she did, his grin shifted into a wicked smirk as he started backing her up against a tree. "And then …" he murmured, his tone low and dangerous.

Her back met rough bark. "And then what?" she asked, breathless, the heat in his gaze threatening to turn her insides to mush.

His eyes twinkled devilishly, and he moved his mouth to her ear. "And then …" he whispered, his lips brushing against her neck and sending pleasurable shivers down her spine. "Make babies with me."

Caught completely off-guard, Sakura pushed at his chest. "K-Kakashi!" she cried out, embarrassed, but her silver-haired lover just laughed, a genuine, truly happy laugh, and the hands she'd put on his chest slowly started grasping at the fabric of his shirt instead.

He locked his fingers together at the small of her back as his laugh slid into a warm smile. "I love you," he said earnestly.

Sakura felt like her heart was going to explode. "I love you too," she whispered, too emotional to speak normally.

Kakashi bent down to press a tender kiss to her lips, and she wrapped her arms around his neck and held him as close as she could.

When they eventually parted to catch their breath, he slipped his hand down to hold hers.

"Come on," he smiled, gently pulling her away from the tree. "I'll make you dinner."

She nodded and let him lead her out of the woods.

"I was thinking maybe three," he hummed while they walked.

She glanced up at him, confused. "Three what?"

He shot her a devious half-smile. "Kids."

"Kakashi!" she exclaimed, taking her hand from his to swat at him with it.

"What?" he asked innocently. "The dinner table would be too crowded if we had more than that …"

She groaned as he smirked at her without turning to face her. "You're impossible," she groused.

"Mm," he agreed, linking their hands together again. "But you love me anyway."

She sighed, smiling in spite of herself. "Yes, somehow I do …"

She caught his eye then, and, feeling overwhelmed by happiness, she couldn't help but squeeze his hand tightly as they headed toward his apartment.

* * *

The End.

* * *

 **A/N:** **bows apologetically**

Super sorry for the long wait on this … First, real life took over, and then I spent way too long working on a Sakura-Sarada scene that I ended up scrapping anyway, and the whole time my muse was all, "I want to work on the epilogue," so I had to fight to get her in line.

In any case, prepare yourself for loads of fluff and some smut too (because it's my story, and I like writing smut almost as much as I like reading it) … the epilogue should be out within a week. It's almost completely sketched out; I just need to write it.


	66. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

"More?" Kakashi asked, holding up a bottle of sake.

Sakura nodded and gave him a small smile. "Thanks."

They were at the pub, celebrating Sakura's 31st birthday. Most of their friends were there - Naruto sat to her left, bickering across the table with Ino while Hinata looked on indulgently and Sai watched the pair with what might have been a hint of amusement between sips of his beer. At the other end of the row of tables that had been pushed together to accommodate the large group were Shikamaru and Temari; they were joined by Chouji and his wife and seemed to be enjoying the rare night away from their young daughter. To Kakashi's right, Genma was joking around with Kotetsu and Gai (generally at Kiba and Tenzo's expense), and Sakura could hear Shino discussing insects with his wife and the dog-nin's visibly creeped-out date as they sat opposite her.

All in all, it had been a fun evening, though Sakura's silver-haired lover/tormentor had been working hard to tease her under the radar of their friends every chance he got - to the point that she didn't know whether she wanted to punch him or drag him out to the alley behind the pub to make him pay for trailing his wicked fingers over her arm (or her knee or her thigh) and tickling her ear with his warm breath whenever he leaned in to whisper something that inevitably brought a flush to her cheeks.

His latest attempt to seduce her had been to surreptitiously slide one of his hands along the small of her back as he reached over to pour her drink with the other, and once he'd set the bottle back on the table, he bent down to brush his masked lips over the corner of her jaw.

"Don't drink too much, birthday girl," he murmured. "I want you to be _very_ aware of everything I'm going to do to you when we get home …"

His words made the space between her legs pulse with need, and she scowled as she couldn't help but cross them in an attempt to alleviate the desire. "Quiet, you …" she ordered under her breath.

Of course, he noticed her discomfort, and she felt him grin victoriously against her neck … it made her want to drag the smug bastard into a kiss, to nip at those smirking lips until he was too caught up in her mouth and her teeth and her tongue to keep taunting her, until _she_ was the one making _him_ lose his composure ...

"Oi!" Ino suddenly shouted, breaking through her vengeful (yet aroused) haze. "Don't think we don't see you two acting like a coupla horny teenagers …"

While Sakura turned bright red at her friend's loud pronouncement, Kakashi just chuckled and leisurely slipped his hand from her hip to pick up his beer.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Ino-chan," he replied unashamedly, offering her his classic smile as he lifted the bottle to his lips.

Ino rolled her eyes. "Sure, you don't, ero-Hokage …"

"Pig!" Sakura scolded, embarrassed, while Kakashi muttered "Former Hokage" with a frown and took another drink.

The clearly-intoxicated blonde waved her hand dismissively at both of them. "What are you waiting for anyway, Forehead? You _obviously_ can't resist him," she drawled.

Sakura sighed. She knew exactly what her friend was talking about … Despite her agreement in the woods to marry him, in the end, she had found herself unable to take that next step as quickly as Kakashi would have liked. Part of it was that she felt guilty rushing into something right after divorcing Sasuke … she didn't want to trivialize the relationship they'd had either in his eyes or in the eyes of their friends.

Another part was that, as much as she hated contemplating it, there was always the possibility that what she felt for Kakashi was ultimately due more toward the novel experience of being involved with someone who valued her for who she was, someone who wanted to spend time with her … she'd been in a relationship for so long with a man who had constantly held himself at a distance that she could very well just have been caught up in the feeling of being truly wanted for the first time.

And then there was the desire not to be drawn into another situation where she allowed herself to be subsumed by someone else … it wasn't that she thought that Kakashi wanted that from her at all, and it wasn't that she had felt any desire to sacrifice herself for him the way she had with Sasuke, but she worried that she might unconsciously fall into that habit if she jumped right back into marriage, so she had insisted that they take the time to get to know each other not as friends or as illicit lovers but as two people in a real relationship.

"Look, jiji, I realize that the end is near for you, but it's important that we do this right," she'd argued after they had taken a break from having sex long enough for her to regain some of her sanity.

He'd pouted adorably at that, but the pout had softened into a smile almost immediately as he drew her into a strong embrace, kissed the top of her head, and told her that he was sure he could manage to wait a little longer to officially claim her as his own.

And so they'd spent the last six months going on dates and sparring and bantering and making love and sleeping curled up in each other's arms.

They had been the best six months of her life; she couldn't deny that ...

Her inner musings were again interrupted by Ino, who drunkenly flopped her elbows on the table and pointed at her.

"No, but seriously, Forehead …" the blonde insisted. "Just marry the man already!"

Sakura's cheeks flamed once more, and the blush only spread when Kakashi grinned down at her.

"Well, there you have it, Sakura-chan …" he shrugged, his eyes twinkling in spite of the light flush she could see from behind his mask.

She glared at him, annoyed that he seemed to be finding the whole exchange more amusing than embarrassing.

"I am _not_ marrying you just because Pig's drunk and running off at the mouth …" she declared crossly.

Kakashi laughed and ruffled her hair affectionately, and Sakura frowned as she swatted his hand away.

"It's not just me, yanno," Ino huffed, folding her arms. "Everyone else here thinks so too!"

At that, Sakura looked around the table to find all of their friends nodding or otherwise making expressions that left no doubt that Ino was right. With a frustrated groan, she hid her head in her hands, but even as she did so, she couldn't help thinking that maybe her annoying friend had a point … she _did_ love Kakashi - and not just more than she had when she'd first admitted her feelings but more than she had the day before and the day before that and the day before that. Her fears that her love might have been situational or that she would lose herself to him had proven unfounded so far … in fact, being with Kakashi had helped her begin to figure out who she really was and what she really wanted out of life.

And Sasuke … as much as she had wanted to keep her relationship with Kakashi under wraps for awhile out of respect for her former love, it had been hopeless from the get-go; the minute people found out about the impending divorce, they subtly or not-so-subtly brought up the former Hokage, because apparently nearly everyone had seen the chemistry between them long before she herself had realized it.

Feeling suddenly and inexplicably shy, Sakura lifted her head from her hands to look up at the man beside her. His gaze as it met hers was soft, with the slight creases at the corners of his eyes only emphasizing how handsome he was. What _was_ she waiting for? She loved him, truly, and he made her happy … she couldn't imagine her life without him.

An all-too-familiar warmth started filling her heart as she continued to hold his gaze, and finally she threaded her fingers through his under the table and leaned up until her mouth was close to his ear.

"Okay," she whispered.

When she pulled back to see his reaction, the love in his eyes as he inclined his head in acknowledgment made her face break into a goofy smile that disappeared only when Genma abruptly reminded her that she and Kakashi weren't alone.

"To Kakashi and Sakura!" he announced loudly, raising his glass, and Sakura self-consciously stared into her sake cup as she tried to avoid making eye contact with their grinning companions, all of whom had raised their drinks along with the senbon specialist.

"To Kakashi and Sakura!" they chorused cheerfully.

* * *

There were several more rounds of congratulations before normal conversation at the table finally resumed and Kakashi and Sakura were no longer the center of attention (much to Sakura's relief).

"Well, that was interesting …" she grumbled when she was sure their friends weren't listening anymore.

"Ah," Kakashi agreed, though he didn't actually seem at all put out by it as he gave her his usual smile, and she narrowed her eyes at him.

"Whatever … you enjoyed it …" she accused, half-seriously and half-playfully.

"I wouldn't say _that_ exactly …" he shrugged. "But I _did_ enjoy the part where you said you'd be my wife …"

He winked at her then, and she had to bite her lip to hold back another silly smile.

 _Wife …_ She was going to become Hatake Kakashi's wife ...

The thought filled her with an anxious sort of joy, and she found herself unable to hold his gaze.

* * *

Kakashi couldn't resist … the shy way she'd hidden a smile, the dusting of pink across her cheeks, the fact that she had finally agreed to marry him ...

He couldn't resist.

With one corner of his mouth slowly curling into a roguish grin, he put a hand over hers, stilling their nervous fiddling, and bent down to her ear.

"So, _wife-to-be_ …" he started, low enough that only she could hear. "When are you going to let me take you home and make love to you?"

To his satisfaction, he heard her heartbeat pick up at his question, and the scent of her arousal spiked pleasingly as she shivered beside him. It made him want to tease her more, to see how far he could push her before she gave in to him, before she succumbed to her desire … It made him want to build the need inside of her until she soaked through her panties right there - in the pub - with all of their friends around them, until she couldn't stand to wait any longer for him to make her come, until she wanted him as much as he wanted her ...

* * *

Sakura couldn't deny that Kakashi's husky voice had her body begging for her to say, "Right now," but the rest of her had had enough embarrassment for one evening, and she tried to tamp down her arousal by putting a little distance between them.

"We can't leave yet … everyone would know why!" she replied in a quiet but clipped tone, hoping that it would stop him from torturing her anymore.

Of course, she had no such luck ... instead of leaving her alone, Kakashi snuck a warm hand around her waist and closed the distance between them again.

"That's too bad …" he hummed mischievously, his masked mouth skimming the shell of her ear. "Because I don't want to wait to feel you wrapped around me … _warm_ and _wet_ and _begging_ me not to stop …" He brushed a languid kiss under her jaw. "I don't want to wait to slide into you again and again until you're breathless … and needy … and _so close_..."

In spite of herself, Sakura couldn't gather the willpower to push him away, not when his dirty mouth and his deep voice and his enticing scent were heating her body so deliciously ... it was all she could do to whisper his name as some sort of meaningless threat that he completely ignored.

"Sakura …" Kakashi murmured, his voice rough. "I want to thrust my cock into you so hard and fast that you can't think straight …" He nipped at her ear. "I want all you can feel to be me _fucking you_ into the bed … or the couch … or the wall … or the counter ... "

Her breath caught in her throat at his wicked words, and she felt the dampness between her legs spread as his calloused fingers dipped under her shirt to caress the bare skin of her hip.

"Kakashi …" she repeated weakly.

He nudged her neck with his nose. "I want to make you come until you think you can't come anymore … and then I want to make you come again ..."

He paused to squeeze her waist tightly and pull her even closer before continuing, his voice darker than she'd ever heard it.

"I want to drive you over the edge again and again …" he went on. "... And then I want to come inside you … I want you to feel my c-"

The rest of his sentence was abruptly cut off when Sakura stood up and grabbed his hand.

"I'm not feeling well … we need to go," she declared brusquely to the table, and without waiting for a response from their friends, she yanked an unprotesting Copy-nin out of his chair and headed for the exit.

* * *

They'd barely made it outside before she tugged down his mask and he pushed her roughly into the wall of the alley next to the pub and their mouths met in a desperate, fiery kiss.

"I hate you," Sakura bit out between kisses, even as she held him closer and hooked a leg over his hip.

Kakashi tangled his tongue around hers and jerked his growing erection against her clothed core. "You love me," he argued, his breathing heavy as he dragged her into another deep kiss.

"Mm …" she protested, digging her fingers into his shoulders and meeting the movements of his hips. "Take me home …"

Not needing to be told twice, he locked their lips together again and formed the seal that flashed them to his living room, where he wasted no time tearing off her shirt and shoving down her shorts while she reached into his pants to wrap her hand around him.

He groaned at the feeling of her soft palm running over his shaft as he unhooked her bra and latched his mouth onto one of her breasts, licking and sucking until her nipple was distended and her fingers were in his hair and he couldn't wait any longer to be inside of her.

With one last bite, he returned his mouth to hers and lifted her up, only to break the kiss a minute later when he laid her out on her back on the kitchen table. For the briefest of moments, he stared down at her, at _his_ woman, lying there with her mussed hair and her bare chest and her needy eyes, and then he spread her legs wide, took his cock into his own hand and drove into her with all of the pent-up need from the evening.

Sakura cried out at that first rough thrust, and her hands instinctively clutched the edges of the table for balance while her back arched up from the wood and he slammed into her again and again without pause, his rock-hard length hitting deep inside every time.

"I -" she whimpered, her eyes squeezed shut in pleasure, her knuckles turning white as she gripped the sides of the table. "Kakashi …"

"I've wanted to do this to you all night," he growled, continuing to thrust into her. "You have _no_ _idea_ how hard it was not to drag you to the nearest bathroom and fuck you right there …"

"Oh god …" she breathed helplessly, unable to stop herself from imagining him doing just that, and her brow furrowed, her eyes still tightly shut. "You drive me crazy … your stupid … hands … and … stupid mouth …"

She could almost feel him smirking at her as she panted beneath him, and she wanted to fight back, but he felt _so_ good … he was _so_ hard and big and …

"Fuck …" she hissed, and his fingers dug into her hips.

"Are you going to come for me, Sakura?" he asked, his voice gruff as he picked up the pace.

"I'm …mm ... I'm so ..." she mumbled, barely aware of what she was saying as her back arched even higher, unconsciously begging him to touch her, and he answered by grabbing one of her breasts and teasing the nipple, his large hand and twisting fingers coaxing another moan from her lips.

"I want you to come for me," he ground out, still driving into her. "I want to hear you call my name as I fuck an orgasm out of you ..."

 _That dirty mouth_ …

Sakura's breathing grew even shallower at his words, and she felt herself getting wetter, felt her inner walls starting to contract around him at odd intervals as she drew nearer and nearer to the edge.

"Kakashi ..." she pleaded, her body fairly burning with need, and then he pressed a hand to the small of her back, changing the angle _just so_ , and she was lost, her mind going blank except for a dim awareness that he was still pounding into her as she came, drawing out her orgasm, intensifying the pleasure pulsing between her legs and singing through her body.

* * *

Kakashi watched her hit her peak beneath him, and he was so caught up in his desire for her, for the woman who would be his wife, that he barely noticed moving the hand that had been on her breast to her hips and lifting her lower body off the table so that he could reach even deeper inside of her, could take even more from her as she shuddered around him.

But he _did_ hear her surprised shout at the shift in position, and it made his own back arch as another bolt of arousal shot through his balls, through his cock, slick with her juices and impossibly rigid, until he felt his release overtaking him, until he was jerking into her and filling her with all of the cum he'd built up over hours of teasing her, hours of imagining what he would do to her once he got her alone.

* * *

When he was finally spent, when her rippling walls had finally milked the last of his cum from him, he gazed down in satisfaction at her flushed cheeks and her closed eyes and her boneless arms dangling off the edges of the table.

"You're mine now, Sakura-chan," he grinned, his voice still husky, his chest still rising and falling rapidly in the aftermath of his orgasm.

She shook her head as if to disagree, but a fond smile danced on her lips as she slowly opened her eyes to look back up at him.

"I've _been_ yours, Kakashi," she countered softly. "It just took me awhile to figure it out …"

With one of his signature smirks, he slid a hand sensually up her spine to bring her to a sitting position, and then he captured her mouth with his in a deep, lazy kiss that didn't stop until long after he'd carried her to the bedroom.

* * *

Two months later, with Sarada at her side as her maid of honor and Naruto as the officiator, Haruno Sakura became Hatake Sakura in a small, private ceremony at Hokage Tower.

To Sarada's supreme disappointment and despite the fact that the only other people in attendance were Tsunade, Ino, Sai, Hinata, Tenzo, Genma, and Gai, all of whom had already seen his face, the Copy-Nin had stubbornly refused to remove his mask for the wedding, even when he kissed his new wife for the first time, so before she'd left to rejoin her father on his travels, the dark-haired girl had vowed that she was going to make her stepdad show her his face the next time she saw him, and a little over a year after the wedding, she made her way back to the village with an elaborate plan to do just that ...

"I'm home!" Sarada called as she set her pack down in the entryway and removed her sandals.

Sakura immediately dropped the knife she'd been using to chop vegetables for dinner and rushed out of the kitchen to pull her daughter into a tight hug.

"Jeez, Mom," Sarada protested, trying to wiggle out of her mother's hold. "It's not like I've been gone forever."

"It's been more than a year … I'm not allowed to miss my own child?" Sakura asked testily, but she let the girl go anyway.

"I guess …" Sarada grumbled, frowning.

The pinkette smiled as she reached out to brush her hand over her daughter's hair and cheeks. "You've gotten taller," she said softly.

Sarada rolled her dark eyes. "That's kinda what happens when you grow up ..."

"Fine, fine … I'll leave you alone," Sakura sighed, resigning herself to the fact that her daughter was now apparently acting like the teenager she'd recently become. "Anyway, Kakashi's in the baby's room if you want to go meet your brother."

Sarada immediately brightened. "Yeah!" she grinned and ran down the hall to the nursery … only to stop cold the instant she stepped through the door.

"You - you don't have your mask on!" she exclaimed, staring open-mouthed at the silver-haired man who was standing by the window, holding his five-month-old son.

Kakashi just shrugged and gave her his trademark smile. "Ah, well, Ren-kun pulls it off every time I wear it around him, so I've given up," he replied, sounding only slightly bothered by it as he fondly ruffled the baby's fuzzy white hair.

Barely hearing his response, Sarada couldn't stop gaping at the Copy-nin's bare face. "How old are you again?" she asked, a light blush gracing her cheeks.

"Thirty-six," Kakashi answered, not missing a beat.

"Lies!" Sakura called from the kitchen, and he cleared his throat guiltily while his stepdaughter furrowed her eyebrows.

"This is weird …" she muttered. "I think you should put your mask back on …"

Kakashi let out a heavy sigh and pulled his mask back up. "I can't win …" he complained. "First, you want me to take my mask off; now you want me to put it back on. And meanwhile …" He was abruptly interrupted by his son, who smacked him in the face with a tiny hand, then gripped the mask and tugged on it. He sighed again. "Meanwhile … Ren-kun here thinks it's a toy."

"Serves you right for teasing all those kids all those years, if you ask me," Sakura interjected affectionately as she walked in to join them.

By then, Ren had managed to pull the mask back down, and he proceeded to stick two small fingers into his father's mouth as Sarada's grand plan to reveal the Copy-nin's face crumbled to pieces in her mind.

"Beaten by a baby …" she mumbled disbelievingly.

Chuckling at her dismayed expression, Kakashi gently pried his son's fingers away, then blew a raspberry on the palm of the baby's hand. Ren giggled, and Kakashi smiled and repeated the action while Sarada continued to watch them in something not unlike shock.

"This is too bizarre …" she said, shaking her head.

Sakura caught her daughter's eye and nodded in agreement. "Right?" she laughed. "Do you want to hold him?"

Seeming to snap out of her daze at that, Sarada looked up in surprise. "Can I?"

"Sure," Kakashi said as he carried the baby over to his stepdaughter and gestured for her to sit down in the rocking chair beside the crib. "Here, just put your hands under his arms and let him stand on your lap," he instructed. "He likes that."

Sarada gingerly wrapped her fingers around her brother's little torso and rested his bootied feet on her thighs. He immediately began bouncing, and the odd babbling sound escaped his mouth as she stared into his dusty green eyes. "He's so cute …" she smiled wonderingly.

Kakashi beamed. "Watch out for his fist though," he warned, the pride in his voice obvious. "He's going to be punching like you and your mother someday …"

Without turning away from her little brother, Sarada grinned. "I'll teach him for sure," she promised, and Ren smiled back at her, waving his arms about as he continued to bounce on her lap.

Thinking that maybe this big-sister thing might turn out to be pretty fun after all, Sarada pulled him closer and planted a big kiss on one of his chubby cheeks. To her delight, he giggled happily in response.

"Yeah, I think we'll get along just fine," she mused to herself, and in the background, Kakashi and Sakura exchanged smiles of their own.

* * *

 _8 months later_

Having finally finished folding her laundry, Sakura stood at the window in her bedroom, looking down at Sarada leading a tottering Ren around the backyard.

Perhaps it wasn't particularly surprising, considering he was arguably the cutest thing to happen to Konoha in years, but her daughter seemed to have taken to her little brother in the months since she'd returned from traveling with her father. It had come as something of a relief, because although Sakura hadn't been overly worried that Sarada would resent her new sibling, she had naturally had some concerns - after all, Sarada had been an only child her whole life, and Ren was only a half-brother, the product of her mother's marriage to the man she'd left her father for.

But her fears had proved unfounded; Sarada was more than happy to play with her brother when she had time between missions and her friends, and Ren worshipped his older sister … it was clear in the way he always reached for her if she were near and by how much he smiled whenever she paid attention to him.

Really, her children made a dangerously adorable pair of partners in crime, and she was just beginning to smile at the thought when she felt two strong arms wrapping around her waist from behind, and the scent of Kakashi surrounded her.

"Hi," he murmured, and she leaned easily into his embrace.

"Hi," she said contentedly.

He rested his chin on the top of her head, and she put a hand on his forearm, and they held each other like that in a peaceful quiet for several minutes, just watching their children.

It was Kakashi who broke the silence.

"They look lonely, don't you think?" he asked suddenly.

"Lonely?" Sakura echoed, confused … they seemed perfectly happy to her.

"Mm," her husband agreed, then placed an open-mouthed kiss on her neck. "They look like they could use another little brother or sister to play with …"

As he spoke, one of his hands ventured slyly up under her shirt to cup her breast over her bra, and she couldn't stop a low moan from escaping when he tweaked her nipple … but then she gathered herself and raised an eyebrow at his reflection in the window.

"Kakashi …" she warned, reluctantly pushing his hand away. "The kids are right down there …"

Undaunted, he returned her eyebrow raise with a devilish grin as he trailed his other hand up between her breasts and along her throat to her chin, where he used his fingers to gently tilt her head back onto his collarbone.

His touch was so familiar, so sensual, that she couldn't bring herself to stop him, and he took the opportunity to suck lightly on her pulse point.

"We can be quick …" he hummed seductively into her ear, then dragged his lips along the side of her neck.

Sakura intended to protest, but instead she found herself pressing her body into his and raising an arm to thread her fingers through the hair at the back of his head.

"Another baby?" she mumbled almost absently, lightly tugging on his silver locks as he nibbled her earlobe.

"Mmhm …" he nodded, letting his hand wander achingly slowly down her stomach.

She wrinkled her brow - half at his suggestion and half at the pleasure of his tongue flicking over her ear, at the warmth of his lips on the corner of her jaw.

"That's easy for you to suggest …" she managed to say, her voice growing thick with desire and her grip on his hair tightening as his fingers teased their way under her panties.

Seemingly ignoring what she said, Kakashi trailed his mouth from her jaw down to nip at her neck, then slipped his hand between her legs, running his fingers along the top of each thigh until he reached the part of her that was already damp with need. Her breath caught involuntarily at his touch, and she had to fight to keep back another moan as he slid a large finger between her lower lips.

"What was that you were saying?" he smirked, his voice rough as his finger rubbed languidly up and down her slit.

"Mm …" she panted, and he started tracing lazy circles around her clit. "But _you're_ not the one who has to - _ah_ -" He hit a particularly sensitive spot then, and the hand that wasn't in his hair grasped reflexively at his arm as she struggled to stay focused. "Y-you're not the one who has to go through nine months … of pregnancy - _mmm_ \- and ... twenty-something hours of labor …"

Kakashi lifted his mouth from her neck to the edge of her ear without stopping the movement of his finger. "I'll give you all the back massages and foot massages you want …" he promised.

"Uh huh …" she drawled skeptically, her breathing steadily growing heavier as his other hand ducked under her bra to cup her breast.

"I'll go out in the middle of the night to buy dango for you to put in your miso soup …" he vowed, pulling her even closer.

Though her eyes had closed with her increasing desire, she couldn't help but make a face at that. "Gross ..."

He smiled against her neck. "You craved weirder things with Ren-kun …"

"... That's true," she admitted breathily, and he curled his finger up inside of her, eliciting a gasp and then a pleasured groan as he slid it out and then pushed it back in.

"I'll even change more diapers ..." he whispered.

At that, she pulled her head away to look up at him over her shoulder, and his finger, still inside of her up to his second knuckle, stopped moving.

"No, you won't," she said flatly.

He grinned sheepishly. "I might …"

She raised a disbelieving eyebrow, and he slipped his finger out of her, then leaned down to brush his lips against hers.

"Make another baby with me, Hatake Sakura …" he murmured, his grey eyes lacking their usual teasing light, and their seriousness combined with the sound of her full name in his voice to send a frisson through her body.

"You …" _You're not playing fair_ , she wanted to say, but the words wouldn't come, and instead she found herself smiling softly at him.

Clearly sensing victory, he grinned in response and spun her around in his arms to kiss her deeply before backing her toward the bed.

She broke away from his kiss as he pushed her down onto the mattress. "You _really_ want another baby?" she asked skeptically.

His expression sobered again, and he brushed his thumb tenderly across her bottom lip.

"This isn't the first time we've talked about it …" he pointed out, and when she didn't immediately respond, he began trailing kisses from her neck down to her stomach.

She furrowed her brow as she watched him lift up the hem of her shirt and run his hand in a circle over her abdomen.

"I want to see you pregnant with my child again …" he said quietly, and Sakura couldn't help that her pulse sped up at the loving way he gazed at her stomach as he spoke.

"Who knew Hatake Kakashi was such a caveman?" she teased in an attempt to calm her racing heart, and he turned his eyes up toward hers as he wordlessly slid his hand further down her abdomen.

The look in those charcoal depths made desire burn between her thighs, and he flashed her a knowing half-smile as he began stripping off her shorts, placing gentle kisses on her stomach along the way until she was half-consciously raising her hips to help him.

After he'd finally tugged the garment over her feet, he sat back on his heels and lifted one of her legs to his mouth, where he met her gaze again as he brushed his warm lips against her calf, then trailed them down to the inside of her knee. Goosebumps formed in his wake, and he licked her cheekily while running a hand leisurely up her thigh to the curve of her ass and letting her leg fall back into the bed before pressing his hips into hers.

Sakura couldn't keep back a gasp as the fabric of the pants concealing his hard length rubbed pleasurably against her clit, and her arms automatically wrapped around his neck as she finally gave in and initiated a kiss herself.

Kakashi groaned into her mouth and thrust his tongue past her teeth to dance with hers as he started rocking into her, each time the coarse material passing between her lower lips, making her want him even more, and then she felt his hand between her thighs, his fingers moving alongside his clothed cock, and she thought she might actually lose her mind.

He let the contrasting sensations of skin and fabric against and around her clit stoke her desire until she was whimpering with need, and when he finally reached into his pants to pull out his cock and bury it deep inside of her, filling her, stretching her wide, her eyes rolled shut, and she gripped his shoulders.

"Fuck …" she sighed as she began to meet his movements. "No matter how many times we do this …"

Her voice trailed off into a series of panting moans, and he lowered his head to her neck.

"It still feels incredible?" he finished, his breath hot against her throat.

" _Yes_ …" she breathed, holding onto him tightly as the bed began to shake with his quickening thrusts and everything that was Kakashi overtook her senses.

"I want to you make me pregnant too," she admitted, and he dragged her into another rough kiss before tearing his lips from hers.

"Goddammit, woman, I love you …" he growled, then kissed her again - hard - before she could respond.

His words made her inner walls contract around him, and with the way his pelvis was pressing against her clit every time he pounded into her, she knew she was close. Only half-aware of her actions, she broke the kiss, biting his bottom lip and then licking and sucking down his neck and back up to his ear.

"Make me come, Kakashi …" she ordered needily, then locked their lips together again. She swore she felt him get even harder as her tongue swirled around his mouth and her fingers dug into his shoulders, and she was so turned on it almost hurt. "Make me come … please ..." she repeated, clinging to him desperately. "Make me co- ... mm ... god … _now_ …"

Her inner walls were clamping down on him before she even finished her sentence, and heat rushed through her body as she reached orgasm.

"Shit …" he bit out, his fingers tightening their hold on her ass, and then he drove himself into her as deeply as he could and held still as his cock spasmed inside her and he filled her with his seed.

* * *

"I love you too," Sakura said after she finally caught her breath, a pleasurable post-sex fog still floating through her mind.

Kakashi squeezed her waist and smiled against her collarbone, letting some of his weight fall onto her, and they lay like that for a long moment, wrapped around each other, connected as closely as two people could be.

Eventually, he lifted his upper body to look down at her. The tenderness in his eyes made her heart twist with happiness, and he leaned down to kiss her softly.

"We should get dressed before we have to explain to Sarada-chan where babies come from …" he murmured with a teasing grin as he pulled back.

Sakura rolled her eyes. "She already knows that …" she muttered, but her mouth quirked into a smile anyway.

"Ren-kun then," he shrugged, sliding off of her.

She giggled as she sat up and straightened her clothes. "He's too young to understand …"

Kakashi tossed her shorts at her head, but she caught them easily and stuck her tongue out at him.

He frowned. "We don't have time for another round, Sakura-chan …"

She raised an eyebrow. "Or maybe you've just gotten too old, _jiji_ …" she taunted, biting her lip to hold back a grin.

His eyes narrowed, and the next thing she knew, she was flat on her back with him pressing her body into the mattress. He held her gaze and trailed a hand down her side. "If I didn't know any better, _wife_ …" he hummed as his fingers skimmed over her hip to dip between her legs. "I'd think you _wanted_ me to -"

He shoved his middle and ring fingers roughly into her, drawing a gasp from her lips.

"... _fuck_ you -"

Her inner walls pulsed around him at his dark tone, and he began to stroke her slowly.

"Again -"

He added his thumb to the mix.

" _Right now_ …"

He gave her a smug smirk when she glared at him, but he didn't stop his torturous movements … He just kept sliding his fingers in and out of her and circling his thumb around the bundle of nerves that was still sensitive from her earlier orgasm until she was dripping all over his hand and moaning with need.

"Where are the kids?" she panted as the tips of his fingers pressed into her g-spot.

He rubbed it unhurriedly back and forth. "Still outside …" he said, and though his voice was dispassionate, she could see the desire swirling in his eyes and feel him hardening against her thigh, and she flashed him a devious grin before reaching up and tugging his mouth roughly down to hers.

* * *

Ten months and twenty-eight days later, Kakashi smiled contentedly while Ino fixed his hand.

"You know, Hokage-sama," the blonde said. "Most people aren't this happy when they have twelve broken bones in their hand …"

"Former Hokage," he corrected automatically, but he was still grinning.

"Whatever …"

He relaxed his eyes then and looked across the room to where his wife was sitting in her hospital bed, cradling their new, pink-haired daughter in her arms while Sarada held Ren up so he could see the baby.

"How could I not be happy?" he asked quietly.

Ino followed his gaze, and Sakura glanced over at them, but her eyes automatically settled on her husband's as if her blonde friend weren't even there.

Ino smiled softly to herself. "I see what you mean," she agreed, but Kakashi was too busy admiring his family to hear.

* * *

 **A/N:** Fluffier than my Pomeranians.

No, but seriously, I had the Ren scene planned out maybe a month or two after I started writing this thing, and it's been killing me not to share it, because there was so much angst, and everyone knows Kakasaku babies are the best cure for angst ... I kind of want to squeal every time I imagine one, and I'm not the sort of girl who squeals ... I'm not even going to have kids myself.

Anyway, I kind of just had fun with this (I mean, it's an epilogue, right?). It took longer than I expected partially because I'd forgotten about the spate of bridal showers and weddings I had to go to (June … sigh) and partially because the first part was originally just going to be a summary sort of thing, but then I decided to make it a real scene, and then that scene was only supposed to have some dirty talk, but of course my muse was like, "No … smut!" So then that was extra work.

Couple of comments about the epilogue itself:

1\. I just have a feeling Kakashi would be into dirty talk … he reads all that smut, you know?

2\. As far as the basically unrealistic scenario of Kakashi being able to get it up again that quickly after coming … let's just assume that one or both of them knows some chakra trick, k?

3\. And lastly, no, Sakura didn't get pregnant that afternoon ... I don't think even chakra could make her ovulate on the spot like that. She got pregnant a couple weeks later ... hence 10 months and 28 days.

And now for a huge thanks to everyone who has supported this story … I never expected the response to be like this, but I'm so glad so many people have enjoyed it. I'm going to spend the next little while going through and responding to reviews; I don't want you guys to think they aren't appreciated, because they really are … I'm basically addicted … I honestly have no idea what I'm going to do now without them … I suppose I'll have to try to come up with something else to write, but I don't know how that will go. I've thought about continuing _Someone to Love_ , but the Kakashi in that one is very different from the Kakashi in this one (younger, darker), and I've kind of fallen in love with this Kakashi, so it'll take some adjustment I'm not sure I'm ready for. Plus, the plot needs refinement.

I've also thought about an Itasaku, but I dunno. Either way, I'm afraid nothing else will go as smoothly as this story did … it came from somewhere mysterious I didn't know existed in me ... and I wouldn't want to disappoint you guys.

Anyway, I guess we'll see. In the meantime, below are a couple of random, silly omakes that you can read if you want, or you can skip them and just let the story stand as-is. Shrug.

* * *

 _Bonus Omake 1: Sarada and Ren's First Meeting - An Unpleasant Occurrence_

Sarada had been holding Ren for several minutes when her nose suddenly twitched.

"Um … what's that smell?" she asked slowly, though she suspected she knew the answer and automatically began leaning away from her little brother.

Kakashi had already been pulling his mask back up. "Ah yes … my least favorite part about being a father …" he murmured, frowning.

Sakura sighed and walked over to take the baby from Sarada. "If _you_ think it smells bad, just imagine what it's like for him …" she said to her daughter as she pointed at her husband, who was pinching his masked nose. She rolled her eyes. "I'll take this one."

Kakashi looked at her gratefully. "Have I mentioned that I love you?"

"Once or twice, I think," she teased, grinning at him from over her shoulder as she carried their son to the changing table.

Sarada's eyes darted back and forth between the two adults. "Ugh …" she coughed, a disturbed expression on her face. "I'm not sure which is worse … Ren-kun's dirty diaper or you two …"

 _/End_

* * *

 _Bonus Omake 2: Sasuke - A Happy Ending (Of Sorts)_

It had been almost four years since his marriage had ended and a little over eight months since he'd returned to Konoha when Sasuke found himself sitting at a bar, nursing the beer he'd ordered while waiting for Naruto to join him. His teammate should have been there a half an hour ago, and Sasuke was contemplating going home when a petite figure flopped unceremoniously onto the stool beside him. He glanced out of the corner of his eye to see one Hyuuga Hanabi studying him intently.

"Uchiha," she greeted bluntly, and he could tell by her voice and the loose hold she had on her drink that she was not sober.

"You're drunk," he said flatly, meeting her gaze with a blank one of his own.

She shrugged. "Well, as you know, my sister and her noisy Hokage of a husband just spawned again, and newborn babies don't make getting any sleep very easy … even if they _are_ on the other side of the compound …" She held up her glass. "This helps."

After watching her throw back the rest of the liquid and gesture to the bartender for another, he turned away and took another sip of his beer, and the two divorcés sat in a not-uncomfortable silence while he finished his drink.

A few minutes later, having emptied the bottle, Sasuke was about to set some cash on the counter and leave when she spoke up.

"So ... where are you staying these days?" she asked nonchalantly, stirring the ice around in her glass and then sucking up more of the clear liquid through the straw as she looked at him.

His brow furrowed. "I've got an apartment a few blocks away ..." he replied slowly.

"Alright," she said with a grin. "Let's go then."

He stared at her, confused. "What?"

Hanabi just rolled her eyes, then stood up and grabbed him by the collar.

"Look, Uchiha, if I'm not going to get any sleep tonight, it's going to be for a better reason than a crying baby," she stated as if it were obvious and abruptly pulled him off of the stool.

Caught completely off-guard for possibly the first time in his life, Sasuke didn't have a chance to protest, and by the time she'd dragged him out the door, he'd decided he didn't want to anyway.

* * *

Six months later, Sasuke watched from the bed as Hanabi changed into her nightgown. After tying up her hair, she made her way over to him and climbed on to straddle his waist, a determined look on her face. He automatically put his hands on her hips, and she planted one of her own down on the middle of his chest.

"Look, Uchiha," she started, her voice serious. "If I'm going to keep staying here every night, it's going to be because I'm your wife."

Caught off-guard once again, Sasuke didn't have time to protest before she was kissing him, and by the time he'd rolled her over and entered her body, he'd decided he didn't want to anyway.

 _/End_

* * *

 **A/N 2:** I know, I know … Omake 2 is unrealistic, and you can choose whether or not you want to go with that ending for Sasuke, but for whatever reason, I like the idea of him getting bossed around by a woman, and why not Hanabi? I think it would be funny if she were basically the opposite of her sister, so that's how I wrote her, and since it would be unrealistic for her to be unmarried by that age as the clan heir, I've got her as divorced … let's say she been in some political marriage and finally decided she'd had enough. Then enter Sasuke.

* * *

 **A/N 3:** And that's all she wrote, folks.


End file.
